My question is why do we let people come in and get everyone so worked up.

One of two things is happening here. Either this person is here to just stir things up, which he managed to do, or he really is lost. But see we don't know that latter because he won't answer anyone's questions. That to me is the first red flag that say, maybe this person so on the up and up. If someone really wants answers they'll stick through the difficult posts and understand where the BS is coming from.

Pep started a post of pet peeves. Well this is mine. Someone who starts this crap and doesn't stick with their post to answer questions. Why waste the time and energy if they are not willing to help answer the questions and give some more insight?

Foreverhers,

I haven't been posting much lately. Just withdrawing from OMM trying to get my stuff together.

Your post made me cry. I was moved beyond words. It made me think about things I forgot or ignored.

I want to thank you.

NGU

Foreverhers,

I haven't been posting much lately. Just withdrawing from OMM trying to get my stuff together.

Your post made me cry. I was moved beyond words. It made me think about things I forgot or ignored.

I want to thank you.

NGU

Note to self: Go to the MB pet peeve thread and add a post to the effect of not likeing when a "religious" war breaks out here at MB.

Yes MB is a Chriatian based web site but I don't see anywhere in the "rules" that excludes believers in the Judeo-Christian ethic, nonChristians or even atheists for that matter.

At times the believers who quote the Bible come off as being very well meaning and sincere while at other times they really do come off as "its my way or the highway."

Maybe it's just the fact that it is easy to misconstrue the intent over the internet bc the tone of someones message gets lost.

Not sure the reason but the bickering gets tedious.

Mac

Note to self: Go to the MB pet peeve thread and add a post to the effect of not likeing when a "religious" war breaks out here at MB.

Yes MB is a Chriatian based web site but I don't see anywhere in the "rules" that excludes believers in the Judeo-Christian ethic, nonChristians or even atheists for that matter.

At times the believers who quote the Bible come off as being very well meaning and sincere while at other times they really do come off as "its my way or the highway."

Maybe it's just the fact that it is easy to misconstrue the intent over the internet bc the tone of someones message gets lost.

Not sure the reason but the bickering gets tedious.

Mac

For the record, what I said was:

"If you [foreverhers] are suggesting that I condone or approve of what he [SOSM] did, then you are an idiot."

I take a offense at anyone intimating that I am not 100% against As. My A could have destroyed my marriage, my life, my wife's life and my kid's life. I am fully aware of how close we were to the brink. We were truly blessed.

Since I was a WS/OP, I feel like I understand the OP and WS. I wish I could reach out and talk to each one and convince them to change.

When a WS/OP comes here asking for help, they surely have already figured out that "something is wrong." So, there is a great opportunity to do some real ministering.

CWMAC,

I hear you. And this site is for all, as you stated. When I post this concerning Scripture, it is for those who want to hear it and/or anytime I know that I am dealing with a Christian.

As a Christian, I believe as Scripture says that there is only one way. But I do not force it on anyone. If someone who is not a Christian wants to know God's word concerning something, I am ready and willing to share. But for my brothers and sisters in Christ, I will tell them what Scripture says whether they ask or not. Because they do and should know better.

Anyway, the only reason I went that route on this thread was there were some fellow Christians miscontruing what Scripture actually says.

In His arms.

I think Jimmy Mac is getting unfairly bashed here.

What I heard him say was that there are more helpful ways to talk to an OP that don't include threats of shooting or castration.

What I never heard him say was that having an affair was an excusable or good.

Seriously. What good came of joking about castration? The OM left the forum and probably thinks that BSs, as a rule, are nutty people and that's why Waywardlies stray.

Think what might have happend if more people actually tried to get him to understand the destructiveness of his behavior.

OM walks away having learned nothing from the people on MB. And that's sad.

double post!

<small>[ March 15, 2005, 01:07 PM: Message edited by: wiegee ]</small>

I've been on both sides of the fence.
I was the WS in my first marriage, and now the BS in my second.

I discovered MB looking to answers for my pain as a BS, and in the process learned about the pain I had inflicted as a WS.

I don't post much because I don't feel deseving to keep company with some of the fine people I have found here. My few posts have tended to be to WS's, or those on the slippery slope who are so blessed to have found this place before they commited to destroying their families to try to warn them NOT to do what I did to mine.

All I'm trying to say is that if the WS/OP will come here and listen I believe the good people on this wonderful forum can help them stop the damage and destruction they are causing, and learn to re-make themselves so that they will not do it again.

