I AM the OM...so shoot me!!!!!! - Marriage Builders® Forums

I am the SSOM(sorry stinkin' Other Man)! I know all you BSs hate us but we have feelings too! So here's my story:

Edited by ssom: Never mind!

[ March 14, 2005, 07:31 AM: Message edited by: SSOM ]

people here can not help you in your quest to destroy a marriage and innocent people..

this is not to say that every marriage should be kept together...

but it is to say that no one here can assist you on building anything out of yours and her relationship which is based on lies, chaos, pain and dishonesty and cruelity...

those things hold no honor nor value in this world....

you should go no contact with her..inspite of your feelings...
and learn to act and live noblely
otherwise short precious time is wasted in pain and destruction...

ARK

[ March 14, 2005, 06:52 AM: Message edited by: ark^^ ]

SOS m:
(and yes, you do need some Help)

Perhaps in your mind you are being "sincere" .......however, on this topic and issue YOU Are Sincerely WRONG! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

In addition, Your not going to get the answers you Desire from a Pro-Marriage website.

Yes, you will get some honest and straight "advice"........but its highly unlikely YOU would Ever Follow any of it (Cause it sure isn't going to fit into the "fantasy" world you've created for yourself).

As I've been on more of a positive kick here lately.....I'll stop for now.

I'm sure that there will be plenty to follow that will give you all the "truth" you can handle.

Guess I'll end with this:
Tell your lady friend to get a D First......THEN (& Only Then) start hooking up and actually "dating" any man she is attracted too.
Common Sense when you really think about it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

(Oh right, but when did "sense" and affairs EVER go together <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> ??)

Before I read your post. We all help each other here. You made a mistake so lets work together to help each other through this. Ok now I/m going back to read you post. Don't worry. There are alott of OM & OW here and we get along. Unless your my W's OM then we might have words. Just kidding. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

SSOM - "Thou shalt NOT commit adultery."

No "and's, if's, or but's" about it.

Period.

What part of God's COMMAND is unclear or doesn't apply to YOU?

You found the most beautiful and perfect house, car, horse, whatever. But it belongs to someone else.

You WANT it. You NEED it.

As long as it's what YOU want, the "ends justify the means."

Lemme go off and quietly puke on your imagined wedding cake. Neither you nor the Wayward Wife understands the first thing about the commitment and covenant of MARRIAGE.

Lust? You've got that nailed and call it "soulmate love."

Puppy love.

Maturity? Neither one of you.

Obedience to God? Not for you, you ARE your own god.

Want others here to help you, thereby "justifying" in your mind that what you are trying to do (destroy a marriage and a husband and family) is "okay"?

Not going to happen.

A relationship based upon lies and sin will not prosper, no matter how your "feelings" are lying to you right now.

Covet? You've got that nailed. So where will your covetousness end? Who or what will be next on your list of "YOU DESERVE IT regardless of anything or anyone else?"

Get real. Get a life. Stop being an adolescent child.

Ok, there is no way you can have contact with this woman again. None. She is still married and you should leave it at that. I know now you feel that you need her but If she is willing to leave him for you then what will happen in a few years when you become old hat? Just as I tell my wife it takes two here to betray that man. In case you can't see look at all the pain you are causing. You are destroying there lives. This relationship you have with her is built on lies and deciet. Is that how you want to start out a relationship with a woman? Please think about it. I'm not getting on you, I'm just giving you a clear perspective. I hope you reply. I'll check back later.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />I am the SSOM(sorry stinkin' Other Man)! I know all you BSs hate us but we have feelings too!<hr /></blockquote>Hate's not a good word but you'd probably dislike anything else I had to say even more. We understand you have feelings SO DO WE--and NO!!!!! just because we can see that you are WS are happy together does not mean we will eventually be happy for you.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />I'm in love with the perfect woman.<hr /></blockquote>Perfect women do not have affairs and destroy their loved ones.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />soul mate.<hr /></blockquote>I'll bet she thought that about her husband when they met and fell in love. Oh, she might say differently now...but...

<blockquote>quote:<hr />The love I feel for her is unlike anything I've ever experienced. <hr /></blockquote>We don't doubt that. But we do rather think that a lot of that has to do with the nature of an affair. What you're feeling is not based on 100% truth and light. It's based on darkness and secretiveness and devastation. How can you feel good about your relationship with all that baggage. You know, I don't like being me in this situation sometimes but I sure wouldn't want to be the WS or OP.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />I know that she's the woman I've been searching for my whole life. The problem is that she's married, Of course.<hr /></blockquote>You've been searching for someone who has a history of wreaking havoc and devastation? One who cannot honor her promises or commitment? One who seeks OTHERS to solve her problems rather than getting her own ducks in a row first? That's kinda scary!!

<blockquote>quote:<hr />She is trying to tell her husband that she wants a divorce but when she does, he freaks out and she just puts it off. <hr /></blockquote>Excuses. If she really wanted to be with you, she would. after all, in the perfect fantasy world aren't there places you could run away to? Couldn't you get ROs against the husband? If what's he's saying is true and credible, you should anyway. as long as she still has feelings for you, you're in danger.

I don't htink you're going to find the answeres here you seek, but if you want to stop the madness and are willing to be without her in order to do that, this is the place to be.

SSOM-

I know it feels like she's your soulmate...but she's someone else's wife.

You're not going to get help to *win* her over to your side, but we can help you work through the way you're feeling.

We don't hate OM's and OW's in general, we usually just hate our spouses OM or OW...LOL

Heck, one of my best friends was someone's OW for a while, and she became quite suicidal after breaking it off.

Extra-marital relationships are doomed to failure SSOM because they are built on lies, they are built on another's pain, and that is no basis for any relationship.

Keep posting, there are TONS of OM's/OW's on here that can help you, that understand where you're coming from.

-Caren

[QUOTE]Originally posted by SSOM:

I am the SSOM(sorry stinkin' Other Man)!
1. how well u know urself

[QB] I know all you BSs hate us but we have feelings too!
2. What type of feelings and how do u deal with them PROPERLY and DECENTLY

I'm in love with the perfect woman.
3. Guess u don't know what 'perfect' means. HELLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOO! She's been 'IN LOVE' before...with her HUSBAND! Ask her if there ever was a time when she felt she would be 'SOOOOOOOOOOO LOST' without HIM!

Now here's a question for u to ask urself:

"...if she could leave/divorce one man for me, i wonder if one day in the future I could now be in the same position as that man?"

So you think your darling woman tells the truth?

Let's see. She's lied to her husband. She's lied to God. Hmmmm. What makes you better than the two she took vows with??

Ditch the loser woman. I know you think you love her more than life itself. But my guess is that she's lying to you so that she can get rid of the stress of lying to her husband and to God.

Married women who cheat are liars.

p.s. to RHM - U R TOO NICE!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

[ March 14, 2005, 07:12 AM: Message edited by: alwaysONE ]

All I can say is: "OW had a life "before" you came around and she'll have her life when you are "out"!

I also wanted to mention that I in NO way hate you.

Just think about your actions: What goes around, comes around and do you honestly believe that oyu will ever be able to trust this person for what she is doing???

take care
bb

You are sleeping with someone else's wife......she's not your soulmate!!!!!!! Honestly, would you want to be with this person who can easily cheat on another person that she made a commitment to? Think about it!!!!! She'll do it to you one day too.
Leave her alone and move on....find someone who isn't wearing a wedding band!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hmmm.....

BANG

We are a pro-marriage site, your request is very anti-MB.

Re-state your statement and question, and maybe we can help you. I'll give you an example. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I have made a huge mistake, I have allowed myself to get involved with a MW. Please advise me with a plan of action to completely break all contact with this woman for I can not destroy her family any longer. How do I go about making things right??

Then we can all reply in great MB fashion. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

While I'm at it, I would also like a chocolate producing tree in my backyard. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I sure hope you see the light of day, having an A, is never the right thing to do.

