Don't even know what I want to say, There is always an excuse, usually to exhausted. Not sure if the desire is there,ok to hold her and cuddle, but that is all. I am loving her to death with minimal LB. Why ok to have sf with OM but not someone she says she loves? AAARRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Hey H-n-H,

I know how you feel... I've been there. Are you guys in marriage counseling?

Semper Fi,
RIF

Try prozac.Dang that stuff removes the whole SF EN. At least it's helping me, being 'removed' from WW.....

David, for once in his life able to live w/o SF. Good thing too - had two women at work come onto me 'cause I'm taking care of three kids and working and all - LMAO... Never had it this good, even in college!

Note - this is a joke from a guy that can't sleep at 3 in the morning......just forget me. (I want Gretchen Wilson....did I just say that out loud?)

<small>[ February 16, 2005, 07:55 PM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

RIF, yes we are in MC. Mostly focused on history and getting us to date at this point. Maybe I just want more to soon. Want to get rid of them thoughts and more of us.

Tane... I am on AD but not haveing the lack of desire affect on me. I do not want to lose that. I am just tired of rejection, So I don't push the issue.

Just keep lovin in the house!!!!

Hurt,
let me turn the tables. What if she wanted sf almost every day?
In my situation it is nearly every day yet, WH still continues to contact OW.
Just last night for example, he came into the room just before I was to leave to go to a meeting. We made out (do people still use that term?) for a few minutes and then I left. I was not gone for 5 minutes and he sent OW an email!!!
Talk about confusing. I'm starting to think all this sf is to keep me happy and make me shut up. He had a PA with her but that part is over and he SAYS he working on getting out of the EA.
If he rejected me, at least it would help me make my decision, instead of hanging on to the hope. Just my 2 cents.

Hurt,

Give her time. While waiting, work on meeting her needs until you just can't stand it anymore. I'm sure your wife is still in withdrawal for the OM. It is painful to miss someone that badly. It is more painful to deal with all the guilt and hurt that the affair caused. It makes you not particularly like yourself. People that are sad, miserably, and in pain, seldom what to have sex.

I'm not making excuses; I'm just trying to relate what happened to me.

The good news is, desire does come back with a vengeance!

susy, I value your 2 cents!! I do not try for everyday, Not neccesarily (sp) going for any time specific. The om is not an issue, nc anymore(except email work related ONLY!!) She is just always tired and exhausted. I am being patient, just not sure if sex part is ever going to be important to her. I question my ability to please her by her rejection.

CN thanks, I am doing my best at her EN, I have given up tv(not a big thing) to listen to her talk about work, I only really watch when the daughter wants to watch w her. But it is listen to her work, watch her on her computer and then bedtime. That is when I read alot now. I have to hope things will change when she gets a new job.(she has a line on 2 right now.) Patience is the word of the month.

OK, I am back with this stupid topic again. I don't get it(no pun intended) Why is SF such a control thing with women! I am seriously thinking of calling it quits. I am fed up with this $$it. People wonder why prostitution will never die.

Now, I will not go to a prostitute, nor will I probably leave, but it is crossing my mind, and that scares me.

Before A, Sex life was really terrible, once every six weeks or so, since affair, maybe once every other week. Better than before? a little, but Christ man, what is wrong with sex? Maybe I am just that bad, Why do women use sex as a game of manipulation? I realize NOT ALL WOMEN) are like this, so put your guns away, but, alot of women are. MY WIFE INCLUDED!!!

I didn't want to LB her tonight. but, What do I have to do? maybe I'd be better off alone!!!

Hi, hurtnh.

Have you told your wife just what you wrote here?

Does she know that she is causing you to suffer?

Have you two explored your emotional needs together?

Are you both working toward meeting each others needs?

All the best,
Gimble

HNH

I won't waffle on with all teh possible dynamics at play between you and your FWW, go read up if you want.

All I can say is that our story is close to yours.

Poor SF for a while before D-day, then niet, nada, non, nien for weeks afterwards.

Then...out of the blue...came a mutually needful mechanical SF that blew both of our minds.

Then nothing.

Then another ROCKIN' needful SF session.

Then nothing.

All the while I am still plan A'ing to be a lighthouse through withdrawal ( which can be very complex and hard for FWS),

Then after around 3 months Squid seduced me with kisses and a period of MONSTROUS SF began. All initiated by her. Very loving and passionate.

While I was plan a'ing I backed off all sensuous physical contact and 'I love you's' choosing other words and platonic physically comforting gestures after an openly loving approach just annoyed her during early withdrawal.

Squid tells me now that just before the 'seduction' she was ACHING for me to drape a strong arm around her and hold her, and kiss her, and make love to her, but I was just being loving and supportive but reserved.

She HAD to make the first move after strongly rejecting my such efforts earlier in withdrawal . I needed to know she REALLY wanted this.

Oddly SF returned long before the words 'ILY'.

Now we have a very healthy SF life, but Squid seems less needful these days. She still initiates most times ( never has in 18 years of marriage before!).

So HNH, I'd just say that in my experience you are still very soon into NC and withdrawal. Backing off physical intimacy in my case made Squid desire me ( as in 'love must be tough'). I'm not rcommending thatfor you, just suggesting you may benefit from rethinking your approach.

And , just as a coda, yes, you forget about OM during SF after a while. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

all blessings