Hi GG. First time I get a chance to check MB today. Being very busy is great and on top of that I actually have fun at work sometimes. My next trip is on wednesday which is very convenient as it is WH ´s birthday. I´ll just tell dds about the trip and although this one is short and we´ll be back at midday they don´t need to know that. I can be away all day...

The dog seems better but not himself yet. At least he´s not in pain. Thanks for the regards from Jeb.

The car will be ready tomorrow (it was broken too) and I asked the mechanic about a VW bug for dds and he is fixing one for himself which he is willing to sell. We chatted quite a while and I told him of the situation. He was quite surprised, and sympathetic. So I told dds to tell WH about the car.

Big storm coming

Hi cc -

Glad you're enjoying work. WW's birthday was last month and I found that I had to stay busy that day as well to keep my mind occupied. Work for me is enjoyable for a bit stressful from time to time.

I do enjoy the little junkets I get to go on from time to time. I will be back in TX within the next 2 weeks. I hope you enjoy your trip.

Hope things work out for you to get the VW for dds. They are cool.

Georgia

GG, work has saved my life!!!!!! Truth is that I was in a position where I was bored stiff, so this new job which is exciting and fun but also demanding and challenging is the best thing that could have happened.

Today I found out that I´m not doing that well at all. I took DD to her first test, a saturday morning and the subject was the only course that OW has this year because she had failed it when she was taking courses. I did wonder why WH hadn´t offered to drive her there since the school is quite far away and he´s been so willing lately to pick them up and take them places(this week he took one dd driving at midday, picked another up from classes at 9 pm, picked up the other one from classes at 4 pm, all during his working hours). On the way back from dropping dd off I stopped at a shoe store. I had to cross a major street which had a grassy divider. the store was closed still so I was going back to the car, standing on the grassy divider, and who should drive by? WH, coming back from leaving OW. That is the only explanation as there is no other for him to be in that area of the city on a saturday morning and it also explains why he didn´t take dd.

Of course he didn´t see me, although I was the only person around. he looks but does not see. I started trembling, my legs were weak, I felt like puking. So it´s obvious that it affects me so much that plan B is my only option. I am still way too emotional about him. I can´t imagine actually coming face to face with him, I would probably really puke!
I am so disgusted by what he is doing and how he is acting...

I really can´t imagine why I would want him back!!!!! I don´t actually want him back. I´m just trying this because everyone here says it works, Dr. harley says it has worked for hundreds, Mimi, Orchid, Pep and many others went thru situations even worse than mine and recovered their marriage and are happier now. But I still don´t feel I can ever forgive him, I feel I don´t want the person he has become, nor am I willing to go back to the marriage we had.

So I´m really only doing this at this point out of my committment to the marriage aand because I want to prove Dr, Harley´s theory, but not because I WANT to. The example he chose in SAA is so extreme that my sitch sounds easy, but I´ve never dones anything as difficult as this.

For me the best solution would simply have been divorce, get it over with and get my own life back to do as I wish.

I am more of LM kind of person. I find that an A is the ultimate disrespect and therefore I would not be at all tolerant of that IF I had not found MB and if Mimi weren´t here to encourage me with her example and her advice.

Not a good day.

Thank God I have a tea party actually set up for me by friends who "sympathize". We´ll see.

Tomorrow is sunday. somehow that´s a relief. I can go to church.

I have work to do, i have crafts to do, and then work on monday which is also a relief.

It´s really frightening how even seeing WH knowing he´s living with OW affects me so much.

So, CC- "LM SORT OF PERSON":

Do you want me to continue to post to you?

I'm definitely not a LM sort of person! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I don't believe you! If you didn't care about your H or your marriage or your , you wouldn't have had such a strong emotional reaction.

If you don't want to work on this, let me know, CC.

I was disappointed in this post. I know you don't live for my approval.

Who are you really? This is not the CC I've come to know.

People can change. I would think that you could believe in forgiveness.

I wish I could frame in a picture what I saw yesterday.

MY FWH and MY SON SOBBING IN EACH OTHERS ARMS!!!! This is my H who used to live with the OW and thought he was in love with her. I BELIEVE IN MY MARRIAGE AND MY FAMILY. I BELIEVE THAT GOD BROUGHT YOU AND YOUR H TOGETHER AND IT IS SIN/EVIL THAT IS KEEPING YOU APART.

