It was a long night's journey into day. I am so down this morning. WH finally had IC yesterday and decided to ignore everything the counselor told him. Can't have NC because "he loves her and she loves him and he can't hurt her like that" Sound ever so familiar? Says he doesn't love me, hasn't for years. I guess now that there's somebody behind door #2, he doesn't have to care.

I feel like my life has been a sham. That I have wasted my life with a man who never had the decency to be honest. Twenty years ago I had an A at his prompting. It was serious, hurtful and stupid. I was an idiot. Since then, I've been his loving wife and mother to our kids. But he throws this in my face that that's where everything started even though he refused to do MC at the time. Have I wasted my love for 20 years?

I am cut so deep. all I can do is cry

why did he prompt you into an affair....can you explain this more.

{{{Carol}}}

I know exactly how you feel. Dday has not been that long ago for you. It will get eaiser. My husband never said he loved her and she loved him but I know he told her he loved her.

I also heard, I never loved you and all the other stuff. Everything he says is FOG talking. Give it time. That is the hardest thing for me to say because I hated for others to tell me that.

My situation seems to be a little eaiser than some I have read here. But I will be praying for you.

I am so shaky today. Nikko, I've never really pinned down why my husband wanted me to have an affair. To justify something he was doing? It was the 80's, we married young and maybe he thought I needed more sexual experience. Maybe he never really loved me. In retrospect, I was completely led on by OM. I learned he was a liar and a cheater. I am seriously repentant for that time of my life. I came back into the marriage with love and faith. I was affair-proofed.

I feel like all the decisions I have made in my life, all the things I've done/we've done have been a lie. Was I just a baby machine and a household appliance? Have I wasted my life loving a man who always had excuses and has never loved me?

He still hasn't told his folks. I think maybe I should.