Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 20 of 30 1 2 18 19 20 21 22 29 30
cc46 #1324041 10/20/05 02:44 PM
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Quote
It's not. Just a casual meeting.....


You guys know better than this!

This is what they all say!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
cc46 #1324042 10/20/05 02:44 PM
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,187
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,187
Okay, what is mate?


Formerly G.G. and Jeb
Me: BS 50
She: xW 50
Jeb: Mini Schnauzer
Married: 29 yrs
Children: MM25, MM23
Plan B - 12/06/04
Divorced - 11/17/05
Formerly G.G. #1324043 10/20/05 02:54 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,387
C
cc46 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,387
I guess google won't find much, haven't tried.

Let me see how I can explain.

a mate is on one hand a gourd which is dried and cured (actually you have to cure it yourself).

then inside you pack "yerba" which is like a herb (grown in Paraguay and Brazil) and you pour hot water and suck it up through a "bombilla" .

The bombillas are metal, sometimes silver and gold.

I'll try to find a picture (easier to take one I guess).

Well people here drink that ALL DAY. You carry it around with you with a thermus of hot water. It's a social drink, which is commonly shared, among friends.

There is a lot of ceremony involved, although not the japanese tea sort.

For example, you must NEVER move the bombilla (straw) without asking permission from the owner.

Some people don't even let you pour the water yourself.

The main thing is that this is very, very typical here.


cc

"Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
cc46 #1324044 10/20/05 02:57 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,387
C
cc46 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,387
let's see if this works:

mate


cc

"Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
cc46 #1324045 10/20/05 03:00 PM
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,187
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,187
Well...that would definitely take some getting used to.

I didn't try to google "mate" because I didn't think I could come up with the drink.

Thank you for your words of caution, Mimi, but I don't think neither of us is ACTUALLY planning a trip 1/2 way around the world.


Formerly G.G. and Jeb
Me: BS 50
She: xW 50
Jeb: Mini Schnauzer
Married: 29 yrs
Children: MM25, MM23
Plan B - 12/06/04
Divorced - 11/17/05
Formerly G.G. #1324046 10/20/05 03:31 PM
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Dec 2002
Posts: 15,310
Quote
Thank you for your words of caution, Mimi, but I don't think neither of us is ACTUALLY planning a trip 1/2 way around the world.

I was only kidding. However, why not PLAN a trip 1/2 way around the world?


I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
mimi_here #1324047 10/20/05 03:41 PM
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,187
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,187
Hum...were you really kidding?

For one thing, I wouldn't plan a trip 1/2 way around the world to meet a MARRIED woman.

However, don't be surprised to see me do something wacky like post on my thread from some obscure part of the world because I was able to get a cheap ticket there.

Actually, this has been a part of my thinking in losing weight. I enjoy travel much more when I'm in shape.

Speaking of which, I am leaving here and heading to the Y.

Georgia


Formerly G.G. and Jeb
Me: BS 50
She: xW 50
Jeb: Mini Schnauzer
Married: 29 yrs
Children: MM25, MM23
Plan B - 12/06/04
Divorced - 11/17/05
Formerly G.G. #1324048 10/20/05 03:46 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,387
C
cc46 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,387
The only way I'm taking a trip 1/2 way round the world is if the job takes me... and it just might!

I've been to USA many times in the last few years, mostly for work.

Georgia, I can't believe you don't have a passport!


cc

"Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
Formerly G.G. #1324049 10/20/05 06:39 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,387
C
cc46 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,387
Georgia, when you can, would u edit the name of my city from your post?

I know I don't ahve anything to hide but it makes me a little nervous...

Thanks


cc

"Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
cc46 #1324050 10/21/05 06:59 AM
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,187
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Sep 2004
Posts: 2,187
Good Morning...

Okay, I think I've edited out the references.

On the passport, the only "foreign" country I've been to is Canada.