Kyellow4

SSOM,

If she does leave her family for you there will be a period of time when you feel like the luckiest man in the world. Then as your relationship moves from the fantasy stage into the realms of reality little things will start chipping away at your image of her as the "perfect" woman.

As others have pointed out you should already know she isn't perfect because no matter what her rationalization for having an affair with you might be she already has the following list of imperfections...
She is a liar.
She is deceitful.
She keeps secrets from the man she vowed before God to put before of all others.
She is an adulteress.
She is selfish.
She is untrustworthy.

I could go on and on.
The thing is â€“ you already subconsciously know these things, but you are in â€œthe fogâ€ right now so you refuse to see them. As you face the reality of life with her that will slowly change.

Iâ€™m sure that she has told you many bad things about her husband. Sheâ€™s told you how jealous he is and how controlling he is. Iâ€™m sure he has many other faults, but thatâ€™s a usual starting place.

Let me tell you what is likely to happen after youâ€™ve been with her for a whileâ€¦

You will start questioning things she does and says. Because of the way you got together you will have a little button with a question mark on it deep in your brain that you will subconsciously push every time one of these little anomalies comes up. What that little button does each time it is pushed is it places one tiny grain of doubt into your conscious mind. It wonâ€™t bother you much for a while, but eventually that growing little pile of doubt grains will coalesce into suspicion. You will start actively questioning her about your suspicions and she will respond by clamming up and becoming more secretive. She will accuse you of not trusting her and being controlling. She will find somebody who â€œunderstandsâ€ her that she can confide in about her jealous controlling husband.

Do you see a pattern here?

Iâ€™m not saying this to be mean or condescendingâ€¦ Iâ€™m speaking from personal experience SSOM.
I went down the same road you are facing now about eight years ago. I can only wish that I knew about MB then. My life would be much different now.

Cruz

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by SSOM:
 I am the SSOM(sorry stinkin' Other Man)! I know all you BSs hate us but we have feelings too! So here's my story:

Edited by ssom: Never mind! <hr /></blockquote>Your edited before I had a chance to read your 'story' ... so I can only comment on what is left of your original post.

Yes, you have feelings. Who doesn't?

I don't 'hate' you.

I don't respect your decisions. And I do have distain for your poor choices.

Everyone has feelings. Not everyone lives their life selfishly nursing their 'feelings' while destroying their moral /ethical boundaries.

You do. But that's fixable.

Pep

I was once told that if a woman will leave someone to be with you, she will eventually leave you to be with someone else. Pretty simple country logic if you ask me. But there is a lot of truth in that theory. Dont continue to be a fool.

It jusy goes to show you that even cowards have feelings

Mac

Here is the thing guys and gals...

He has changed his original post to "never mind." He isnt responding or clarifying. So? What does that mean?

If he is serious about help or wanting to find his way, then let him speak up. Until then, let this thread die.

There are many FWSs on here that I have a great deal of respect for. I think they made huge mistakes, and have become better people because of it.

But while in the affair, while justifying it...there is no respect for that.

With that being said, this guy...as long as he continues in this affair, as long as he wont face reality, is a coward and a man of no character. No honor. He isnt even trying to defend what he is doing...he just says never mind, and runs away. That is because what he is doing is indefensible.

So, let this thread die now...unless SSOM decides that he really is a man, and decides that he wants honor more than he wants the "perfect" woman.

In His arms.

[ March 14, 2005, 09:26 AM: Message edited by: Mortarman ]

Dear SSOM,

I noticed most everyone that replied to you is a BS and will, naturally, have some strong opinions against the permission that you're asking - particularly, knowing the excrutiating pain that people like you and I have caused them.

I'm a WW (notice not yet a FWW). I didn't get to read your post, but I get the picture with what everyone else has said. Obviously, I don't hate you, as I'm neck-deep in this situation myself. However, I do want to mention something that hopefully will shed some light on your situation ... I, like your lady friend, ventured outside of my M b/c I felt that there was some significant deficiencies in my M ... emotional, physical, financial needs unmet, you name it! I fell head over heels for the OM b/c he seemed to have met my every need and can 'rescue' me from my awful situation. And, frankly, if I wasn't married, he and I would probably have made a great life together.

The reality is this: I AM MARRIED. And, the reason I've not been able to file the D is b/c I do still harbor some (albeit remote) feelings for my H, NOT b/c he puts up a fight. If you think about it, what you say is almost contradictory: If my H actually fought w/ me and made it even more unpleasant for me to be around him, it would make my decision so much easier. I don't even have to see him to file the D papers. Lawyers can do that. With this, I'll bet that your lady-friend is going through one or more of the following: 1) she's not revealed everything about her A to her H 2) she still bears some deep-seated feelings for her H or 3) she's trying to see who - you or her H - is really best for her in the long-run b/c that's what everyone is telling her to do. (Note: I've been through all 3, so I know what it's like to vascillate from 1 second to the other, literally.) Unfortunately, none of these scenarios are very kind to you nor to her H, and she knows it. If she's like me, she's feeling an immense amount of guilt and shame, but she's not willing to give up "the best of both worlds." That's why she's afraid to make a 'wrong' decision one way or the other.

Until your lady-friend decides to file for a D, she can never give wholly to anyone else. I can tell you 1 thing ... that what my OM has seen in the past year is a facade. It's what I WANTED him to see (a perfect woman who has had severe problems with her M) and NOT what is REALLY me. To keep his love, he'll never know that there were some very good times in my M, that I did fall in love with my H years ago. He'll never see the enormous guilt that I bear for lying and hiding what's in my head and heart nor know about the nights I stayed up crying wondering who IS right for me. If she is as wonderful as you say, the fact that she's married and seeing another man is TEARING HER TO PIECES.

So, my advice is this - if you TRULY love her and think that there's a remote chance for you two, leave her be so she can have a clear head to make that very important decision for herself. If she feels that strongly for you, she'll have the strength to file the D and be with you. It's like the saying ... "If you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was."

Note: I asked for NC from my OM nearly 3 weeks ago, and he just couldn't let go because of the very same thing you're saying ... that he loves me. That he thinks I'm the absolute perfect woman for him and that he wants us to live happily ever after. B/c I do care for him and missed him miserably, I caved. Now, I'm starting to resent him for not giving me the time to make my own decisions. Trust me, the last thing you'd want is a wife who realizes half-way through your marriage that she's made a big mistake and either 1) stays with you but resents you for it or 2) leaves you half-way and returns to her ex. Both of these scenarios have played again and again in my head for the last year or so, and it is truly scary.

I know you're probably thinking ... she (this Whisper person) don't know anything about my R. That's not what she's like. Her love is real. The only part that is true is that she probably does care a lot about you. However, if you took the time to think about it, you'll start to see the signs. What you've seen is not reality. It never will be until she makes that decision one way or the other. And, even then, she'll be tormented by self-doubt until she's able to justify it in her own head and mourn the loss of one of you. I know ... like I said, I'm neck-deep in it.

I'm sorry that you have to hear the ugly story, but I'm also certain that these are things she would love to tell you but can't.

Good luck, SSOM. Be strong.

Whisper

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Cruz:

She is a liar.
She is deceitful.
She keeps secrets from the man she vowed before God to put before of all others.
She is an adulteress.
She is selfish.
She is untrustworthy.

<hr /></blockquote>Sounds like great marriage material to me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Just a word to the wise, SSOM, what she does with you, she will do TO YOU. What she is doing to her husband, she will also do to you if given the chance.

SSOM,
Donâ€™t be crazy! No one around here wants to shoot you or anybody else! Castrating you is a possibility however! LMAO! Iâ€™m warning you. The woman around here are tough!

Come on SSOM, donâ€™t offended, thatâ€™s just a little black infidelity humor! So what is it that you want to tell us? What sage advice do you have to offer?

Coach

PS. And by the way, why would you want to sleep with my wife? Iâ€™m still trying to figure out how she found some one to cheat with!

