Ok...here we go again. My WH sent me this email this morning. What is your take on it??????

"In my heart of hearts I truely want to believe that you still have a love for me. If not for me than at least a love for the father that I am to Cameron. In these rough times with all the anger and hatred that you have expressed towards me, even if I wanted to beleive this, its remains very difficult at times to feel the true meaning and the true weight that your words carry. Maybe what you wrote carries weight, maybe they truely dont. Some of what you've said in anger, hatred and revenge over the past 5-6 months have shown a part of your character that I'm have not yet learned how to take. I do understand that everyone has a period of grieving and that no one is exempt from this. We are all human. I too have suffered on my end of the outcome. I'm not proud of what, or how things happened. Nonetheless, I have taken the responsibilty of what has become of my life and have gathered the courage, strength and humility (being humble) to move ahead. I have stopped resisting and have accepted the life I now lead. I want you to know and understand that the distrust that you knew during the marriage had come to an end the day I walked out. In the beginning of the separation, when I was trying to adapt simultaniously to the new life I knew I would be leading, I found myself caught in confusion in the middle of a loyalty, trying to protect you from any more hurt emotionally...yet that very protection of the emotional well being I was trying to give you ended up opposite of what my efforts intended. In a time of such hurt for the both of us, I was so disoriented in terms of loyalty. I had made my bed and had to learn to lay in it from then on. I will remain respectful and considerate in my new role in this relationship of co parenting. I will always act in Camerons best interests. Cameron seems to be making and getting the best of his new way of life, if you choose to look at it this way. He has become closer to you and closer to me. The quality of time I spend with him has more than doubled. He has become closer to your parents now that he sees them more often. He has 2 of every holiday. He has experienced flying on planes, skiing and other things that he wouldnt have before. It has opened up more opportunties to him than not. Cameron is actually getting the best of both worlds. Of course, he has his little bad days but I know he has far more good days than those that are bad.. We shall continue to protect him from any fears and anxieties being communicated to him via words or actions. To him it is not a "divorce" but rather what I tell him, a "dissolution"...that is what he would want if he had to choose between the two. When he is old enough to comprehend, he will know of my mistakes. He will learn to respect, take responsibility of everything he does, act in kindness and be ressourceful. In the end, I want him to be proud of you and me for putting our troubles aside and giving him the love, courage, strength and security that will serve him throughout his life. I will always stick to my word and you will know and understand in the end that each of my words will have carried their weight and that I will have always acted in Cameron's best interests. I still say a prayer for both you and Cameron every night. I ask that you always find the courage, strength, security and love to lead a happy and successful life. Know that somewhere down inside, if something were to happen to me, that I will have left in peace believing that you did forgive me. It would be the very act of your true forgiveness and acceptance that would in return set you free from the hurt that you hold onto so tightly... It will be at that very moment when you realize what a true unconditional love really means excluding the selfish act I did in the marriage. I walked out once and for all to free you from someone you loved to hurt you anymore within a marriage. The paradox of it all is that me taking the courage to walk out was a gift to you. It frees you from doubt, distrust, dishonesty and in time hurt and loss."

TR,

Gotta go to a meeting, but need to digest this letter a bit more... right now it has a bitter taste..... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Very confusing at best and filled w/fog babble.

Will get back to you later.

L.

Treesh (<---LOL)

Do you ever just feel like telling him to blow it out his @ss? Gawd he doesn't even make it paragraphs, it's one flippin run on sentence....who the hell can decipher that?!

I want to smack him and he's not even talking to me. DIVORCE AND DISSOLUTION are the same thing you fricken moron.

Oh.....Our child now get's two of every holiday....that's MUCH better than having one intact family.

He get's to go skiing, because frankly that was an impossibility with us being married....married people don't ski.

He get's to ride in airplanes.....Weeeeeeeeee.

I say a prayer for you and Cameron everynight....Yeah, he needs to be saying a little more prayers for himself....pray for God to guide him to where his head is out of his own @ss.

Tree....just take 'em to the vet and have him put down....I think he has distemper. LMAO

-Caren

TR,

Well, well...so this thing he has done was all to spare you hurt, and to give his son a life so much better than he had before. Closer to you, closer to him, 2 of each holiday, and no divorce...just a "dissolution". Well, it all sounds so warm and fuzzy. NOT!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It has opened up more opportunties to him than not. Cameron is actually getting the best of both worlds. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Fog...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I will always stick to my word and you will know and understand in the end that each of my words will have carried their weight and that I will have always acted in Cameron's best interests. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Babble...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The paradox of it all is that me taking the courage to walk out was a gift to you. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Utter stupidity...

Here's what I really think the email comes down to:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...that I will have left in peace believing that you did forgive me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Maybe I'm way off base, but in my opinion what he's done is obviously eating at him and he wants to know you forgive him to relieve this awful, icky feeling he has.

I'm sure people much wiser than I am will have some good advice as to how to deal with the latest email. I'd just read it, say to myself, "Hmm..okay...whatever", and go on about my business.

You're very strong. Don't let him drag you into his confusion.

LL

He's trying to convince himself of WAY more than he's trying to convince you of anything.

That was written for him and no one else.

Keep a copy only because I think you should keep a copy of EVERYTHING.

Then forget about it.

It's not worth the time it took you to read it in my opinion.

Orchid...Look forward to hearing your thoughts.

