Hi Mary, Cards, Win-Bin, Confusedwoman,
Caught up on my reading. I confess I became a little fogged this last couple of days. Withdrawls started getting worse again and not better....think hearing everyone's pain in this arena triggered me so I took a little break. I'm much better now. I read SAA by Harley last night and feel much stronger now. You know, it will be 9 weeks of NC this weekend and I tell you, this has been the hardest 9 weeks of my entire life. Just when I think I've kicked it, some memory works it's way back in and I feel sadness, then I feel bad because I put my sweet H through all this. I'm astounded that a 3 month A via e-mail/phone could have such long term, wide-sweeping and painful consequences. That's what A's do though.

It was a lot better at 5 weeks. And, I'm finding I can control my feelings more than I used to by cutting off my thought process sometimes and redirecting. I'm a left brainer too Cards, and logic is a wonderful tool for us, eh? The AD's have been really helpful in giving me more coping skills.

Mary, I still wake up bathed in sweat every night like you. That hasn't gone away. I believe it's my heart and my mind battling each other in my soul. My dreams are more vivid than they have ever been.

But, I'm a whole lot better than I was in January, and better than I was in February. So, I know there is progress - which is why I am writing to you all. These last few weeks especially, I feel married again and want to be here. I'm remembering the great things about my H....I'd conveniently villanized him during my A to justify my actions. He sent me flowers today just because, and it made me smile. I'm more involved with my small children again...I was going through the motions during my A like Mary was with the blocks. Physically there but thinking about other things on the inside.

I distanced from all three of them during the A. At the height of my stupidity, I even accepted my OMM's invitation to run away with him after knowing him all of two months. We were "in-love" and that made it o.k. in our minds. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

So, I know what the addiction feels like. Like Cards, the OM's wife finally pursuaded him to give their marriage a try and it did break my heart, but I thank him now for coming to his senses first. Just like Cards, I wanted more closure and contact, but didn't call. Every day was hard, but not as hard as it was for my H. Every day I gain more pride in myself for choosing the right path (albeit late) and look forward to the place where my husband will forgive me.

Some of you are struggling to let go of OM but hopefully you will choose your H with whole heart. Sounds simplistic I know, but my mantra to myself has been..."Either you are married, or you are not." There isn't room for three in marriage. As nice a guy as my OM was, he was poison not only to my M, but to me. I was obsessed, let my work go, distanced from my true family and spirituality and self-esteem.

So, I'll keep preaching NC and I'm sorry to sound like a broken record. Gotta let him go before it gets better. Then, it gets so much better! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

gentlsoul,

Thanks for writing. Your post helped me tonight. I, too, am AMAZED at the feelings developed in 3 or 4 months. I keep thinking it must be because of the intensity and frequency of the contact - a year's worth in 3 months! Not happy to hear that 9 weeks was worse than 5 weeks for you. Probably many things attributing to that.

I pulled away during my A too. I was on a high the entire time, and only going through the motions of doing the real life stuff. That was a blur, then the first month of withdrawal was an even worse blur.

I don't know where I read this (I've read so much lately), but somewhere it said that low self esteem plays a part in allowing ourselves into this situation. What do you think of that? I've never thought I had low self esteem, I really attribute it more to the needs not being met.

And gentlsoul, I feel guilt that I didn't have the strength to end it when my H found out. I feel weak that it had to take his W and him to end it. I think that fact makes me feel the worst.

You have done great things in focusing back on your H. I have just begun to be able to do that. I sometimes make myself do it even when I don't want to, to push the other thoughts aside. We are in the same boat.

I'm glad you made it through your temporary hardship, that should buoy you further and give us all courage. Thanks!

Hi Cards,
Sorry to scare you ~ I meant that at 5 weeks I started to feel the withdrawls subsize. I definitely feel better at 9 weeks than I did at 5, so don't worry. It's much better!

Yes, I've heard that about self-esteem. In my case it's true, but I don't think it's true for everyone. Have you read "After the Affair" by Janice Abrahams (hyphenated last name that I can't quite remember)? Anyway, the best book I've read. She details a number of reasons affairs happen - a lot of which can center on unmet childhood issues.

You know, guilt is our conscience talking to us and teaching us lessons. I feel guilty that I wasn't the one to end the A, that I was ready to jump ship so hastily, that I hurt everyone around me, that I broke my promise to love/honor/cherise until death do us part...all kinds of things that I am still sorting through. It means I'm listening to my conscience though - a lot of people don't. And if there is any beauty to any of this mess, it is that I am learning some HUGE lessons in self-discovery and what the meaning of true love is.

