I have to ask this question because right now I'm so confused with my WW.

She has told me over and over in a very soft voice that she doesn't love me anymore. She said it's been years since she had any feelings for me.

Why should I not believe her?

It's been 3.5 months since she told me of her EA, I had no clue whatsoever. I realize 3.5 months may not seem that long, but she no longer seems like she is in a FOG. The last 4 weeks we have been very cordial, sleeping (no sex since July) in the same bed, but she has no feelings or emotions towards me.

She told me several times "I'm sorry I don't want to be mean to you but I have to tell you the truth. We've been together 28 years (were only 45) and I think we need to be Honest with each other. If you want me to stay in a Loveless marriage until the kids leave home in 7 years then I guess I have NO choice, I'll give in to you one more time like the Chump that I am. We should both move on and find someone else, someone that will make both of us happy, not just one party."

She has talked to SH one time and doesn't want to continue with MC. She said she has NO sparks, Zero, Zilch, Nada, etc...

We have agreed that we will end the marriage come June (our kids get out of school) if the sparks are not there. However, she refuses MC and doesn't really want to try anything at all to rebuild the marriage. I can truly understand where she is coming from. What if the situation were reversed and I didn't love her and I knew it was over. I'm not sure how I could create sparks for her if I truly didn't love her.

Quite honestly me Love Bank for her is near empty, I keep trying to convince myself that I still love her but it's very hard when the other person wants nothing to do with you.

At what point do we believe them?

Who said she is NOT telling the truth, maybe she does know what she wants and is not in a Fog?

I realize here at MB that we are here to try and save marriages. I agree we should give it an honest try, but at some point we have to be honest with "ourselves."

My wife told me her non-love for me has nothing to do with OM, she said if not him it will just be someone else. She said she was looking to get out of our relationship before she even confronted OM, it was NOT by accident.

Please help, I'm very confused.

Be honest and please don't give me the standard MB respose. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

ok---you asked for honest---here it comes---

you are not ALL THAT AND A BAG OF CHIPS dude. she is telling you point blank she has lost all feeling for you. i dont think she is lying. she has told you this before. it is not up to her to ignite the fire for you---IT IS UP TO YOU!!!

what are you doing to ignite that fire???

she has over the years suffered in silence losing feeling for you and building up resentment. yes she should have told you then but she didnt. she is waiting for you to do something that makes her fall back in love. i can tell ya it aint gonna be easy and you WILL BE DOING IT ALONE FOR AWHILE. you need to do an all out blitz to win her over. HER NEEDS HER WANTS HER DESIRES. not yours.

good luck---its gonna be a long hard ride. you up for it?

I'm not disagreeing with you.

She has lost all love for me. I'm talking to SH next week and I plan to ask him "what can I do to get her back?"

I've been doing a very good Plan A, providing a Safety First zone, and have been trying to meet her EN's, but it seems to be only frustrating the both of us. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'm not sure if time will heal these wounds she has?

TA its all about the love bank mate. I had not deliberately deposited in Squid's love bank for ages before her affair, nor she in mine. She felt no romantic love for me, nor I for her, when I came to deconstruct it once I stopped reeling from the shock of her betrayal.

SAA makes it clear that Marriage is not about love and happiness , it is a framework for life that can carry love and happiness easily within it. Or, as so many posters here have found, it can not also.

If you deliberately meet her emotional needs and invest in her love banlk she most likely begin to feel romantoc love for you again.

Squid felt that for me after 4 months of hard plan A for me having told me point bank that I should find another partner and that she loved me only as a friend or a brother.

The dynamics of the wake of affairs are srange and fearsome, but I would not take your WWs professed lack of love for you as an inhibitor to marital recovery.

Your willingness to try to recovery that feeling within her is more important IMO. Its really hard, I know, believe me.

Good luck.

ok---if your doing out of love you shouldnt be looking for immediate response. your doing it out of desperation and expecting something in return. she knows it.

my hubby is great at this.....will only do something for me cause there is something in it for him. get me off the subject, pacify me for a time...you name it hes done it and tried it. but the problem is i know he isnt doing it just because of his love for me. sound familiar?

she knows your game and isnt playing. and as someone like yourself...always use to getting their way---its frustrating the crap outta you. she knows it

TA, I truly wonder the same thing. I think all of us do. My affair situation was two years ago so how much can I blame on fog at this point? I do believe in fog but I think that for some WS it becomes a permanent state and at that point can no longer be called the fog, but just their new perspective on things.

