You guys know better than this!

This is what they all say!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Okay, what is mate?

I guess google won't find much, haven't tried.

Let me see how I can explain.

a mate is on one hand a gourd which is dried and cured (actually you have to cure it yourself).

then inside you pack "yerba" which is like a herb (grown in Paraguay and Brazil) and you pour hot water and suck it up through a "bombilla" .

The bombillas are metal, sometimes silver and gold.

I'll try to find a picture (easier to take one I guess).

Well people here drink that ALL DAY. You carry it around with you with a thermus of hot water. It's a social drink, which is commonly shared, among friends.

There is a lot of ceremony involved, although not the japanese tea sort.

For example, you must NEVER move the bombilla (straw) without asking permission from the owner.

Some people don't even let you pour the water yourself.

The main thing is that this is very, very typical here.

let's see if this works:

mate

Well...that would definitely take some getting used to.

I didn't try to google "mate" because I didn't think I could come up with the drink.

Thank you for your words of caution, Mimi, but I don't think neither of us is ACTUALLY planning a trip 1/2 way around the world.

I was only kidding. However, why not PLAN a trip 1/2 way around the world?

Hum...were you really kidding?

For one thing, I wouldn't plan a trip 1/2 way around the world to meet a MARRIED woman.

However, don't be surprised to see me do something wacky like post on my thread from some obscure part of the world because I was able to get a cheap ticket there.

Actually, this has been a part of my thinking in losing weight. I enjoy travel much more when I'm in shape.

Speaking of which, I am leaving here and heading to the Y.

Georgia

The only way I'm taking a trip 1/2 way round the world is if the job takes me... and it just might!

I've been to USA many times in the last few years, mostly for work.

Georgia, I can't believe you don't have a passport!

Georgia, when you can, would u edit the name of my city from your post?

I know I don't ahve anything to hide but it makes me a little nervous...

Thanks

Good Morning...

Okay, I think I've edited out the references.

On the passport, the only "foreign" country I've been to is Canada.

Georgia

Today is the first year anniversary of d day.

Just 2 weeks ago I was feeling terribly down, crying all the time, etc.

But today I feel fine. I have felt much better about EVERYTHING for a week now.

Last year I confirmed the A by having my brother, (who did it to prove me wrong) his wife and 1 yr old daughter go to a toll booth WH would have to go by when he left for the beach house like he had been doing for a while to be "alone". It was raining.

When my brother called to say that WH was wth OW my whole world crashed.

After a couple of hours I e mailed him telling him I knew and how disappointed I was. Not too may LBs.

When he called to say that he had arrived I asked him to read the e mail.
He never answered it, nor did he call and he came home as usual on monday!

Anyway, 1 whole year later, he is now living with OW, I have been in a dark plan B for 10 months.

I realize how much I've grown and all I've learned inthis year and probably how much I've changed. PERSONALLY, MB has taught me much in 3 different and separate areas:
1. Infidelity and how to manage it. Thanks to Dr. Harley and others there is a real interpretation and description of this phenomenon which plagues our societies. The scientist in me has researched this subject and Dr. Harley seems to have the best information and the best ways of treating it. It was a huge surprise to read about how As are really fantasies and why they don't survive, about the fog, etc. It was all new to me then, and I was conforted to know that some people really knew how and why these things happened!
I love Dr. Harley and all MBers here who carry out his ideas and prove them right again and again. Even if their marriages don't survive.

2. I learned a whole lot of other things about relationships both with spouses and children, in laws, co workers etc. This, thanks to all the people here willing to share their experiences and their knowledge.

3. I learned to make my relationship with God more meaningful. I was a little lost although I still trusted Him blindly. I never lost my faith but that was about all I had. Faith in HIM. Now I am begnning to have a relationship with Him.


So based on all these things I have experienced I am even stronger in my plan B. I know I will forgive WH and OW should they choose to ask for forgiveness. I know that I can divorce WH when the time is right and I can trust God to tell me when that is. I feel very sad for the path they have chosen, specially for WH who is isolating himself from family and co-workers (he has no friends). His futur is bleak. I pray for his soul.

I know that I can be myself, better than I was, and that all the pain, the doubts, the anxiety, the crying have made me GROW as a person. I thank God for giving me the strength to grow and become a better person, choosing HIS path and not the easier ones.

