Yes, I want to be happy. Yes, I want to feel good about myself. Yes, I want to feel loved and feel special. But when I do things so I will be happy, inevitably I choose poorly. I choose for the moment and sacrafice a greater chance at long term happiness. Happiness and feelings are a fickle master and not a purpose!

Happiness is a result of working toward something greater and outside of yourself. Lasting happiness is a result of real effort and dedication.

Why do we treat happiness as a goal? It's a poor leader. But almost every post yearns for it...

Is there something better to yearn for??

How would you know what happiness is unless you felt otherwise sometimes?

Lately, I don't even aim for happiness, I just want to get through today without crying for no "aparent" reason or having that awful "unfeeling" that seems to be there so much.

My goal everyday is to wake up and take care of ME and my son. Nobody can make you happy, you have to make yourself happy.
If your goal is to save your marriage and that will make you happy then aim for that. I choose to let my WH go and make myself happy for a change.
To each his own!!!!!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> .... when I do things so I will be happy, inevitably I choose poorly. I choose for the moment and sacrafice a greater chance at long term happiness. Happiness and feelings are a fickle master and not a purpose! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is very well said. Happiness as a goal is a very self-serving, selfish, motivation to get up in the morning.

My goal everyday is to wake up and take care of ME and my son. Nobody can make you happy, you have to make yourself happy.
If your goal is to save your marriage and that will make you happy then aim for that. I choose to let my WH go and make myself happy for a change.
To each his own!!!!!!

I have found that the happiest people I know are the one's who realize there are bigger things in the world than themselves.

Happiness is not something that "happens" Happiness is a decision. Sometimes, based on what happens to us, we decide to be unhappy. Sometimes, despite what happens to us, we decide to continue to be happy.

People who live just for themselves never seem to be happy, because they always need something else, some "thing" or some "one". If they could just get that "thing" they would be happy. If they could just have this "person" they would be happy.

People or things can make you feel good, but not maintain happiness.

If you are happy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> with yourself you don't need things.

I became unhappy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> with myself, because my STBX trampled all over my boundries. I kept backing up and compromising.

I became unhappy with myself. My STBX didn't make me unhappy.

She did terrible things, I accepted them - I let the things she did define me. I was unhappy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> with myself. ( and yes I'm guilty of major LB's too)

Sometimes people project the cause of thier unhappiness <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> on other things or people.

I am much happier now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> . Is it because I've been away from my STBX, or is it because I have reclaimed myself, set new boundries and stopped compromising my core beliefs?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ February 15, 2005, 03:02 PM: Message edited by: Tom Joad ]</small>

The greatest lesson I have ever learned in my life is this so simple little thing:

happiness is the result of being good.

If I am good and live according to my conscience and live with self discipline and responsibility, then I am happy.

Chasing happiness has NEVER made me happy, it has made me miserable. But being good and meeting my obligations to the best of my ability has made me VERY HAPPY.

P.S. and of course that is a generalization that does not account for life's tragedies. Normal people do become quite unhappy when their lives are wrecked with trauma, such as affairs, divorce, deaths. etc. All the self discipline in the world cannot overcome the unhappiness that comes from the death of a child.

I often wonder how you survived your loss Mel. I wonder about WAT too sometimes.

I have a friend at work who lost her 16 yo DD a couple of summers ago, after her husband had left her for another woman.

Of course she was granted a leave of absense and was on major medication for about a year, but now she seems to be at peace. I almost said she seems happy but I can't say that because I don't really know. She just seems so peaceful and serene.

I was talking to her and told her I think I would probably be in a mental hospital if I lost my DD, but she said you don't know what strength you have until you are faced with this kind of loss.

She is an incredible, wonderful person and I know that other people feel happy when they are around her. I do.

For me I would say that happiness to me is having my DD safe and happy, but that would be shallow given the amount of parents who have lost a child and do find happiness again.

I guess happiness is my goal (and I am pretty happy now), but I know it comes from others happiness and by following a life of goodness.

And of course with good boundaries in place and doing the right thing, even when it is hard.

weaver, thanks for your sentiments. Its funny how different folks react to tragedy. For me, I NEEDED to go to work right away. [I took a week off] I was extremely preoccupied and dazed but it was the best thing for me. Others are so crippled with grief that they can't function. But, you never know until it happens.