Head or heart?

noodle,

How did I Know that was going to be your Reaction?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

TR,

Since he so graciously offered, I figure I can be mercifull.

Left to my own devices, I'd just shoot off parts randomly to amuse myself..until my hand cramped up..or there was something good on TV. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Noodle

The response to this guy has been appalling. Nothing has been said here that helps him, the WS or the BS.

Perhaps a Bible story might help--

John 8-11:

At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4and said to Jesus, â€œTeacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?â€ They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, â€œIf any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.â€ Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, â€œWoman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?â€

â€œNo one, sir,â€ she said.

â€œThen neither do I condemn you,â€ Jesus declared. â€œGo now and leave your life of sin.â€

[ March 14, 2005, 12:42 PM: Message edited by: Jimmy Mac ]

JM,

I wasn't aware that other people were responsible for the actions of the individual.

So, I suggest that your chicken/egg quandry is unsubstantiated.

Noodle

JimmyMac - I, for one, have no idea whether SSOM or the WW involved with him are Christians or not.

Regardless, your indignation is misplaced, as is your use of Scripture.

The OPERATIVE part of the passage you quoted is NOT that all men are "sinners," it is this: "â€œThen neither do I condemn you,â€ Jesus declared. â€œGo now and leave your life of sin.â€ The behavior was called "Sin" by Jesus Christ and the perpetrator was commanded to "Quit Sinning" and follow God's commands.

Political correctness aside, you seem to be afraid to call a "sin" a "sin." You are NOT judging someone when what you are pointing out is God's CLEAR position about their sinful choices and behavior, so don't confuse this with erroneous applications of the "do not judge" admonition.

You potentially do far more harm by NOT confronting such actions than you would ever do by stating categorically that it is WRONG.

Just my humble opinion, so feel to disagree.

pssssssssst! hey, y'all...

I think he's gone. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Susan <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

The response to this guy has been appalling. Nothing has been said here that helps him, the WS or the BS.

did you read the oringinal post...

ARK

I am reminded of a quote by Emerson:

"What you are shouts so loudly in my ears I cannot hear what you say."

SSOM never came to this forum to find out any answers, he came to fight the world. He came to scream and rant against that which keeps him most happy; the reality that what he is doing is not "right", but merely pleasurable, for doing "right" is not always pleasurable.

"You cannot break the law. You can only break yourself against the law."
-Cecille B. Demille The Ten Commandments

Well, I deleted my post because I realize that I'm at the wrong place. Maybe I should be talking to the police as I fear my life is in danger. I deleted my post but I had said that he told her that if she leaves him to be with me, he'll kill me. I have to also fear for her safety if he gets too drunk and loses control. Not all marriages are worth saving!!!

Well, you did say, "shoot me."

Recommend you stay away from the married folks if you fear for your life now. Let this be a cheap lesson.

Have you learned anything?

I missed your original post.

So would you say you're rescuing this woman from a homicidal drunk?

GC

Well, you did say, "shoot me."

Recommend you stay away from the married folks if you fear for your life now. Let this be a cheap lesson.

Have you learned anything?

SSOM,

I agree with you. Not all marriages are worth saving.

No affairs are worth saving ever.

So, while her marriage may not be...her affair with you definitely is not.

If you worried for her life as sincerely as you claim, you would not endanger her further by creating an environment likely to cause an already impulse control lacking man to harm her.

Her marriage, and her divorce, are none of your business.

So pull up your pants, quit looking for support and end this affair. Nothing to be gained but pain. For you, for her.

Noodle

<blockquote>quote:<hr />The response to this guy has been appalling. Nothing has been said here that helps him, the WS or the BS. <hr /></blockquote>Actually I thought mine was OK.

But to your point:
Haven't found many OP looking to help the BS or even the WS.

Just look at the guy's last post.
Its all about his safty, his life, his needs....ME, Me, me!

Indeed, that is the fuel that drives an A...selfishness.

But mr. sos, if it makes you feel any better keep in mind that most BS "say" a lot of very emotional things.......yet End up carrying through with very Few.

Look at all the posters here who've "wanted" to kill the OP, yet haven't had one actually DO It yet.
(At least none that have confessed). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Learn this lesson well,
cause if you weren't banging this guys wife I'm 99.99999% sure he would never be threatening YOU at all.
When you interject yourself into someone else's situation......you can't always know the outcome.
Hope you've learned your lesson and will guard yourself better in the future.

[ March 14, 2005, 03:14 PM: Message edited by: top rope ]

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by SSOM:
 Well, I deleted my post because I realize that I'm at the wrong place. Maybe I should be talking to the police as I fear my life is in danger. I deleted my post but I had said that he told her that if she leaves him to be with me, he'll kill me. I have to also fear for her safety if he gets too drunk and loses control. Not all marriages are worth saving!!! <hr /></blockquote>You deleted your post before I could read it, but I still have to question your logic. Did you not realize that affairs often lead to violent retaliation by the betrayed?? Do you not live at all on Planet Earth?? You cannot poke a snake and then claim that you did nothing to deserve being bit.

You may "feel" righteous in trying to "save" a bad marriage, but again you are only feeling and not thinking. I fully realize that what I tell you is not worth my effort, for man tends to do what he wants to and not what he should. So in the end you will do what you wish and you and others shall feel the consequences of your actions.

Foreverhers:

Get off your friggin' high horse (and turn off your bold key). If you are suggesting that I condone or approve of what he did, then you are an idiot.

As to the Bible verse, the point of the verse is for people to show charity to the guy rather than to use the guy for a punching bag.

We should try to help the guy. ("Help" in the sense of getting him out of the A.)

Standing on a corner and shouting "sinner" rarely improves anything but the selective deafness of the target.

[ March 14, 2005, 03:25 PM: Message edited by: Jimmy Mac ]

he told her that if she leaves him to be with me, he'll kill me.

How unreasonable of him.

Yep, what nerve. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by SSOM:
 Well, I deleted my post because I realize that I'm at the wrong place. Maybe I should be talking to the police as I fear my life is in danger.<hr /></blockquote>In some countries (probably some places here too), if you were to go to the police and tell them you fear for your life because you were bonking some's wife, they would laugh at you and tell you to stop/don't get caught.

And in some countries, if you did get caught, they would question the husband for about 5 minutes and then let him go.

[ March 14, 2005, 04:50 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]

"Maybe I should be talking to the police as I fear my life is in danger."

IMHO you should be talking to God because your soul is in danger.

ssom,
You have disappeared so you may or may not see this, but I thought I'd post it.

You could very well be in danger. Most BS don't take to kindly to OM having sex with their wives.

Normally I am a fairly calm person who thinks before he acts. Do I get angry sure, but usually it'd be in control/stuffed away.

When I found out that my wife had a "friend", I experienced something completely new for me. It was complete and total rage. There was a period of time that I was somewhat out of control. Had the OM interferred with my family or gotten in my face about his love for my wife, I really don't know what might have happened. Luckickly he was a complete coward and instead of "sweeping my wife of her feet" he went and hid behind his wife.

It is difficult for a WS or OP to understand this rage. Combine depression with complete and utter shame and you have an exposive mix. Throw in the alcohol and you might as well be juggling nitroglycerine.

If I were you (and I say this for your protection) I would lay very low. If I were you, I'd end the affair. Tell his wife that you have no intention of breaking up this family.

If the H is abusive there are other ways of dealing with it. As a matter of fact if I had a female friend who confided in me that she was in an abusive relationship, I think the very last thought on my mind would be to hook up with her. Now that is crazy.

Mac

Hay CW, maybe this guy should get out of town and take a cruise! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And I still like the castration idea. Murder a member and save a life!
Coach

Now Now!
We are all adults here, an intelligence above all other species on this planet so were told! So why is it then when it comes to our spouses whether they are male betrayed or female betrayed that we would kill for our spouse who did this?
Ever think about it?
I have, and I am glad I did not catch them two together because me and that guy named BABA in prison where I would end up, would not get along to well!