Before the A, when was the last time you gave thought to the meaning of true love? If you are like me, it was maybe around the mid-20's. I took marriage for granted. By the end of this process, I fully intend to be a better person, to love being married and to take joy in every day I get to spend with my H and kids....and to forgive myself after I've learned everything I can from my mistakes.

Sure, I wish I were the one to have ended the A, I guess 50% of people in a break-up say the same thing. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> We all have weaknesses Cards. Affair-proofing your marriage means learning what those are and protecting yourself from them in the future. Regardless, the end of the A was blessing. I will be stronger in the long run because I'm listening to my guilt and learning exponentially.

You are doing the same thing. Do you realize how far you have come since the start of this thread? You are following a great path and are starting to move on to M recovery. Incredible progress in a short time!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

How are all of you this morning?
(The FWS, the WS and the BS?)

I just read this article about "INTERNET AFFAIRS"
which included quotes by William Harley.

They are in the very same category as regular affairs; even if we PRETEND they are different!

Here is the website; it is worth reading this article.
The author even suggested stopping the Internet for 6 months, if need be.

One thing he said was we often don't know just how addicted we are until we try to STOP. Then the WITHDRAWAL PAIN sets in!

Click here: INTERNET AFFAIRS/ FANTASY ROMANCES!

MARY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Hey ya'll.

I'd like to comment that it's been helpful for me to read your comments as well. I know that my wife went through withdrawls for a longer period than she showed, but that's not something that we talked about much. I think she felt it would be too painful for me to hear, and at the same time, I think she felt that she "shouldn't" be having those feelings. I know better, but I'm not sure that she was able to think it through that well.

I know my wife villanized me during her affair as well. All she let herself see were the negatives...and none of the positives. Some of that was what led me to finally suspect how deep her emotional affair with the OM was.

Again, to maybe give you a little bit of hope in things though ladies, I'd like to share with you what things are like for my wife and I now. We still game together online, but it's a lot different than it used to be. We do things together a lot more, online and off. Tonite we won't be on much...becuase on Thursdays we sit and watch CSI and Without a Trace snuggled up on the couch.

She does still go online during the day, but its not like it used to be either. And I know it. And there is always the keylogger that's still running if I WERE to get worried about anything.

One of the things that I learned about her that I never really had realized before was that she actually loves astronomy. One of her fondest memories of our marriage was a time that we all went to a planetarium. I remember how entranced she was. We've spent several nites this winter outside snuggled together watching meteor showers. This Saturday I'm going to take her to a planetarium show, and some lunch. Without the kids. She doesnt' know WHAT I've got planned...just that I'm doing something small.

Again...just thought I'd post that to let you ladies know that things do get better with time, if you both work at it. I can't speak for your husbands, but I can say that I was GLAD that my wife was honest with me about her missing the OM. It was the dishonesty and hiding of feelings that got us to that point in the first place, so if she was at least admitting to me how she felt, it was a step in the right direction. So maybe, if you feel that your husbands would respond this way too, you could try talking with them about how you're feeling?

This is a bit off the subject but I was wondering is there somewhere on this site that explain the abbreviations? OM, WW, & such??? Thanks & all of you KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK. I'll write more later

CW

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Owl:
<strong> Hey ya'll.

I'd like to comment that it's been helpful for me to read your comments as well. I know that my wife went through withdrawls for a longer period than she showed, but that's not something that we talked about much. I think she felt it would be too painful for me to hear, and at the same time, I think she felt that she "shouldn't" be having those feelings. I know better, but I'm not sure that she was able to think it through that well.

I know my wife villanized me during her affair as well. All she let herself see were the negatives...and none of the positives. Some of that was what led me to finally suspect how deep her emotional affair with the OM was.

Again, to maybe give you a little bit of hope in things though ladies, I'd like to share with you what things are like for my wife and I now. We still game together online, but it's a lot different than it used to be. We do things together a lot more, online and off. Tonite we won't be on much...becuase on Thursdays we sit and watch CSI and Without a Trace snuggled up on the couch.

She does still go online during the day, but its not like it used to be either. And I know it. And there is always the keylogger that's still running if I WERE to get worried about anything.