But see..I KNOW my husband loves me. His problem is that he doesn't feel a commitment towards me and our marriage. He's "waiting" for that feeling to come back. He says that some of the MB principals I've told him about make sense, but really--I think he's still just *waiting*.

We had another talk last night, mostly about dating. I'm sorry if I'm committing a DJ on him here, but he has the stupidest ideas when it comes to dating. Let's face it..he just wants to date and he admits that. But some of the reasoning behind it is just dumb. He said that he misses me but doesn't know if it's just because he's lonely or because he misses ME. He says that he feels he has to date and if he still misses me, he'll know it's ME he misses. How dumb is that? You and I both know that if he starts dating someone that will make him miss me less and he'll never truly have his answer. He is looking for someone ELSE to solve his questions for him. He said to me, "It's not fair to you if we see each other and have a great time...and then when I'm home I don't date and go out." Transalation: "If I date others and then still have a great time with you, then I KNOW I'm having a great time with you. Otherwise I don't really know if it's because we don't see each other often." I dunno...IMO, that's stupid. I mean, if we have a great time together then we have a great time together--duh!

Life's not fair, right? Okay..I accept that. But what makes me angry is that I have forgiven him for so many things...and he can't see his way to forgiving me my mistakes and giving me another chance for something that was not nearly as hurtful to him as what he did to me.

We have a plan for a June divorce as well if things don't change significantly. I honestly think that we'll divorce. And ya know what's sad about that? Our situation is not 1/2 as bad as most of the stories here at MB. I dunno...this is why I'm considering Plan B in a couple of weeks. I am getting way too frustrated with him and it's starting to make me really miserable. It's almost time for HIM to Plan A if he wants to try and make this marriage work.

TA, I think a lot of times we have to look at what our WSs' life was like before we got involved with them. My h's mother was married 4 times before she finally found a happy marriage (my parents are still married). I think that has a lot to do with what is going on now and it's something HE has to work on...I don't think he will.

While perhaps more direct than I would have put it Nikko has a good point. It is up to you to rekindle the flame. It is hard work but it can happen.

Trust me I've been where you are. We've all heard the same crap from our WS's and it can be devastating. About 7 or 8 months ago I had a post titled ALL OVER BUT THE CRYING and that's what I thought. Now I'm 6 or 7 months into recovery.

The key was I never gave up. I knew deep down that if I did not do EVERYTHING in my power to save my M I would regret it at some point. You must feel somewhat the same way or you wouldn't be on a site titled MB'ers.

No one can tell you when to give up but it really hasn't been all that long for you and you should consider giving it more time. Set a time frame for making it work, as it sounds like you have already done. But rather than looking at it as a count down to when it will be over. Look at it as a chance to win back your W's love.

Then suck it up and do the best plan A you can muster up.

Good luck, stay strong and ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT IT'S A GREAT DAY TO BE ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

TA ~

Love is a choice.

She's not lying or "fogged" when she says she doesn't feel "in love".

Neither my husband nor I were "in love" when we started recovery.

We chose to love each other, and then followed up with deliberate actions to restore trust and the 'love' feelings. It took some time.

You can't change her foggy mind that "love feelings" are the basis for a decision to divorce.

What YOU can do is choose to love her, even though she is not very lovable. Do your best plan A, and post it here so you can get some guidance while doing it. Nikko is right, its up to you to do the things your wife needs to feel loved again - or at least feel hope that she can feel love again with you. There's no 100% guarantee (because she can certainly not allow you to meet her needs or still choose to do soemthing else besides love you back) but its your best chance to rescue your marriage.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Be honest and please don't give me the standard MB respose. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TA, honestly? Awhile back you asked that no advice be given to you that contained religion, or God's will, and now you don't want standard MB?

In my opinion if you are shunning the very percepts that have led many of us to recovery, it does clear the road to failure for you.

If I hadn't had faith that my marriage and my commitment meant something. I'd be divorced.

If I hadn't had MB to learn and support communication and relationship dynamics, I'd still be an angry person.

Instead, I'm a good wife to a good husband and 4 1/2 years into recovery. The lovebanks are full, we have fun together and we enjoy each other. And, our scenario was far worse than yours. A real and long-term PA (18 months), separations (14 out of 21 months), the serving of divorce papers...and MB WORKED.

So, sorry, in honesty, I can't give you any advice that doesn't contain faith and MB.

MB isn't guaranteed, but this is your opportunity to reclaim your marriage. Your wife hasn't moved out, the OM may or may not exist other than fantasy.

