One month ago,my H admitted his on-line affire with his old classmate whom he met in his 20 years college reunion last summer. The woman devoiced before and is living in another country. The day he admitted his e-mail affair was also the day he suggested that we should separate for a while. Since before his addmision, I had senced this but he kept denying it and we had similar auguments quite often in the past two months. The first two weeks of D day, I sort of lost myself, weak and helpless. He might not see me like that before, so he kept saying sorry to me. We actually nead each other more physically than before. From the third week on, I felt I gained myself back. I started explain all consequences to him and described the picture of him without me and our two little kids(one 9, the other 6). I think he also started to calm down and became a little more in reality. He started saying that we could not be separated and he never thought to give up on his family. He also told me that his good feeling about his lover given to him:admiration and loving which he felt I did not gave him before. We started seeing couseling and talked about each other's emotional needs. But he was very reluctant to cut off all the contacts with his lover via e-mail. Ten days ago, I added a little pressure to him and asked him to show me the official ending of his e-mail affair, he did very unwillingly wrote an e-mail to her saying that he decided to commit to his family and aske her stopping contacts. The following week, I checked with him each day to see if any more contacts between them, he kept saying none. One week later, one night we both read Marriage Builders one section about honesty in marriage. I told him that I senced his dishonesty and said that could caused our marriage a huge problem later. That night he woke me up and told me that he lied again. She did wrote him more e-mail and started questioned his honesty to her as well plus she pressured him on his decision since she does not like him keeping loving her while he's in his marriage. He told me that he'll write her one last e-mail to let her know his final decision which he'll stay with his family. I knew he enlarged our conflicts and gained her sypamthy and finally her love that way. He actually cheated on both sides. I encouraged him to tell her his true thoughts and not let her to hold this dream and fantacy and be fair to her. The next day when I checked with him, he said he need think over again. I knew he may in that hesitate mood. So I wrtoe her a e-mail to let her know that he never thinks to leave his family and the prograss so far we made. Two days later, He told me he had already sent her the last e-mail. He did not tell me because he did not mention me on the e-mail, instead he used our kids as excuse of not leaving the family(not the love or sentimental attachment to me). I thought his explaination was reasonable. I told him that I also wrote an e-mail to her and showed him my e-mail. He was touched by what I did but the same time he was worrying how miserable she'll be. Since then, he's in very low mood and I tried to be a comforter to him, he'll become very nagetive to me. He asked me how could he's in such a pain. I explained that he's in this withdrawl phase and time will cure his pain. Then he started to critised on me for I talked too much at this time, he'd rather alone. He promised to show me his last e-mail to her, but now he said they are all gone. Becuase it's her idea that they open an e-mail account, both of them use this account just drop draft in the draft box instead of e-mailing each other as sometimes they had e-mail problems outside of the country. After his final e-mai and my e-mail, he checked into this account and found she closed out the account, so he's not able to print out his final e-mail to her for me any more. I am telling myself that I should trust him because there's no reason he would cheat me on this as he told me all the contents of the e-mail unless what he told me was a bit lie again. But he's in such low mood, looks like he's in withdrawl. So I should trust him he had cut off all contacts with her and we just need more time and patient at this time.

Anyone give me your thoughts! I appreciate.