One of the things that I learned about her that I never really had realized before was that she actually loves astronomy. One of her fondest memories of our marriage was a time that we all went to a planetarium. I remember how entranced she was. We've spent several nites this winter outside snuggled together watching meteor showers. This Saturday I'm going to take her to a planetarium show, and some lunch. Without the kids. She doesnt' know WHAT I've got planned...just that I'm doing something small.

Again...just thought I'd post that to let you ladies know that things do get better with time, if you both work at it. I can't speak for your husbands, but I can say that I was GLAD that my wife was honest with me about her missing the OM. It was the dishonesty and hiding of feelings that got us to that point in the first place, so if she was at least admitting to me how she felt, it was a step in the right direction. So maybe, if you feel that your husbands would respond this way too, you could try talking with them about how you're feeling? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Hi All,

Owl, good to hear from you. Sure needed that positive outlook today. Last couple days have been harder for me. Not sleeping so well which makes everything worse. Gentlsoul & Mary, I did have periods of waking up sweating,too. I just brushed it off to some hormonal thing, but maybe it is the stress coming out.

I was home 2 days with sick daughter this week which gave me too much time to think and ponder. OM was in my mind way too much, taking me backwards I think. I re-read some of my journalizing which brought up the memories, etc. Probably same as happened to you gentlsoul. That messed with my sleep, which makes it harder to be strong & focus, and around & around the cycle goes. So, I'm glad to hear from you all again-what lifesavers you are.

Gentlsoul, I'm going to write your quote down (either I'm married, or I'm not!) and stick it somewhere so I'll see it over and over. And yes, Mary, I agree about the withdrawal from the addiction. I did start to suspect something was going on with me, though, if only one day would pass without contact. I would feel frantic & panicky. That should have been my first clue! Who would have ever thought of it as an addiction?

OWL, I have a question for you regarding the game playing. Since that is how I got involved too, I am fearful that I could get pulled in again. I have begun playing again, and although I've told myself NEVER again will I let myself fall into the "web" of another EA, I'm a little scared. How did you two deal with that issue, and do you think that is something to be concerned about? Also you said to keep being honest with H about missing OM, etc. Were you always receptive to that? I think my H is trying to put it behind him and he's not been as interested in talking about it lately. Do I force him to listen to me and bring up more pain for him? I hate to do that to him.

Thanks everyone!

EITHER I AM MARRIED OR I'M NOT.

That is definitely something to give much thought about.
There is no gray area there, is there?

Good to hear from you OWL (sounds like your marriage is doing GREAT) and you, Cards, have come such a long way!(You have a GOOD question for Owl about the online games.)
Gentlesoul, Owl and Suzette are indeed our inspiration.

I feel very sad for Luv's situation.
Maybe her H needs to realize how it would be if he lost her. Maybe some Plan B.
(She would need advice from someone much wiser than me.)

'Confused', how are things with you?
I think you said your OM has found another lady?
Probably a real-life person and not an Internet friend? Aren't you SO thankful you found this site?

Here is the answer to your question about the abbreviations.
(Originally posted by OneGoing.}
-Alphabetical Order-------------

A = Affair
BF = Biological Father/Boyfriend (based on "context")
BIL = Brother In Law
BM = Biological Mother
BS = Betrayed Spouse... some use FS = Faithful Spouse
BTW = By The Way
CB = Coined By
CP = Custodial Parent
CPS = Child Protective Services
CS = Child Support
CSE = Child Support Enforcement
D-Day = Discovery Day
DCW = Dept. of Child Welfare
DD = Darling Daughter
DH = Divorced Husband or Darling Husband
DS = Darling Son
DV-Day = Divorce Day
DW = Divorced Wife or Dear Wife
EA = Emotional Affair
EMA = Extra-marital Affair
EN = Emotional Needs
EOM = End Of Message
FIL = Father In Law
FOC = Friend Of the Court
FS = Faithful Spouse ("betrayed") some use BS = Betrayed Spouse
G&T = "Give & Take: The Secret to Marital Compatibility"
GAL = Guardian Ad Litem
GF = Girlfriend
GP = Grand Parent(s)
H = Husband
HNHN = "His Needs, Her Needs"
IMO = In My Opinion
IMHO = In My Humble Opinion
IMVHO = In My Very Humble Opinion
LB = Love Bust(er)
LMAO - Laughing My *Rump* Off
LOL = Laughing Out Loud
MB = Marriage Builders
MIL = Mother In Law
MLC = Mid-life Crisis
MM = Married Man
MSOL = Marital Standard Of Living
MW = Married Woman
NCP = Non Custodial Parent
OC = Other Child (S's and OP's)
OM = Other Man
OMW = Other Man's Wife
OP = Other Person
OPS = Other Persons's Spouse
OW = Other Woman
OWH = Other Woman's Husband
PA = Physical Affair
PAS = Parental Alienation Syndrome
POJA = The Policy of Joint Agreement
PTC = Patience, Time and Consistency (CB & NSR... for Plan A to work!)
P.U.S.H. = Pray Until Something Happens (CB & NSR... see Inspire (20))
ROTFLMAO = Rolling On The Floor Laughing My *Rump* Off
S = Spouse
SAA = "Surviving An Affair"
SAHD = Stay At Home Dad
SAHM = Stay At Home Mom
SD = Step Daughter
SIL = Sister In Law
SF = Sexual Fulfillment (in context)
SF = Step Father (in context)
SM = Step Mother
SO = Significant Other
SS = Step Son
STBX = Soon To Be Ex
TDNT = That Do Nothing Thing (CB & NSR/RMA)
W = Wife
WAW = Walk Away Wife
WS = Wayward Spouse ("betrayer")