ARE YOU PLANNING ON LETTING SATAN WIN AT THIS? ARE YOU GOING TO GIVE UP YOUR FAITH BECAUSE YOU COULD NO LONGER DENY THE REALITY OF THIS BY SEEING HIM?

YOU ARE STRONGER THAN JUST RUNNING AWAY FROM THIS CC!

YES, I AM YELLING!!!

Love ya,
MIMI

MIMI, DON´t GIVE UP ON ME!!!!!!!

Of course I don´t want you to give up on me, you´re the one keeping me on course.

and of course I care for WH and family, they are the most important thing in my life.

BUT, and this is where the problem lies, I don´t think WH can be the H I thought he was. He has always been dishonest, not with me but with everyone else. And I mean everyone.
He has also always been extremely selfish.
How can I continue a marriage with a person who is selfish to extreme and dishonest?

Do you really think that this A will be enough of a shock (if he evers reaches that stage) that he would change?

This morning I got another e mail from Dr. Harley answering one I sent after having read lovebusters.
This is what he says:

"All decisions should be made mutually in marriage, where neither spouse does anything without the agreement of the other. Unfortunately, your relationship may be beyond saving, but if there is anyone in your future, you may
want to discuss that issue of interdependence before making a commitments."


And I agree. I have always shared my thoughts and plans etc and seeked and accepted WH opinion on all important and even not so important matters. But he has not. And not only that, he has always resented the fact that I have good ideas etc.

So this is why I am now 50% convinced that no matter what I do (and I´ve followed the plans and your instructions to the letter) it will not end in recovery. the other 50% is my usual optimistic self thinking that maybe I can be like you and so many others I´ve read about here and in Dr. Harleys writing. I obviously pray for this latter ending but I am aware of the other possibility.

Thank for answering on a Sunday. I knew you would.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Not much time today.

Why did Harley say this?

Is there something you didn't tell me?

I guess because I explained what I said in my last post. That WH is dishonest and selfish. And that he never cared about making the marriage better, whereas I have always worried. Essentially I have avoided all love busters because I studied and read about relationships long before all this so I do not do any. WH has never cared. Even when I warn him that he should think about things, like the relationship with his daughters he never really seemed to care. His attitude is "this is who I am and if you don´t like it bad luck".

Also I didn´t tell Dr. Harley this, but WH thinks money solves everything. His family is like that. It´s their main interest. They are friendly with him now because they can get money from him now that I´m not around. I guess because I´m not around he has gotten closer to them. I was with him when he didn´t have money. So he´s surrounded by people after his "money" (not that much of it,but they don´t know) and OW is the first.

Anyway, I told you Dr. Harley must see something we don´t... that´s why he´s the expert, I guess.

Well, I am not sure if I should be offended or honored by you saying that you are a "LM kind of person" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />. What does that exactly mean? LOL, maybe I don't wanna know the answer. I don't have much advice for you here. I am kind of sad for you, but you are a big girl and will "figure it out" on your own. Hopefully your WH stops living with the OW and comes back to you before you do. I hope that you have better reasons for saving your marriage than just wanting to prove Harley's principles right or wrong. I hope that you are dying a thousands death for better reasons than "just because". You say that you are doing this for the "committment of the marriage". I ask you what marriage? What is is about your WH that you want to save and commit to? Be sure that you yourself are not "reinventing history"

Good luck with all of this.

LM

Mimi, if you want I´ll send you the emails between me and Dr. Harley.

I have your E-Mail address. You can delete it now, CC. I will let you know how to send them to me.

It will have to be tomorrow eveing because I´m off to bed now, it´s late and I´m tired and angry and sad etc. This morning my MIL woke me up at 7 am because she came to get her grandaughter who is dds age and comes EVERY weekend to go out with the girls and stays to sleep. I don´t mind that but the problem is that sunday mornings I get SIL calling or BIL calling or ringing the bell to pick her up etc and that pisses me off. I work all week and just because it´s convenient for them they come at 7 am!!!!!

So finally I decided to confront my MIL about this (I don´t talk to SIL and BIL because they stopped talking to me about 3 years ago) and I called her tonight and told her that I preferred the grandaughter not to stay over for a couple of weeks because of all this sunday morning circus and we got to talking about WH and I really lost it.

