Thanks to Faithinme. I used her Plan B letter as my jumping off point.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I love you. And I always will. From the moment we met at the Fleet Club, I knew you were special. We have struggled against what seemed like insurmountable odds together. We have a fantastic daughter together. My love for you has remained and grown stonger through everything. You are a man whose sense of humour, fun, and unwavering support meant everything to me. I love that about you.

Over the years, I made mistakes in our relationship. I can see how my not really listening to you, has helped weaken our marriage. I recognized this 3 years ago and began to work to change this. I am still working on this and will continue to do so. There are other areas where I could have helped to strengthen our relationship. I wish I had realized how much we needed to share our recreational time together and to take a more active role. I should have been more of a friend to you. I apologize for not seeing your pain.

My deepest desire is to be together to work on these and other aspects of our marriage. Your current choices hurt me, though. Knowing you are unwilling to commit to saving our marriage, our family, tears me apart.

It breaks my heart each and every day. I find myself pulling farther and farther away from you. I see a future for our daughter and myself but each day you become less significant in that future.

I am very scared that my love for you will be killed or fade away. For that reason, I need to remove you from my life to protect what feelings I still have for you.

I will have no contact with you. It hurts me too much.

Of course, there will be issues we need to address as parents and to sell the house. SIL and MIL, DD25 and DS27 have agreed to relay any messages we have for each other. As for DD, she loves you and needs you. So, even though she doesn't want to speak to you right now, I would like you to be able to talk with her. (and for her to know she can contact you when she wants to). You may call the house to speak with her. So I know to not answer, I will let DD pick up any call from the 250 area code. If you let me know, through any of the people mentioned, when you would like to visit, we can work out how you can see her.

I will make arrangements to be away from the house.

WH, I do believe that we can rebuild this marriage and that it will be better than ever. It takes work, but I can think of nothing more important and worthwhile than this fight for our marriage. Our greatest chance for happiness lies with each other. I believe that with all my heart.

I love you. I want you to remember that. Should you reconsider and choose to try to rebuild a new marriage with me, please let me know.

Love Always,
Your Faithful Wife,

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How is it?

f-a,

It's a great Plan B letter and I don't see any LBs in it. I hope so more folks chime in to give their opinions on it.

TMCM

Thanks, TMCM. Off to work and hopefully more input by the time I get home, so I can send it tonight. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I don't know your situation, but isn't there supposed to be something about breaking off with the OP and No contact? I know that with my Plan B letter I stated that. It helps them to see under what terms you will be willing to live with them again.

I don't know your situation, but isn't there supposed to be something about breaking off with the OP and No contact? I know that with my Plan B letter I stated that. It helps them to see under what terms you will be willing to live with them again.


Did you look at the letter in SAA?

Anne, Yes, there is. However, my situation is that I live in a different city. So, even though there is likely, probably another woman, <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I have no proof. He has admitted dating. THat's all. And, 3 years ago he had an EA with no PA. (I monitored the computer and that was verified.) So, it is still possible that he hasn't become involved with anyone. BUT, he is detached from us. It is very likely that the EA he has right now is with himself! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">SIL and MIL, DD25 and DS27 have agreed to relay any messages we have for each other</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do NOT use your children to do this.
Let them be your children (even if they are 25 & 27).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Chris -CA123:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">SIL and MIL, DD25 and DS27 have agreed to relay any messages we have for each other</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do NOT use your children to do this.
Let them be your children (even if they are 25 & 27). </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">ditto... don't put the kids in the position of messenger... to stressful for the kids.

Pep

Okay, but they are not his. THey are mine from a previous marriage.

About the kids, regardless, don't involve them in relaying messages. It will hurt them, even if they are fully on your side.

How long do you have before you feel that you need to send the letter? A couple days? If so, don't rush. Think about what you've written in it, as something else may come into your mind that you want to include.

I do think it's very good though. It does get to the point quickly. Since you do not know for sure that he's involved with someone else, you don't want to accuse him of that in the letter. I don't think.

Hey Guardian <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Oh, I have lots to say. But I won't. Picture an angel. Actually more like someone struggling with duct tape over their mouth and hands to keep them from flaming! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Where are those darned emoticons when you really need them?

You are right though. I won't send it yet. I will think on it. BUt, I can't anyway, I do have to wait for his response regarding the new mortgage application. That answer is my line in the sand so to speak.

I don't know how your Spousal and Child Support work in the US. Here in Canada, any Child or Spousal support does not have to be declared as income by the receiving spouse. FOr 2 reasons. The first is that tax has already been paid on it when it was a wage. Second reason is that the receiving spouse shouldn't have to pay taxes twice on the same money; Plus if he/she were still married she/he would get the use of that money anyway. AND the spouse paying it does not get to deduct it on their income tax.

But, if for example the arrangement that I was trying to make with WH, he was to pay the mortgage directly and the remainder in Child support, he would get to deduct the mortgage as an investment/loan whatever. And I would have to declare that as income. Works for me because I make far less than him. ANd it would be greatly advantageous for him as the deduction would be enormous and he would get a refund every year.

BUt, Dork that he is, he says he is not comfortable co-signing the mortgage. I don't understand what the problem is. The mortgage is less than the the child support. He gets a tax break. Plus he build equity in the new home. AND, DD would be in the same city. If he doesn't, he gets to pay this mortgage which is far higher. And no debts will be paid off. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> It's not rocket science.

Anyways, enough vent.

Read your posts. You WW counds quite "out there" Do you have any feeling/intuition as to what she is really up to?

I'm not exactly sure how the spousal support system works in the U.S. So I'm sorry I'm not much help there. It is a bit different in each state though.

I would think though, your WH really needs to get a good impact on what it will cost him financially to get a divorce. That may help stir him up a bit.

Looking over your letter again, maybe a few lines about exactly why you love him would be in order. From reading here, one common theme among the WS who is involved in an affair is, "How could my BS love me again?" At least those WS who have some guilt seem to think about that.

As far as my W, no intuition there this time. I'm usually pretty good at that, but nothing clear enough for me to pick up on.

I think ti's a great letter. Positive, loving, to the point.
But it IS always a good idea to "sleep on it" and add things later.
Why you love him so much can't hurt.
my 2 cents, anyway!
Lucy