ok things have been going great for me and my H . I thought recovery had been on and going on since the OW supposedly did not work at his job anymore. But now yesterady i was hit with a brick and don't know waht to do. WEll when we looked over his phone bills last month I saw to phone calls from a number at his work , this number is by any phone expect his (his is the supervisor's phone). Well the calls were wierd two calls one for 18 min one for 30 min. I asked he said someoen at his work needed help with a case and he was helping them. I belived him with a little hesitation but i took his word.
WEll once since then (those calls were on 11/24) i called his cell on his way home and he was on the other line with "someone needing help" from his work. i belived him. until last night. he called me i said i was exercising wthich normally takes me about 40 min but i was half doen by the time he caleld so when i called back he sounded suprised and i could tell he was on the other line. WEll he once again said osmeone from his work needed help.. I being suspioius questioned him on this because the type of work he does if someone needs help it usually takes a few minutes not 30 minutes!!!! well i asked how lon ghe was on the phone he said about ten min. i was suspious.
I know i probably LB but he got defensive and angry usually only happens when he is lying. i got even more suspoiuois. asked what was going on etc. he still claimed nothing that they had questions from people at work. (also ishould add hes been manager for about 2 years the same people have worked there then all of asudden in november they start needing all this help>?>>)
Then the baby woke up I said Hey let me call u right back the baby's awake . i called back in like 2 min. because she went right back to sleep when i caleld back hes' on the other line AGAIN!!! well he siadhe was trying to call home. i said why would you do that i told you that the baby woke up you wudl never call when I was trying to put her back to sleep. he said i didnt hear that and wanted to know why you hung up on me! well i was real suspoius and real upset. Then when he got home he said i'm home. And then it took him about 5 min to get in the house Real suspoius. I thought h emust be earasing his phone.
so we get into it. he swears he was just helping people at work and that he was calling home. even though the phone bill will be here in less then a week. he swears hes telling the truth. but he had a bottle of jamaican rum. i said who gave yout hat he says why does it matte.r he wouldnt tell me (the OW used to go to jamaaica once a month and bring him back liqur)So now i'm even more suspoius. then when I ask him What took him so long in the car and that i thought he deleted his messages. he said he did delete them because he figured i'd be "snooping" and tha ti shouldnt be snooping. we got into an arugement for about an hour where he whent on to list all the things i am doing wrong from the way i fold the towels to how i put the kids before him.
the only thing that might be positive is that i called hiim this morning and siad i'm making a n appointment for a cousnler are you going with me or should it be just for me. he said he'd go. so i made the aappointment for the 11th (were going out of twon next week.)
But what should i be doing should =I be plan Aing . that is a hard idea for me to swallow seeing thta right now i have NO respect for him and i'm VERY angry. I intially just want to pull away. Will theese surpises ever stop? please help!

<small>[ January 06, 2005, 08:01 AM: Message edited by: mylife25 ]</small>

Sounds very suspicious to me. I would assume that she is still working there and contact is continuing. See if you can stay in Plan A for awhile, but be thinking about Plan B.

The Jamaican Rum seals the deal for me. That and his deleting the cell records because you might snoop and "shouldn't be." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Call the phone numbers on his bills that are suspicious and find out who is at the other end of the line.

And by all means, bring up this suspicious behavior with the counselor. If he or she is seasoned at all he or she will see the red flags and address them.

~ Snow

Thanks guys! i know its so suspoiouis i keep trying to rationalize and belive his lies in my head maybe because i thought we had come so far i dont want to go back. that thought scares me. i will definatly tell teh counsler everything but that isnt until the 11th. and utnil then we have a trip to disney and everything so i guess its plan a until then? do i tell the counsler i'm in plan a? but then he'll know? i've never been very good at plan a. but this time our marriage definatly depends on it i think.

OK..so i thoguht for sure something is going on. now i'm not so sure? when the bill came there were only 4 phone calls from this number all lasting about 3-5 min. so maybe it is just someone at his work who needs help.??? so all togheter there have been about 6 phone calls since the beginning of November from thie phone number.
11/24 18 min
11/26 30 min
11/29 4 min
12/07 3min
12/24 4min
12/29 4 min.

so now am i just looney. what about the jamaican rum and him erasing his phone calls. i'm also getting kinda nervous about marriage counsling.

This is why you do not confront the WS until there is irrefutable proof. And when you do, you dont give them EVERYTHING that you know. That way, the next time you bring it up, you can give them a little more. Eventually, they will think you know everything, and they will spill the beans.

In law enforcement, it is how they get admissions of guilt many times. The investigator will take known facts and slowly let them out over time. The suspect will be stonewalling for awhile. But eventually, due to the little info that has been brought out by the investigator, as well as "bluffing" by the investigator and insinuating that they know everything...the suspect ends up thinking there is nothing left to lose since they know everything...and they spill their guts.

You have to be smart and strategic. You have to be coy, to make him think you know everything. He will then question you on what you know. Of course, you dont tell him. You just say "I know a lot...and I know enough."

In the meantime, you continue to gather the data needed to build your "case." When law enforcement is getting info on a suspect that they expect to arrest, they do so methodically...but dont let the suspect know what they are doing. Law enforcement also knows that eventually, the suspect will slip up and say something or be careless in their actions. They ALWAYS do. And then, they can make the arrest.

So, be quiet about this stuff right now. Start gathering evidence. Get recorders/GPS equipment/internet monitoring software, etc. Hire a PI. Or get a good friend to tail him a few times. You know your situation, so tailor your intel gathering to it.

Plan A your butt off. But part of that is exposing the affair. But you cannot expose what you cannot prove. So, get the goos...quietly. Then, when you have him in a corner, you let it out...and he will admit to everything...even what you didnt know.

In His arms.