SM

Does this guy sound like the OM in anyone else's sitch out there? Does for me (other than the part about me being homicidal and a drunk) - weird.

SSOM,

Move on with your life. There are no genuine soulmates.

The reality is that it is possible to fall in love with many people. Your perfect woman has. A lot of people do...as evidenced by this country's divorce rate, infidelity rate and most other stats.

There are several mates out there for you. Leave this one alone. If not for her sake or her kids' sake (it is clear you do not care about the BS), then do it for yourself.

This may sound strange...but have you ever considered that YOU deserve better than what this WW is giving you?

You asked her to leave the OM - she hasn't. You have your answer on what to do.

MOVE ON!

<blockquote>quote:<hr />The response to this guy has been appalling. Nothing has been said here that helps him, the WS or the BS.

Perhaps a Bible story might help--

John 8-11:

At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4and said to Jesus, â€œTeacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?â€ They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, â€œIf any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.â€ Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, â€œWoman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?â€

â€œNo one, sir,â€ she said.

â€œThen neither do I condemn you,â€ Jesus declared. â€œGo now and leave your life of sin.â€

[ March 14, 2005, 12:42 PM: Message edited by: Jimmy Mac ]

--------------------
FWS
Married: 1976 AS: 1991
D-Day: 1992 AE: 1993
Still married.
<hr /></blockquote> <blockquote>quote:<hr />Foreverhers:

Get off your friggin' high horse (and turn off your bold key). If you are suggesting that I condone or approve of what he did, then you are an idiot.

As to the Bible verse, the point of the verse is for people to show charity to the guy rather than to use the guy for a punching bag.

We should try to help the guy. ("Help" in the sense of getting him out of the A.)

Standing on a corner and shouting "sinner" rarely improves anything but the selective deafness of the target. <hr /></blockquote>Jimmy Mac - Have it your way son. I'm an idiot who stands on God's word. You, on the other hand, are a sane and rational individual who stands and acts on his emotions. High Horse? Perhaps, as long as it is God's horse that I am astride I have no fear of what others may think.

You, on the other hand, have no problem telling everyone else what you think of them and what you think is "help," The response to this guy has been appalling. Nothing has been said here that helps him, the WS or the BS.

Yes, it's appalling to tell someone that ADULTERY is wrong....PERIOD. Yes, it's appalling to tell someone to STOP SINNING immediately, just as Jesus did in the passage you sought to use as justification for your diatribe against the responsdents and in "support of" the OM (SSOM) seeking help with how to end his Adulteress' marriage.

Yes, Jimmy Mac, what we said has NO value in helping the WS or the BS....as in "OM, butt out of their lives and let them work on their marriage or divorce BEFORE YOU stick it to a married woman simply because you WANT her!"

Jimmy Mac, you see NO value to the WS or BS in telling the OM to stop and go No Contact immediately so that the MARRIED couple can try to work on their marriage instead of seeking to get perceived or real needs met OUTSIDE of a marriage.

In short, you seem to see NO VALUE in Marriage Builders tenets, much less Scriptural tenets to "Go immediately and LEAVE your life of sin."

No, you'd rather NOT call "sin" a "sin" because it "might offend" someone.

Tell me, Jimmy Mac, if he were screwing YOUR wife in this scenario, would you be so seeming magnanimous to him and opposed to those who are saying "Do the right thing, and do it NOW!"?

No, here comes the "soulmate" argument. Here comes the argument that God is the author of sin because "God must have brought them together because they are so perfect together and the BS is on total monumental jerk who doesn't 'deserve' his 'perfect and morally superior' wife."

Jimmy Mac, I'm sorry if this offends you, but I am really tired of people making excuses for others incredibly poor choices. If you follow Christ, then be "bold enough" to stand up for what Christ died for, for you, and be man enough to call a "sin a sin" even if the whole world were to hate you in response.

If this SSOM wants to "get approval" from like minded Other Men and Other Women, he can go to one of the other sites (no, I won't even mention them to him) to get plenty of similar minded warped support for the destruction of marriages.

But here, we BUILD Marriages whereever and whenever possible. We use divorce as the LAST option, not the first.

The Betrayed Spouse "threatened to kill him." Oh my! If he came into my house threatening to kill me, my wife, or my children, I would have no problem with blowing him away either. That is essentially what he is doing to their "one flesh" marriage. That sort of statement from a Betrayed Spouse is NORMAL. A Wayward Spouse, much less a Other Man, cannot understand the depth of the devastatation that THEIR betrayal on him has wrought. You, as a former WS yourself, probably don't understand either, beyond possibly the intellectual level gained from your participation here on MB. But ALL BS's know it down to their core. WE understand the agony of the betrayal of adultery that Christ felt as he sweat drops of blood.

So, if you want to lecture us on being "idiots" and "appalling" and having "nothing helpful to the BS or WS" to say, then have at it under your right to free speech.

As for me, I'd suggest we put our two positions to a poll and let the folks outside of our sparring match decide the issue.

Yes, Jimmy Mac, even I get angry about support for sin.

And yes, Jimmy Mac, this post is a sin on my part perhaps, because I'm not sure if this is "gentle correction" or too heavy-handed. Call it "righteous anger" on my part and I hope I haven't stepped over the line in response. I guess I'll let God decide and let the other members sort it out and include that in their decision poll.

"Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone."

How is your throwing arm feeling Brother SIN-FREE ForeverHers?

From Jake (a sinner) whether it is my sins of commission or my sins of omission (things I should do that I don't do) I still DAILY sin but praise the Lord, I am saved by GRACE!
(Are you saying one sin (adultery) is worse in God's sight that another sin?)

Your TIRADE against JimmyMac has lost much of my respect for you!

OUTSTANDING POST, ForeverHers! Thank you so much for your eloquence.

Zipp, I think you misunderstand the scripture. If we all had to be "sin-free" to judge right from wrong, then we would be in pretty bad shape as a society. Our prisons are full of such folks. We don't have to be "sin-free" to call a sin a sin.

Zippidy doo dah - probably just as much respect as you lost for Jesus Christ when he angrily "cleared the temple" of those disguising their sinful behavior as "good for others." It's called "righteous anger."

So let's see, calling someone an "idiot" garners your support but responding to that garners your lack of respect.

I'll live with it.

I'm not perfect, never claimed to be. I am sorry if what I had to say directly to Jimmy Mac offended you. As I said in my post, probably a poor sinful choice on my part to respond, or to respond as "forcefully" as I did. God can judge and I will seek His forgiveness if I overstepped the bounds.

How quickly we jump to "object" to a simple declarative of "Obey God."

<blockquote>quote:<hr />From Jake (a sinner) whether it is my sins of commission or my sins of omission (things I should do that I don't do) I still DAILY sin but praise the Lord, I am saved by GRACE!
(Are you saying one sin (adultery) is worse in God's sight that another sin?)

Your TIRADE against JimmyMac has lost much of my respect for you! <hr /></blockquote>No, Zippidy doo dah, I am NOT saying one sin is worse in God's sight than another sin. All sin is anathema to God. But some sins ARE worse than other in God's sight. Adultery is a sin against one's own body and is specifically warned against. Many specific types of sins are listed as "those who practice them and are unrepentant will NOT be in heaven." ONE sin is listed as "unforgiveable." So, yes, God does "rank" some sins, if you will. That's not the same thing as implying that ANY sin is "okay" with God. NO sin is Okay with God, beginning with the covetousness and pride and disobedience that were embodied in the choice to eat the forbidden fruit in the Garden of Eden. It is WHY Christ's sacrifice was needed and WHY God's grace is so important, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God."

Lastly, though it's no excuse in and of itself, after almost three years of participating and posting on the system and seeing and hearing the same things over and over and over again, I AM getting tired of "repeating myself." It's one of the reasons why I am working at weaning myself off the system and leaving the commenting and helping to others.

So tell me, finally, how much respect did you lose for Paul when he forcefully "took on" Peter's misapplication of Jesus's commands and who the Good News was intended for and how those "new Christians" should "behave" according to Jewish law and tradition?