Georgia


Formerly G.G. and Jeb
Me: BS 50
She: xW 50
Jeb: Mini Schnauzer
Married: 29 yrs
Children: MM25, MM23
Plan B - 12/06/04
Divorced - 11/17/05
Formerly G.G. #1324051 10/23/05 12:34 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,387
C
cc46 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,387
Today is the first year anniversary of d day.

Just 2 weeks ago I was feeling terribly down, crying all the time, etc.

But today I feel fine. I have felt much better about EVERYTHING for a week now.

Last year I confirmed the A by having my brother, (who did it to prove me wrong) his wife and 1 yr old daughter go to a toll booth WH would have to go by when he left for the beach house like he had been doing for a while to be "alone". It was raining.

When my brother called to say that WH was wth OW my whole world crashed.

After a couple of hours I e mailed him telling him I knew and how disappointed I was. Not too may LBs.

When he called to say that he had arrived I asked him to read the e mail.
He never answered it, nor did he call and he came home as usual on monday!

Anyway, 1 whole year later, he is now living with OW, I have been in a dark plan B for 10 months.

I realize how much I've grown and all I've learned inthis year and probably how much I've changed. PERSONALLY, MB has taught me much in 3 different and separate areas:
1. Infidelity and how to manage it. Thanks to Dr. Harley and others there is a real interpretation and description of this phenomenon which plagues our societies. The scientist in me has researched this subject and Dr. Harley seems to have the best information and the best ways of treating it. It was a huge surprise to read about how As are really fantasies and why they don't survive, about the fog, etc. It was all new to me then, and I was conforted to know that some people really knew how and why these things happened!
I love Dr. Harley and all MBers here who carry out his ideas and prove them right again and again. Even if their marriages don't survive.

2. I learned a whole lot of other things about relationships both with spouses and children, in laws, co workers etc. This, thanks to all the people here willing to share their experiences and their knowledge.

3. I learned to make my relationship with God more meaningful. I was a little lost although I still trusted Him blindly. I never lost my faith but that was about all I had. Faith in HIM. Now I am begnning to have a relationship with Him.


So based on all these things I have experienced I am even stronger in my plan B. I know I will forgive WH and OW should they choose to ask for forgiveness. I know that I can divorce WH when the time is right and I can trust God to tell me when that is. I feel very sad for the path they have chosen, specially for WH who is isolating himself from family and co-workers (he has no friends). His futur is bleak. I pray for his soul.

I know that I can be myself, better than I was, and that all the pain, the doubts, the anxiety, the crying have made me GROW as a person. I thank God for giving me the strength to grow and become a better person, choosing HIS path and not the easier ones.

I do not want to survive this situation, I want it to be a means of growing and learning and changing myself for the better. I want to use it for something good.

I don't want to "get on" with life. I want to LIVE .

So I got rid of those "sad" feelings. I didn't even remember what day it was this morning when I got up. And I wanted to write this here in case I "forget" how far I've come and what I plan for the futur.

Thank you all of you <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


cc

"Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
cc46 #1324052 10/23/05 01:15 PM
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,458
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 4,458
Who was it that said, "Living well is the best revenge"? I can't remember, but I do know that you're right to not want to just survive. Thrive, too. It will not only say so much about you that is good, but so much about him that is not. And all without your ever saying an actual word! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

t&l

P.S. Nice flu joke. LOL

cc46 #1324053 10/23/05 01:17 PM
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
CC,

That is a beautiful post. I admire your courage to see things as they really are and make wise choices for yourself.

Moving forward is not a sign of defeat. As with many good deeds and accomplishments, it appears to be a weak move when in reality it is a strong, very strong stance in the right direction.

Time and our attitudes will show us how much we have progressed. That's the need for patience.

In your thread I notice a calm that has grown in you and now you can recap the events with a purpose to make this a learning experience.

I appreciate how you so skillfully yet gracefully explained this to us. You are certainly to be commended for your soundness of mind which is bringing out the beauty that lies within.

Thank you for your post.

All the best,
L.

Orchid #1324054 10/23/05 01:24 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,387
C
cc46 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,387
T&l and orchid,

thank you for your kind words. As you both know I feel awkward writing in english (????, because I also feel awkward in spanish! LOL), and cannot always find the right words.

