If you aren't aware of my sitch, you can get the whole story further down, just search my name, cause I don't know how to link the thread.

Here is my idea, OM is planning on moving to town from NV next friday, should I have my attorney send him a cease & desist letter informing him that if he continues contact with WW I will sue him for "alienation of affection" and contributing, if not causing, the A and the destruction of our family?

<small>[ January 05, 2005, 09:39 PM: Message edited by: Chuck_5765 ]</small>

Have you checked out the options in your state? Not all states have the option to sue for alienation of affection. Evne if you could, if your WS is willing to have the D t/b with the OM, there isn't a lot you can do to stop her but you could cut financial and emotional ties.

As for the children, is she giving you custody? Let her wallow in her financial mess. Don't bail her out.

I would do a background check on the OM. See if you can use it to support your custody case. Don't tell her anything about doing anything against her or the OM. It will not be appreciated and it could boomerang on you.

Discuss your legal options with your lawyer. GEt with a good MC, better yet do some phone counseling with Steve or Jennifer @ MB.

Keep your cool. Pray for a clear mind and a calm heart.

L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">if your WS is willing to have the D t/b with the OM, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know what this means?

As for the kids, she thinks we will have split time & no child support needed, I have enough evidence to give me full physical custody, and I am willing to let her wallow in financial mess.

I don't know if it is allowable in my state.

I also plan on informing her that if she tries to fight me on the kids I will subpeona her company's email records, and that will likely cost her her job.

quote:
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if your WS is willing to have the D t/b with the OM,
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I don't know what this means?


I believe Orchid meant: ...Divorce to be with the Other Man.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Chuck_5765:
Orchid wrote: "if your WS is willing to have the D t/b with the OM," I don't know what this means?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: FH is correct. It means: 'if your WS is willing to have the divorce to be with the OM....'

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Chuck_5765: As for the kids, she thinks we will have split time & no child support needed, I have enough evidence to give me full physical custody, and I am willing to let her wallow in financial mess.

I don't know if it is allowable in my state.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: Keep your proof until you need to show it in court. Don't show her your cards.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Chuck_5765: I also plan on informing her that if she tries to fight me on the kids I will subpeona her company's email records, and that will likely cost her her job. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Orchid: NO NO NO!!! Don't inform her. It won't do you any good and it will warn her so she can concot something to use against you. If you are going to do so, then just do it. Let the lawyer hold the evidence and use it if she puts up a stink in court. Do it all legally and in front of a judge.

Don't threaten a WS in this manner. It only makes them madder and then they act more crazy.

Be safe. Don't spill the beans. ok?

L.

OK I will not tell her anything, she doesn't even know I have an attorney yet. I think I need to have him file for custody & child support right away, and then let her find out when she is served with a summons.

found one website that says alienation of affection is not allowed in my state, is there any other methods I can use, I want this guy to see that life here will not be a bed of roses, and I'm sure that he will bail on WW if he thinks it will be too tough.

You need to realize that you can't 'control' what happens to the OM and WS all the time. But you can put a few blocks along the way.

1. Do a complete background check on the OM. Criminal, financial etc.

2. Check out your custodial and secure your family's finances so that it does not enable the A in any manner.

3. Be prepared to take the D walk so get good legal counsel.

4. Get yourself to a good MC or call Steve or Jennifer @ MB.

5. Read Suriving an aFfair and HIs needs/Her needs . Both are by Dr. W. Harley.

6. Keep a journal with dates and times.

7. Love your children and build up your immediate support group. Don't have to tell all to all but let them know before you take them into your confidence that you want to do so but need for them to respect your decisions. That you will certainly hear them out but because you can't share all with them, that they will have to respect your decisions and that their support w/b invaluable for you and your family.

8. Reassure your children of your commitment to them.

9. Identify your boundaries and implement them.

10. Setup your plan A and B plans. Work on these with Steve or JEnnifer or a good MC.

Looks like you have a lot t/d. Keep posting.

take care,
L.

I'm doing those things you listed except I haven't called MB for counselling (the money is a bit tight right now) & I'm not too certain my plan A is all that effective, and not filled with LB's

I have been getting her emails here at the house, most of them are from a veterans organization she is a board member of, should I expose this A to the ones writing to her? her is what I was thinking of sending to those emailing her:

"I'm sorry, but you canot reach WW at this email address. WW has decided to abandon her husband of 15+ yrs & children to pursue an affair with a man she knew 17 years ago.

to reach WW please use the following email address: ww@12345.com"

Is this appropriate? or will this be too much of a LB?

bump

bumping again in the hopes that I will get some assistance <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

chuck - Please try to stay in Plan A with no LB's. There is little you can do to stop the affair. Accept that. However you can protect your children, yourself and your finances.

Isn't exposing the A part of PLan A?

Yep, exposing the A is part of Plan A. You must expose to her family, the OM's family, and friends. You can expose to the vet's organization, but the others should be done first.

I already exposed it to them, but they are all in another part of the country, the other folks are not the whole Assn. just about 8-10 folks on the board with her, and incidentally they are her friends for the most part here in town.

Not arguing for this, as it doesn't feel right to me, but I'm not too certain about if my feelings are accurate at this point now anyway.

Thanks for your guidance

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ok, so the exposure is out of the way...... for now. What is your next challenge?

L.

NO the exposure is NOT completely out of the way, I am trying to decide if I should expose the A to the folks sending her emails at home, those are her local friends and co-workers.

bump

Monitor your 1st exposure level for a while. Then maybe you could put a simplier message like:

I regret to inform you that WW no longer resides here. She has abandoned her family to seek personal interests. You can reach her at:

RE: Most people don't want the details. The above info will give some detail and make them wonder. Enough is states to show she has abandoned her family. Let that ring in their minds.

Some people actually think abandoning one's family is ok, others will not. You have no idea which ones are which but you have let all who get this message know. Let them come and try to contact her via your home, then give them the message. The word will spred like wildfire in that community if it hasn't already. This is stuff gossip thrives on. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

You need to get yourself more focused on you. How can we help in that direction?

L.

Thanks, for that I will hold off for now.

In taking care of me, Jesus is doing that, but it's my kids that I worry the most about. my son is very angry, he feels rejected by his mom, and she told him yesterday that he "needs to earn the right to see her again" she found a xxx video he had at her apatment, and is getting all indignant about it, she won't even face the fact that her A caused the majority of this mess with the kids to begin with. DD12 says what WW did was "sleazy" and that she has lost all respect for WW.

I just wish I had the perfect 2x4 to use to bring her to reality, but I must simply suffer through.

bump