Funny, huh NOW? See? Without even realizing it, I think I just supported my point: it's all in the perception--I perceived it was directed at me, you, to you and Bob. But either way, I think a lot can be gained from any of the posts on here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Singling no one out, just making a general comment that all of us, including myself, need to think about from time to time.

OTOH, I guess how something is received is all in the eye of the beholder. Sort of like "if the shoe fits, wear it."

So I guess if someone "identifies" themselves with a comment, then perhaps self-examination is warranted to either accept or reject the perception.

Too much philosophy is giving me a headache. Time to shut up and let things lay. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

LINY,

COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOW

Singling no one out, just making a general comment that all of us, including myself, need to think about from time to time.

OTOH, I guess how something is received is all in the eye of the beholder. Sort of like "if the shoe fits, wear it."

So I guess if someone "identifies" themselves with a comment, then perhaps self-examination is warranted to either accept or reject the perception.

Too much philosophy is giving me a headache. Time to shut up and let things lay. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Singling no one out, just making a general comment that all of us, including myself, need to think about from time to time.

OTOH, I guess how something is received is all in the eye of the beholder. Sort of like "if the shoe fits, wear it."

So I guess if someone "identifies" themselves with a comment, then perhaps self-examination is warranted to either accept or reject the perception.

Too much philosophy is giving me a headache. Time to shut up and let things lay. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Forever,

Gives me a headache to think about, too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Oh how I wish things weren't so "complicated".

NOW

Sorry, double post.

<small>[ January 21, 2005, 01:43 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

ForeverHers –

Thanks so much for you insight – it was very helpful. Many of the things you said really hit true with me, but I will comment on that in a minute.

Before I go further, there is something I need to add to my post of yesterday to give you the FULL picture:

Although OM never viewed our involvement as more than friendship (probably because of the reasons I have given in my post yesterday) he did admit on one point that he developed some feelings for me. However, he never elaborated on this and I never comment on it. Then again, after our friendship ended and after I’ve made it clear to him that there need to be NC between us, OM admitted that he realized we unconsciously developed a strong ‘bond’ between us and that it’s best to keep our distance from each other. He promised not to contact me deliberately, to keep to formal greetings during accidental contacts and that he would not try to chat with me during these accidental contacts. Well, he kept his promise for many months and now, after some time have passed, I get the feeling that he thinks enough time have passed to get ‘over’ each other and that it’s okay to have casual talks with me again during these contacts. Of course I’ve meant my boundary of NC and NO casual talks to be a PERMANENT, but it appear OM doesn’t respect it or doesn't understand this to be a PERMANENT condition... FH, I understand that I have to enforce my own standard of No Contact as best the circumstances will allow.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> Regardless, Suzet, I believe that you are "sensitized" to affairs and the "early warning signs" now. If YOU perceived anything getting beyond mere polite conversation, I think you would throw out the "anchor" extremely fast.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"></strong>Yes FH, you are correct on your observation about me… Sometimes I wonder if I’m not overly sensitive now, in such a way that (as you’ve suggested), I’m still tormenting myself in some ways and over reacting on certain things.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>So what you are most likely doing is simply tormenting yourself right now. "Bad girl...can't do anything....can't let OM say anything or [b][/b]* I * might slip into another affair!"

Rubbish. Suzet, you need to understand that you are most likely already Recovered. But you may not want to accept that yet....perhaps because in your mind you think you still need to be watched and punished. God doesn't think so. Apparantly your husband doesn't think so. Christ died so you wouldn't have to be.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thanks for this FH… You gave me something to consider and think about… In a way, I do feel guilty about the fact that I allowed OM to even talk with me. I know my H is okay with the way I handled this, but deep down I’m not completely okay with myself... I think this is part of the reason I started this thread in the first place...

FH, thanks for you time and understanding… Thanks for not judging and criticizing me but in stead trying to help me and give me insight… May God bless you for that FH. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Suzet

<small>[ January 21, 2005, 01:58 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

Suzet*

I TRIED to not contribute again but I feel compelled to.

You said to FH Thanks for not judging and criticizing me but in stead trying to help me and give me insight…

Almost everyone who responded to you (IMO) tried to help and give you insight, but the only ones you seemed to appreciate were the posters who said you did nothing incorrectly. You appear to be very defensive of any criticism at all.

In truth Suzet* it seems to me that neither OM nor your lovely H think your near-EA with OM remains a persistent threat to your M. Only you know if this is true or not and can act accordingly.

Your sit is so unique ( I know no other like it on here certainly!) that only YOU can make and impose NC rules that work for you.

All blessings Suzet, your recovery seems to be going really well !!

Thanks for your post and blessings Bob! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I just want to make it clear that I didn’t post that sentence to FH in reference to any other poster who responded on my thread. FH really seem to have understanding for the issues of self-worth I still struggle with sometimes and which have a influence on how I react and feel about certain things.
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>Almost everyone who responded to you (IMO) tried to help and give you insight, but the only ones you seemed to appreciate were the posters who said you did nothing incorrectly.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is not true Bob… If you read the posts of FH very closely you will see he ALSO don’t approve any casual contact and/or casual conversations with OM and advised me to reinforce my boundaries when necessary… The only poster whose posts I didn’t appreciate was those of Stanely since he has made some very sarcastic remarks, disrespectful judgments towards me (and other FWS’s in general) and false assumptions and accusations. I also appreciate your posts Bob and I understand where you’re coming from. As I’ve said before, I have great respect and admiration for you…I just don’t feel there is something wrong in explaining and/or defending myself if I feel the need to…

Blessings to you too, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Suzet

<small>[ January 21, 2005, 05:00 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

Bob, on Friday you said the following to me on your other thread:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>I realised rereading this morning that you situation is unique here on MB, and consequently only you can decide what is an appropriate response.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Bob, I don’t know if I really view my situation as unique because most A’s start out as a platonic friendship like mine and then progress and develop from there… I think I was just very lucky in the sense that I had the chance to stop my involvement with XOM before it progressed to a full EA. You know, after my experience I can understand how easily people can slip into A’s if not very cautious and careful... If I can explain: Although my involvement haven’t yet progressed to a serious level, the feelings I developed (even sexual feelings) were extremely intense… So intense that it scared me… And because of this I can also have empathy for the weaknesses of people who get caught up in PA’s. From my own experience I know how hard it is and how much willpower it take NOT to act on those feelings… I was lucky that certain internal factors (like my anxiousness, fear and sexual child abuse) helped preventing me from acting on those feelings... I'm not sure Bob, but I think part of Satan’s strategy is to use these inappropriate feelings people often develop for a member of the opposite sex to cause them to stray. And I think during infidelity these type of feelings are intensified to the 100th power…

It’s sad that so many people are hurt and devastated by infidelity and betrayal, but reading success stories like yours and other here on MB’ers makes me realize there is ALWAYS hope! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Take care and God bless, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Suzet

<small>[ January 24, 2005, 03:22 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>