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I printed these off on three separate papers.
He's leaving tonight to 'get his thoughts straight" so I figured I would give him a head start. he's getting the kids from school and then dropping them off here. tell me what you think. Though, realize if I made a mistake, it's too late now. He's got the letters now...


Dear *&***,

Please don’t be mad that I’m writing you. I figured maybe, HOPEFULLY, this would make your decision easier. I have enclosed a Plan A, (if you stay) and a Plan B, (if you decide not to).

I want you to know that either of your decisions I can work with. I just will get in the right frame of mind and it’s off to the races. Hell, I did that 2 days after you said it was over in Jan. I can do it again. The cool thing about it now, though is that I know I can now be friends with you if nothing else. ( I still want to learn to be in love with you again though. Don’t get me wrong)

I know you wanted to be by yourself and think about things, but I wanted you to have my point of view on it all. I think that will help whatever you eventually decide.

I know I said it before, but don’t stay with us if it is just for the kids. We will all be ok. I will be ok. You will be ok
I am a very strong person and I can get through anything. The kids will always have you. They have both had friends that the parents didn’t live together and they all are good kids. Otherwise we wouldn’t have let them be with those kids.

If you need to write things down, DO IT. I know it sounds silly, but it has helped me a lot over the last several months. If you just want to give it to me or read it to me, whichever, that’s just fine.

I don’t want you to think about work, the car, or a new job during this time away. I just hope and pray you will think about you and me. Think about the happy times and the bad times. How we reacted to both. I truly believe we can get that back again, in time.

But Please, don’t come back without a decision. Not one of the four of us can handle not having a definite plan. We all need to get on with our lives. Yes, it WILL be a new one, no matter what you decide.

I love you,
####


Plan A

I would guess Plan A would be for you to completely end it with her, (NO CONTACT), and try and rebuild our relationship. If you pick Plan A, I would need you to be totally honest with me at all times. That includes if I piss you off, if I do something that you disagree with, I don’t know, right down to if you like dinner I guess. I will start doing the same. You know that for years, I always say, No, I’m not mad, because I don’t want to make you mad but inside I was. You HAD to have known that. That won’t happen anymore. And I’m not going to avoid saying something just because the kids are around. I guess I never did before because it always seems like I never got you to see my side of an argument. I just always said you were right and ended it. Much more simple that way.

Plan A would also include telling me if you ever have feelings to see other women. That is one thing I couldn’t handle again. I won’t ask you about the others, I think I can pinpoint them. I don’t need to know anything more about the current one or the past ones.

I would need you to answer my phone calls on the cell phone right away or A.S.A.P. I feel like whenever you don’t, I know you are with her or are just blowing me off. I’m sorry, but a trust issue. At least in the beginning, I have to know where you are at all times and be confident of that. I really, really want to trust you again.

I would also ask for your check, the whole thing, to be deposited into the account. I feel like, especially in Jan after everything was revealed, you would not deposit money in the account so that you could spend it where I couldn’t track it. Again, it’s a trust issue and you have to understand that.

I would love to have a date night once a week or so. Even if we are strapped for cash. We need time alone. We have never had that since the kids were here. We thought that was a good idea at the time, to include them in on everything, birthdays, anniversaries, etc., but I guess that was the wrong move. We lost our connection.

I think we can get the love back we used to have in time. I really do. At least I think so.
I guess that’s up to you.

Plan B

Plan B is that you either want to stay with her or you just don’t want to be with me. To me, both are the same. If this is the case, I know it will take time to get divorce $$$ together, but I would like it A.S.A.P. That way the lawyers can dictate how much you need to give the kids. Like I said before, I don’t want the Passat. That is going to be too big of a bill for me. And I’m guessing the house is mine because (like I said last month), I figured that was your initial plan. To set me and the kids up, that’s why you had me sign the papers in Dec.

Plan B would also include telling the kids what lead up to this. They are young adults and should be treated like that. Like I said last night, they are very smart. I told you that I would not bad mouth you and again, I say I won’t. But they deserve to know the truth. Maybe we can get through this without them thinking either of us are ‘bad guys’. This has to be as easy as possible on them. We will be ok and eventually just fine.

They have to know they can call you whenever they need to. Bryon helped Casey with her math homework last night, but I know I can’t help Bryon with his.

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Drained, do you believe your H has had other affairs? What about the OW do you think attracted him? Do you know who the OW lives with? Do you know who her parents are?

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I didn't read very closely, but I would recommend that you take out the phrase "I would guess".

I counted 6 instances of the word "guess".

