Sherrilynn, yours reminded me of some more:<P>"get out and join the real world"<BR>"you don't have any friends"<BR>"I'm telling you the truth, I swear I never did that"<BR>"she's telling you the truth"

Maya,<P>Sorry it is making you sad. I know this was not my intent and probably no ne elses either. Just sorta a way to vent, 'ya know.

Guess they all read the same manual:<BR><BR>I feel trapped<BR><BR>I have no feelings anymore<BR><BR>She is someone to hang out with<BR><BR>She had nothing to do with this<BR><BR>I've felt this way alont time<BR><BR>I've been trying (how? when you never talked to me)<BR><BR>I need my independece<BR><BR>and so on and so forth

While it was going on:<P>I have to get to work early tomorrow<BR>I have to work late tonight<BR>Don't come in (to office), I'll meet you out front<BR>Uh..Wrong number<BR>I don't recognize that # (in pager) I'll call them when we get home<BR>It's the voice mail #, I'll call later when we get home<BR>I'm going to fill up your car…the truck…the other car…the gas can <BR>I need new underwear, these don't look very nice<BR>I need new socks, these don't look very nice<P>The night he came home and sat me down on the couch and asked for a divorce-still had no 'proof' of someone else:<P>No there's no one else, I just want to be alone<BR>You don't really know the real me<BR>I never liked this house, I always wanted a log cabin<BR>What do you mean the company will be dissolved?<BR>Why can't we keep running the company together?<BR>I thought we would always be friends and do things after the divorce<BR>What do mean you won't want to see me after we're divorced?<BR>Yes I care about you, you are just like a sister to me<BR>If you will quit making me talk to you everything will be ok<BR>What do you mean you want me to leave? Now? Where will I go?<BR>Can I come back tomorrow?<BR>Do I have to take all my stuff?<BR>You're not being very nice about this.<P><BR>When I suspected but couldn't prove there was someone else-things I said to him:<P>How many times have YOU done it this year?<BR>I know she's in there and I'm coming in (to your office)-he said 'that's why I don't like you any more'<BR>Hurry you'll be late for work, and you don't want to keep anyone waiting<BR>You either agree to go see a counselor or a lawyer...you pick<BR>I'm moving out because the house is to big for me to keep up by myself<BR>In case you ask me to move back in, should I buy a King size bed since we already have a queen?<P><BR>After I found out for sure there was someone else things he said:<P>I didn't tell you because it was just a Happy New Years kiss (explanation of first kiss)<BR>I couldn't tell her I didn't like it because she ran out of the office (explanation of second kiss)<BR>I didn't immediately kiss her back-- I thought about it for a while (for 2 whole days)<BR>No, I never touched her there or there or there….<BR>Her personality is what attracted me...most<BR>It will never happen again, now that I know what it feels like<BR>I never really thought about her when I was with you, just when the pager went off (which was constantly!)<BR>I was never sad when I wasn't with her, I just looked forward to seeing her<BR>I don't know where we were going to live, I didn't think that far ahead<BR>I tried to end it lots of times, but I would see her every morning and it would start all over again<BR>I saw her today, I looked at her really hard, and I didn't feel a thing for her<P>Things he says NOW:<P>I don't know what I was thinking<BR>That wasn't the real me<BR>I don't know who that was<BR>Do we have to talk about that--ok?<BR>and <BR>I love you <P><BR>

now that was powerful and meaningful to me.<BR>all those quotes are way too familiar.

I love you but I am "In love" with him<BR>He makes me laugh<BR>I finally found someone to talk to and I am not about to let him go<BR>This is not about my affair it is between us<BR>You are just putting all the blame on him so you don't have to work on you<BR>Our son likes me more<BR>She doesn't trust me<BR>I am irresponsible<BR>He is fun to be with<BR>I don't want to hurt you anymore... (but she is continuing the affair)<BR>I haven't had sex but I want to (when she first told me)<BR>It just happened<BR>I was attracted to him the moment I saw him<BR>We have such chemistry<BR>She doesn't have any interests with me<BR>3 years without hearing "I love you"<BR>

Hi Chris,<BR> <BR> This is a great thread.....My favorite from my H was that he cared about me so much that he and the OW would babysit for me so that I could date and find someone else...(he would hate for me to be alone)....what a guy!!! <BR> I know this is hard on Maya to read all of this but it sure helps to know how common these words are.....it saved my sanity more than once!! Lu

Hang in there Maya,

Chris, It's cheering me up and making me laugh (which I sorely need right now!!). I think all our spouses read the same book on WHAT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE CHEATING -- BEFORE AND AFTER. You know I'm a English major; I might just go in with Sherrilyn, steal all your great posts and write my GREAT NOVEL I've been planning to write on JUST THIS TOPIC !!<BR>Here's today's favorite:<BR>"I can't believe you're kicking me out. Thanks for telling me right before my trial. Now, I have to pull myself together or my client will go to jail for 30 days."

Well Sis, You know it's your fault. Your husband went to law school and has all this experience as a great lawyer, has had affairs. His client committed the crime but it is your fault. : ) <BR>Tell your husband to go in lieu of his client.