It ultimately took Jesus bringing a dream to Peter to teach him further the truth about how the Gospel was to be applied to everyone. Was Peter right and Paul and Jesus wrong? Or is the "Process of Sanctification" a lifelong learning process?

Regardless, "spats" among believers are distasteful. You have my apology for having offended you and I would seek your forgiveness as you HAVE perceived it as an offense against you.

God bless.

After re-reading the posts, I have to agree that there was some good advice given to the guy early-on. At some point, the posts became cathartic and destructive.

The BSs on this board are in a lot of pain, and they tend to transfer their anger to any WS or OP that wanders in. The unfortunate result is that many WSs or OPs are scared off. It seems that what we want to do is help these people. The best for them is for them to abandon the A.

There are several simple, logical reasons for OPs and WSs to end the A. If the OP or WS listens, then I'm confident that OP or WS can be persuaded to change.

However, suggesting castration, dismemberment, and eternal damnation will not engage a WS or OP in rational discussions. Listening and understanding (which is not the same as agreeing) is the best approach to changing a person.

As to Foreverhers, all I can suggest is for him to get out in the community (as I have) and work with sinners. You'll learn more quickly what works and what doesn't.

Jimmy Mac - your judgment is appreciated.

Have no fear, your wish will be granted.

One idiot signing off.

Yep....your lead should be followed.

zippiditydoodah...

did you read the part in jimmymacs post where he calls someone an idiot...??

did you get that part...

is that nice??
I don't think so...

and words like immature...towards ssom...fit...and are pretty much not so judgements as facts...

it is immature as adults to engage in affairs and believe that the chaos and pain is justifiable because it feels good.......
does saying that make me more or less of sinner...don't think so...don't even see the correlation....

but I believe that opinion of mine is true...and if that's called judging....then I stand convicted....
and proud that I won't whitewash the reality of some of these horrific actions....

I hope SSOM deals with this issue logically and safely..
that he stops contact if it in anyway puts him or others in danger...

but he was pretty clear how goooooood it feels...
so it may just as important that he buys a bullet proof vest...and learns how to shoot first..

he wasn't here to stop the affair...
he want's help in villianizing the husband so he will quit giving him so much flack for having an affair with his wife...

he's welcome any time to post more and change that tune he came here singing..and i pray he does....

He doesn't hide from 'mean judging' posts...he hides from the TRUTH of his actions and the reality of potential consequences....

as if the posters response to babble is worse than the actions and reality of an affair...

the big missing piece of information from ssom posts...is how many children are the real potential casualities....

ARK

You know, the sparring match this guy started is probably not helping anyone. I mentioned before that this guy got on here for justification, not help. With that being said, let's not let him drag us and what we are all trying to do here...down, okay?

I did want to offer a (hopefully helpful) correction to those that that have misinterpreted some of these passages that have been mentioned.

1. The "He who is without sin cast..." passage is one of the most misunderstood passages in the Bible. First of all, here is what that passage is NOT saying. It is not saying that we should not render judgment unless we are sinless. How do I know this? Because in the succeeding passages, and in other parts of Scripture, Christians are told to judge and told how to judge. So, the Lord cant be saying dont judge in one part, and then telling us HOW TO judge in another.

If you read that passage, it is talking about hypocritical judgment. If I was guilty of adultery, I have NO RIGHT judging someone else in adultery. But, if I am not guilty of THAT SIN, then of course, I have the right (and the duty as a Christian) to judge that sin and to help turn that person away from it. What did Jesus, in that passage, write in the sand that made everyone there go home. Well, He wrote the names "Betty," "Suzy," etc. What He was writing was the names of the women that those men there had committed adultery with. How do I know that is what He wrote? Because those men were ready to stone this adulteress. She had been caught in adultery. And if you are caught, if it can be proven, then capital punishment was ordered. So, what Jesus did was show them that He knew what they had been up to. That He could prove they also were guilty of adultery. Thus, since He knew and could prove it...after they stoned this woman, they would have had to step in and be stoned themselves. And so, as it is written, they all left. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Now, a question arises here? The woman was caught in adultery...caught in the act? So, since Jesus had not committed that sin, why did He let her go, why did He find no fault in her? Remember, to excuse sin or to sweep it under the rug is sinning. So, of course, Jesus was not capable of that. So, why did He find no fault in her? It is because of what the law said. The law stated that any person found in adultery was to be put to death. <blockquote>quote:<hr />Lev 20:10 And the man that committeth adultery with [another] man's wife, [even he] that committeth adultery with his neighbour's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress shall surely be put to death.<hr /></blockquote>The passage says that the woman was CAUGHT in adultery. So, my question (and Jesus' question at the time) is...where is the man she was caught with? Why was he not there? Because her accusers were gone, and because there was no man there to be stoned also...Jesus thus found no fault. No witnesses...and no justice if she were to be stoned without the guy being stoned. If God were not just, He would be unholy.

2. In talking about the passage about Christians judging, most people get this one completely wrong. They usually read: <blockquote>quote:<hr />Matthew 7:1 "Judge not, that you be not judged. 2 For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you. 3 And why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye, but do not consider the plank in your own eye? 4 Or how can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove the speck from your eye'; and look, a plank is in your own eye? 5 Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye. <hr /></blockquote>. And so, many would say "see, we shouldn't judge because we are not sinless. Oh really?? Hmmmmmm?!?!? The unfortunate thing is that too many Christians selectively read the Bible, instead of taking it in its entirety. So, let's check further into this. <blockquote>quote:<hr />Don't you know that someday we Christians are going to judge the world? And since you are going to judge the world, can't you decide these little things among yourselves? 3 Don't you realize that we Christians will judge angels? So you should surely be able to resolve ordinary disagreements here on earth. <hr /></blockquote>What all of this means is that God expects us to judge not hypocritically, but in the ways that He has outlined. And other passages in Matthew and in Hebrews talk of the way that is done.

So, please do not hold onto the falshood that Christians should not judge. Christians, when following the direction of the Holy Spirit and using Scripture as their guide, are the BEST judges.

3. Last thing here. On the idea that this guy is scared that the BS is going to hurt/kill him. Well, he should be scared. Even Scripture warns against this... <blockquote>quote:<hr />24 These commands and this teaching will keep you from the immoral woman, from the smooth tongue of an adulterous woman. 25 Don't lust for her beauty. Don't let her coyness seduce you. 26 For a prostitute will bring you to poverty, and sleeping with another man's wife may cost you your very life. 27 Can a man scoop fire into his lap and not be burned? 28 Can he walk on hot coals and not blister his feet? 29 So it is with the man who sleeps with another man's wife. He who embraces her will not go unpunished.
30 Excuses might be found for a thief who steals because he is starving. 31 But if he is caught, he will be fined seven times as much as he stole, even if it means selling everything in his house to pay it back.
32 But the man who commits adultery is an utter fool, for he destroys his own soul. 33 Wounds and constant disgrace are his lot. His shame will never be erased. 34 For the woman's husband will be furious in his jealousy, and he will have no mercy in his day of vengeance. 35 There is no compensation or bribe that will satisfy him. <hr /></blockquote>. Enough said. I often wonder what the OM with my wife was thinking. Here was a soldier off at war, that would come back and find out what was going on. Probably not the smartest thing he ever did. And if it were not for the restraining of my soul by my Lord...well, let's just say this guy wasnt very smart.

So, let's not give this guy another thought, unless he returns for real help. And real help is first getting him to recognize that he is absolutely wrong, that there is nothing right about his thinking or his actions. Without that, then he might as well go to GloryB and hang out with the others who justify their adultery.

In the military, at the points where we brought our wounded, the medics had to triage them. They had limited supplies and limited hands. So, they would decide who was worth working on, who they could possibly help save, and then concentrated on them. Same here. If this guy is serious about getting help, then we will help. If he isnt, then he is a lost cause, and we are better off expending our resources on those that can be saved and want to be saved from the mess they are in.