Even the fact that she's willing to wait until June speaks to her not being so sure. Spouses who want out, want out SOON if not immediately. Because when school is out, then there are concerns/events with the kids.

There's no good time for a family to break up.

June is only 6 months away, if you MB until then, you'll have given your marriage a year of effort...isn't it worth that? In the meantime, you'll have learned about lovebusters, communication, how to be a better partner, negociation and YOU'LL be an MB success, even if your marriage would not recover.

Thanks for everyones input, it is truly appreciated.

I just had a one hour talk with my wife. She said "I'm sorry but I quit loving you about 4.5 years ago when we bought our new house. Everything had to be "your" way. I never got my way in our marriage for 28 years. She Can't get that loving feeling back no matter what.

We agreed to stay together until June (for the kids sake) when the kids get out of school then I am going to move out. She said she is not going for MC or anything. I also agreed to move out of our bedroom today, I have moved in and out 4 times already. She said she can't sleep well and I know I always want sex so it's better for me not to be near her.

SH asked me "If I had a 1% chance of saving our marriage, is it worth trying?" I said yes but it will be very trying on me, which it has been.

I told her that I know the OM she is in an EA with most likely works with her, she didn't respond. I told her as long as she continues to talk to him then I have very little chance to win her back. She didn't say anything. I asked her if she had sex with him, and she said "NO" NOT YET, she wants me out of the house first because she feels guilty if she does.

I have been doing a very good Plan A and have provided a Safety Zone, that is why she is now talking to me and we are very civil, no yelling whatsoever.

I am seeing an IC, talk with SH about every 2 weeks and I have made a lot of personal changes in myself. I help around the house, I pay more attention to my kids, go to church on Sunday, pray daily, and I am always nice to her, NO LB's. In addition I am trying to meet her EN's but she is very unwilling to cooperate. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

What more can I do?

EDIT: She did have a tear in her eye and looked away when I was talking.

<small>[ December 31, 2004, 10:34 AM: Message edited by: TA ]</small>

What more can I do?

Keep going, be consistant, be PATIENT, and don't expect anything back right now.

You say you don't LB so you think she LIKES being asked about the particulars of her A? Probably not.

You asked what more you can you do. I'm not a real big specific advice giver but here goes.

Stop giving her little tests that she doesn't even know she is taking. What tests? Ones like, I know you really want or feel XY&Z hoping that she will really say no I want you and your's and so on and so forth.

That is exactly what I did. I gave a hug to see if I would get a hug back, I said I love you to see if she loved me, I did a kind act to get a kind act in return. That is what you are doing if you choose to admit it or not.

Do all that you can to fill up her love bank and at this point expect NOTHING!!!!

Ya know, regardless of the test given what us BS's really want to know is if our WS's still love us? Dr. Harley says what we should really ask is do I deserve to be loved?

Hang in there. Your WW is not the 1st to say all of these things in fact they all read from the same script.

You are in far better shape than many here. If you were to read my horror story you would think I was nuts for even making an attempt to save my M but I did and I have.

I'm telling you, without MBers I would have had no chance. With it my FWW and I are very much in love again.

Thanks LOR,

I am committed to this marriage, I just feel like I'm torturing the both of us into believing that something may happen.

After reading all these great responses I guess the worst that can happen is that my wife will know that I truly loved her, I will know I gave it 100%, my children will know, and I can move forward into my next relationship knowing I can be a better husband.

One of my main problems (aside from myself) is that my wife is one of the most stubborn people I have ever met. She is also a Conflict Avoider, that is how we ended up in this situation. I'm starting to blame her more than me. If she wasn't so dishonest and told me her true feelings we could have worked on this a long time ago. She admitted that she kept everything to herself and it was a mistake.

I keep thinking this shoud have been much easier to clean up this mess. We are both intelligent people, we have no financial problems, we don't drink, smoke or do drugs, we have two beautiful honor roll children, two loving families, we never fight, she is still in our home, we eat togehter and we still shop together, etc...

She seems so distant, completely removed from me. I'm not sure how someone can be like that. I'm very honest with my feelings, especially when I love someone. Last August, just before D-Day I noticed that she had started drinking a bottle of wine a day starting at breakfast with her coffee. She only drinks at parties maybe twice a year. I confronted her after about a month of this and she went ballistic on me. I sat her down and I told her I loved her very much, that I cared for her and I wanted to discuss something. When I told her about her drinking problem (her father died at 59 from alcoholism and her mother is an alcoholic) she said "I'm drinking everyday because I can't stand this house and looking at you everyday. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

She ripped into me BIGTIME, I just sat there emotionless, I had never heard this kind of talk from her before. She said "I've been mean to you for years, why haven't you noticed. Can't you see that I hate my life." <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Soon after D-Day happened. My life has been an emotional rollercoaster since then. I've lost 56 lbs in 13 weeks. I'm know back to normal, I'm sure many of you can see how my posting tantrums have changed. It's now time for me to be strong and do what I can to save our family.

