Owl - You have pretty much summed up how my H feels. Yes, I would definately say that my H has lost that "child-like trust" in me, and I suppose that is forever lost.


This is where I differ in how my H feels. I'm not sure why you don't blame your W, or even feel she is not responsible for losing this trust? I know my H feels I'm responsible for the loss of child-like trust. There is no other reason for him to have lost that trust, except for what I did.

We are in the process of planning my parent's 50th anniversary party and that does stir up feelings and thoughts about commitment in marriages. When and if (if we live that long!) we reach our "50th anniv.", there will be thoughts about that I wasn't always "committed". I think about what our kids may say during an event as such.....not realizing what we have been through.

Also, our kids are not aware of the A's and last night our youngest made a statement at dinner. She said that she heard recently that in 80% of all marriages, someone has cheated. I'm not too sure her statistics are accurate, but my H and I just looked at each other and talked about it later.

There will always be "reminders" over the years to come that will make us think of the A's and what has happened in our M that forever affected it. And for myself, when I was in the midst of the A's, I never really thought about the future consequences of my actions. I never looked down the road long term to think that even if I stay with my H, things will forever be changed somehow. It really gives me new meaning to the word "fog" and knowing that I was truly in a "fog" to not realize this.

Just rambling on here with my thoughts.....Hope everyone is having a good day!

Cards - Good to hear that you are still around! We miss hearing from you and do hope that things are going well with you!!

Sys - Thanks for your thoughts as well. I am understanding that this is "normal" for my H now. I have heard that it does take several years to regain that trust again and I can certainly understand that.

I don't blame my wife, because the truth is that 'child like trust' was unrealistic. Let's face it, they say that at least half of all marriages are impacted by infidelity. That means that trust had a 50/50 chance at best...not very realistic, was it?

Again, I meant what I said too about my not being a very trusting person. I grew up on the streets...lived on them for a while. Saw combat when I was 19. Learned a LOT about what people do to each other all the time. So expecting MY life to be any different (better) than anyone else's was pretty silly in retrospect.

On a positive note for you, 2BN. Think about THIS for your 50th Anniversary...yes, you're going to have those thoughts, but you can always do what my wife does...she adds the thought "but OUR love was strong enough to survive that tough time!!". And again, it's true. Your H is still with you...and you're still with him. Says a lot about how you truly feel for each other...many people DON'T make it through something like this.

They do say that you continue to heal from these things...so it's possible that I'll feel more trusting and less cynical about trust in a few months or years...I dunno. I know it's supposed to average about two years to heal from infidelity, so hopefully we'll ALL continue to see improvements.

Even through what I did, I still have absolute trust in my H. I don't know if that's unrealistic of me, but I do. It is sad that he won't probably ever feel that way about me again, but we have survived and are recovering well now. And, as you said about our 50th anniv. (in 31 years!!)...we will be able to say to each other that our love was strong enough to survive through the toughest of times!

Well, its funny because my wife has said the exact same thing about me. And personally, I can't imagine that she'll ever be wrong on that...because I have good boundaries.

Glad that you are doing so well my friend. Its good to hear that there are several of us that have gone through this kind of thing and found ways to recover and rebuild our marriages.

I don't imagine that I will ever be wrong about my H as well. He has very good boundaries in place and even more so after what we have been through.

I will be on vacation for the next 1 1/2 weeks. Hope to see everyone on here when I return! Have a great week or so! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Enjoy your vacation, 2BN!

Well, I just started a post over in the recovery section. Any thoughts from my friends here would be appreciated as well. Thanks guys and girls.

No word from you...how you doing Cards?

Owl

How are you? I do have some things to share, but right now I am unable to do so. I have been continuing to search out answers for myself and have been strangely successful. In some ways I think I needed a break from the forum and it did give me some perspective. I know I'm not being clear, and I will explain soon because I will probably need some help.

I will reply to you on your new thread, Owl.

Hello everyone -
Just popping in real quick today! We returned from our trip last night. I'm still on vacation...at home...for today.