I do not want to survive this situation, I want it to be a means of growing and learning and changing myself for the better. I want to use it for something good.

I don't want to "get on" with life. I want to LIVE .

So I got rid of those "sad" feelings. I didn't even remember what day it was this morning when I got up. And I wanted to write this here in case I "forget" how far I've come and what I plan for the futur.

Thank you all of you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Who was it that said, "Living well is the best revenge"? I can't remember, but I do know that you're right to not want to just survive. Thrive, too. It will not only say so much about you that is good, but so much about him that is not. And all without your ever saying an actual word! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

t&l

P.S. Nice flu joke. LOL

CC,

That is a beautiful post. I admire your courage to see things as they really are and make wise choices for yourself.

Moving forward is not a sign of defeat. As with many good deeds and accomplishments, it appears to be a weak move when in reality it is a strong, very strong stance in the right direction.

Time and our attitudes will show us how much we have progressed. That's the need for patience.

In your thread I notice a calm that has grown in you and now you can recap the events with a purpose to make this a learning experience.

I appreciate how you so skillfully yet gracefully explained this to us. You are certainly to be commended for your soundness of mind which is bringing out the beauty that lies within.

Thank you for your post.

All the best,
L.

T&l and orchid,

thank you for your kind words. As you both know I feel awkward writing in english (????, because I also feel awkward in spanish! LOL), and cannot always find the right words.

Also I am a CA and since finding MB am working on that too. So after I posted, I was thinking that I hope nobody reads it! I immediately corrected myself. I doesn't matter whether anyone reads it. I wrote it for myself. I am happy with this journey, not that I would have CHOSEN to undertake it.

Any day now I'll send WH a thank you card for having given me this opportunity for growth!

I have always moved forward, although it was slow and complicated pre A because I had all that extra weight that a non cooperative husband and small children mean. WH is not a moving forward sort of guy. For example he got a webpage for his business about 4 years ago but he hasn't put anything on it!
All this A business started at the same time that dds were starting to be completely independant and so I would have had more freedom , and was planning on trying to get WH more involved with the world!

I still have much to work on, but I plan on thriving, NOT surviving!

I like your moxie!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> U have spunk girl. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thriving, not surviving. Very good line.

Keep up the good work.

Hugz,
L.

cc46,

I am glad to see that you are feeling better.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{cc46}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Thanks Luna.

I really am. Yesterday I went to WH's aunt's 85th birthday and most of his extended family was there: cousins and aunts and MIL with her friends. But not WH nor his brothers or SILs. That was a normal scenario except that now I am included although WH is not with me. Sort of weird but I SWEAR I felt fine.

I get along great with the aunt and cousins. Otherwise I wouldn't have gone, but we visited her every Holy Week since we got married! Even went there on our "honeymoon" so I care for her.

Anyway, I was not at all affected by the d day anniversary, so I really seem to be over the worse for now.

Hope you get there soon too.

Shows how important personal recovery is.

Hi cc46, hope you are doing well or better each day.

My WH seems to be isolating himself as well. But that's the price that they are paying.

I am surrounding myself with positive, supportive people. I'm always touched when a few people write, email or call to check up on how I'm doing... as my financial state is still far from being resolved.

I really hope to secure a better job prospect soon.


~A

Hi Ashley, good to see you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm still happy, nothing seems to be able to change that.

Once I was able to exorcise the feelings that were bothering me (maybe I did that by talking about them here on MB) I have been able to be happier than I have been for ages!

Years ago I read the book "to love is to be happy with" , a philosophic kind of book which is based on the premise that you can be happy even when dealing with bad or sad situations. And I practiced it a while and found it to be very true, and very effective in making any situation turn out better and result less traumatic.

That was years ago but I've been trying to get back in that kind of attitude, and I guess I have. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You can do it too! Our goal is to make OURSELVES better people, rather a person WE ARE PROUD TO BE .

Whether that means the marriage recovers or not, doesn't really matter. If you don't do the personal recovery work now, you'll have to do it while in marriage recovery which will be much harder.

A few times I've actually prayed "don't let him come back now" I'm not ready.:o

And WH will be a tough one to recover....

You can do it. We all can with the help of our 40 000 MB friends!