In His arms.

[ March 15, 2005, 11:04 AM: Message edited by: Mortarman ]

When I spoke the the OW following dday, she asked me why I would want my FWH to stay with me. First, I set her straight, he stayed with me because he wanted to. I made it clear that I had never asked him to stay, and then I asked her why she would want to try and build a life and a future for herself and her children with my H.

I asked her what made her think that if he was unfaithful to me, why did she think that he wouldn't someday be unfaithful to her.

She couldn't answer.

Sometimes when the going gets tough, the less than tough cheat. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Mortarman what a magnificent post.

FH, don;t give up MB. We need you.

Foreverhers,

I haven't been posting much lately. Just withdrawing from OMM trying to get my stuff together.

Your post made me cry. I was moved beyond words. It made me think about things I forgot or ignored.

I want to thank you.

NGU

My question is why do we let people come in and get everyone so worked up.

One of two things is happening here. Either this person is here to just stir things up, which he managed to do, or he really is lost. But see we don't know that latter because he won't answer anyone's questions. That to me is the first red flag that say, maybe this person so on the up and up. If someone really wants answers they'll stick through the difficult posts and understand where the BS is coming from.

Pep started a post of pet peeves. Well this is mine. Someone who starts this crap and doesn't stick with their post to answer questions. Why waste the time and energy if they are not willing to help answer the questions and give some more insight?

Foreverhers,

I haven't been posting much lately. Just withdrawing from OMM trying to get my stuff together.

Your post made me cry. I was moved beyond words. It made me think about things I forgot or ignored.

I want to thank you.

NGU

Note to self: Go to the MB pet peeve thread and add a post to the effect of not likeing when a "religious" war breaks out here at MB.

Yes MB is a Chriatian based web site but I don't see anywhere in the "rules" that excludes believers in the Judeo-Christian ethic, nonChristians or even atheists for that matter.

At times the believers who quote the Bible come off as being very well meaning and sincere while at other times they really do come off as "its my way or the highway."

Maybe it's just the fact that it is easy to misconstrue the intent over the internet bc the tone of someones message gets lost.

Not sure the reason but the bickering gets tedious.

Mac

For the record, what I said was:

"If you [foreverhers] are suggesting that I condone or approve of what he [SOSM] did, then you are an idiot."

I take a offense at anyone intimating that I am not 100% against As. My A could have destroyed my marriage, my life, my wife's life and my kid's life. I am fully aware of how close we were to the brink. We were truly blessed.

Since I was a WS/OP, I feel like I understand the OP and WS. I wish I could reach out and talk to each one and convince them to change.

When a WS/OP comes here asking for help, they surely have already figured out that "something is wrong." So, there is a great opportunity to do some real ministering.

CWMAC,

I hear you. And this site is for all, as you stated. When I post this concerning Scripture, it is for those who want to hear it and/or anytime I know that I am dealing with a Christian.

As a Christian, I believe as Scripture says that there is only one way. But I do not force it on anyone. If someone who is not a Christian wants to know God's word concerning something, I am ready and willing to share. But for my brothers and sisters in Christ, I will tell them what Scripture says whether they ask or not. Because they do and should know better.

Anyway, the only reason I went that route on this thread was there were some fellow Christians miscontruing what Scripture actually says.

In His arms.

I think Jimmy Mac is getting unfairly bashed here.

What I heard him say was that there are more helpful ways to talk to an OP that don't include threats of shooting or castration.

What I never heard him say was that having an affair was an excusable or good.

Seriously. What good came of joking about castration? The OM left the forum and probably thinks that BSs, as a rule, are nutty people and that's why Waywardlies stray.

Think what might have happend if more people actually tried to get him to understand the destructiveness of his behavior.

OM walks away having learned nothing from the people on MB. And that's sad.

double post!

[ March 15, 2005, 01:07 PM: Message edited by: wiegee ]

I've been on both sides of the fence.
I was the WS in my first marriage, and now the BS in my second.

I discovered MB looking to answers for my pain as a BS, and in the process learned about the pain I had inflicted as a WS.

I don't post much because I don't feel deseving to keep company with some of the fine people I have found here. My few posts have tended to be to WS's, or those on the slippery slope who are so blessed to have found this place before they commited to destroying their families to try to warn them NOT to do what I did to mine.

All I'm trying to say is that if the WS/OP will come here and listen I believe the good people on this wonderful forum can help them stop the damage and destruction they are causing, and learn to re-make themselves so that they will not do it again.

I see the thought and consideration that is afforded the BS here, and it is wonderful. If that same positive energy is given to the WS with the same concern and desire to help them change themselves it simply doubles your ability to do good.

Cruz

Wiegee,

Yes, your point is well taken. Making these "insults" probably would chase someone away. And we shoud refrain from that.

But if I have my timing right, this guy punched out before these comments were made. So, those that remained on this thread made the comments to someone that wasnt responding to helpful posts, and then said "never mind." So, they were just making light of it, since this guy turned out to not be serious either.

But point well taken. And should be taken by all of us.

In His arms.

The post had absolutely nothing nothing nothing to do with asking for help in his original now deleted post about anything....

The OM left the forum and probably thinks that BSs, as a rule, are nutty people and that's why Waywardlies stray.

sure that justifies infidelity....that's a logical conclusion....he's welcome to it...if that's what he comes to...

Think what might have happend if more people actually tried to get him to understand the destructiveness of his behavior.

actually lots of people did do that...but the help he is searching for is how to avoid getting hurt while continueing his affair....that's what he wanted help with.....

don't have too many tips to offer besides perhaps..
DUCK!!!!

I am sick to death of the "don't judge me" attitudes...

don't speak to the truth...
and certainly don't speak the truth to people who don't even value truth...cause they may find those words/sentiments distateful or hurtful or whatever else they don't like to hear about their actions....

and the poster that does that stands to be accused of running them off the boards...

puhleeese....

I for one have never entertained shooting anyone..and I don't know this guy well enough to know if I want to shoot him....he's the one that brought it up..
what I honestly don't understand..and this is an honest honest thought question I had for SSOM..from his first post on....

if the other woman's husband already wants to do him in....(which I sincerely hope he doesn't...)
why would he ask people here to shoot him as well..
isn't one person out there ready to knock a person off...enough???
Or do you really need more than one...

ARK

double

[ March 15, 2005, 01:38 PM: Message edited by: weaver ]

<blockquote>quote:<hr />I don't post much because I don't feel deseving to keep company with some of the fine people I have found here. My few posts have tended to be to WS's, or those on the slippery slope who are so blessed to have found this place before they commited to destroying their families to try to warn them NOT to do what I did to mine.

All I'm trying to say is that if the WS/OP will come here and listen I believe the good people on this wonderful forum can help them stop the damage and destruction they are causing, and learn to re-make themselves so that they will not do it again.

I see the thought and consideration that is afforded the BS here, and it is wonderful. If that same positive energy is given to the WS with the same concern and desire to help them change themselves it simply doubles your ability to do good.

Cruz

<hr /></blockquote>In my opinion Cruz you have as much right to be here as anyone. That you feel "you don't deserve to keep company with the fine folks here" is a very telling statement about the way this board is perceived by people who really could use the help here.

I knew that's why you never post but I keep trying to call you out anyway, not only because you need help and support in your current marriage but because you need to heal from your past mistakes. There is great healing in public forum like this, especially for one as sincere as you.

There are also many fine people here who would consider you every bit as fine as themselves and would welcome your wisdom and help in talking to WS's who aren't quite repentent yet.

Oops, sorry, double post, so I will delete this one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

[ March 15, 2005, 02:40 PM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by ark^^:
 I am sick to death of the "don't judge me" attitudes...

Never said that. Why do you think I did?

 don't speak to the truth...
and certainly don't speak the truth to people who don't even value truth...cause they may find those words/sentiments distateful or hurtful or whatever else they don't like to hear about their actions.... 

