Hello cerri,

I too am so sorry to hear about your WH's actions.I feel confident in that you will make the right decision for yourself and children when you are ready.If there is anyone here that knows what the heck they are doing,it's you.

You know,toxic people just don't have a place in my life and so I make the choice to keep them out.I am still working on my own WH but it's a power we all have that can help us keep our sanity and dignity.

Prayers to you cerri! Stay strong.

O

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lemonman:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by committedandlovingit:
<strong> nevermind... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

committed </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Committed:

Why did you edit that post ?

LM </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wasted Words lemonman...wasted words.

I was turning this thread into a thread about words...and integrity in those words.

Too many emotions are keeping those words from being of any value.

I thought maybe I had edited before it could have been read by too many people. Maybe I didn't do it in time.

committed

P, sweetie, I love you dearly, and thus I am going to say only this:

GO TO SLEEP, you madwoman!

And if you answer my text message with anything other than "I'm going, I'm going!" I may call your house and get the boys to sit at the cardinal points around your bed until you're unconscious. (I think M would make a great Archangel... not sure about the other three.)

So -- Cerri -- just out of curiosity, what *would* it take for you to say, "Enough. That's the last straw. I want a divorce." -- ?
Mulan

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by cerri:
<strong>

You will note that no where in my post did I ask for advice.
C </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So noted.

Leaving to edit...

committed

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by committedandlovingit:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lemonman:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by committedandlovingit:
<strong> nevermind... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

committed </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Committed:

Why did you edit that post ?

LM </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Wasted Words lemonman...wasted words.

I was turning this thread into a thread about words...and integrity in those words.

Too many emotions are keeping those words from being of any value.

I thought maybe I had edited before it could have been read by too many people. Maybe I didn't do it in time.

committed </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okie-dokie...that is what I thought. I am kind of sorry that you edited it though, I would have been very interested in the response.

Cheers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

LM

Cerri --
This is from a Harley radio program:

Counseling from my perspective is an opportunity to change somebody’s mind, to change somebody’s thoughts, to change somebody’s attitudes, to change them. And a lot of times you got to begin with their attitudes. But that’s not where you end. You can’t end with attitudes, because you have to end with behavior. I’ve known a lot of people that fully believe that they should not be beating their wife, and yet they can’t stop because they haven’t learned to stop doing that…So the first step is to recognize that there is no excuse for an affair. If her husband were to tell me, every time I have an affair, I feel guilty, I feel like I’ve sinned against God, I’ve sinned against my wife, I’ve sinned against my children, I’m a horrible person to be doing this. Then I would say, “Now, what we have to do is create an environment where you’re not going to have another affair. And it’s going to be very restrictive, at least at first. You’re basically going to be watched 24 hours a day. You’re not going to be able to do and say what you want to say. It’s just like with helping a person overcome addiction to alcohol. You can’t be working in a bar when you are trying to recover from being an alcoholic. This woman’s husband says, “It’s your fault that I’m having an affair.” And I’d say, “What can she do to get him to stop?” And the answer is “Absolutely nothing. There’s nothing she can do. She has to walk away. She has to turn her back and walk away from him. Otherwise, she’s going to continue to be hurt by him the rest of their lives. The same thing is true of men that beat their wives. The same thing is true with men or woman who are verbally abusive. The question is: “How do I get my spouse to stop being abusive? How do I get my spouse to stop hurting me?” The answer is, “There’s nothing you can do. It’s all on the part of the person who is doing the damage.”


I had to realize that the ball was in his court. There was nothing I could do to stop him from beating me up or cheating on me. It was all up to him. Yes, my calling the woman's husband was what resulted in exposure of the affair, but he still had to decide what he wanted.

Cherished

Penny,

I am very sorry to hear this latest. My thoughts are with you.

Cerri,

I am so surprised and saddened by this news. I know you have a lot of good friends and a lot of help from those one your site. I hope that you can get some sleep, something to eat, and that your H has enough brains to walk through the door you have left open. I am guessing that that door is through a counselor's office.

Please take care of yourself.

JL

<small>[ February 05, 2005, 11:12 AM: Message edited by: Archuletan ]</small>

lol....and I though I was blunt!


