It’s been a few months since I’ve posted; but I’ve lurked occasionally to see how everyone is doing. Many of you may recall my story so I will not rehash it. Recently my WW became my XW and is still seeing OM. OM’s W finally had enough and kicked him out but I do not know if OM is living with XW.

Many of you may find it interesting that XW will go to almost any extreme so as not to see me face-to-face. XW even arranged for our D to be done over the phone so she would not have to face me. (I was driving to the hearing 45 minutes before our scheduled time in court - cell phone rang - XW’s atty said that they were in judges office and wished to proceed immediately. I started to resist, then asked judge if this was on the up & up. He assured me it was so I got divorced over the telephone! First I’ve ever heard of divorce-by-phone.) Also, 12 yo DD was with me last week and forgot her glasses at my home after going to XW’s. I could not leave to meet them but waited for her & XW to stop by & get the glasses. XW pulled car all the way to next door neighbors house so as not to look in my window & see me. DD said she “accidentally” passed my home! Perhaps reverse is not working on her vehicle. It’s been months since XW will even look in my direction. My sis says it’s guilt but I haven’t a clue what it is and don’t worry about it. I’ve wished her the best and hope she finds happiness.

I’ve recently met a woman who is compassionate, responsible, respectful, and enjoys giving. I have to admit that I’m not used to this behavior. It feels funny, but good! (Or good, but funny!) She is showing me what’s been missing in my 15+ year M and I am slowly accepting it. I’ve been brutally honest about going slow and she says she’s willing to wait as long as it takes. I am nowhere near emotionally ready to enter a serious relationship, but this woman is a God-send and has helped me through an incredibly difficult time in my life.

For those who wonder if I would take XW back – my answer would have to be negative. No doubt there are times that I miss her, or the thought of her, but I am unsure who “her” really is or ever-was. The woman that I was so in love with (best-friend, lover, confidant, business-partner, etc.) is long-gone and may have never been there to begin with. Reality and history shows that XW is very dishonest and probably always will be. There is no way I would date, much less marry the person she is now. Besides; XW is extremely prideful and will never admit to wrong-doing. XW continues lying to my 19 yo DD (her step-DD) about her actions w/OM and mine. DD wants so badly for us to be together that she is not speaking to me due to these lies. (XW told DD that I would not forgive her. Reality is she never gave me the chance.) I’m having a very hard time with that, and hope that God’s plan is for DD to experience all of this for her better future.

Other than older DD; I am at peace with my situation. Marriage again is not even a thought at this time. I’m focusing on younger DD, work, home and church. 6-8 months ago; you could have knocked me over with a feather, but faith in the truth (thanks God), friends and family have helped in recovery. I’m finally looking forward to the future with anticipation (like my old self) rather than regret and it looks pretty darn good!

FR

FR,

Good to hear from you and better yet to hear how your personal recovery is a great success story!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Very proud of you. Continue being a good dad and eventually all your children will acknowledge it.

Sad to see how the selfish acts of the WS can hurt sooo many, yet the WS denies it in some cases right to their grave. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Well, that should not keep the BS and family from moving forward. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

All the best and please keep in touch. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
L.

Ah, My Dear Orchid:

So nice to hear your words! You're an inspiration to many here and I appreciate you. Last I recall; you moved to the Islands. Everything going well for you?

I will stick my nose in periodically to see what's up and perhaps offer some experienced insight to those who are going through what I did. Thanks again; take care.

FR

Hi FR,

Everything is hanging on out here. It is quite expensive to live here, esp when I am not working. LOL!!!

It is good to be near my mom and dad. Not easy to watch them grow old but being closer does bring some sort of relief. They are still capable of being on their own so for now we are trying to get settled. H just came back from working out in FL and PR due to the hurricane so he is having a hard time adjusting to the time zone, jet lag and plain ol fact that he now lives in HI and not CA! LOL!!! He is definitely a CA boy..... and misses the colder weather. Though I hear CA is being inundated with rain, we are getting a bit of sun here.

Haven't gone to the beach too much and with the latest news, the beachfront isn't as attractive. Tsunami-Itis!!! LOL!!! Just kidding. Caught out first fish by hand without a fishing pole. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> It was about 4 inches long and stuck in a small tide pool flopping around gasping for air. Talk about a easy catch! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
We released him back in the ocean and told him to come back when he got bigger. LOL!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

We could sure use your help around here. Notice all the newer ones? Lots of BS dads here. Check out Dalton Dad. It think he could use your help. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Aloha,
L.

Dear Orchid:

I've heard about the $$ out there. You're doing the right thing though - being with Mom & Dad - at any cost; but you probably already know that.

I live in FL and know that your H was busy with hurricane matters. We used to think the hurricane damage was bad until the tsunamis hit! No more complaining from me.

I grew up fishing w/o a pole and know what you're syaing. Fishing is a hobby and I use a pole most times. My fishing buddy laughs whenever I throw a handline out, but doesn't laugh so much when I pull in a nice fish. It's all in fun!!!

I'm reaching out to Dalton Dad. Hope he responds; I can help him!

FR

FR,

Thanks for giving a helping hand to DaltonDad. I hope he can see a better future for him and his family. It is hard t/d when we are still in the shock of the A.

I like fishing also. My parents had 2 girls....no boys and I am the oldest. Guess who got to go fishing with her dad? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Yep, I can fish and keep up with the guys.....my dad used to like to take me with him. I fished and didn't bother him once I learned how to take care of my own pole.

Now he is getting older and before we decided to move back, he got rid of his poles. I have an 'ugly stick' for my son to use...... we will be getting our poles wet a bit. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> My uncle used to be a tournament fisherman and has the trophy of his catch mounted on his wall.

That tsunami diaster has been awful. We watch the news with our son and nephew. I can say those boys have been affected at what they saw. It also made them think about where we live and now my son wants to move someplace in the midwest. LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> The news keeps saying how Hawaii is prime for being hit and that scares him. Well it scares me too but yet we are here. Good thing we are up the mountain a bit.

H lived through hurricane Jeanne when it went through Jupiter FL. He saw the eye pass over and it was an eerie sort of quiet. But that was nothing compared to what just hit those over in Indonesia, Thailand, India, etc. It is sooo sad.

Again, thanks for your help. It is really appreciated.

Mahalo,
L.

Orchid:

Dalton Dad is at his lowest point right now and I understand how he feels and what he's going through. My low-point was actually during one of the hurricanes - power was out, wind was howling, debris flying all over the place, kind of eerie. I ended up reading scripture by candlelight for 4-5 hours. Definitely a God-moment! I read much of the same stuff I already knew but somehow it made much more sense. From that time on; I began climbing out of the big hole I was in. Simply put: It's all about faith and I hope DaltDad recovers his. What he will realize is that his faith will end up stronger than ever and he will see life in a new light. That is my hope for him.

Take care my friend, tight lines to you.

FR