I can't wait to talk to SH next week, he always pumps me up.

Any more advice would be appreciated.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Mr. E:
<strong> You say you don't LB so you think she LIKES being asked about the particulars of her A? Probably not.

You asked what more you can you do. I'm not a real big specific advice giver but here goes.

Stop giving her little tests that she doesn't even know she is taking. What tests? Ones like, I know you really want or feel XY&Z hoping that she will really say no I want you and your's and so on and so forth.

That is exactly what I did. I gave a hug to see if I would get a hug back, I said I love you to see if she loved me, I did a kind act to get a kind act in return. That is what you are doing if you choose to admit it or not.

Do all that you can to fill up her love bank and at this point expect NOTHING!!!!

Ya know, regardless of the test given what us BS's really want to know is if our WS's still love us? Dr. Harley says what we should really ask is do I deserve to be loved?

Hang in there. Your WW is not the 1st to say all of these things in fact they all read from the same script.

You are in far better shape than many here. If you were to read my horror story you would think I was nuts for even making an attempt to save my M but I did and I have.

I'm telling you, without MBers I would have had no chance. With it my FWW and I are very much in love again. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Today was the 1st time we ever talked about OM. In fact I just told her that I assumed she worked with him and I would appreciate if she held off talking to him while we try and work on our marriage. The only time she talked about him was on D-Day when she said she wanted to be with him, that has been it for 3.5 months.

Can you elaborate on "test?"

Your right about getting Nothing in return, it's so hard when you truly love someone and you had NO idea they were unhappy after 28 years. I guess I can only continue to fill up the Love Bank.

I can HONESTLY say I don't know how some people here can keep the faith. I've read so many HORROR stories here I can't believe that some of these marriages work out. God Bless these people.

Hi TA,

I haven't read all the responses, in part because I think Nikko hit the nail on the head in her first response to you.

Your W told you how she lost her feelings for you:
"She said "I'm sorry but I quit loving you about 4.5 years ago when we bought our new house. Everything had to be "your" way. I never got my way in our marriage for 28 years."

Are you willing to let her have "her" way on some things now? What is important to her to have a say in? How a room will be decorated? Where to put the silverware? What to watch on tv? Choosing RC activities that appeal to her? What does she need that she hasn't gotten?

Your wife also told you:
"She didn't say anything. I asked her if she had sex with him, and she said "NO" NOT YET, she wants me out of the house first because she feels guilty if she does."

So why are you giving her your blessing to have sex with OM in June by agreeing to move out then? Why not use this time so that she might want to have sex with YOU in June?

Take care----and PLAN A!!! until you go to a true Plan B or file divorce papers

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LovingBoundaries:
<strong> Hi TA,

I haven't read all the responses, in part because I think Nikko hit the nail on the head in her first response to you.

Your W told you how she lost her feelings for you:
"She said "I'm sorry but I quit loving you about 4.5 years ago when we bought our new house. Everything had to be "your" way. I never got my way in our marriage for 28 years."

Are you willing to let her have "her" way on some things now? What is important to her to have a say in? How a room will be decorated? Where to put the silverware? What to watch on tv? Choosing RC activities that appeal to her? What does she need that she hasn't gotten?

Your wife also told you:
"She didn't say anything. I asked her if she had sex with him, and she said "NO" NOT YET, she wants me out of the house first because she feels guilty if she does."

So why are you giving her your blessing to have sex with OM in June by agreeing to move out then? Why not use this time so that she might want to have sex with YOU in June?

Take care----and PLAN A!!! until you go to a true Plan B or file divorce papers </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, Nikko did hit the nail on the head. I appreciate upfront honest answers. I don't have much time if I want to save this marriage. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I let her have her way all the time now, but she said it's too late.

I don't want her to have Sex with OM in June, however if there has been NO difference whatsover by June (assuming I do everything perfect) and her attitude has NOT changed at all and she still want me out then I will leave. I know it will take me a long time to get over her. If I start a new relationship right away the OW will know that I still love my EX, that wouldn't be fair to her.

