Thanks, Mimi..

I'm heading home now. I'll talk with ya'll later.

Georgia

That just cracks me up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi GG,

I've only commented to you a few times, some 20 pages on this thread, but I wanted to let you know how sorry I am that you had to go through all this. It's a crying shame, no matter how you look at it. I hope you take extra care of yourself for a while. I'd imagine you'll be a bit stunned at first, but I know how hard this has all been on you. I am very sorry - Dru

Hi, Georgia.

I am very sorry for your pain.

On a positive note, your former wife now, probably for the first time in her life, has a chance to discover what it means to be a responsible adult. I don't mean to imply that she was irresponsible other than for the obvious reasons, but that she will be forced to stand on her own for the most part, especially since the alimony will not support her.

I think that the $900/month for ten years was a bit harsh, and the insurance policy along with it, but all that is pretty much standard fare.

I do expect your former wife will land in a psych ward in short order. This is not a bad thing, but hopefully the start of her healing.

I pray for the peace of the Lord to descend on you and your home.

God bless,
Gimble

3 words:


I'm so sorry.

It is sad. I was hopeful. Against all odds that your WW would wake up.

It is very sad, and I'm even sadder that she had to make it so difficult for you.

But it's over. Now you have to STOP looking back, accept the past for what it was and be thankful that you had such a good past and make your futur better, or at least worthy of your past.

hugs. I know you need them.

FGG,

I am sorry it has come to this and I am glad that it is over. How is that for a mixed message? I do KNOW one thing. You did all you could do to save your marriage. You gave it every chance and it was not to be. You may not feel this way right now, but you were and are a success. You never quit, you continued to hold hope, and you did what you had to do.

I truely hope that you never have a success like this again, but I am sure you will be successful in your personal and professional life.

God Bless,

JL

Dear Georgia,
I am so sorry for the way things ended for your marriage. I guess your now divorced w/s never came out of the fog at all.
Take care of yourself and your family. The sun will eventually come out again, and you will find happiness again, also.

((Georgia))

GG

You are in our families thoughts and prayers. We are so bummed we did not get to meet you a few weeks ago.

Raincheck...okay???

Mr. & Mrs. Wondering

p.s. - consider obtaining a $100,000 life insurance policy that you can take advances upon or even cash out in the event you are afflicted with a terminal illness. Then at least it will offer you some protection as well. Hopefully the divorce order just stipulates you get a policy and does not strictly govern the terms of such policy.

(((((Georgia Guy)))))

Isaiah 42:16 I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.

God bless and show you His comfort and peace.

FGG,

I know it hurts.

Brighter days are ahead.

I hope I meet up with you again sometime.

For what it's worth, I think the alimony is a bit much - especially considering that she gets half the retirement accounts.

-AD

Good Morning friends..

Thank you all for your encouraging words.

I am up and have been to the Y for a good work out, now I'm on my way home to do start putting all the finishing touches on my deck.

The hardest part so far has been remembering her words during court. Both her and her attorney (which is a non-issue) tried so hard to make the judge understand what a bad husband I've been and how I drove my wife to seek other men.

That is so hard....that stupid tape keeps playing in my head over and over. I woke up at 6:30 this morning and that was my first thoughts.

I don't really think the settlement is that unfair. It is enough to sustain her, but not enough that she won't HAVE to get out and make a living for herself. I think the life insurance thing was a bit of an overkill, but the judge made it clear that it doesn't have to be my current policy, it can be any policy with $100K of coverage.

And...if she gets a job with medical insurance available, I no longer have to pay the COBRA coverage. The judge made it clear that she can't choose which one she wants, if she has an option to take it, then she MUST take it.

And...of course if she remarries this all comes to an end.

But...I am looking forward to working more on my house, getting more active in all the other things I enjoy. I'm looking forward to starting my new landscape classes in January, I sign up for that in 2 weeks.

As far as the rain check, I'd really like that as well as to see you all in ATL again. Perhaps that's something we can all do when convenient for everyone.

Georgia

Hi G.G.

You are in my prayers. I hope this is the wake up call that your WW needed.

Glad things went well. As far as the tape. I did say they would play dirty. I wanted to phrase it in a nice way. Stop listening to the tape of what they said. It was lies and you know it. Your ExW had to say the things she did to justify her choices in her head.

When the tapes play in your head stop it and start remembering everything positive you did. Her choice so you should not feel guilty for it.

