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First time poster, long time lurker, very sad and confused after 6 mos. of what I thought was a reasonably good, AGREED upon plan A/very cordial recovery, with minimal LB by either party, is discoverd to be false! Both sets of grandparents planning on converging for Xmas! Yikes! This sucks!! I think I'm going to need some anti-D's, no matter the outcome.
I have been very forgiving, not pushing, occasionally questioning why she can't be more affectionate if she's truly committed. She's apologised but does not necessarily act very remorseful, of course WS never are at least immediately. Have not confronted WW yet with new discovery evidence mainly b/c she acts very cordially, POJA'ing everything, no LB's, etc., with some but minimal affection and continues to say that she's commited and looking to the future "It's just going to take more time to build things back up".Well, yeah if she's still seeing OM, Duh! We recently did a pro. financial plan together and we have an appointment with an attorney this week to establish some trusts, etc.(another reason Im stalling on confronting with new evidence.)
I think she's usually so cordial b/c she's been cake eating all along. She's the breadwinner, travels for work so it's a challenge to monitor her behavior and also to spend enough time together to as she says "build things back up". So it's hard to tell if she's been cake eating or just had a relapse?(I'm a SAHD for now) My instincts tell me she's been cakeeating, hence the good spirits. She does have sad moments, crying saying she's not sure I will ever really meet her EN's? Yeah, hard to do when she's still seeing OM. My other instinct, reinforced by ForeverHers' advice, is to continue forgiving, being patient, taking heart in the fact that she is still with us, is fairly cordial- Christmas plans, etc. and says she's committed. And since I've been a little withdrawn since recent new discovery, Plan A has stalled a little and folks say you should have a good Plan a before going plan B. I'm thinking this is just the time to set some boundaries, perhaps threatening a Plan B?
Several questions:
1. How should I confront her with new evidence?
2. Would the Holidays possibly be the ultimate in good timing to Plan B to reinforce her hitting bottom or possibly ultimate backfire?
3. How to inform or not inform family? When I thought her A was just a little mistake I promised I wouldn't embarass her, but now I'm not so sure.
4. Is it time to inform OM' S?
Help please.
Thanks for listening
SD
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Joined: Oct 2000
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Have you exposed the affair to the "inner circle"?
OM's wife is exposure #1. Do this right away. Today. Then take a breather ... and then see if you need to expand the exposure.
Your wife's parents is exposure #2.
Your parents #3.
Do this in sequence before you go to Plan B. Begin to investigate your legal options before you go to Plan B. Your WIFE moves out in Plan B.... not you. Keep that in mind.
Tell us a little more about your situation. Is this a work-place affair? A neighborhood affair? Where do they meet? Who watches the kids while she's having her affair?
Pep
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Super Dad:
I'm thinking this is just the time to set some boundaries, perhaps threatening a Plan B?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">NEVER threaten ... only do.
Do not threaten exposure... just do it. Today. Contact OM's wife.
Never threaten Plan B ... just do it. This takes pre-planning. Plan B begins with a love letter, which sets clear boundaries if the M is to continue. So no pre-warning... except to say (after your wife learns of the exposure) ... "I am close to my limit tolerating this adulterous affair. I am not going to wait forever."
Pep
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Anti'D's is a super idea. Go to your Doc, ask for the RX and tell MD ~why~ you are having problems. Ask to be tested for STDs. Christmas can be a super time to rev up your Plan A ... make a wonderful holiday ... then, if the affair is not 100% over .... after the Holiday ... ~boom~ Plan B. Leave your WW with a taste of *wonderful family fun* in her mouth ... just before Plan B. Understand? That is why you never threaten to go to Plan B. Plan A your butt off right until the clock strikes midnight and her princess coach turns into a pumpkin. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Pep <small>[ December 13, 2004, 03:08 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>
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Hi Pep,
Sorry no timely reply. Kid duties and new at posting - I wrote a big reply and lost it 'cause I wasn't logged in. Now W is on her way home and need to go. I agree that it's time to expose and let wife know that I can't tolerate... but I need to wait 'til after ffinancial trust atty appt.- wed. Also agree about waiting til after holidays for plan b. Will get anti-d's.
BTW WW and OM are airline employees so they are apparently meeting whenever and wherever they want while SAHD takes care of everything on the homefront. I think fog lifts some times, will need a real breakdown type of moment from wife though to really know it could be over.
Got to go.
SD
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I am an X (and I do mean X ---> as in decades ago) airline employee.... EXPOSE to the airline.
The company may be squeemish about this type of situation if they have experienced previous sexual harassment suits (which often arise as a result of romantic entanglements between employees of differing ranks).
If one of them is a supervisor over the other ... it makes the company more likely to step in.
Remember... no threats ... JUST DO.
Good luck.
Pep
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband: <strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Super Dad: I'm thinking this is just the time to set some boundaries, perhaps threatening a Plan B? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> NEVER threaten ... only do.Do not threaten exposure... just do it. Today. Contact OM's wife. Never threaten Plan B ... just do it. This takes pre-planning. Plan B begins with a love letter, which sets clear boundaries if the M is to continue. So no pre-warning... except to say (after your wife learns of the exposure) ... "I am close to my limit tolerating this adulterous affair. I am not going to wait forever." Pep </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are you saying wait to express my dissapointment and I mean crushing dissapointment with latest discovery until after exposing to OMW and seeing what happens with that? Thanks
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Superdad - Have you let OM's wife know what is going on? That's what would be the next step.
<small>[ December 14, 2004, 09:43 PM: Message edited by: believer ]</small>
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I wanted to wait until after our estate trust attorney appt. this AM.
This latest PA evidence of broken NC really starting to eat at me worse than original discovery. Averaging 3 hrs. of sleep the past week.
Any advice on immediate anti-D relief. I understand that anti-D's take awhile to kick in? What about sleep with anti-D's! I have a MD appt. this AM before Atty. appt.
Lord give strength!
SD
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For sleep, take 50mg of Benadryl about 1 hour before you want to go to bed ... a temporary sleep solution.
Pep
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Super Dad:
Pep [/qb]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Are you saying wait to express my dissapointment and I mean crushing dissapointment with latest discovery until after exposing to OMW and seeing what happens with that?
Thanks [/QB][/QUOTE]
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband: <strong> For sleep, take 50mg of Benadryl about 1 hour before you want to go to bed ... a temporary sleep solution. Pep </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ughh, WADR Pep, this is terrible advice here....you will feel like a sack of $hit in the AM after Benadryl. Get a RX for Ambien, this will let you sleep and wake refreshed. Just my .02. WTF do I know though. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> LM
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