I want someone to Love, and I want someone to Love me back, someone who can't live without me like the way I feel about my current wife. I want SF, someone to talk to, go out to dinner, movies, and someone to cuddle up with. If I don't meet someone until the end of 2005 that means I have been without someone for 18 months, that's a damn long time to have no one in your life. I'm a very affectionate person, I give my wife kisses all day, rubdowns everynight, and I truly enjoy having sex with her. I'll be 46 in 2 months, almost 47 by the end of 2005, I don't want to wait forever to get on with my life. Besides I still have good looks right now, who knows what the heck will happen in 18 months. I may lose all my hair and then my self confidence will be shot along with the divorce. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Unfortunately my wife was raised by Alcoholic parents who mentally abused her and she is NOT affectionate at all. She will open up in the bedroom but no affection anywhere else.

Affection is #2 on my Top 5 EN's. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

IMO Plan B is JUNE. Maybe after she doesn't see me during the Summer and I have the kids on the weekend then she may change her mind. Her doctor said my wife is most likely in Premenopause and she is reevaluating her life. In fact my wife told me this morning that if she died tomorrow she would have died unhappy and that is no way to live.

I'm going to give it all I have. I need SH help and the great people here who have been thru it all.

Thanks everyone.

TA,

I'm sorry you are hurting. {{{{TA}}}}}}

My H told me the same thing when he first moved back home. He thought the changes that I had made were "just temporary" and "a little too late". What helped me overcome his negative viewpoint was my positive one. During the time that my H & I were separated, I became very close to God. I asked God to change me & He did. I never asked Him to change my H. That was between Him & my H. My H told me when he moved that if he didn't see the M improving, he was out of here. He was really on the mindset that all the changing I had done was a manipulation to get him back & that I would "resort to my old ways".

What he didn't realize was that I had changed for ME. God helped me do that. He saw what I needed to do to improve myself & He helped me do it through lots of prayer & eye-openers. He also helped me see that if H didn't want this M, that I would be ok ALONE. I believe this is where you need to focus. You cannot do anything about your W's choices. You could be the perfect H until June, but if your W chooses to leave, that is HER CHOICE. I just don't understand, I guess, why you feel that you can't be alone if it boils down to that. I hear you talking a lot about other women if your W doesn't want you. I also hear you saying that you've gone back to church. I believe what you need to do at this point is focus on your R w/God FIRST & then your W will see the changed man you have become & start to "fall in love" w/him again.

You said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If I don't meet someone until the end of 2005 that means I have been without someone for 18 months, that's a damn long time to have no one in your life. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hear desperation in your pleas for help that you are SCARED to be alone. That if your W doesn't want to work this M out, that you have a NEED for another R. Because you don't want to be alone. My mother is going to be 60 soon & has been alone for 11 years. No SF, no companionship, nothing. She is content. Why? B/C her R w/God is very strong. He sustains her. She started that journey alone at the age of 49. It sounds like you want the companionship most of all. You also said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I want someone to Love, and I want someone to Love me back, someone who can't live without me like the way I feel about my current wife. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That person you are longing for is God. Let Him vill that void that you are missing & you won't feel the need for that companionship so strongly. Yes, you will still miss the cuddling, etc. by a physical person, but you will still be happy. You will go on. You will be able to look at yourself & know that you are loved.

Since you are looking for something, anything of what you should do now, may I suggest that you visit Restore Ministries . This might help you in finding your way to a blessed, love-filled R w/God & then in the meantime, continue to Plan A your W & she will see the changes you are making & maybe have a change of heart to work on your M. You have 6 months. That is a lifetime in the bigger scheme of things.

Always remember, God's timing is not necessarily our timing. THat's why it's so important to take things one day at a time. Who know what tomorrow may bring?

Sorry I was so harsh to you before. I guess I was just in a rotten mood then. Take care & I wish you the best.

Love in Christ,
Y

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by StandingTogether:
<strong> TA,

I'm sorry you are hurting. {{{{TA}}}}}}

My H told me the same thing when he first moved back home. He thought the changes that I had made were "just temporary" and "a little too late". What helped me overcome his negative viewpoint was my positive one. During the time that my H & I were separated, I became very close to God. I asked God to change me & He did.

He was really on the mindset that all the changing I had done was a manipulation to get him back & that I would "resort to my old ways".

What he didn't realize was that I had changed for ME. Always remember, God's timing is not necessarily our timing. THat's why it's so important to take things one day at a time. Who know what tomorrow may bring?