Also, you said "Please, don't come back without making a decision". Get rid of the "please".

Be definite. Decide what you want and ask for it.

-AD

<small>[ February 25, 2005, 03:18 PM: Message edited by: AD ]</small>

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melody, he has told me he has had other A's, but he said something like it wasn't the same as this time. My guess is he means the others may have been meaningless, but this one he thinks he is in love with the girl. i have no idea what he shes in her except that she is a youyng Russian girl. She doesn't have bad knees and back from hard work and being a good softball player on TO BE FUTURE H's team that he coached. She doesn't have a weight issue, though I've gone from 206 to 175 since DDay. She doesn't have psoriasis. Bascially she's new and I'm not. I don't know who the parents are, but I know where she lives.
Ad, thanks for the input

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So's he is old enough to be her father? What does her father think of that?

L.

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I wish I knew. I think they are still in Russia.

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My neighbor and I are heading out to the OW apt to see if my car is there. He says he wanted a weekend alone to think about things. I'm about to find out if he IS alone. He doesn't know I know where she lives. We are probably going out there again tomorrow morning EARLY to see if the car is there then too.

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Ok, for anyone that cares out there, my neighbor and I had a heart attack when we saw my car there at her apt. I know alot of you said he was going to do this. I just wanted to believe he wouldn't do this. We are going back at about 4 in the morning to see if he spends the night tomorrow morning. We got pictures. The worst part of all this is that my son just call him to say goodnight and he (WH) said everything would be ok. That brought my 15yr to tears. I don't even think my son believes that. He went to go sit with my niece. DD of 14 this tues. is taking a bath and I'm a wreak. can't even type well. How do I handle this when he comes home Sun? Remember he said he was going to be by himself to think about us for the weekend. I feel like i got to hide to even type this

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I'm trying to be calm, but it's just so hard. My hands are shaking.My BP was down to 138/90 this afternoon. Which is a big improment from the 155/98 4 days ago. I know I got to be here for my kiks, but holy crap. I sure didn't sign up for this!

I feel like I just got told about the other women all over again.

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BTW, going to watch a movie with my DD to try and make her feel better. I'll check back later.

Please someone respond. Yes, I'm desperate now

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drained, is there some reason you didn't knock on the door and say hello? Why not drop over about 7AM and tap on the door and tell your H hello?

Do you have the keys to your car? I would suggest taking the car home with you. He shouldn't be allowed to use to your car, and leave you and the kids stranded, while he carries on his affair.

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I am really sorry he was there.
Yup.
If I had a key to the car I would just have the neighbor drive me over and I'd take it.
I am sorry you are having an adrenaline rush right now from catching him being up to no good.

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i've thought about taking the car. But I can't afford the 453 a month pqayment. DD is sleeping now,waiting for my DS to come home from bbsitting. I want to go home, but I dont know where home is anymore. I'm a mess, sorry. maybe tomorrow I'll be better

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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by drainedinfl:
<strong> i've thought about taking the car. But I can't afford the 453 a month pqayment. DD is sleeping now,waiting for my DS to come home from bbsitting. I want to go home, but I dont know where home is anymore. I'm a mess, sorry. maybe tomorrow I'll be better </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No not taking the car as in taking over the payments. Taking the car as in moving it to another location.... like your home. You can't be cited for moving your own vehicle. Just say you were in a suspicious neighborhood and thought someone had stolen your vehicle. You came back and decided to bring your vehicle home. After all, the car was where it didn't belong. You could also drop the car off where he was suppose to be. That w/b funny. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Then the WS will wonder how it got there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

L.

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thanks orchid,
I just don't know what to do.these are two of the best kids you would ever meet in your life. I mean it, everyone says it. staight A's great behavior... the whole bit. I hate to take their dad away, though that is what I want to do. It's all just not fair

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drained,

You are not taking their Dad away. He is doing it himself.

-AD

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{{{{DIF}}}}}

Sending a big hug your way from Chicago. Man, it stinks that you had to find your H's car there, although im with whoever else said, take the car. I dont give this A more than 6 months though. 21 Y.O. and 43Y.O.? What the heck are they thinking? I dont remember reading about what plan your in, have you done a good plan A?

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Extending a hug to you to donein!

I would take the car also.

As AD said, you are not taking their dad away, he gets ALL the credit for that one.

The best thing you can give your kids right now is a strong, capable, loving woman. Which you are.

You just stick here with us at MB and we will get you through this.

edited to fix your name, I need glasses I think
psst AD, you got her name wrong too.

<small>[ March 01, 2005, 06:59 AM: Message edited by: weaver ]</small>


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