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WH told me this afternoon that he was going to talk to OW tonight. I'm hoping that means to cut it off. I think it does because he gave me a big hug a few minutes later. But who the hell knows?

He said he has to get his head out of his butt and focus on us. No, I still don't trust him as far as I can throw him, but it is a start, don't ya think? Please tell me yes....

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In other words, he is going to go boink his girlfriend tonight. I am sorry, drain, but that is not a hopeful development. Hopefully, you are not allowing him to a) take your car or b) delude you into thinking he is doing anything BUT going out on a date with his ho?

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What happened to the "thinking" angle? I thought he needed to go "think?"

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He's still very foggy. Sorry hun.

Pep

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He hasn't said anything else about 'thinking'. You guys are just like my sis, the only one that knows from my family. He left about 4:30. I'll let you know what time he gets home.

I have no choice but to let him take the car. It's the only one we have. And if I am to hope that he is ending this, I have to let him take it. You guys, I know he is a butt head, but aren't I supposed to have some empathy for him? Isn't that what I read?

Maybe he has re-thunk the whole 'thinking' thing.

I want to save the marrage, not push him away.
His sis (wife of the idiot boss) is about to tell her H shape up or ship out. He is actually with ho's, not with a steady. ( I know it's not much better) But anyway, I really do think he is making progress. You know when you "knew" he was having the A? You just know when he is lying about stuff. I don't feel that tonight. I hope and pray I'm right!

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I hate to tell you this, but the WS is sometimes happiest before or right after seeing the other person. They are about to get their "fix".

Long time former WS here speaking from experience. I was happiest with my H (even to the point of hugs or having sex) right before or after seeing OM. I certainly didn't want to pick a fight right before I went to see him and then have that on my mind. And being nice after seeing him helped me make up for the guilt I felt.

I suggest you go with him when he goes to talk to her. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by drainedinfl:
<strong> You guys, I know he is a butt head, but aren't I supposed to have some empathy for him? Isn't that what I read?

Maybe he has re-thunk the whole 'thinking' thing.

I want to save the marrage, not push him away.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Drained, he is lying to you. He is going out to do one thing and one thing only and that is have a date with a ho. If he was ending something, he would end it; he wouldn't be going out on a date.

No, you are not supposed to be empathetic to his destructive actions. You are supposed to make it as uncomfortable and difficult as possible for him to carry on an affair. You are trying to save your marriage here.

Nor do you have to push him away. He is already pushed away, he is having an affair. The "A" in Plan A does not stand for appeasement, drain. Plan A means you try to do everything in your power to END THE AFFAIR.

What are you doing to end the affair?

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Melody,
I thought I was trying to help him end the A. Am i NOT?
sh**, i'M SO CONFUSED
Stupid caps

He's already gone. Maybe there is no hope.
Like I have said b4 in other posts, I don't even know if I want him after this. I just want to know he is not with her. That's the only way I can keep trying

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drained, how exactly are you helping him end the affair?

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By letting him go to her and him telling her it has ended

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Well I hope you're right and he did in fact do that (end it) but if he didn't

don't be fooled again.

Be tough and hold to your stance of strength (you matter more than her and he can break it off with her in a certified letter if need be)

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By letting him go to her and him telling her it has ended


Ending MY wifes affair took my threatening OM with physical damage and destruction of his reputation AND exposure to his GF.

You see why letting him go boink his OW probably isn't enough ?

He can't help it right now, he's addicted. just like my Squid was.

Please take action to help stop his affair. Plan A & exposure for a start.

You will feel better. MUCH better.

All blessings.

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by drainedinfl:
<strong> By letting him go to her and him telling her it has ended </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">drained, he is not going there to end anything and he never said that. He is going there to get laid.

Now, when he is truly sincere about ending things, you should insist that he send a LETTER that you both write telling her that the affair was a huge mistake and to never ever contact him again. He should vow to never ever see her again. ANYWHERE. Ending contact means just that, ENDING CONTACT.

I am sorry to be so direct with you, drained, but you cannot afford to believe your H's lies. These are not even good lies. You are in a fight for your marriage right now so you must be shrewd and not give into wishful thinking.

I would suggest when your H gets home, you tell him that seeing the OW is very disrespectful and hurts you deeply. Tell him there is only room for 2 people in your marriage and that he needs to end his affair.

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drained - I went through the same thing. WH went to hotel with OW to "end" the affair. They are still together 2 years later.

Listen to Melody - she told me the same thing.

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by drainedinfl:
<strong> By letting him go to her and him telling her it has ended </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He could respect your feelings and end it on the phone or with a no contact letter.

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Oh boy...your story sounds just like mine.

OW was 20 year old co worker when WH started his A. Listen to MelodyLane...she is right...NC letter is very very important

I didnt understand how important NC letter was until i had 4 ddays and 3 false recoveries...after the last Dday...i told WH to pack up and leave.

I would advice you to do a good plan A. You need to negotiate your way into getting WH to do an NC with OW.

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Drained-

Sweetie...they're right....he did not go to end the affair. Even if he had intentions of ending it with her.....going to *see* her is the equivalent of a drug addict going to *see* his crack dealer to tell him he's gonna stop smoking crack.

As for your "Gut" feeling...I know, when your WH was cheating and you KNEW in your gut something was wrong....and you don't feel that about this situation.....what you've got going is a heart-gut conflict....your heart wants so badly to believe him that it's over-ruling your gut.

We BS have some fog issues of our own, as we are also addicted to our WH.....They can sound so damn sincere, can't they? And maybe they are, for that millisecond....but they revert back faster than you can shake a stick at 'em.

Don't beat yourself up, you thought you were doing the right thing....now you know, now we can work from here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> All is not lost...you're still in an okay position here......I HOPE you didn't LB him to death when he got home LOL!!!

This stuff is hard to digest, but it's all truth, we all think our WH is different initially.....unfortunately (And I find this so flippin odd) they all follow the same pattern. It HAS to be instinct...it has to be, there's no other explanation for it.....the patterns are too similiar, it has to be something instinctual.

Sorry......I have trouble getting my mind around it, but if it looks like sh*t and it smells like sh*t, it's most likely sh*t.

-Caren


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