We had a wonderful visit with my family. This trip was so much better for me than the last vacation. I did not have any of the thoughts of the OM as I did on our last vacation! I had those passing thoughts still, but not at all to the degree in which I was struggling previously.

I believe I had mentioned that we were having a surprise 50th anniversary party for my parents when we were there. It all was a success and a wonderful event for my family and my parent's friends. This event was something I thought about and knew would happen when I was still talking to the OM, and I could never imagine how it would have happened should I have left my M for the OM. I thought about it briefly during the event and was soooo very happy to have my H and daughters sitting next to me!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hope everyone is doing well. Seems like this thread is about dead lately!

Cards - I'm glad you are doing well. We do hope to hear more from you soon when you get the chance to.

Welcome back, 2BN.

Glad to hear that the trip went well. I can imagine its feeling pretty good for both you and your husband that you're both making such great progress!

Hey Sys, 2BN, and Cards-

Haven't heard much from any of you all lately...thought I'd shout out and see how everyone is doing?

Hey Owl - I'm still here, just very busy getting caught up at work since I returned from vacation. My H and I are doing well though. I'll try to write more when things get back on track at work.

Hope everyone else is doing well! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi Folks,

Sorry for not being out here much, but man, what can I say? Things are great. Our marriage is better than it has ever been. The recovery seems quite quick and I know it's the real deal. From all I can gather , my W just wasn't going to do anything to give me any false hope until she was sure of "us". Once that happened, it all just cascaded. She opened her heart and let me in.

Wishing you all the best.

Sys-

You have no idea how awesome I think it is to hear that from you!!! You've made the only other person I know who's marriage survived an EQ affair bro!

Things are alright at the Owl's roost too. Worked on the house yesterday, ended up cleaning and rearranging the computer hutches...wife wanted to set hers up like mine and realized that it meant that I wouldn't be able to see her screen from where I was sitting. She (totally on her own) apologized and said she'd change it back...I told her not to worry about it, that I wasn't worried about it at all. She left it, but then when we went to bed she suggested we swap where we're sitting, so that I can see the TV better, and also so that her monitor was still out where everyone could see it. We may do it, but just so I get good TV viewing! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, it looks like everyone that came onto Card's thread has pretty much had a happy ending, with the exception of Bass and Win. I do hope things work out for them the best way possible for their whole family.

Later ya'll.

Sys - It is great to hear how wonderful you and your W are doing!

Owl - Glad things are going well in your household as well.

I probably won't post a whole lot anymore, but will when I need to. Which brings me to my thoughts today....

Last week I had this major crying meltdown and I can't even pinpoint what the emotions were. I was studying my Bible and it just hit me all of a sudden. Anyways, I've been ok since, but still can't figure out my emotions on that day.

Just wondering Owl, if you can relate this to your W at the stage I'm at now. It has been 3 months since the final contact with the OM and really, my thoughts have been ok and not wandering back to the OM. I still at times, think about how I got myself in the big mess I did, but I don't want to dwell on it anymore.

Cards - Still thinking of you and hope you are doing weill!

2BN-

Sounds right on the money with where my wife was at in our situation at the 3 month mark. We were well on the road to recovery, we'd just gotten the final NC between the two of them firmly in place, and she felt like everything was going just exactly like it should be for us.

At that point (and ever since) she's had no desire to dwell on, think about, or really talk much about what happened. To her, it's in the past, and she's completely let it go. In her case at least, I'm sure that a large part of that is the guilt...it's too painful for her to admit even to herself what she'd started, and what that did to us and to me. So her response is to let it go.

I'm not at all surprised that you've reached this point 2BN...sounds like you're right on track with where most FWS's are in things. Glad to hear that you're healing as well.

Owl - Thanks for your thoughts, but I think I wasn't clear with my question.

My question was more related to my emotional episode last week. It had to do with the A, but I can't pinpoint why this happened last week. Did this happen to your W at all after 3 months of the final NC?

I am trying not to dwell on the A, but my H and I still do talk about it most days. It's just that my thoughts aren't ALWAYS there anymore. And when I do have thoughts, they are MUCH different than what they used to be.

I posted this over on the Recovery Board as well.