If the shoe fits.......


That last post made me realize something.....

Cerri, maybe your husband just feels left out. I mean, you do seem to be pretty hung up on yourself. Everything you say is about "you, you, you".......what about him?

YOU are the professional, they are YOUR kids, YOU go to church (or place of worship), YOU are the educated one, YOU are the one hurting, YOU make the decisions, YOU are the one exposing him, YOU are the one who separated from him, YOU are the one making the boundaries, YOU are the one leaving the door open.........see what I mean?

Maybe he feels so left out of YOUR life that he needs to find other women to actually feel that he's wanted anywhere.

This whole time I have blamed your husband.......maybe he was just trying to feel wanted somewhere. It doesn't excuse his behavior, but could certainely explain it. I think maybe you should adress some control issues of your own and then see where things go, if you really want this marriage to work.

<small>[ January 30, 2005, 11:25 PM: Message edited by: CaptialC ]</small>

Hi Cerri!!

With the size of this thread, you may never read this post, but I just want to offer some encouragement anyway.

Please remember that your emotions have been just as raw as anyone's in this situation. Luckily, you have been able to talk with lots of good friends.

The only other thing I want to offer you is to get some rest. Few people can function with such a stressful situation on little rest. Sleep as much as you can & get some perspective. I will be sending some Christian prayers for you.

Cerri,

I sent you an e-mail about MKP! Thinking of you!!!

Stillwed

I respectfully ask those of you who want to pick fights with cerri to please hang up your gloves and cut our girl some slack.

Thanks...

GC

GC, respectfully, I have to disagree.

Every poster on this board is in the same kind of pain and same kind of situation. I thought of this during the tsunami in SE Asia. There were people in ordinary life in countries all over the world losing loved ones in the normal course of events and their losses were as real to them and as important to them as the thousands who died in the disaster.

I also found the use of obsenity extremely distasteful especially when it's not allowed on the **edit** board. We're edited on I-ville every day for the mildest of bad language and I thought it was extremely disrespectful to everyone here to start a thread with obsenity in it's title.

Jen

Penny also used foul language in her post at **edit** and she was moderated.

double post

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 01:30 AM: Message edited by: neverenough ]</small>

Cerri,

I am very sorry to hear of this terrible piece of news. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Capital C:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Cerri, maybe your husband just feels left out. I mean, you do seem to be pretty hung up on yourself. Everything you say is about "you, you, you".......what about him?

YOU are the professional, they are YOUR kids, YOU go to church (or place of worship), YOU are the educated one, YOU are the one hurting, YOU make the decisions, YOU are the one exposing him, YOU are the one who separated from him, YOU are the one making the boundaries, YOU are the one leaving the door open.........see what I mean?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And just WHO do you think should be making the decisons at this point? Cerri's husband is in a very emotionally unhealthy state right now. You want HIM to protect HER? You want him setting the boundaries? That would be laughable if it weren't such a serious situation.

Opinions I appreciate. Although,I remind you, they were unsolicited on this thread. More importantly, your post above is simply and profoundly CRUEL. NO ONE who has experienced the gut-wrenching pain of infidelity would ever ATTACK another in the middle of this kind of trauma.

I've read your other posts, CapitalC. Would you enlighten me as to how you can so forcefully demand that someone here give up on their marriage and yet YOU remain in a relationship where your husband lives off all the women in his life, smokes pot and plays Play Station all day? You say he's never been unfaithful..And just how do you know this with any kind of certainty? He's certainly not plugged into your marriage or your family life. For your sake, I hope I'm wrong.

Would it hurt to be a little kinder here?

Nat

So when I wake up at 3 am ill and shaking and having visions of my husband doing things with some stranger that should have been saved for me and then pulling his wet (uncondomed) body out of her. Bringing his laundry with her her..... on it here to my home to wash...... This is what I find.

I think I can cry now.

Thanks, MB, I knew I could count on you.

{{{{{cerri}}}}}

There will ALWAYS be insensitive people...

Many of us here are hurting right along with you... You and your family are in my prayers.

Semper Fi,
RIF