I see the thought and consideration that is afforded the BS here, and it is wonderful. If that same positive energy is given to the WS with the same concern and desire to help them change themselves it simply doubles your ability to do good.

Cruz

Wiegee,

Yes, your point is well taken. Making these "insults" probably would chase someone away. And we shoud refrain from that.

But if I have my timing right, this guy punched out before these comments were made. So, those that remained on this thread made the comments to someone that wasnt responding to helpful posts, and then said "never mind." So, they were just making light of it, since this guy turned out to not be serious either.

But point well taken. And should be taken by all of us.

In His arms.

The post had absolutely nothing nothing nothing to do with asking for help in his original now deleted post about anything....

The OM left the forum and probably thinks that BSs, as a rule, are nutty people and that's why Waywardlies stray.

sure that justifies infidelity....that's a logical conclusion....he's welcome to it...if that's what he comes to...

Think what might have happend if more people actually tried to get him to understand the destructiveness of his behavior.

actually lots of people did do that...but the help he is searching for is how to avoid getting hurt while continueing his affair....that's what he wanted help with.....

don't have too many tips to offer besides perhaps..
DUCK!!!!


I am sick to death of the "don't judge me" attitudes...

don't speak to the truth...
and certainly don't speak the truth to people who don't even value truth...cause they may find those words/sentiments distateful or hurtful or whatever else they don't like to hear about their actions....

and the poster that does that stands to be accused of running them off the boards...

puhleeese....

I for one have never entertained shooting anyone..and I don't know this guy well enough to know if I want to shoot him....he's the one that brought it up..
what I honestly don't understand..and this is an honest honest thought question I had for SSOM..from his first post on....

if the other woman's husband already wants to do him in....(which I sincerely hope he doesn't...)
why would he ask people here to shoot him as well..
isn't one person out there ready to knock a person off...enough???
Or do you really need more than one...

ARK

double

<small>[ March 15, 2005, 01:38 PM: Message edited by: weaver ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't post much because I don't feel deseving to keep company with some of the fine people I have found here. My few posts have tended to be to WS's, or those on the slippery slope who are so blessed to have found this place before they commited to destroying their families to try to warn them NOT to do what I did to mine.

All I'm trying to say is that if the WS/OP will come here and listen I believe the good people on this wonderful forum can help them stop the damage and destruction they are causing, and learn to re-make themselves so that they will not do it again.

I see the thought and consideration that is afforded the BS here, and it is wonderful. If that same positive energy is given to the WS with the same concern and desire to help them change themselves it simply doubles your ability to do good.

Cruz

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In my opinion Cruz you have as much right to be here as anyone. That you feel "you don't deserve to keep company with the fine folks here" is a very telling statement about the way this board is perceived by people who really could use the help here.

I knew that's why you never post but I keep trying to call you out anyway, not only because you need help and support in your current marriage but because you need to heal from your past mistakes. There is great healing in public forum like this, especially for one as sincere as you.

There are also many fine people here who would consider you every bit as fine as themselves and would welcome your wisdom and help in talking to WS's who aren't quite repentent yet.

Oops, sorry, double post, so I will delete this one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ March 15, 2005, 02:40 PM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

[QUOTE]Originally posted by ark^^:
<strong> I am sick to death of the "don't judge me" attitudes...</strong>

Never said that. Why do you think I did?

<strong> don't speak to the truth...
and certainly don't speak the truth to people who don't even value truth...cause they may find those words/sentiments distateful or hurtful or whatever else they don't like to hear about their actions.... </strong>

Again, said no such thing.However, there are ways to tell the truth that are more useful than others.

Some people here are angry and have a right to be. But let's not pretend that lashing out in an angry way at anything that resembles the object of one's anger is going to be helpful.

It seems some here would like to BEAT repentance into SSOM...It doesn't work that way.
Each person has to be personally convicted with a contrite heart....Being self righteous will not help in any way to get SSOM to see the LIGHT.

I believe he is probably still reading this thread since he posted twice. Are you?
Please come back and tell your entire story; if you are married, have children, about the OW, can we help you out of this deep affair fog you are in? Do you want out? Do you worry about OW's safety? Has her H ever threatened suicide?
TELL US YOUR ENTIRE STORY.

I was thinking about the lady (Ashley Smith) that witnessed to the courthouse killer, that took her hostage, in her apartment.

