SH wants my wife and I to attend the Jan seminar, but there is no way she is going at this point. I am shooting for the March seminar.

Can I get some insight?

How many people attended?

What did you get from it?

Was it helpful, did your marriage stay intact?

Would you attend again, in hindsight?

What did your WS think about seminar, before and after?

Thanks

Andrew

TA,

I went to a seminar....seems like there were around 50 couples there. It was fantastic hearing Dr. Harley speak....he's very good. I would have to say that it was one of the turning points in our recovery, we are still together and yes...I would/have recommended it to many people.

Good Luck

There's one in Orlando at the end of the month. I would love to go, but it's wayyyyyyyyyyyy too much money. I actually think my husband would agree to going, but he'd have to fly up for Puerto Rico and then we'd have the expense of meals/lodging + the seminar. Well over 1000 and that's just not something we can afford.

That is a goal/dream of mine....
To someday be at the point where WH would agree to go with me...I think it would be very helpful.
They sound fantastic and if you have the chance to go I would do it in a heart beat!
Danielle

We went, It was good and made better by just some time alone away from our stresses.

It seems expensive but if you think about it it's a great deal. For less than $1000 you get an all weekend seminar, a nice lunch, most of the Dr Harley books, and an audio course. They follow up with phone calls and best of all you get access to the portion of the forum where you can post and Dr Harley will answer your questions directly. MUCH cheaper than months of actual MC. You have alot of homework and they are relentless if you don't do it. Somehow they know <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

<small>[ January 11, 2005, 02:51 PM: Message edited by: SleeplessInSF ]</small>

I don't doubt that it's worth the money, but if the money is not there, then then money is not there.

We attended the march/April '04 seminar...My H was still in the affair at the time...I didnt' know about though...

I think he got more out of it than he care to admits...he was able to really understand the MB principles...just enough to manipulte me with in the end...Did it help our marriage...NO..did our marriage stay in tact...I dont know...I am in Plan B now...Would I attend again..YES, if I knew that we were going to stay married...How many couples? About 25 - 30...all ages, races, sizes...

I met many people from the boards as well...I would definitely reccommend it...You will also be able to meet Steve as well...IMHO, it wont help unless both couples really want to do it!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by MovingForward4me:
<strong> ...You will also be able to meet Steve as well...IMHO, it wont help unless both couples really want to do it! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's the problem, both spouses have to be motivated or forget it.

At this point my wife is more interested in a divorce rather than MC. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SleeplessInSF:
<strong> They follow up with phone calls and best of all you get access to the portion of the forum where you can post and Dr Harley will answer your questions directly. MUCH cheaper than months of actual MC.

You have alot of homework and they are relentless if you don't do it. Somehow they know <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Can you describe the Homework, what is involved, and how long does it take to complete?

Thanks

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by SleeplessInSF:
<strong> It seems expensive but if you think about it it's a great deal. For less than $1000 you get an all weekend seminar, a nice lunch, most of the Dr Harley books, and an audio course.

MUCH cheaper than months of actual MC. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I've already spent thousands with SH, so $900 seems cheap.

I'm guessing that even with Homework you will still need additional MC, is this correct?

In addition my wife will need some IC.

Tons of work ahead, I hope my wife changes her Paradigm. I'm turning to the Bible right now, I think God is my only chance at this point. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Andrew

You get some books and some courses you are supposed to take online...WE haven't done one course...It is very time consuming...and it is not that, but that my WH isn't "in it"...They dont come after you if you dont do the HW...We haven't done one course and I simply get a reminder email asking to do it...no phone calls etc...which I was a bit disappointed in...I think it takes about 3 hours to complete...you read chapters in the books then fill out the questionnaires...We tried, but he just wasn't into it...

I cant believe my H spent the money to do this course...we also had to fly to SF, so we paid more than $2500 for it...He wanted to appease me for a while longer <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

What did Dr Harley talk about at the Seminar?

What type of questions do the test ask?

How many are there?

How long in hours and weeks would it take to complete the Homework?

Any input?

<small>[ January 12, 2005, 07:13 AM: Message edited by: TA ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'm guessing that even with Homework you will still need additional MC, is this correct?

In addition my wife will need some IC.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Too much guessing. How do you know what your wife needs? Have you asked her ?

What does it matter how much time, what types of questions, etc and so on ? Is there a limit to what a person that wants to have a better marriage will do ?

You're looking for an easy fix. There isn't one.

You need to start seeing the bigger picture here......this may take YEARS.

YEARS.

Not months.

Not days.

Not hours.

YEARS.

BIJ, I fully understand this may take several years. I am not delusional. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

I don't think my wife is going to put in the effort to save our marriage, that's why I want to know. Will she eventually change her mind if she has an epiphany, we'll see.

I have been visiting MB and other boards for months, I fully understand it may take several years. I am also in IC for myself, MC with SH every two weeks, I haved talked to other MC, read Dr Harleys books, and I am reading some self help books.

Even if my wife decides she sees enough change in me that she may be willing to reconcile, I don't know if she is willing to do the work. Of course I am making assumptions, but based on her attitude I don't see it happening.

In addition, there are several threads here today from members here who are not sure if they want to stay in their marriage after 2-3 years of MC and going to workshops, etc...

I'm not sure if I have the energy to motivate her constantly and myself. She has always hated Dr's, counselors, lawyers, etc... She told me about a month ago "if" we do try and work this out then she wants to do it her way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

She has NO clue on how to rebuild a marriage, if she did we wouldn't be in this position today.

