</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
<strong> ... or put it in a bucket and piss on it.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">(WAT wiping coffee off of screen) OMG! Very funny.

But why a bucket? Because it rhymes with.........

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by worthatry:
But why a bucket? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't forget WAT, I've sailed on a transpac boat ... and girls have to have a bucket! I tried the funnel trick and it was a real mess ! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Pep (wrong... and saying so to WAT)

I had forgotten about your bucketing expertise.

I have seen those, er, funnels and glad I don't need one!!

I'd like to here about the transpac sometime. I'll do mine in a more leisurely way to get some of that hot lamb Jen is saving for me and JL.

WAT

WAT, you've got mail.

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

I think he has pretty much emptied your love bank. Maybe you are ready to file and maybe you need to. Sometimes you really do have to set them free. I know he'll be back, but he needs to hit bottom, and he is pretty close. I can only imagine that the two of them are LBing each other like crazy. Yep, step back, file or not-only you know. I'd love for him to open his eyes, but only you know if it is too late. I cannot blame you for filing-even the Catholic Church is behind you-and we Catholics know that when they agree, there is great reason. God Bless-you can hold your head high-you have done all in your power and now it is up to a higher power to send you on a specific path. I firmly believe that when God closes a window, he does open a door. I wonder who will walk thru that door.

I know you may want to file anyway today, but a thought hit me. OW probably told him I'll give you the money and you file or I'm out of here. I'll bet she is finally catching on to his fence sitting and it is either file or she is thru. He's thinking he can stop the divorce in the future, and can keep her hooked at the same time. Just a thought.

WAT - I know I had read before that you lost a son. I can't imagine that pain. Life is so short and you really do have to take the opportunity to treasure each day you have with your loved ones, don't you? I can't imagine making the choice to be away from my children.

Pep - After thinking about it more, I too decided the money thing wasn't worth it. It sounds good and really might feel good at first, but I want nothing of her touching my life.


New Jersey - I think you're right about her giving an ultimatum. And that's fine with me.

I filed the papers today. I did it for me though, not for him or her.

This isn't going to get him out of any trouble <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Let's even try to give him the benefit of the doubt on that on and say it does.

I don't care. I turned over my information and the military can take care of them from here on out. What they do, they do. I won't cry if they both get nailed to the wall.

But even if for some reason they don't, I've come to the point that I don't want that in MY life. Their decisions were made almost a year ago when they started the A. They've continued to make their decisions. I have been living my life based around their decisions and their timeline.

Well, this is my timeline. If it helps or hurts them....uh...okay. That's them not me.

So, I'm feeling good about that. I'm not jumping up and down for joy or anything. It's still sad to see an eleven year marriage go. If anything, right now I feel indifferent. It's not changing my life in any way. I've lived as a single mom for the last year and a half. My H has been involved with another woman for the last 10 months anyway. I'm just stepping out of the situation.

WAT - I know I had read before that you lost a son. I can't imagine that pain. Life is so short and you really do have to take the opportunity to treasure each day you have with your loved ones, don't you? I can't imagine making the choice to be away from my children.

Pep - After thinking about it more, I too decided the money thing wasn't worth it. It sounds good and really might feel good at first, but I want nothing of her touching my life.


New Jersey - I think you're right about her giving an ultimatum. And that's fine with me.

I filed the papers today. I did it for me though, not for him or her.

This isn't going to get him out of any trouble <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Let's even try to give him the benefit of the doubt on that on and say it does.

I don't care. I turned over my information and the military can take care of them from here on out. What they do, they do. I won't cry if they both get nailed to the wall.

But even if for some reason they don't, I've come to the point that I don't want that in MY life. Their decisions were made almost a year ago when they started the A. They've continued to make their decisions. I have been living my life based around their decisions and their timeline.

Well, this is my timeline. If it helps or hurts them....uh...okay. That's them not me.

So, I'm feeling good about that. I'm not jumping up and down for joy or anything. It's still sad to see an eleven year marriage go. If anything, right now I feel indifferent. It's not changing my life in any way. I've lived as a single mom for the last year and a half. My H has been involved with another woman for the last 10 months anyway. I'm just stepping out of the situation.

double

doubled again

Sorry I couldn't get here sooner. I've been really busy.

Faith, I think that when you feel indifferent, you know that you have made the right decision. If there is any passion or feeling, then you need to take a step back and wait for you. I was being the devil's advocate, I believe that you need to do what is right for YOU.

It is good to get off of that terrible ride. They brought this on themselves. I believe that you are on to bigger and better things in life.

You have done your part and more. You can look your kids in the eye and tell them you tried EVERYTHING. You waited.

I know this story is not over yet. There is a great deal more to unfold, because you have now taken your life back, and dork is not going to like it.

You do what is best for YOU and the kids. God Bless and Hugs Honey. Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Jersey Girl <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

new jersey,

Thank you for the reply <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> It was the indifference that let me know it was right.

The funny thing is that now that I've done it, Dork is calling very regularly and is STILL talking about coming back here to work on things (regardless of my telling him I'm not interested in that anymore <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ).

He's now decided that he wants to come back here for a few days (friday to tuesday) because he misses me so much.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

He's suddenly claiming to realize the choice he's made in only being with his son 2 months out of his entire life and missing out of his girls growing up.

