I have a couple of friends, both single but with children who hang out in the bars atleast on a weekly basis.

They have both made a few comments to me about me not wanting to go to the bars. I guess because I am single, I should be out hooting it up and picking up guys. But I really dislike the bars and can't see anything positive about them.

I thing it is okay if you have relatives in town for a visit, a graduation or some special occasion and want to celebrate with friends. But I would think this would be on a rare basis.

I don't know if my feelings are clouded by the years I worked in bars, or because my dad was an alcoholic, but it makes me kind of sick when 35/40/50ish people are out hanging in the bars like college kids. And the ones with kids and/or partners at home make me really sick.

What is your opinion on this. Do you think it is "prudish" or "uptight" to feel this way?

Are there any of you out there who do frequent bars but have a good life with a happy relationship and kids doing well?

Weaver, I used to work in a couple of bars in London a long time ago. I loved it but people do alter after a few drinks. Alcohol really can bring out the worst in people. In moderation, great fun, but in excess it is just ugly. If you feel you are in control of your drinking habits, then personally I see no harm in going out to bars, particularly if you are with good friends.

Weaver we do go out but we go early have dinner listen to the band for a little bit. It is nice to get out but then again I am still M. I know alot of people who do not drink and at times I drink just water. Yet I like to dance. However I do not like it when people are drunk so I leave early. I think it is good to get out around op.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by weaver:
<strong>

Are there any of you out there who do frequent bars but have a good life with a happy relationship and kids doing well? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">IMHO...anyone over the age of 25...single or not who does this is NOT happy.

I have recently D`d friends and family members who are into the bar scene too. And a few of them started going out to bars in the year preceeding the D. Going out to bars when you are married is a BAD sign....

I went out a couple of times with my newly single friends/family members. The best word I can find to describe the experience is "icky" the bars filled with 30/40/50 year olds...was sad.

And I hear stories about what goes on between the regulars. Think back to jr. high...it`s pretty much thing...who is "dating" who...who is sleeping with who....who got SO drunk they had to get ride from so and so....rumours abound ect....

I don`t know...the bar scene just doesn`t seem very mature...I was kind of surprised to see so many adults behaving like that.

My mother told me early on that a BAR is NOT the place to find good quality eligible people....And I think she was right...and it does not matter how old you are....

You find happy functional people in happy functional places. A bar is not the place for happy functional people.

I don`t think you are uptight or prudish AT ALL. I think you are an adult who acts like an adult <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I don't mind going to bars occasionally. It can be a fun place to hang with a bunch of friends. BUT every week??? With kids at home??? No way. I'd rather be home with my family. I think it's sad that someone would rather be at a bar then with their family and children, it says a lot about that person and its not good.

At my last job I had a boss who hated going home to his wife and 4 boys so he would go out drinking every night. I felt so sorry for those kids. It was discusting, he was a horrible person. And if you didn't go out with him you weren't part of the in-crowd and couldn't get promoted. Oh and the rumor was he was sleeping with one of the accountants. Leaving that company was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

double post

<small>[ March 09, 2005, 08:00 AM: Message edited by: Daisy37 ]</small>

Realtor,

You`re right it does depend on why you are going and who you are going with. If you`re going out with your spouse on occasion to kick up your heels that is one thing...

But if you are a barfly who goes to meet prospective partners that`s NOT good. I think that`s what Weaver is talking about...friends going to bars regularily to meet people...and "hoot" it up.

About once or twice a year I`ll go out. If it is someone`s birthday...or if there is a show H and I want to see we`ll go.

I know a few people who hang out in the bars on a regular basis.

I personally don't get it. I've never really been into going to the bars.....probably because we don't have any here that I would even consider stepping foot in.

I can find TONS of other ways to spend time with friends.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by weaver:
<strong>Do you think it is "prudish" or "uptight" to feel this way?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Absolutely not! (But I'm an old fogge <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> .)

I need to admit that I have spent a LOT of time in bars/night clubs. I lived in a beach town after college and that's where young, single folks socialized. I met my former wife in one. Yep, I was the "local" and she was the "tourist."

After my divorce, this is exactly where I DID NOT GO to browse for potential lady friends. Nope. Too shallow, too superficial, and the very practical reason for me - too smokey.

I do enjoy going out to these places for the occasions you suggested - with friends in a group - or with my SO if we're traveling or want to see some live entertainment. It can still be a hoot.

JMHO
WAT

Moe's tavern. Yuk. Hanging with a bunch of people with whom you only have two things in common ? ( 1. Nothing better to do, 2. Love of alcohol). No thanks.

Great to go with friends, or to go to feel romantically lonely if you're working away for one night or so, but as a LIFE? Nah.

I think the kind of pub has a bit to do with it as well.

We never did do this when the kids were small, but now that they're essentially grown, we have been going out occasionally.

We don't go the "meat markets"...those places with HUGE amplifiers and trance music. All kids whose primary objective is to get hammered and laid.

No, we like it a little quieter, with good wine, a good band and some grown-up dancing.

We arrive together, dance and drink together, and leave together. We both know we're more likely to get laid than any of those college kids <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ March 09, 2005, 08:20 AM: Message edited by: LowOrbit ]</small>

Weaver,

I think that you are refering to the bar "life" or "scene" which is quite distinct from a person or couple who go to a bar/pub/whathaveyou occasionally.