<small>[ March 10, 2005, 09:57 AM: Message edited by: ItWon'tRainAlways ]</small>

Mary,

You are so helpful & supportive. What a nurturing soul you are, responding to everyone's concerns.

Gentlsoul, I need your help with this one. Did you have to MAKE yourself get re-involved with your life? Did you have to MAKE yourself look forward to things again? I am still stuck in that. We are going on a family vacation in 3 weeks, and I'm having to force myself to start planning for it. Normally I'm the one doing everything, with great anticipation. Is this depression, or is it still withdrawal, or both? Did you feel this way?

Gosh everyone, you say I've come so far, but I don't feel it right now. Two steps forward, one step back? I guess I need to just expect that for a while, right? I will get the book you recommend gentlsoul. Reinforcement over and over and over.

Thank you all.

Cards-

I didn't exactly follow Dr H's plan here completely when I first learned of my wife's EA. Once the choice was made and she didn't get on the plane to go live with OM, we were faced with how to actually talk with each other. We spent that day, and that weekend, being "brutally honest" with each other. Telling each other exactly what we felt, why we felt that way, etc... There was a lot we couldn't agree on at that time, but we decided not to battle over it. But then the withdrawl REALLY set in...and she got really nasty for about 3 weeks. During that time, I plan A'd as best I could, without even knowing what that was at the time. I was always willing to listen to what she had to say, even if it was something I found personally very painful. I just tried to be there for her, since she'd lost the other person she felt had been there for her. So I was pretty receptive, yes. I knew that SHE needed to heal too...and in truth, hadn't started giving much thought to my own healing at the time. I THINK that answers your question?

As far as online gaming, there were a couple of things we had to come to a realization of. One...she had access to the computers, and I had to work all day. There really wasn't much I could do to keep her off, so it made sense to work out a game plan for dealing with it. We really didn't talk about this until after she'd made the choice to reconcile. Two, we needed to understand WHY the affair happened, what led to it, and how could we prevent it again. We got that from MC. Three...she started demonstrating her willingness to reconcile and to make things right before she started to really go back online. And...when we did, we did it in a way that would have made it darn hard for the OM to contact her or I in anyway. (used different servers than we'd played on before)

So, when she first started going back on, it was WITH me. ONLY with me. So that we both felt more comfortable. And, we FINALLY got her to recognize one of her biggest weaknesses that led to the affair...the fact that she never learned what boundaries to draw in opposite sex friendships. No talk about relationships, no complaining about your spouse, marriage, etc...a lot of other things. She never realized how her actions made her appear available to other men. Once we got that worked out, it became a little easier to trust her, especially since the majority of her time online was still spent with me. That, and at first I always knew I could pull log files, keylogger files, etc, and see ANYTHING she did online was a reassurance for me. And honestly, I think that her KNOWING I could do that kept her from slipping up and contacting the OM while she was still missing him. It wasn't until she realized I'd hacked her email account and had SEEN the last email he'd sent her that she FINALLY sent an NC email to him. Up to that point, she'd maintained the ol "but we can still be friends" mantra. She requested I re-install the keylogger a few months ago because of our kids online activity...and her willingness to do that was a huge reassurance to me. It showed me that she's still got nothing to hide.