Caren...LMAO....taking him to the vet sounds like a good idea. I do see this email as total FOG babble!!!

LL..don't worry..I don't intend to let him drag me down anymore. It just kills me that he can even think up this garbage! I just can't believe he thinks our son is so much better off and has all these opportunities. GGGeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzz! What is wrong with this man????

faithinme...you are right. It's not worth my time. I did make a copy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I keep everything.

Possibilities:
1. Guilt avoidance
2. Questioning himself
3. Guilt mitigation
4. Taking up creating writing on the side
5. All of the above

You might need a lie detector test to know for sure.

Oh...and if I were you, I wouldn't even acknowledge it in any way.

He's looking for a way to make himself feel better. He either wants to feel like he's helped you to see this was really for YOU in the end so YOU can be happy, or for you to get mad and he can say "I tried".

Don't acknowledge it and if he asks if you read it, say "I saw yet sent something but I haven't had time to read it yet."

Treat it as the insignificant thing it is.

TR:

Faith & LL are correct. This is another attempt at some warped justification for his actions. He's in a tailspin and not recovering. There is nothing you could say in reply that will help anyone. I am particularly sickened when reading the part about how your S is better off now. Give me a stinking break! I would reply with only the following word: "Received". And then put it in his file. Good Luck!

FR

Tree,

My take is .....What a bunch of self serving cr*p. I especially liked his promise that his life would be predicated on the welfare of Cameron. If that were truly the case, he would be doing everything in his power to repair his M....THAT is in Cameron's best interest.

This man is asking for your imprimatur on his selfish,M destroying, child ignoring actions.

Put this letter in proper perspective, your WH's self-serving need for an excuse for his intolerable actions.

The letter needs to be ignored. Don't reply...hell don't even acknowledge it.

I interpret it thus :

" Please get that Buff Englishman to fly over and kick my wayward @ss until I understand what 'cameron's best interests' actually means as a phrase".

I have never seen such a pile of "please validate my indefensible behaviour by saying its ok" sh1t in my life.

I would laugh but its pathetic....

Where was he in the storms? Who stopped paying the bills ?
Must be some other @sshole than the one he refers to here....


trish, be strong. He is quite evidently not capable ofa healthy relationship with ANYONE right now, not Cameron, not Frenchy ho , not you.

It will all crash around him soon. Very soon.


{{{tree}}}

I can't decide whether to snicker or choke. So I'll just shake my head. I'm sure he wants to believe the things he writes to you, TR. It's too bad (for him, for you, and for Cameron) that they're untrue.

I'm no expert, but I agree with this:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">....what he's done is obviously eating at him and he wants to know you forgive him to relieve this awful, icky feeling he has.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think if I replied at all, I would say simply, "With friends like you, who needs enemies?" But I'd be hard-pressed to give him even that much satisfaction.

Maybe it is just me but what stuck out the most was this

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I will always stick to my word and you will know and understand in the end that each of my words will have carried their weight </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">and his MARRIAGE VOWS were not important enough to to be honored by his word or carry weight???????? Sorry but that stuck out to me like a sore thumb. Please a man of his word??? What happened to love and Cherish and be faithful?

Ignore Ignore Ignore- this is his attempt at making himself feel better and less guilty about what he has chosen to do. Let him sit and wonder.

Thank all of you for helping me decide weather or not to respond. I decided I am not going to even acknowledge it.
I don't know why he even thinks I would trust anything that he says at this point. He has proven that he is a liar and a cheat! It really bothers me that he truly believes that our son has the best of both worlds......how can he even think that our son is happier having 2 holidays rather than one with his family intact???? This just blows my mind!

as a child from a divorced home caused by an affair- yes there are material benifets but that is all. I missed my other parent during holidays- had to make choices as to which parent to spend it with. Now as an adult I have to still do this. I have to decide which parent gets us on which holiday- and who's feelings get hurt. I remember feeling unloved or pulled in different directions. Your H really has no idea what emotional scaring your son will have after the Divorce. what your son needs is to come from a happy home- and if his parents can not do it together as married then they need to do it together apart- and stop trying to buy his affection. My brother and sisters all have trust and abandonment issues. It is sad really.

I wish you all the best. I see you are a great mom- you and your son will be fine.

<small>[ January 23, 2005, 04:18 PM: Message edited by: KMEJ ]</small>

It'll drive him nuts that you didn't respond. If he corners you on it later, why not just tell him outright that you recognised it as an obvious attempt on his part to convince himself that he's not an a*hole for abandoning his family. Afterall, you already know what the truth is in regards to that.

It's sad that his delusion extends to your son. But your little boy will grow up one day. And he'll be able to recognise B.S. when he smells it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by TreeReich:
<strong> It really bothers me that he truly believes that our son has the best of both worlds......how can he even think that our son is happier having 2 holidays rather than one with his family intact???? This just blows my mind! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's just it, TR. He doesn't believe it.

He's trying to convince himself of it.
If he can convince YOU that your son is happier with two holidays and (this is the one that gets me) would rather have the chance to get on a plane or go skiing than have a family, then he can believe it too.

He's reaching and reaching far <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> You haven't bought into the dissolution vs. divorce crap, he's just throwing out another line he's hoping you'll bite on.

Condensed version: "I did everyone a favor by breaking 4 of the 10 commandments. God won't hold it against me. Why should you?"


FOGFOGFOGFOGFOGFOGFOGFOG

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