The "scene" is a lifestyle..it is a community. Trust me..they know their own, and avoid the nonsceners. It's like a secret handshake..or an odor. Perhaps the odor of untreated STDs <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

The scene basically is just this..they go out, party, get very drunk, go back to someone elses home/car/backyard..pair off..and [censored].

And that's about it. Repeat until insane.

Not every person who goes to bar should be considered or measured by these elitists <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ..they have it down to an artform..and a very consuming one.

So then..I would say that the "scene" is unhealthy, destructive, shallow, and quite dangerous. It is no less sad for a 20 year old than a 40 year old..to say otherwise makes two assumptions..1 that this lifestyle is viable at all..temporarily and 2 that young people are animals, nothing more, and should never be taken seriously or respected.

It's gross, it's vapid, hollow and meaningless..those who embrace it will find that thier lives become gross, vapid, hollow, and meaningless as well.

No one wants their tombstone to read
"Like, whatever..man"

Noodle

<small>[ March 09, 2005, 08:30 AM: Message edited by: noodle ]</small>

I just LUV reading your posts noodle.

Sorry to TJ....just wanted to say that.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

...........and I'm glad I got it out of my system before HIV showed up!

WAT

This married couple was sitting in a nice bar when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor. The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?"

"Yes" she replies. "He's my ex-husband and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago."

"That's remarkable" the husband replies. "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long."

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
WAT

Just had to comment on this, I work in a bar (tavern)! 4 nights a month I am there and have been doing this on and off since I was 19. So for 20 years (almost 21, do the math), I have taken part in or observed this "alternate lifestyle". I have 2 kids (7 and 14) and have been M for 8 years. It's all in the way you do it, as with anything.

Now I don't have an alcohol problem, I like it and drink it, but am pretty moderate. I see ALOT of drunks, but also alot of unhappy/lonely people that are fairly "normal". Teachers, pharmacists, mechanics - blue or white collar, no color discrimination there- and I have a biology degree.

Some can handle it, some come in once or twice a week, have a few drinks and leave. Others are there EVERY day and cannot seem to find anything else to do. Sometimes I feel sorry for them and others I just think of as throwaways, they don't really care about themselves so there is nothing to do for them.

This particular tavern has always been a kind of Home for Functional Alcoholics. I really like a lot of the people that came in, and some are very intelligent! But I also know who I can count on and who are "real friends".

When I was in college and when my kids were really young, I was almost a teatotaler(sp). I also dated an alcoholic, that turned me off of drinking for awhile.

My friend and I were just discussing this, she has been a waitress/bartender all her life also.
One rule that we have is "don't live too close to where you work". It is too easy to get sucked in if you are not careful!!

jls

<small>[ March 09, 2005, 09:29 AM: Message edited by: jlseagull ]</small>

Hiya weaver <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am a confirmed teetotaler so I rarely,if ever enter a bar.I have been to them before in my 20's but find the whole "scene" and atmosphere boring.

I don't drink primarily for 2 reasons:

-my parents were alcoholics and just the smell turns me off big time.I don't have the palate for it which was too bad since I used to live 30 minutes away from Wine Country(Napa/Sonoma) for 9 years.Oh well.

-And the second biggest reason is that I don't like the effect it has on people or me.People I have seen who had some drinks act stupid and are boisterous(not all mind you) and I just do not care at all to be around people like that.I feel embarrassed for them and I also do not like the idea of being out of control or taken advantage of and I have seen that happen before.I like to be alert and aware at all times,soaking in all emotion and experiences and alcohol dulls them.

I also want to show my daughters that you don't have to fall into that steroetype where you can't be "fun" unless you have a drink with the girls or boys. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Whatever.

Alcohol is at least partly responsible for so many accidents and problems in society today.I just don't want that in my life.I am not saying that is for everyone but it is my choice not to drink or be in places where that appears to be the primary function.

I much more enjoy going out to an expensive restaurant and spending money on great food and desserts!

I wonder if I am the last teetotaler on the planet! LOL I never hear anyone else say this.Am I elitist or just weird? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Who cares.

O

I think the only way I'd go on a reg. basis is on two conditions:

a) dh was with me
b) there was a kickin' band playing

I miss hearing live music on a regular basis, but don't really miss the whole schmaltzy, fake scene.

- Kimmy

Got called away from MB for awhile (this dang job I have) so was very happy to see all the opinions offered. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I needed a reality check from MB because I was starting to feel like a wierdo in my own town for not wanting to be part of the bar scene (which is what I was talking about). I think it is okay to go once in awhile with your spouse or a group though.

In my little tiny town of about 22,000 people we have 12 bars on our little 4 block down town area alone. And many, many more bars around town.

We are a tourist town, and a tourist once told me that if you can't get laid in _________ you can't get laid anywhere! See why I hate to go down to the bars?

Thanks for the laughs everyone.

I like hanging out in bars. I like chatting up the bartenders and other customers. I like that bars are a little disreputable. I like that it's an easy way to meet people. Some of the people you meet are actually decent, interesting, responsible, and worth knowing. But mostly I like going with my friends and going to see bands play.

As for this lifestyle where people get smashed and pair up... I just don't see it much. I guess I avoid that sort of thing without giving it much thought.

Any locale designed for the use of substances is going to attract some of the darker parts of human behavior, no doubt.

GC