I've heard many of the ones above, but add:<P>"I need my space"<BR>"I don't need to read about affairs -- I know all about it because I'm having one" (when I asked him to read SAA)<BR>"The kids will be better off if they're not raised in an unhappy household" (wasn't unhappy until Dec. 1998!)<BR>"She's my best friend"<BR>"She only wants what's best for me"<BR>"You are controlling and manipulative" <BR>"I've changed"<BR>"We can still be friends. We can still care about each other"

Wow. A lot of desparate attempts at rationalization, huh?<P>Can I vote on "Most Illogical Quote"?<BR>Gotta be K's wife saying: "It's YOUR fault that I'm pregnant...".<P>HUH???

oh wow what a thread this one is<BR>did anyone have the all time favourite<P>"why cant you just forget it"<P>or "I never loved her it was just lust"<BR>or "they are ONLY phonecalls"<BR>or "it was really average, I hated it"..then why go back for more!!!<BR>or "he says...she wouldnt give up and she says..he kept ringing me up"<P>

I forgot these two:<P>"It was an accident"<BR>(SHE asked his roommate to go sleep somewhere else so that she could sleep with the OM)<P>"We just tried" [intercourse]<BR>(Married since 20 years w. 2 children. All those years: didn't she have a clue???)<BR>

More from Cuddles<P>I could confide in her.<P>She didn't make any judgements.<P>She didn't want anything in return (yeah, just you).<P>I couldn't see us with a future.<P>I was going to leave you a week before Christmas.<P>We weren't getting on for years.<P>After discovery:<P>I'm so in love with you.<P>I can see the future clearly now.<P>On my meeting her he wanted to put it straight in his head who was his 'friend' and who was his 'wife'. (The one wearing his wedding ring).<P>I,m so happy.<P>I don't need her now that I have you back.<P>Just get over it.<P>Just deal with it.<P>Let it go.<P>We can't move on if you keep bringing up the pass.<P>God, your so good in bed.<P>I want you, love you, need you.<P>She means nothing to me,<BR>OK she's just a friend,<BR>Ok we talked a lot,<BR>I swear I've never phoned me,<BR>OK just a few times (after her number was on my bill).<BR>Ok I confided in her,<BR>OK we got to close,<BR>OK we have similiar outlooks,<BR>OK I'm attracted to her,<BR>OK there will always be a chemistry there,<BR>OK I won't talk to her again,<BR>BUT<BR>I won't give her up as a FRIEND!!<P>AND<P>I want you to have sex with someone else because I have been bad, just to experience it. (I've only slept with my H, we were childhood sweethearts).<P>CUDDLES<P><p>[This message has been edited by Cuddles (edited May 19, 1999).]

How about this one, at the begining when he agreed to end the affair and ended up not doing it:<BR>"You are the one who wants me to end it, not me, so again I'm doing what you want instead of what i want!"<BR>And a couple of days after:<BR>"You managed to destroy our marriage, and now you're destroying this beautifull relation I had with her!" <BR>And when in the rebuilding stage:<BR>"Did I really say that to you?"<BR>"Can I pledge insanity"<BR>Kat

My all time favorite from my lawyer spouse after it was over and one of us happens to make a comment about it; <P>"oh yeah, the alleged ...."

During the Horrible part<P>I think divorce is the best thing for us.<BR>Yes I love her because I have more fun with her.<BR>I have not been happy in a long time.<BR>I need my space.<BR>No, we did not sleep together (Lie!).<P>Now...the wonderful part:<BR>You re the woman of my dreams.<BR>I have never been happier.<BR>You're gorgeous.<BR>I don't think we will ever get divorced.<BR>I want to find ways to make you happier. <BR>It makes me happy to see you happy.<P>------------------<BR>You will be stronger because of this.<BR>

First time post. This forum has saved my sanity. Here's mine:<P>After an hour of lame denial confronted with plenty of evidence.<BR>"Well now if I tell you the truth, you won't believe me." (Yes, it would be easier if you hadn't denied, denied, denied. Actually the truth wasn't as bad as I imagined, but it did take me months to believe. Without the initial lies, it would have been easier.<P>Explanation of a receipt for jewelry which I did not receive. (And he returned without giving OW)<BR>"Well it could have been for you. But would you have really wanted it?"<P>"She asked for it, just like you asked for a <BR>Cappuccino maker for Christmas."<P>OW When he wouldn't sleep with her.<BR>"This isn't the usual responce I get from men."<P>H on her character.<BR>"She was kind of a potty mouth...and she smoked and drank too much. I was really surprised and did not find her appealing."<BR>"She had many affairs with married men. I told her that was no way to live." (The pot calling the kettle black)<P>H on several weeks of continued phone contact after breaking it off. <BR>"I called to make sure she still wasn't crazy."<P>His feelings for her.<BR>"Compassion. She is just one of those people that nothing goes right." (Hmm..choices?)<P>Unmet needs in our marriage.<BR>"I don't think we "do it" as much as my friends, have you read any articles on how often is average?"<BR>Anything besides not enough sex?<BR>"yeah, you don't turn off the lights after you leave the room, even though I have continually coached you...and you still do not close the vertical blinds correctly."<BR>Anything else? "No, can't think of anything."<P>What if I dated?<BR>"That's ridiculous. You would never do anything like this. I can't even imagine how I would feel because that would be impossible." (I think he's right, but that's how I felt about HIM)<P>Finally,<BR>"I'm so sorry." "I can't believe I did this."<BR>"There is zero percent chance of this happening again." "I will loave you for the rest of my life."<P> <BR><P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

Faith Hope Love<BR>I think you have my H. I've been told many times since the affair what the average number a week is!!! Now he can't keep up with me!<BR> Since the affair my favorite is<BR>"I said a lot of stupid things didn't I?"