If I were you, I'd follow some of Dr H's advice...if you're going to go back online, take MAJOR steps to prevent contact with the OM again. Delete your old email account, so he can't send you anything later down the road. Same with any IM systems you used. Put a keylogger on your computer, and let your husband monitor it. Give your husband access to everything...so that he can reassure himself about your trustworthiness, and you know that you can't get away with anything either. It helps to put the OM "out of reach". And...again, look for the warning signs in an opposite sex friendship...talk with a counselor (and your husband) about what's appropriate, and what's not. Just my thoughts.

THANK YOU OWL, for taking the time to respond to me. There's a lot for me to think about in what you wrote. Very interesting to consider exactly what's being read into the messages & writings we send. Probably there are people out there that know exactly what to look for in a conversation in order to start something up. Hhhmmmm. Good food for thought. I really need to go back and think about those early conversations. Actually I never 'bashed' my H at all. Neither of us did that. But there was talk of, 'same old thing' at home. That was probably the first commonality to get it getting.

I will read again your entire response, as I'm sure there is info that will help us.

Thanks again!

Owl has some great advice. For me, sharing everything with my H about what happened (yes, everything) and what I was going through internally was a good outlet for me and an opportunity to connect with my H. I couldn't really open up though until about 3 weeks after NC. I did let him guide me as to what he wanted to hear, because I really didn't want to hurt him. I am blessed with someone who has been very supportive, like Owl. All he has asked is that I'm completely honest. I have found that as the secrets go away, and the A is exposed in the light, the mysterious and alluring qualities die and it becomes what it really was.

BTW, that book is "After the Affair" by Janis A. Spring.

Putting away all the reminders of the A really helped me too. I don't look at the e-mails and the pictures, the momentos and the letters. Haven't for weeks. Stopped checking voice mail first thing in the morning...too many triggers. Staying off the on-line services, except the healthy ones like this, are good for awhile until you feel strong.

Cards, I did have to force myself back into family activities. It isn't unusual to start recovery not quite sure how you feel about your H. The more you involve yourself back in, the better is feels, but really not until the worst of the withdrawls are over. I remember a family vacation I had to take about 13 days after NC. It was a beautiful resort but I was miserable. You should be a lot better in 3 weeks if you stick to NC. Throwing yourself into planning the vacation should be a great tool to combat the withdrawls. Keep diligently forcing yourself to be busy and thinking about other things. Be patient with yourself - it takes time and effort to get through the withdrawls. After that, getting involved with your H and family becomes easier. It pays off, and you have my word on that.

The night sweats, lack of sleep thing - I think it is withdrawl, stress and depression. You know, earlier I mentioned the vicious cycle they play on your mind and body. First the withdrawl puts you in depression, then the depression worsens and then you feel worse about missing the OM, and so it goes. Waking up in the night is a hallmark symptom of depression. I keep saying this, but AD's help you cope. They don't cover up feelings and elevate mood, they help keep your seratonin (sp?) levels up so you can cope better with the stress you are under.

Yep - two steps up, one step back. You are doing it though Cards! Here's a saying I put at my computer to read whenever I felt bad:

"Come grow old with me. The best is yet to be." - Robert Browning. There is still so much undiscovered wonderfulness at home. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks for the list!!! I'll write more when I'm able.

CW


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ItWon'tRainAlways:
<strong> EITHER I AM MARRIED OR I'M NOT.

That is definitely something to give much thought about.
There is no gray area there, is there?

Good to hear from you OWL (sounds like your marriage is doing GREAT) and you, Cards, have come such a long way!(You have a GOOD question for Owl about the online games.)
Gentlesoul, Owl and Suzette are indeed our inspiration.

I feel very sad for Luv's situation.
Maybe her H needs to realize how it would be if he lost her. Maybe some Plan B.
(She would need advice from someone much wiser than me.)

'Confused', how are things with you?
I think you said your OM has found another lady?
Probably a real-life person and not an Internet friend? Aren't you SO thankful you found this site?

Here is the answer to your question about the abbreviations.
(Originally posted by OneGoing.}
-Alphabetical Order-------------