Sorry I was so harsh to you before. I guess I was just in a rotten mood then. Take care & I wish you the best.

Love in Christ,
Y </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks so much. I do believe if my wife sees change she may open up and take another look at our marriage. Right now she refuses to spend any private time with me. Hopefully with Gods help she will notice my changes over time. I honestly believe that if she sees real change in me she may open up, it's been too early for her to notice any substantial change. By May though that should be enough time, 8 months since D-Day. I think someone can make an informed decision in 8 months.

I'm not worried about getting another woman, I'm very outgoing and I am a lot of fun to be with, seriously. I ride dirtbikes, mountain bike, powerboating, I'm a runner, very athletic, I love to travel (it helps that I'm financialy secure so I travel a lot, my wife hates to travel) avid tennis player, golfer, etc... In all honesty women hit on me about 3 times a week. I've never once even thought about cheating on my wife. 2 of her so-called best friends tried to sleep with me, I recently told her.

I can honestly say that if this marriage doesn't work out then my next wife is going to Love me. She will wonder what the heck was my EX thinking to dump me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I will be sure that my next wife has the same intentions as I do, many of the same interest and she will definately read Dr H books, and take the ENQ and others before we get serious. I'm not going thru this again.

I can understand your Mothers faith in God, I to have faith in God or I couldn't have gotten thru this. Why did she not find another companion, you can have both.

I honestly don't even look at screennames when someone says something negative, I'm from Chicago so I'm thick skinned. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I keep thinking this shoud have been much easier to clean up this mess. We are both intelligent people, we have no financial problems, we don't drink, smoke or do drugs, we have two beautiful honor roll children, two loving families, we never fight, she is still in our home, we eat togehter and we still shop together, etc...
...Last August, just before D-Day I noticed that she had started drinking a bottle of wine a day starting at breakfast with her coffee. She only drinks at parties maybe twice a year. I confronted her after about a month of this and she went ballistic on me. I sat her down and I told her I loved her very much, that I cared for her and I wanted to discuss something. When I told her about her drinking problem (her father died at 59 from alcoholism and her mother is an alcoholic) she said "I'm drinking everyday because I can't stand this house and looking at you everyday. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was going to quote your entire post and tell you this was one of the "truest" and deepest posts you have written yet. Then I reread it.

Ya know TA, I still really have no clue where you are coming from. Read the above quote--in your words. This is one of many discrepencies you have posted in the few months you have been posting.

Besides repeating what nikko said and a short, but sweet summary of what Rose posted...:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Love is a choice.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...I'm done.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LINY:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I keep thinking this shoud have been much easier to clean up this mess. We are both intelligent people, we have no financial problems, we don't drink, smoke or do drugs, we have two beautiful honor roll children, two loving families, we never fight, she is still in our home, we eat togehter and we still shop together, etc...

...Last August, just before D-Day I noticed that she had started drinking a bottle of wine a day starting at breakfast with her coffee. She only drinks at parties maybe twice a year. I confronted her after about a month of this and she went ballistic on me. I sat her down and I told her I loved her very much, that I cared for her and I wanted to discuss something. When I told her about her drinking problem (her father died at 59 from alcoholism and her mother is an alcoholic) she said "I'm drinking everyday because I can't stand this house and looking at you everyday. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was going to quote your entire post and tell you this was one of the "truest" and deepest posts you have written yet. Then I reread it.

Ya know TA, I still really have no clue where you are coming from. Read the above quote--in your words. This is one of many discrepencies you have posted in the few months you have been posting.

Besides repeating what nikko said and a short, but sweet summary of what Rose posted...:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Love is a choice.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...I'm done. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know that Love is a choice, I've made the choice to stay with my wife.

My IC said I need to also focus on the possibility that this marriage won't work out. He met with my wife for about 15 minutes and all she told him was how I caused her EA. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

The only reason I even entertain the thought of another woman Post Divorce is because I don't want to think of all the PAIN I will go thru. Maybe this is being Selfish but right now I am trying to stay strong for my family. If I dwell on Losing my wife every minute I'll lose another 56 lbs. I have NO intention of even dating another woman until about 6 months after I move out or my wife gets serious with another male.

Could you please be forthright and give me your honest opinion. What inconsistencies, the fact that I said we don't "drink?" We only drink socialy maybe 2x a year (1-2 drinks,usually wine coolers), I don't call that drinking. My wife rarely drinks except when she started that Wine binge, she has since stopped.

Please elaborate, I need all the help I can get. Maybe I'm too Ignorant to read between the lines. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Thanks