Here's a letter from my aunt. No, she isn't 96 years old, she had this article forwarded to her. Not sure if it is real or not but it's a hoot!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

attached is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by a 96 year-old woman. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York Times.

-------------------------------------------------------

To whom it may concern,

I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his depositing the check and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly transfer of funds from my modest savings account, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty-one years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account $30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.

My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has recently become.

From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person. My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.

Please find attached an Application Contact Status form which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof. In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank *******. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

Please allow me to level the playing field even further. When you call me, you will now have a menu of options on my new voice mail system to choose from.

Pease press the buttons as follows:


1. To make an appointment to see me.

2. To query a missing payment.

3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.

4. To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.

5. To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.

6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.

7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required. Password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact.

8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.

9. To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering *******. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.

Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee of $50 to cover the setting up of this new arrangement. Please credit my account after each occasion.

May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.

Your Humble Client,

(Remember: This was written by a 96 year old woman)

<small>[ February 09, 2005, 10:24 PM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> More power to her. Did they get a quote from the woman when they printed the article?

Hey Shelly,

Good to hear from you. Don't know more than what I posted. If it really happened, that lady is one smart whip!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

How are you doing?

L.

Bad Orchid, really bad. Today i looked thru my h,s wallet and found ow's credit cards in there! I lost my temper and grabbed a pair of scissors and turned them into confetti. My h was so angry at me for doing that i thought he was actually gonna hit me! And then he ended up crying and trying to get me to hold him, saying that he didnt let her go cause he's afraid i dont love him anymore. Whatever. Hope to hear from you tonite,

michelle

Awwh... Shelly, really sorry about your findings. Love the way you handled it though. Good thing those scissors cut those cards. Could do a lot more serious damage. Does he realize that?

Maybe you ought to start your own thread so others can help you also, ok?

Hugz,
L.

I so love this, L.!

It comes at a time when my bank just charged me $33.00 for God knows what. Probably similar to that "nano-second" thingie this wondewrful woman is talking about.

I'm gonna steal her letter with pride and modify/send it to my bank. LOL

Thanks for sharing.

Love,
Jo

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Resilient:
<strong> ...It comes at a time when my bank just charged me $33.00 for God knows what. Probably similar to that "nano-second" thingie this wondewrful woman is talking about.

I'm gonna steal her letter with pride and modify/send it to my bank. LOL

Thanks for sharing.

Love,
Jo </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey Jo,

Miss your e-mails. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Send a copy to your local consumer editor column as well. LOL!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

So when r u gonna come and visit? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Aloha,
L.

The reason I dont start a thread on it is because i already know what i have to do, its just really hard for me to kick him out and go to plan B. Maybe im just not as strong as everyone else here. He's been so loving to me since he came back home for good last month, I hate to lose what looks to me like my original H.

Shelly,

Sounds like you got a touch of CA going on. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Ok, well can we work on this together with you? Jo's visited the thread and she always has some helpful POVs. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Who knows who else will stop by? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Now you say you see your loving H but you also said he got real angry. Now which is the permanent one?

L.

whats CA?

Not California. LOL!!!! Though that maybe the land of Conflict Avoiders. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

Oh. Duh, silly me.I thought i stood my ground pretty well today, when he started screaming not to "disrespect" him by going thru his things, I told him he was the one disrespecting me with his continued affair, if he wants her so bad that he's willing to keep risking his marriage he was by all means free to go. I dont need this crap in my life anymore. And of course he used his favorite battle cry."This is all your fault because you shouldnt be looking thru my stuff." and my favorite "If you stop looking so closely at what i do and just let things go we could be happy together!" I have nothing to say to that one except "do you believe any of what your saying?" Then i get "ILY and i dont want to be single or be with anyone else," "you know your my life and i cant make it without you" and so on.this is just ridiculous, that I am in this situation to me.My H is very stubborn, I think i would actually have to take him to court before he will end it.

Ok, reverse babble coming here:

WS: You are my life..... (babble, babble babble).

BS: Really? Well this life sure don't feel too good. Maybe we need to get a new one?

WS: I don't want a new wife.

BS: Did I say that? No, I meant new H. LOL!!!!

WS: You want to replace me? Aren't I your life?

BS: Well you have been my love, my misery and right now a pain in the azz. What do you think? Hmmph.... Ow's credit cards.....did you keep them because her pixs are on the card? Wow, what a life, kinda creepy doncha think?

WS: (speechless).

BS: (calmly walks away)

LOL! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I wish I could come up with gems like that when listening to fogtalk! most of the time im just shocked speechless. He sent me a text message a little while ago asking can he come home. I said did you do as you promised me today before you left? (promised to write no contact letter,and let me mail it to her) I didnt get an answer back. so i sent him "i guess we will be at court then) he sent one back "not yet but i will, i promise." and that effectively ended our convo.

At first the talk works. Then that wears off and the BS requires more. Is that unfair? Nope, the BS always required the correct actions to match the words. Just not all at the same time. Yet the WS try to get away with as much as possible.

One thing that woke me up was when the WS told me that as long as I allowed him to go back and forth, he would do it forever. TWACK!! THUMP!! WHOP!!! Right upside my BS head. Ok, then I was being viewed by the WS as enabling the A. How dare he. I fixed that piece by showing him I did not enable his A. It took a while to make it through the fog but he credits me with that being part of what brought him to his sense. That's why I am such a plan B advocate. For some, maybe most WS' plan A left on for tooo long turns into an enabling tool. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

L.