As far as the alimony goes I think it was fair considering how long the two of you were married. You will actually come out ahead because you will not be paying two morgages and other expenses that she will now have to pick up. And she can easily live off $ 1,200 plus what her part time money brings in. Do not let anyone say otherwise. People live off less. BTW do you get half the equity in the house that is being sold? You should.

Good Morning, Georgia:

I haven't posted to you since Thursday because I have really been left SPEECHLESS about this....

What can I say?

It's all so AWFUL, IMHO...

What a nightmare, speaking in regards to that courtroom scene...YUK...I just couldn't even imagine what that must have been like for you...

I continue to feel sad for ALL of you..most especially the former Mrs. G....she is lost..and I do see her as having emotional problems..unlike the typical WS....I don't buy that you two were never happy and that she never loved you...I just can't buy it...maybe I just don't want to..how can I know....

We got split somewhere along the way, Georgia..Your experience has become one that I can't relate to because I have not experienced it...

You certainly seem to have found happiness, so to speak, in your new life and I am truly happy for you...

My new life is with my FWH and I am certainly more than happy with him...You see the difference between us....

I am praying that you find a partner to share the rest of your life with..I believe that "NO MAN IS AN ISLAND" and that we need to make the best of each day...

We are on the last half of our lives, ya know....

What can I say?

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Good Morning Mimi (& all others)…

Thanks for your post, I was really debating even posting today.

I’m feeling a little better now than I was this weekend. It’s really begin to set in that not only do I have to SAY that I have to plan a new life without her, now I really do…(I know that probably doesn’t make any sense).

In some ways….hearing her words in the courtroom was almost an affirmation that I was doing the right thing. It’s been a year since my Plan B letter, and she could tell the judge how great OM#2 was. That shell wasn’t even beginning to crack. I can honestly say that I think I did all I could to save this marriage. I agree with your words Mimi, it is tragic for everyone involved. This is not something that makes me want to “celebrate” my freedom or anything like that.

Last night I had dinner with the couple that has been our friends that I’ve referred to in the past. We had a great time and enjoyed being together. They have been so supportive. I think that is a relationship that will continue in the future. I talked to them a little about my pond business idea and they think that would be great. It was they who first suggested the idea when they saw my pond, so they said they want royalties. Their business is doing quite well and I think they would be a good resource to help out with starting a small business.

I’ve started buying myself some Christmas decorations and such to decorate my house. I bought a Christmas tree last week, and I bought a lot of other stuff this weekend to kinda make the house look festive.

Anyway, it sounds like I’m rambling today, probably because I am. Thanks again for the support and encouragement of each of you.

I continue to believe in the institution of marriage and I want to make sure that my message to each of you is to continue to do everything you can to save your marriage.

Georgia

Just to make sure you know this...

I have never doubted your belief in the "institution of marriage"..

It is clear that you can't have a marriage with the former Mrs. G...

I realize that, my friend...

Hang in there...

I do believe that "TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS...with TRUST AND FAITH IN GOD"

"He prepares a table before me in the presence of my enemies.."

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Thanks, Mimi...

You know that I respect and value your opinion very much.

Even for a CA'er like me (still needing to take a poll to make decisions) I find comfort in all the affirmation I'm getting. Not only here, but from others who know the entire situation.

I've got an appointment with my IC Wedneday afternoon. He has been a great help in trying to keep things in perspective and looking ahead.

Also, I talked briefly to the associate pastor at the church I'm attending. I told him I'd like to talk with him and discuss membership. I've been waiting to change my membership till the divorce was final (I can't explain why, it just seemed like the thing to do). I'll see if we can meet this week.

And...the group is going back to the children's home on December 10 for a day long Christmas party. I'm helping to plan that and work out some details on things we can do with the kids.

That childrens home is about 1/2 way to my xMIL's house. I'm thinking about spending the day there, then driving to their house the next day to visit them if they are up to it.

Anyway....as the saying goes....all is well and God is still in His heaven (or something like that).

Georgia

I hope you will continue to post. I don't know if GQII is the right forum or not - although that is the only place I ever read.
There is a whole other set of issues that start to arise after the D, and it would be interesting to discuss.

In fact, in reading your recent posts, I can all ready start to see where you will start to experience similar issues. As I recall, this is something I mentioned to you before. It is something I refer to as "survivors guilt".

You are going to pottery classes, and transferring your church membership, and active with CASA. Your life will continue to grow, and expand. And yet, your WW is still stuck in the "woe is me" mode. She will continue to dwell on the whole "OM#2 has been so helpfull, my H never understood me, I lost my thunderbird in the D."

Ugh. I actually have shivers as I type this, recalling similar scenarios I have been through these past two years, which continue today.

