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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 261
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 261 |
General question for all WS.
If during all the time post D DAY you said you were in love with OP at what point did you realise that you might not be and what caused you to suddenly feel this way.
<small>[ December 20, 2004, 10:59 AM: Message edited by: dyinghere ]</small>
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 261
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 261 |
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Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 2,262
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Joined: Dec 2001
Posts: 2,262 |
I waffled between thinking that I loved the OW and that I didn't for a long time. Depended on how my recovery was going and the phase of the moon.
I eventually started into IC where I was apply to deconstruct my affair and determine what it was really about.
You may not really want to hear this, but I eventually concluded that I did love the OW...but not in the way I thought I did. We spent ten years building a relationship before the affair. There was an "attachment" already there. These are much harder to let go of than the chemical induced "in love" I felt.
Complete NO CONTACT eventually cleared my brain of these chemicals and IC helped me get to a point where I didn't miss them. None of this stuff was ever about "love", but more about how the whole affair made me feel about myself.
Low
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Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 261
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Joined: Nov 2004
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 975
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 975 |
It isn't "sudden." He may not want to admit it, but at a very basic level, he knows "the truth".
A WS finally realizes he isn't "in love with her" when he realizes that he is in love with a fantasy, not a person.
I didn't know her, she didn't know me. How could we be "in love"?
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