I am going to continue what SH says, Plan A and continue to work on myself. I may as well since I plan on being in our home for at least another 6-8 months. I'll do all I can do.

I saw a Statistic here today where only 6 out of 100 (6%) people who follow MB principles stay intact.

I asked SH how many marriages succeed if the couple go to a MB seminar. Steve said very few marriages succeed, which shocked the Hell out of me. SH said "if" both spouses do "all" the homework then there is a 100% guaratee the marriage will work, otherwise he will refund your $$$

SH said at most seminars most of the couples are either in the middle of a divorce or contemplating divorce. There is always one motivated spouse (you and I) and the other spouse doesn't want to be there and they are the one who fail to do the Homework. Steve said if my wife is not motivated then I should NOT take her to the seminar, it will be a waste of time and money. I asked if I should go ALONE, he said NO it takes two.

Steve said so far he has never had to give back any refund. The refund is ONLY if you follow everything they give you and they will follow up to make sure you are completing your task.

I work daily with Statistics when I deal with the Finacial markets, and I can tell you I would NEVER work on a trade with only a 6% chance of working. I fully realize a marriage is not a trade I am making, but I don't want to set myself up for any unrealistic expectations. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I've been thru enough PAIN already and I don't want to go thru that again.

Do you have any suggestions?

Thanks

Andrew

<small>[ January 12, 2005, 10:23 AM: Message edited by: TA ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TA:
<strong>I saw a Statistic here today where only 6 out of 100 (6%) people who follow MB principles stay intact.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Could you provide me the link ? or educate me here ?. MB works 100% if both is willing. Are you quoting where one is not willing ?. If it is ... I still says that MB still amazing work b/c its is start from 0% not 100% !.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I can tell you I would NEVER work on a trade with only a 6% chance of working.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Could you live with yourself not taking that 6% chance and become 100% guilt down the road ?. The trade that could reward you fullfilin M ?.

just my 2¢.
-rh-

I was going thru this site today looking thru categories and someone made this statement.

I'll see if I can find it.

This was when one of the spouses does not contribute.

I am not comparing a stock trade to my marriage. I was simply pointing out that 6% is Pathetic.

I plan to work on my marriage as long as it possible. However, I need my EN's met also. After one year on doing a good Plan A, NO SF at all, and my wifes attitude has not changed then I am moving out and doing Plan B.

I'll continue to work on my marriage for about 6 more months. If 18 months goes by and NO change then I don't think anything will help, time to move on. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

There has to be a Point of no return.

TA, it's NOT a mathematical equation, it's an emotional one. Until you really understand this you will continue to keep working with the wrong "numbers." Still too much emphasis from you on the "return" you expect from her if you do your part, that is the part that you have failed at all these years. You have SO much catching up to do. How could you possibly put an accurate timeline on expected payoff when you have so many "payments" to make into the Love bank to make yourself?

Go check out the excellent disscussions on the Emotional Needs board pertaining to communication and love languages, sorry don't have time to link you. I can do it later today if you need.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I work daily with Statistics when I deal with the Finacial markets, and I can tell you I would NEVER work on a trade with only a 6% chance of working. I fully realize a marriage is not a trade I am making, but I don't want to set myself up for any unrealistic expectations </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Allow me to put a little perspective around these statements. I'm an accountant...numbers are my business as well...BUT...numbers, statistics, aren't MY LIFE.

I'll take the 6%...I've known of my own life experiences that the odds weren't slightly better..and the odds were beaten. One is my little brother...who was given his last rights at birth..with an 8% chance of survival through the first night of his life. He's 24 now, and just bought his first home. My mother, diagnosed with terminal cancer given 10% chance to live past 3 months...she lived for almost 22 months after that.

My marriage, my husband, my family are all risks I'm willing to take. Nothing comes with a guarantee.

What "expectation" are you afraid of setting ? You threw that role of the dice when you walked that woman down the aisle...all bets are off...there are no longer odds to be weighed.

Might you end up divorced ? Certainly...might I end up divorced ? Certainly. But I might also get hit by lightning, lose my job, become terminally ill....ALL THINGS OUT OF MY CONTROL...my EFFORT..that I put forth into my MARRIAGE..absolutely controllable by me...and I'd take WHATEVER chance... even if the odds were slim to none.

I have NOT regretted my efforts...no matter WHAT the outcome...but it will NEVER be because I gave up.

I no longer see myself as a victim, a BS...I'm a FBS...just as my H is a FWS..... life is too short...I'm reaching for the golden ring TODAY.

I can agree with the both of you. Of course there is NO guarantee and I feel much better knowing that if our marriage fails then at least I've done just about everything possible. Working with IC, SH, Dr H books, this site, etc... and implented Plan A and possibly Plan B.

I am not willing to work on this marriage without some feedback over an extended period of time. It seems like every darn person here is getting SF even in the middle of a Divorce, what the heck is that about?

All I'm saying is that I will give it 100% for Plan A for about One year, then Plan B maybe another 6-12 months. But, I'm not going to wait my whole friggin life for a WS to make up their damn mind. Will she be working on her faults? Oh wait, she told me she was practically Perfect, so NO need for IC. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

I have needs also, I can't be a DoorMat forever.

I know it's only been 4 months for me, so no big deal as far as I'm concerned.

The Catholic church says Abandonment and No sexual relations are cause for an Annulment. I plan to file for one if after 2 years nothing is happening in our marriage.

All I'm saying is that for ME there comes a time when you have to let go.

<small>[ January 12, 2005, 01:32 PM: Message edited by: TA ]</small>

<small>[ January 12, 2005, 05:27 PM: Message edited by: Cherished ]</small>