A = Affair
BF = Biological Father/Boyfriend (based on "context")
BIL = Brother In Law
BM = Biological Mother
BS = Betrayed Spouse... some use FS = Faithful Spouse
BTW = By The Way
CB = Coined By
CP = Custodial Parent
CPS = Child Protective Services
CS = Child Support
CSE = Child Support Enforcement
D-Day = Discovery Day
DCW = Dept. of Child Welfare
DD = Darling Daughter
DH = Divorced Husband or Darling Husband
DS = Darling Son
DV-Day = Divorce Day
DW = Divorced Wife or Dear Wife
EA = Emotional Affair
EMA = Extra-marital Affair
EN = Emotional Needs
EOM = End Of Message
FIL = Father In Law
FOC = Friend Of the Court
FS = Faithful Spouse ("betrayed") some use BS = Betrayed Spouse
G&T = "Give & Take: The Secret to Marital Compatibility"
GAL = Guardian Ad Litem
GF = Girlfriend
GP = Grand Parent(s)
H = Husband
HNHN = "His Needs, Her Needs"
IMO = In My Opinion
IMHO = In My Humble Opinion
IMVHO = In My Very Humble Opinion
LB = Love Bust(er)
LMAO - Laughing My *Rump* Off
LOL = Laughing Out Loud
MB = Marriage Builders
MIL = Mother In Law
MLC = Mid-life Crisis
MM = Married Man
MSOL = Marital Standard Of Living
MW = Married Woman
NCP = Non Custodial Parent
OC = Other Child (S's and OP's)
OM = Other Man
OMW = Other Man's Wife
OP = Other Person
OPS = Other Persons's Spouse
OW = Other Woman
OWH = Other Woman's Husband
PA = Physical Affair
PAS = Parental Alienation Syndrome
POJA = The Policy of Joint Agreement
PTC = Patience, Time and Consistency (CB & NSR... for Plan A to work!)
P.U.S.H. = Pray Until Something Happens (CB & NSR... see Inspire (20))
ROTFLMAO = Rolling On The Floor Laughing My *Rump* Off
S = Spouse
SAA = "Surviving An Affair"
SAHD = Stay At Home Dad
SAHM = Stay At Home Mom
SD = Step Daughter
SIL = Sister In Law
SF = Sexual Fulfillment (in context)
SF = Step Father (in context)
SM = Step Mother
SO = Significant Other
SS = Step Son
STBX = Soon To Be Ex
TDNT = That Do Nothing Thing (CB & NSR/RMA)
W = Wife
WAW = Walk Away Wife
WS = Wayward Spouse ("betrayer") </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Hey all,
I'm still catching up on all the posts but wanted to post anyway. I just got back from a business trip and found out hub read all my earlier posts. Which was hard for him I'm sure, but also makes it hard for me to spill my feelings out.

I'm still in withdrawl and missing OM terribly. I haven't talked to him, though I have emailed him. I think H told him not to talk to me, which is good I suppose, but doesn't make me feel any better. H seems to be wanting this all wrapped up and us happily back in love. He jumped on me as soon as I got home. All the pain just came flooding back. I'm just not ready, I keep telling him. I need time for the withdrawl. I guess I need to work on the NC as well.

Glad to see new faces out there, sorry you've been brought here. I will post more replys when I can.

--win

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by win bin:
I have emailed him. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do NOT contact the OM.

This is the height of disrespect for your husband and for your marriage.

There is absolutely no legitimate reason for you to contact OM.

What is your plan for recovery?

Pep

Pep,

I'm working through the withdrawl slowly. H and I just got the his needs book and we will be going through that. Yes, I did contact him. But I realized I shouldn't have. We're just starting on recovery. Have a long way to go.

win

Recovery does not begin until there is NO CONTACT.

You are still having an affair.

I started a new thread especially for you because I care.

Pep

Pep,

I have not had contact or spoken to OM in 10 days. I did email him but he hasn't emailed me back. I know I shouldn't have. I'll ck for your other thread.

-win

Hi guys, Things are looking very bleak over here. They are back in contact, the lies, the justification, the blaming, the fog, it's all back in full force. I am rapidly approaching plan B because I don't think I have to strength to plan A anymore. I'm not sleeping, not eating, and I'm not faking it very well either. I'm just worried about throwing him into her arms and it turning into a PA. I feel this is exactly what he wants. But now it might be time to take care of me.

I'm sorry I don't have the energy or clarity right now to address everyone's posts, but I have been following along.

By best regards to you all.

((((((((Luv2bd))))))))
I'm so sorry that this is happening to you. How very painful. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

It isn't over, not by a longshot. So, please hang in there. I confess I'm so new here that I really am not the best person to be giving advice because I've never had to pry a H away from OW.

You have been smart to Plan A. I think it's time to start exposing, but I'll leave that up to more experienced folks to advise.

I asked for help for you on a separate thread and bumped up your post. I'll say a special prayer for you tonight and will check in with you tomorrow.

Please take care of yourself first and try and get some sleep and nourishing food.