Again, said no such thing.However, there are ways to tell the truth that are more useful than others.

Some people here are angry and have a right to be. But let's not pretend that lashing out in an angry way at anything that resembles the object of one's anger is going to be helpful.

It seems some here would like to BEAT repentance into SSOM...It doesn't work that way.
Each person has to be personally convicted with a contrite heart....Being self righteous will not help in any way to get SSOM to see the LIGHT.

I believe he is probably still reading this thread since he posted twice. Are you?
Please come back and tell your entire story; if you are married, have children, about the OW, can we help you out of this deep affair fog you are in? Do you want out? Do you worry about OW's safety? Has her H ever threatened suicide?
TELL US YOUR ENTIRE STORY.

I was thinking about the lady (Ashley Smith) that witnessed to the courthouse killer, that took her hostage, in her apartment.

She didn't judge him and call him a MURDERER.
Instead she gave him understanding and compassion. She gave him HOPE in the darkest situation. She told him he may be destined to spread the Word in prison.
She helped him see THE LIGHT, she LED him to repentance and surrender.
SHE MADE HIM PANCAKES WITH REAL BUTTER.
He was OVERWHELMED with her kindness.

Now she showed GENUINE Christian love.
What a wonderful example she is for all of us.

Sincerely, Julie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Blessed Time is correct.

We as Christians can sit on the street corner yelling "repent or die" all day...probably not the most effective way. But at the same time, Ark and others here are trying to say that we do not need to water down the truth. Ashley Smith didnt do that. Yes, she was quiet and loving. But she did tell him the truth. That he would have to give up, that he would have to go to jail. That if he didnt, he would probably be killed. And so on.

SSOM was not a guy that came on here looking for help. That was offered i nthe beginning by many, and he wanted to justify why this WS was the PERFECT woman. Thos that tried to help him tried to show him that this wasnt the case, that he was sincerely wrong on just about everything he posted and that it was time he take a different perspective on what he was doing.

This is tough love. It is where, when you want to sit and justify your sin, that we as Christians have to let you know the truth. And there is really no way to water that down. Sure, say it in love.

Curly17 is just like this, as you can read her posts. But unlike SSOM, I believe that she probably wants to do the right thing, and just has a hard time accepting what she needs to do. She is still justifying...but she still hangs around asking the right questions.

SSOM did no such thing. He wasnt man enough to stand up in what he believes in (adultery), or stand up and figure out what his problem is and take his medicine so he can heal everyone involved.

If you notice on Curly's thread, she is getting "beat up" also. But she should be, because playing "nice-nice" with her only enables her to continue in her fog. Sometimes, you have to go thru the temple and dump some money changing tables and call people "vipers." Jesus did.

So I say to this that we must be careful not to hit every OP that comes on here with a 2x4, but to listen and discern what is needed. Sometimes people need a hug. Sometimes they need a kick in the pants. Knowing the difference in which one they need at the time is what we are talking about here.

In His arms.

I gave a lot of people here someone to take out their frustrations on except I'm not the OM that stole your spouses!!! Oh well, I hope you all feel better now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I don't! Seems the general feeling here is that OM/OW killing is just fine and dandy <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Thanks...I think...... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Okay SSOM...good to see you back. Stay awhile please, and engage in a conversation here as we learn about you. And hopefully, you can learn from us.

On your recent post...no one is saying or suggesting that murder is acceptable. No one!! But, what they are saying is that the activities you are engaging in (adultery) lead to this many times.

Think about this. Let's say this woman is, for arguments sake, your PERFECT woman. And let's say you both marry, maybe have a child or two. And then one day after maybe 10 years of marriage, you come home and in your bed with her is your best friend.

How does that make you feel? What emotions well up in you? Do you feel like harming them? Do you feel betrayed? What are those feelings?

My wife is headed to court tomorrow. She is a nurse in a local ER and had to take blood on a drunk driver that killed three members of a family from NJ. It seems that the husband/father had just stepped out of the car to exchange driving duties, when a guy in a 4x4 basically rolled over the top of his little Honda. He wasnt hurt, but his family was instantly killed right in front of him.

Know what happened next? Can you take a guess? that husband pulled that 24 year old out of the cab of his truck and beat him until he had to go to intensive care in the hospital...and if it wasnt for someone coming along, he was seconds away from killing this guy.

Can you understand those feelings? Can you understand why he wanted to kill that guy? Sure, the husband was breaking the law because he had no legal right to beat up/kill this guy. But I dont think he cared much for the law at that point. (By the way, the Commonwealth of Virginia decided not to press charges for the beating)

You are killing the BS's family. You are killing his life, and what he knew to be his wife. If she was the PERFECT woman, you have made her less so now. He says you the same as that guy who rolled over that car with his truck.

So, not condoning this idea of killing or hurting the OP, you should understand that you are playing with fire. And as the Scripture I posted says...you are heaping hot coals in your lap...and you will get burned. That BS could care less about what is legally right. You are destroying his family. And any man would want to defend his family.

I am not angry at you. I know who the OM is in my deal...and yo uare not him. And I am having to come to grips that I am going to have to forgive him (my wife and I are back together). But what I am saying, and many others are saying is...you are taking a big risk here.

Now, please stay and post. We would love to talk and to help. Both with this problem, and with the idea that going after what you have no right to go after, in the end...will only lead to a place in your life that you do not want to go to.

One question before I continue with you...are you a Christian?

In His arms.

SSOM..

Explain your purpose for coming here. Seems you are here just to stir up emotions, especially with your caddy tone in your lastest message.

SSOM:

Just a few questions for you:

1. What did you desire to get from this site?

2. Do you feel that your affair (or any affair) is justified, or OK? If so, under what circumstances?

3. Did either of your parents have an affair(s)?

Thanks.

FR

I was thinking about the lady (Ashley Smith) that witnessed to the courthouse killer, that took her hostage, in her apartment.

She didn't judge him and call him a MURDERER.

I can not believe that these sentiments judge him and murderer are in the same example...

someone who goes on a rampage and shoots innocent people is a murderer...THAT IS NOT A JUDGEMENT

it is a fact...

perhaps she didn't call him a murderer cause he tied her up with her curtains and held her hostage for hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

wiegee I never said you said anything...

SSOM..

you are the one that headed this topic shoot me......no one here thinks killing anyone is fine...

you must realize you are not a victim here...nor are you a potential victim to his wrath and potential violence...it is a direct consequence of your actions.....actions that you can...and in this case for your own safety MUST GET IN control of....

no one here thinks that any action of violence is justified...heck we get our knickers in a bind when betrayed spouses get too emotional and name cally....

the reality is that if your life is in danger then you need to not continue to be part of a triangle that puts your life in danger.....

are you ready to face the real issues of all of this..

sometimes the truth hurts
sometimes it's the last thing we want to hear...
and sometimes it's the only thing that saves us...

ARK

SSOM

This board comprises mostly BS and FBS. We can hardly be expected to be sympathetic towards OPs and WS who are unrepentant and demonstrating the same predictable behaviours we have suffered at the hands of our own WS / FWS.

You know some thing sthat we don't know. Like how it feels to have physical and emotional intimacy with another man's wife.

But we know some things you don't.

Like almost no affairs lead to successful relationships, WS and OP sefl-justify and rationalise to such and extent that we call it a 'fog' of confusion enveloping them.

Your co-infidel's marriage more than likely can be saved and you will be no more than a painful regret to her in a years time.

We also know that you just thought : " Pah ! They don't know how special OUR love is, or how smart, strong , intelligent and 'no one of the sheep' I am ! "

But you know another thing we know ? Yes you are.

This site, some wonderful FWS in particular can offer you brilliant advice for stopping your affair and recovering your soul and self respect, but you have to stop your affair. Now.

If you won't then posting here will only ever cause you and others pain and annoyance.

I pray that you get sand enough to stop this affair.

Thanks, Bob. Now settle down! Some of those sentences were hardly sentences.