Anyway, she told me to sell the house so that I would get away from the triggers. I don´t have triggers with the house but I think it´s a good idea, because then I don´t have to take care of the part of WH´s office which is still here. I already told dd to tell WH that I will put the house up for sale. And this week I will.

See I´m pissed today because I´m tired, and because of yesterday´s encounter and because MIL pretends that everything is fine and her son is not doing anything bad!!!!!!

I´ll be better tomorrow.

I don't think it's a bad idea to sell the house.

Great idea!

I don´t feel like working today, but luckily I have no choice. Otherwise this is a very bad day emotionally. This just proves how plan B really does protect you, I could not have come this far if it weren´t for the fact that I am in plan B. MIL kept insisting that I talk to WH until I finally told her I was so disgusted by him I would probably puke. That shut her up. Her attitude is that it is just one of those things that happen, because their family is perfect! They can do no wrong, so this is just some minor problem, probably my fault!

I should not talk to her. But the fact that they were ruining my sundays had to stop. I´m sorry for the kid. She´s going to be very angry because she wants to get away from her parents and grandmother and that´s why she comes to my house. She doesn´t seem to have friends of her own and has become very friendly with dds group.

Anyway, I hope to calm down. Tomorrow my niece is arriving from USA, she{s bringing my new laptop and books!!!! Probably Tough Love and I can´t remember which others I ordered or which my sister may have bought. Looking forward to that.

Good Morning, cc -

I am so sorry to read of the horror that WH has brought into your life by his actions. I can relate to the severe emotional upheaval as part of what I've gone through as well. And... I know that when an incident like this happens it seems as though everything we are fighting for just goes right out the window.

My only advice to you is don't do anything while in a panic. Fatigue and shock makes everything worse. Wait until your emotions have settled down, till your rested up, then re-evaluate where you are at that time.

You know that you can trust Mimi's advice. Listen to her.....I know that you're a cool, level headed lady.

Georgia

thanks Georgia. When I read of the things WSs do, mine is very tame, but it feels absolutely horrific to ME, and I actually physically react very badly. I haven´t settled down yet. I need to regain my cool head.

and I do follow Mimi´s instructions.

I do so remember my days like you and Georgia are experiencing. I really empathize with your pain. I remember struggling to try to make it into work. WOW!

I just want you to know that it is possible for WSes to really change. My H certainly has. I really believe that it's important to keep your faith in GOD, CC. There's a purpose for all of this that we may never understand during our lifetimes.

Try to get as much joy as you can out of this day. Take it one minute at a time, one hour of the time, one day at a time. Focus on whatever can bring you some bit of joy. I used to focus on the flowers growing on my desk. I would come home and plant flowers. I would look at photos of our children as babies. Oh, there were numerous activities that I would engage in to try to redirect myself.....

I had to move out of my house for sure. That became a focus for me. Our former house had too many triggers as your MIL suggested. That took a lot of time and energy. I was cleansed by throwing away junk I didn't need in order to put the house on the market. I also had to arrange repairs. Then began the process of looking at new houses. All of this would be therapeutic for you.. The house was perfect and sold the first day on the market!!

How about antidepressants for yourself? You know the value of ADs, I'm sure.....

Again, good advice from Mimi.

I have found this issue with me being a new home to be a huge step for me. I think up until now probably Jeb has been the biggest help for me in getting on with my life.

I'm sure with any new home, the advantage of establishing YOUR home is a big help. I find that having my own place, even though right now I'm just renting, gives me a feeling of a "sancturary" if that makes sense. It's kinda like it's a place that's not seen all the turmoil that OUR home has witnessed. I can some there without the triggers. When WW came in a couple of months ago, I felt like she had taken a lot of peace from me in her scouring of everything is "mine".

And.. the excitement of having my own HOME is exhiliarting. I can hardly wait to fix up MY HOUSE the way I want it, to make it my HOME.

Anyway, enough of that. In summary, I understand the point about selling the house, I concur.

Georgia

One thing is true: I will have to do some fixing and rearranging to show the house so that should keep me occupied.

I will start today

The fixing and arranging will be therapeutic for you. I promise you. Throw away some of his stuff! Burning some of his stuff can actually be FUN ( a secret between us GODDESSES).

going to walk the dog and will be back later. I´m feeling better now.