She didn't judge him and call him a MURDERER.
Instead she gave him understanding and compassion. She gave him HOPE in the darkest situation. She told him he may be destined to spread the Word in prison.
She helped him see THE LIGHT, she LED him to repentance and surrender.
SHE MADE HIM PANCAKES WITH REAL BUTTER.
He was OVERWHELMED with her kindness.

Now she showed GENUINE Christian love.
What a wonderful example she is for all of us.

Sincerely, Julie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Blessed Time is correct.

We as Christians can sit on the street corner yelling "repent or die" all day...probably not the most effective way. But at the same time, Ark and others here are trying to say that we do not need to water down the truth. Ashley Smith didnt do that. Yes, she was quiet and loving. But she did tell him the truth. That he would have to give up, that he would have to go to jail. That if he didnt, he would probably be killed. And so on.

SSOM was not a guy that came on here looking for help. That was offered i nthe beginning by many, and he wanted to justify why this WS was the PERFECT woman. Thos that tried to help him tried to show him that this wasnt the case, that he was sincerely wrong on just about everything he posted and that it was time he take a different perspective on what he was doing.

This is tough love. It is where, when you want to sit and justify your sin, that we as Christians have to let you know the truth. And there is really no way to water that down. Sure, say it in love.

Curly17 is just like this, as you can read her posts. But unlike SSOM, I believe that she probably wants to do the right thing, and just has a hard time accepting what she needs to do. She is still justifying...but she still hangs around asking the right questions.

SSOM did no such thing. He wasnt man enough to stand up in what he believes in (adultery), or stand up and figure out what his problem is and take his medicine so he can heal everyone involved.

If you notice on Curly's thread, she is getting "beat up" also. But she should be, because playing "nice-nice" with her only enables her to continue in her fog. Sometimes, you have to go thru the temple and dump some money changing tables and call people "vipers." Jesus did.

So I say to this that we must be careful not to hit every OP that comes on here with a 2x4, but to listen and discern what is needed. Sometimes people need a hug. Sometimes they need a kick in the pants. Knowing the difference in which one they need at the time is what we are talking about here.

In His arms.

I gave a lot of people here someone to take out their frustrations on except I'm not the OM that stole your spouses!!! Oh well, I hope you all feel better now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I don't! Seems the general feeling here is that OM/OW killing is just fine and dandy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Thanks...I think...... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Okay SSOM...good to see you back. Stay awhile please, and engage in a conversation here as we learn about you. And hopefully, you can learn from us.

On your recent post...no one is saying or suggesting that murder is acceptable. No one!! But, what they are saying is that the activities you are engaging in (adultery) lead to this many times.

Think about this. Let's say this woman is, for arguments sake, your PERFECT woman. And let's say you both marry, maybe have a child or two. And then one day after maybe 10 years of marriage, you come home and in your bed with her is your best friend.

How does that make you feel? What emotions well up in you? Do you feel like harming them? Do you feel betrayed? What are those feelings?

My wife is headed to court tomorrow. She is a nurse in a local ER and had to take blood on a drunk driver that killed three members of a family from NJ. It seems that the husband/father had just stepped out of the car to exchange driving duties, when a guy in a 4x4 basically rolled over the top of his little Honda. He wasnt hurt, but his family was instantly killed right in front of him.

Know what happened next? Can you take a guess? that husband pulled that 24 year old out of the cab of his truck and beat him until he had to go to intensive care in the hospital...and if it wasnt for someone coming along, he was seconds away from killing this guy.

Can you understand those feelings? Can you understand why he wanted to kill that guy? Sure, the husband was breaking the law because he had no legal right to beat up/kill this guy. But I dont think he cared much for the law at that point. (By the way, the Commonwealth of Virginia decided not to press charges for the beating)

You are killing the BS's family. You are killing his life, and what he knew to be his wife. If she was the PERFECT woman, you have made her less so now. He says you the same as that guy who rolled over that car with his truck.

So, not condoning this idea of killing or hurting the OP, you should understand that you are playing with fire. And as the Scripture I posted says...you are heaping hot coals in your lap...and you will get burned. That BS could care less about what is legally right. You are destroying his family. And any man would want to defend his family.

I am not angry at you. I know who the OM is in my deal...and yo uare not him. And I am having to come to grips that I am going to have to forgive him (my wife and I are back together). But what I am saying, and many others are saying is...you are taking a big risk here.

Now, please stay and post. We would love to talk and to help. Both with this problem, and with the idea that going after what you have no right to go after, in the end...will only lead to a place in your life that you do not want to go to.

One question before I continue with you...are you a Christian?

In His arms.