This is my favorite part, how OP think they're special and that their situation is different, that the regular rules don't apply to them because of their special love. What's the saying - "if it wasn't so sad it would be funny".

And of course, there's always an evil BS going crazy not far off, screwing up everybody's sexy, magical, deeeeeep plans. Of course he's an unfeeling monster. That makes it all okay!

This is always the recipe! It's uncanny.

My friend called my WW and OM "a coupla screwballs" today. Ever since, when I imagine their shenanigans, I hear goofy Benny Hill music in my head.

Cheers,

GC

Jimmy Mac, what is this, rewriting history as we've seen so many others do to justify doing what they want to do?

[QUOTE]Jimmy Mac said in the latest post: For the record, what I said was:

"If you [foreverhers] are suggesting that I condone or approve of what he %5

Jimmy Mac, what is this, rewriting history as we've seen so many others do to justify doing what they want to do?

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Jimmy Mac said in the latest post: For the record, what I said was:

"If you [foreverhers] are suggesting that I condone or approve of what he [SOSM] did, then you are an idiot."<hr /></blockquote>Not what you said, but what you perhaps inadvertantly implied when you posted your first message quoted next;

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Jimmy Mac said in his first post: The response to this guy has been appalling. Nothing has been said here that helps him, the WS or the BS. <hr /></blockquote>Totally dismissing every admonition no matter how "strong or soft" to STOP the adultery immediately. In essence, we are all idiots and Jimmy Mac is the only "sane" one here.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Jimmy Mac said in a subsequent post: Foreverhers:

Get off your friggin' high horse (and turn off your bold key). If you are suggesting that I condone or approve of what he did, then you are an idiot. <hr /></blockquote>Now Jimmy Mac did get around to including me, or singling me out, as being an "idiot." I can just imagine how you "witness" in the real world if that is how you characterize people when you feel "attacked."

So let's be clear Jimmy Mac, you lumped everything that everyone had to say into one basket and declared it "appalling and nothing that would help anyone." Sort of like a bunch of "idiotic statements of no value."

<blockquote>quote:<hr />I take a offense at anyone intimating that I am not 100% against As. My A could have destroyed my marriage, my life, my wife's life and my kid's life. I am fully aware of how close we were to the brink. We were truly blessed.<hr /></blockquote>Of this I am quite sure and in complete agreement.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Since I was a WS/OP, I feel like I understand the OP and WS. I wish I could reach out and talk to each one and convince them to change.<hr /></blockquote>A very commendable desire, as well as frustrating, because it usually requires a confrontation before someone will begin to face the facts and listen to someone who is trying to tell them to stop.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />When a WS/OP comes here asking for help, they surely have already figured out that "something is wrong." So, there is a great opportunity to do some real ministering.
<hr /></blockquote>This is true in some cases, but not in all cases. It was quite evident that SSOM, from his now deleted post, was not interested in ending his affair, just how he could get her away from her husband without having to worry about a violent response. It was totally self-serving and quite "fog laden." Part of the now deleted post was this next quotation:

<blockquote>quote:<hr />SSOM said: I know that she's the woman I've been searching for my whole life. The problem is that she's married, Of course. She is trying to tell her husband that she wants a divorce but when she does, he freaks out and she just puts it off. <hr /></blockquote>He wants her to divorce her husband, take up with him, and the two of them "live happily ever after" with no consequences of the adultery or the harm they are inflicting on the husband.

All we can surmise from what SSOM posted is that the husband might get drunk in order ease his pain and then come looking for SSOM to beat a new tune on his head. Yep. It COULD happen. But as with most OP's and Wayward Spouses, they try to paint the Faithful Spouse as some sort of "monster" in order to "justify" their adulterous behavior. As long as they get what they want, everything is fine.

Jimmy Mac, we have an obvious disgreement about application of biblical passages in this matter. You advocate the "soft and patient" approach in this case. That's fine. But perhaps you might also want to think about the passages in the framework of what Jesus actually did and said. The gentle approach IS needed and the best approach on many occasions. But so, too, is the direct and strong approach when it is obvious someone sees no wrong in their sinful behavior, or is willfully out to hurt someone else just to get "what they want."

Jesus did not "reason" with the folks in the temple. He chased after them and drove them out immediately while telling them that they were sinning against God.

Jesus did not reason with the Woman caught in adultery. He "reasoned" with the crowd, and Mortarman did an excellent job of explaining what was going on in that scene. The simple point that I was making is that Jesus did NOT tell the woman to "taper off, to think about what she was doing, etc." No, Jesus told her in no uncertain terms to "Go and leave her life of sin" immediately. He called her behavior sinful and told her to end it NOW.

Jesus was equally blunt with others when the occasion warranted it, such as with the woman at the Well, a Samaritan. Jesus was about one thing more than anything else anytime he spoke to anyone....it was "obey God," right now, not later.

He cemented this position many times; such as during his temptation by Satan and in his praying in the Garden of Gethsemane. In every case it was always about DOING the Father's will and NOT doing anything that was in opposition to God's will.

So if I seem somewhat strong in my verbage at times, it's partly because this typed medium loses all inflection and tone of speech and partly because it seems appropriate to the moment.

Nevertheless, a "penitant" OP, WS, or anyone you care to classify any way, is welcomed here and help is offered generally in a gentle and patient manner.

But that's not how SSOM appeared. It's not how any of his postings have suggested. He is here, until HE says differently, to figure out how to end this woman's marriage and take her for himself.

To allow that to go "uncommented upon" would be akin to allowing sinful behavior to go unchallenged or admonished in a local body of believers. It would be a potential cancer in their midst. The people who SHOULD be here on MB are the man and his wife, learning about what went wrong and how to recover their marriage, or even how to separate and/or potentially end their marriage if the husband was a violent wife abuser and alcoholic. But certainly not to find out how to let "feelings" control one's behavior or how to steal another man's wife without concern or consequence.

Not always doing it the "right way," but standing for the Lord as best I can.

God bless.

This thread just goes to show you that doesn't matter WHO starts the thread, some people just cant leave well enough alone! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

AND, shoot me too, but OP DO have feelings too! I have to agree with SSOM...he came here for help and what have you done...shoot him down! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Maybe he would have opened up a bit if ya'll would have just given him the chance...but as soon as OP is revealed the vultures come out! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

go ahead now, start bashing me...wont be a first! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Momto3Boys:


AND, shoot me too, but OP DO have feelings too! I have to agree with SSOM...he came here for help and what have you done...shoot him down! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Maybe he would have opened up a bit if ya'll would have just given him the chance...but as soon as OP is revealed the vultures come out! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> p <hr /></blockquote>Well, I think the vulture is the one who is trying to get his married girlfriend to divorce her husband so they can live happily ever after. God forbid anyone should express any displeasure at such a lofty notion! Shame on us!

I realize that the code of political correctness dictates that it's worse to SAY something is BAD than to DO something BAD, but some here are opertating under OldeSpeak BadTruth and have not been fully indoctrinated into NewTruth GoodeSpeak. Frankly, I fear that many are just hopeless in that regard and will continue to foolishly "judge" by differentiating between right and wrong.

i am begining to think the only acceptable response to anything anyone wants to do is...

"hey if it feels good...then it must OK...."

you guys win ...
I'm done defending the right to speak of the truth....
in opinion...

cause that's all this board ever has been and ever will be....
different peoples opinion and if and when you don't like what someone posts...
disregard and ignore it....

somebody can shoot me..
sure that would make plenty of people happy round here.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

ark

[ March 15, 2005, 06:45 PM: Message edited by: ark^^ ]

You are playing with fire my man, and I use the term man loosely if the information in your initial post is true. What comes around goes around and we all answer to God in the end. If God ever allows me to locate my WW's OM I am quite certain that I will go to jail. I am ex-military and am not afraid to take matters into my own hands, enough said. Are you willing to continue your affair and meet someone like me? For your sake I hope not.

7 pages with the thread originator having 3 posts and deleted most of one of those....

If you want to argue, start a topic thread.