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We tend to focus on those who are reluctant to receive our help or advice. Look at the threadcounts in USC and mindsink's post. Seems we like to beat our heads against the wall...Eventually we draw the boundary and say "enough is enough" and we quit trying to help someone who doesn't want our help.
Smile...in many of our marriages...well, we could learn a lot from our general posting habits.
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Very interesting thought.
So, seriously, what do you think it is? Do you think there's something about the "type" of person that ends up here -- some character trait, or whatever?
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I agree with ya, it seems like people gravitate to those posts, when there are plenty of BS's posts that could definitely use some attention. I have posted to these before, but have decided to opt out of replying to them, I'll read them usually, and then just go on to someone who needs help and post to them......Maybe we feel like we can 'fix' these WS's that post, I don't feel I can say anything constructive or nice, so I just choose not to say anything at all. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
-Caren
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I dunno, tqt. Some of us are here by pure dumb luck.
I just think it's interesting that the "hopeless cases" and "desperate" posts get so much attention, but those who are calm or just confused--but truly want help, don't get nearly as much response.
Maybe it is because we are in so much pain that the best way out of that is to help others (definitely a grain of truth there). Or maybe we are transfering our "efforts" to those HERE in the fog since doing so to our own spouses is pushing them away. You know..kind of like vicariously teaching our spouses through the posters here who just don't get it? LIke maybe if we can help them "see the light" that there is a chance our spouses will too?
Just seems a very interesting phenomenom (i know i must've spelled that wrong)
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aislinn,
I was thinking the same thing today as I read USC's post.
I think we BS's say things to those fogbound WS's here that we really want to say to our spouses. Maybe not the case all the time but more than once I've caught myself wanting to "thwack" a few people.
Maybe a bit of transference for some.
USC got some good advice but maybe could have used a little more sugar with the medicine.
As I read it I was wondering how many people here would recommend talking to their own WS like that.
Just my $.02
God Bless
Doug
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just seems a very interesting phenomenom (i know i must've spelled that wrong)</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">hey, you spelled it better than George Bush can pronounce it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I agree, and sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who is intrigued with that part of it. Excuse the expression, but, I think the whole thing is... well... fascinating.
An even more so when you get a grip on all the PAIN that permeates this place, and can manage to stand outside of it for a second and look in...
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There is no so much challenge/excitement in talking to someone who thinks the same as us (no unknowns) vs. debating with someone who 'belongs to the side' we were hurt by... and yes, for some people (not me though) it's 'only chance' to say what they relly mean...
More then anything else that upsets me is - how rare are threads about - children... their feelings, their pain, and ways parent(s) cope with making all of this as easy for them as it could be...
Actually, this rejects me a lot.....
<small>[ January 12, 2005, 08:57 PM: Message edited by: Belonging to Nowhere ]</small>
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tqt: hey, you spelled it better than George Bush can pronounce it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> 'Our enemies are working on destroying our country, so we are' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
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BTN, the children...I think it's because many of us just can't fathom...even our own children's thoughts. They must be so torn with thoughts of confusion and loyalty and love. Personally...my son is not from this marriage and he seems to be pretty indifferent about it all. We've talked about it but he seems A-OK..and I don't want to push the issue in case he starts feeling things he didn't originally feel.
d_rose, yeah..I think that's a huge part of it. We want to be saying these same things to our spouses.
Smiles..tqt..you are not alone in your fascination.
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Good question. I started in on "USCTrojan's" because his attitude made me see red. I have no sympathy for OMs. None. The fact that he ignored three pages worth of helpful posts just got my goat. That and his nearly incomprehensible writing style. I just wanted to whack him upside the head.
I read most posts here, but rarely reply. I will typically only post to men who are where I was, in an effort to help them avoid the mistakes I made. I don't have much to offer people in other situations, so I keep my opinions to myself.
I see my posts have been edited. I am sorry I was unhelpful/rude to him. I feel bad about it now. I hope he figures things out.
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Interesting thread, aislinn.
Sadtiger,
I think your post to USCT was probably more helpful than you realize. Some people need a whack in the head when they are that much in denial. May take a few weeks to sink in but you better believe he is thinking about things, and I bet his cocky attitude is one of them...perhaps not quite so cocky today, eh?
I would give anything if my ex could come here and get few wacks. He never gets challenged and part of it I think is he is 6'6", and 250 lbs, and very cocky. People are intimidated by him and don't let him have when that is what he needs the most.
I wouldn't feel too bad about it, usually when we go with our gut reactions we are right on.
If he comes back now, we will know he is truly looking for help, and will get more kindness.
Just my opinion, anyway.
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