ba109 said the following:
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You will note that no where in my post did I ask for advice. I am a professional marriage coach and coach trainer.
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This really seems pretentious to me. A "professional" would not react to a poster in such a condescending manner. A professional would not lace a thread title and posts with obscenities.

ba109, I sort of expected this sort of thing from CaptialC, since she is brand new and really doesn't understand much yet, but you surprise me with your callousness.

It matters NOT if someone is a "professional" or not, or possibly even moreso because one is a professional with THEIR life hanging out there for all to see. INFIDELITY HURTS! Infidelity causes extreme emotional duress. Infidelity causes normally "sane" people to react in "insane" ways until they are able to get their feet back underneath them. But YOU would make no "allowance" for crazy times, for emotional reactions. No, you think a "professional" should be void of emotions and be a complete "Vulcan." Sorry, we are all HUMAN, and we all make mistakes of one magnitude or another.

One would THINK that if there is any group of people who would understand the "crazy times" of infidelity it would be here among people who have personally experienced it for themselves. They KNOW what it's like to react emotionally, out of extreme pain, anguish, and disbelief. But not ba109, not CapitalC.
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Let me know when you're up to date on the research - I always love a good intellectually stimulating conversation.

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A professional would not challenge another posters intellect nor would they flaunt their own.

ba109, excuse for the bluntness of THIS reply, because it IS "just my opinion" (as you ended your post); CapitalC jumps into this discussion with uninformed opinions and "brand new" to the whole concept of recovery from infidelity. CapitalC is obviously posting what SHE would do, because HER emotions are controlling, not logic and understanding, not compassion or forgiveness. Yet you seem to think that anyone who says something like; "why don't you wait until you are further down the road and have gained knowledge and experience before trying to "chastize" someone else and how they are handling their own personal he!! of betrayal, is "unprofessional" or "rude."


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My purpose in posting this here was to fulfill my agreement about exposing future infidelity in every communication channel available to me.
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So, you really could care less what anyone here thinks then. Your mission is accomplished. Why do you keep responding?

Because Cerri has every right to post here, for whatever reason, as do YOU and the rest of us. If you YOU don't like it, don't read it.

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Really - my personal motto is "I don't do nice," and this is NOT the day to push my buttons.
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Maybe you should stop this drama then, because you are really starting to show your ***.

No, Cerri is showing that she is human and can be hurt just like the rest of us. IF someone is showing their backside, you might want to consider the circumstances before jumping in to show yours with your own disrespectful judgments.

jmo

jmo, back at 'cha!

P.S. I wonder where WAT is and why he is "strangely" silent on something like this sort of direct frontal attack on someone else? Hmmmm....I wonder what's missing that tends to "trip Worthatry's trigger?"

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 08:06 AM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

ba...capital,

What each of you fail to understand is that someone can be a professional and have an upheaval, trauma, horror so devastating that it's the roles as wife, woman and mother that cry out in pain. How professional do you think a fireman is, when he's on fire....or a doctor when he's sick....or nurse when her child is dying....or a surgeon when his leg is cut off? In many ways, one must feel even MORE powerless when it's your job to save marriages and you are struggling to save your own.....especially, when you're being verbally chastised because you acted for a moment like a human being instead of just a professional.

It's a hard day when folks who don't even know you criticize you, or your professionalism is attacked....but when that day is also the day you find out your husband has had unprotected sex with a stranger...it must feel as though the whole world has turned inside out.

When you poke wounded animals....they bite.

Professional?? (Interesting demand)
I realize I don't know alot of what is going on here, and what someone's false expectation of a woman in pain is, but what I do know is that Cerri is fighting for her family, and that is all that matters. none of us can second guess that, and what she needs to do.
Anyone on her for not doing what they think she needs to do, needs to back off and take care of their own life.

When I read Cerri's post that had in the subject line:

"My husband ****** another woman"... I was in disbelief and shock that the moderator would allow that to be there.

And then I read on and she posted his name and address, as well as where he worked.

THAT WAS WRONG...No matter how hurt she was, THAT WAS WRONG.

And SO WHAT that she had said she would expose to the world; THAT ALSO WAS WRONG and very vindictive.

We can give THREATS that if someone does this or that we will do something, but that doesn't make it the right thing to do, does it?

Cerri, what you have done here is far from being 'professional' so quit BRAGGING that you ARE a professional...Even us 'REGULARS' would not publish our H's name and address.
I am glad you had the decency to delete it.
Just go ahead and hurt like us NORMAL people, and we will give you love and understanding.

This is my first post, however I have been following MB guidlines...I do not see where Harley suggests we publish in the newspaper for the world to see, our mates unfaithfulness...Show me where!

We all are hurting here or we wouldn't be here; but we still can be NICE, even to our cheating mates...I did promise for 'better or worse' with my husband and now is 'the worse'...I will not even give the details!


(Edited for spelling)

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 08:13 AM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

flowergirl,

Every Monday and Thursday afternoon at 1:00pm (CST) Dr. Harley is the featured guest on Joyce Harley's (his wife's) radio show, In Focus with Joyce Harley, which is aired from St. Paul, Minnesota on AM980 KKMS. One of his more famous quotes is: "Put it on the evening news!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Starfish - Does he really mean that, literally? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Flowergirl, et al,

I think Cerri left...she edited out most of her posts.

In case she comes back {{{{Cerri}}}}

NOW

starfish, </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> It's a hard day when folks who don't even know you criticize you, or your professionalism is attacked.... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My bluntness is often perceived as criticism. My sensitivity meter is not as calibrated as many others. My post is not critical, it is my POV of this disintegrating thread. Cerri has the power to end it before others start posting their POV also which you can see is already starting to get ugly.

Cerri, of all people, knows that negativity is bound to creep in as a thread grows. Cerri also knows that regardless of whether she asked for opinions or not, she is going to get them by default because of the arena that she posted in.

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 07:32 AM: Message edited by: ba109 ]</small>

Good Lord, do any of you people remember the utter agony you went through on Dday and the days following?!!!

Give Cerri some slack here. She's hurting!

She'll make her own decisions just like the rest of us in her own time.

{{{{{Hugs for Cerri}}}}}

Oops! My first double post.

<small>[ January 31, 2005, 07:50 AM: Message edited by: TooOld4This ]</small>

Reading through this thread, what I think of is something Harley has said to me on numerous occasions over the past three years: "The ball's in his court."

As a BS, I thought I was responsible for making him realize how badly he would hurt me if he had an affair, I felt guilty that I didn't follow Harley's advice to expose the affair two weeks after the first kiss, I ran around reading books and going to therapy and trying to find a marriage counselor that would work for us -- and you know what? -- I gave out. It's not that I truly believed that the ball was in his court. It's that, as Joyce Harley said on the radio in January 2003 "it's like pushing a wet noodle", I couldn't save my marriage with all the effort and exposure and commitment in the world. I gave out, and when my H pushed our 10 year old in October, that's when he decided to go to therapy. The ball was in his court. He had to recognize this was his problem.

Cerri, what I see is that you have worked hard and done what you could and now the ball is in his court. It seems to me that Plan B is about backing away until your spouse makes a commitment to care for you.
Cherished