Also I am a CA and since finding MB am working on that too. So after I posted, I was thinking that I hope nobody reads it! I immediately corrected myself. I doesn't matter whether anyone reads it. I wrote it for myself. I am happy with this journey, not that I would have CHOSEN to undertake it.

Any day now I'll send WH a thank you card for having given me this opportunity for growth!


cc

"Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
Orchid #1324055 10/23/05 01:33 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,387
C
cc46 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,387
Quote
Moving forward is not a sign of defeat.

I have always moved forward, although it was slow and complicated pre A because I had all that extra weight that a non cooperative husband and small children mean. WH is not a moving forward sort of guy. For example he got a webpage for his business about 4 years ago but he hasn't put anything on it!
All this A business started at the same time that dds were starting to be completely independant and so I would have had more freedom , and was planning on trying to get WH more involved with the world!

I still have much to work on, but I plan on thriving, NOT surviving!


cc

"Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
cc46 #1324056 10/23/05 01:42 PM
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
O
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
Quote
..I still have much to work on, but I plan on thriving, NOT surviving!


I like your moxie!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> U have spunk girl. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Thriving, not surviving. Very good line.

Keep up the good work.

Hugz,
L.

Orchid #1324057 10/24/05 02:19 PM
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 2,873
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 2,873
cc46,

I am glad to see that you are feeling better.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{cc46}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


XBW
DS16 & DS22
PLAN D: finalized!
lunamare #1324058 10/24/05 02:35 PM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,387
C
cc46 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,387
Thanks Luna.

I really am. Yesterday I went to WH's aunt's 85th birthday and most of his extended family was there: cousins and aunts and MIL with her friends. But not WH nor his brothers or SILs. That was a normal scenario except that now I am included although WH is not with me. Sort of weird but I SWEAR I felt fine.

I get along great with the aunt and cousins. Otherwise I wouldn't have gone, but we visited her every Holy Week since we got married! Even went there on our "honeymoon" so I care for her.

Anyway, I was not at all affected by the d day anniversary, so I really seem to be over the worse for now.

Hope you get there soon too.

Shows how important personal recovery is.


cc

"Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
cc46 #1324059 10/31/05 09:59 PM
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 369
A
Member
Offline
Member
A
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 369
Hi cc46, hope you are doing well or better each day.

My WH seems to be isolating himself as well. But that's the price that they are paying.

I am surrounding myself with positive, supportive people. I'm always touched when a few people write, email or call to check up on how I'm doing... as my financial state is still far from being resolved.

I really hope to secure a better job prospect soon.


~A

Ashley88 #1324060 11/01/05 04:37 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,387
C
cc46 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 1,387
Hi Ashley, good to see you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm still happy, nothing seems to be able to change that.

Once I was able to exorcise the feelings that were bothering me (maybe I did that by talking about them here on MB) I have been able to be happier than I have been for ages!

Years ago I read the book "to love is to be happy with" , a philosophic kind of book which is based on the premise that you can be happy even when dealing with bad or sad situations. And I practiced it a while and found it to be very true, and very effective in making any situation turn out better and result less traumatic.

That was years ago but I've been trying to get back in that kind of attitude, and I guess I have. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You can do it too! Our goal is to make OURSELVES better people, rather a person WE ARE PROUD TO BE .

Whether that means the marriage recovers or not, doesn't really matter. If you don't do the personal recovery work now, you'll have to do it while in marriage recovery which will be much harder.

A few times I've actually prayed "don't let him come back now" I'm not ready.:o

And WH will be a tough one to recover....

You can do it. We all can with the help of our 40 000 MB friends!


cc

"Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience"
Page 20 of 30 1 2 18 19 20 21 22 29 30

Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
1 members (1 invisible), 101 guests, and 55 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
Ardent Center, Lost@1969, Jmoor9090, Confused1980, Bibbyryan860
71,843 Registered Users
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 1995-2019, Marriage Builders®. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5