And of course, he misses me SO much that he couldn't sleep the other night and felt like he was having a panic attack.

Whatever. I'm not even wasting the energy to talk back about any of this.

"Oh. Uh huh." That's about all I can give him. I can't find the desire to talk about it with him.

He's still in contact with OW although he tries to tell me every day how much they argue.

That's his life now though. That's the life he wanted. DORK!

Oh he is very typical. It takes hitting bottom. When they know you are letting go, they chase. He really is just feeling it because he was so sure you would be there, that it never crossed his mind that he could loose everything. He has really emptied your love bank.

I don't doubt for a moment that is is fighting with OW. Reality from exposure has hit. SHe is foolish and young and he is seeing that she just doesn't measure up to you. Oh well. Wait till he does come home and see the change in you.

Remember, we support whatever you decision. Expect nothing from him and you will be pleasantly surprised. Only you know what the right thing to do is. Hugs and tons of support to you. Jersey

oh goodness <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

The Mothership has been called.

Alien Airlines will be delivering Dork, if he makes the flight, on Friday morning.

He left a message he was going to try and book a flight, I text messaged him that I would prefer he not. Before I sent that message, I checked his mileage account and he had not yet booked one.

Well, forty five minutes later I get a text that says "I already bought it. See you Friday. Love, WH"

The nerve!

I checked, and sure enough, he's scheduled.

Now, the chances of his making a 6 am flight are slim to none. He's NEVER made a flight before 9 am. Even the ones after 9 he usually manages to be late for!

So, he's going to be here from Friday to Tuesday.

Must be nice to take a little vacation from that hard life of unemployment. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

So....what happens when he arrives?

Noodle

Yeah, so what's the plan if/when he arrives, FiM?

Jo

I haven't really thought this all through yet.

What I know is this:

Friday he'll be needing to figure a way from the airport to the house. He wants to surprise the girls and pick them up from school so I figure that leaves me free for the evening. How he'll get here and how he'll get them from school is a mystery. My truck is totaled and the car I have will be in my possession.

<side note here..... someone at the school I work for was going to give a extra car they have to charity. They heard what happened to my car and offered it to me instead. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT ONE?!?>

If he does show up, he'll be staying here. He used frequent flyer miles to get here and I just don't have the money to pay for the hotel....or to let him pay for one when we can use the money. He stayed in the baby's room over Christmas and that worked fine.

Saturday is up in the air. I have plenty to do at work so that's where I'll probably be.

Sunday morning and early afternoon, I have an open house at the school I work for. Then Sunday night, I oversee the phon-a-thon for the school. Monday kicks off Catholic Schools Week, which is one of my busiest weeks at work. So, basically I plan on being scarce and letting him have the kids.

I'm also going to take this opportunity to have the divorce papers served on him. I've got a line of people a mile long just chompin' at the bit to be the one to serve him, so instead of spending the money to have him served in SAT, I can have it done for free here.

That's about it. I haven't talked with him about it at all other than to say I don't plan on being around. All he has to say to that is "Let's see how the week goes, honey."

(insert pukey guy here)

I told him, "I can tell you how it will go. You come, we have a great time. You enjoy being with me, with the kids, at your home, etc. You make all kinds of promises and say all the right things. OW calls and you sneak her into your day while trying to not let me know that you are doing it. THEN, when you leave, you find a way to divert your ticket through wherever OW is, get sick and have to stay a few days. All the while you'll tell me that you can't imagine your life without me, don't feel complete without your family and all the other lines that sound so good. You'll say your coming home as soon as possible and yet, that day will get farther and farther out and you'll come home for another few days at the next holiday. Then, repeat above."

I told him I'm just not interested in that. I advised him to change the ticket. I mentioned that all his coming here is going to do is iritate me, raise the girls hopes and tick off OW.

So, I'm going to think about my end strategy. I'm not sure what's going to happen when he gets here, other than I won't be around much.

Don't pick him up, and more important, don't let him in the house!

Another BW had her WH sleeping in a tent in the yard.

Repeat, don't let him in the house!

<small>[ January 25, 2005, 08:07 AM: Message edited by: RAG ]</small>

Hi Faith,

I know exactly what you are talking about. My H does the same thing.
He'll tell me and the children that he wants to come back home to live with us and then turns around after work and goes home to the OW and her children, while his are crying here for him. I got to say that he will, if at all, only email us or call us while he is at work and she is not around!

What is going on in these H's and father's heads? I sometimes wonder and I admire you for beeing so strict and strong with your decisions!
I wish I could be like that but I guess it'll take a little more time for me!

So take care and your spirits high

dakota

Me 39
H 34
OW 30
S10,D4
A startet 12/2003
I found out about A from OW's girlfriend 6/6/2004 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

FIM ... since you are serving him with D papers....

Close your eyes and imagine POST DIVORCE times ... when Dork arrives to "visit his kids" (what a f'ing ugly phrase .... ugh)

Now visualize this post divorce future and decide where Dork will be put up for his "visits". If that place is Motel 6 .... he should stay there this visit too. He needs to taste his future as a parent who "visits". And you need to taste not having him intrude in on your life at his whim.

Pep

<small>[ January 25, 2005, 08:36 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>