I feel sorry for my EX. I feel pity for him. Anytime I have to talk to him about the boys(usually via email) I generally can expect a message back from him with the usual "I am broke, I have no money, remember that you and your attorney took my house away from me."
The past continues to be re-written, and it continues to hurt my feelings. I have no regrets about the D - he continues to justify his A's. So I am not sure why it continues to hurt my feelings when he attacks my character.

I suppose part of it is the nagging wonder in the back of my mind:
was he actually this way for the 18 years we were married, and I just didn't realize it?
Or - was he actually a nice guy, as I always thought he was, but he changed?

also - I continue to see him dig his hole even deeper and I would love to shake him and say "STOP IT!"
I never talk about him in front of the boys. I continue to include his Mom, Brothers, and Sisters in the boys events. and when I see his family I never say anything and about him. But, they occasionally report that he is trying to "get me" in one way or another. For instance, he recently filed bankruptcy. Without going into details - when he left us he racked up many bills including lawyers when OW#1 got a restraining order against him, he moved several times and broke his lease,he told me he had several cell phone bills for $900 plus, numerous things. But when he filed for bankruptcy he told his family memebers that it was becuase I took everything from him in the D. My boys, and his Mom, all asked me if there wasn't something I could do to help him out. What?!? I never said "look, he has racked up these bills AFTER the D, I am not going to spend the boys college fund trying to bail him out". I do not speak ill of him - I just don't speak of him. I think that the more he talks bad about me, and the more I do not retaliate, the worse he looks.

When he had his day in court for the bankruptcy, apparantly the judge asked him some questions about our D. Was his name on the house still, did I sell the house, that sort of thing. Afterward he went to his brother and said "the judge is going after her becuase I "gave" her the house, and she sold it!" he was laughing, smiling, telling his brother that he was finally going to "get me".
His brother called me immediaitely to tell me to be careful, be on the lookout, he was "after me". His brother was worried about me. I knew that his bankruptcy judge was not coming after me, two years after my D, to get me to pay for his debts.
In reality, the only reason the judge asked these probing questions was to determine if he had "given" the house away to protect it from the bankruptcy. Not becuase he could somehow "go after me" two years later.

But my ex is stuck in the ignorant mode, where he doesn't see clearly, he does't look past himself, and contniues to blame me for his current life situation. and I want to shake him and yell "stop it! Your life will not get better until you quit feeling entitled,and you quit talking about me in a bad way."

sorry to dwell on my own issues. I just would love to hear from other people, post D, whose WxS coninutes to be in the fog.

Honestly, I am beginning to wonder if I need to fear for my safety.
I have wondered many times if he is suicidal, or worse, if he would do anything to cause harm to me or the boys. I have no "evidence" of this, I just know that he is not well.

Hi WOF -

Thanks for your input. I've always appreciated what you have to say about this subject as I know you've lived it and understand, somewhat, what I am going through.

When I talked to SH on Wednesday, one of my questions to him was what I should expect from xW. He stated very succintly that she would likely become more and more bitter. And, I can expect her to continue to blame me for everything bad that has happened to her. Of course, your experience mirrors that.

I know this will be hard, and I am likely tempted to do otherwise out of love and compassion. But...I HOPE that I can cut the life line off very cleanly. She will get a check from me for $1,250 a month. Period.

I've been paying auto insurance (for both of us) on a monthly basis. I will contact my carrier (today) and tell them to remove her car from the policy beginning on next month's premium.

I think my biggest fear for her, finanacially, is that she will use the money from the house and 401K to keep her afloat for even longer rather than making aggressive life changing decisions NOW. She can live for several years without having to lift a finger, and it would be a lot like her to do just that.

However, if she will get busy and finish her degree in something (or at least get some vocational training), she will have quite enough to live comfortably on IF she plans. But...no one can make her be responsbile.

Thanks for your input, WOF.

I will continue to post some of these things as they come up.

Georgia

Meanwhile, back at the ranch....

I called our associate pastor (former church) at lunch and talked to him. He is the one who got involved with OM#1, WW, and me years ago. And...he is the one who performed the wedding for both of the boys. They have always respected him very much.

I told him that the D was final. We talked a good bit and I told him I knew #1S was having a hard time with this. He said he would go over and visit them tonight and talk to him a bit. I think that will be good because he and #1S have, in the past, been very close.

On a more humorous note...

I've been thinking about the T-Bird issue. I've decided that if I had known how many times I was going to hear that story, I think it would have been so much more entertaining if I had just blown it up right there in the parking lot.

I could hear it now in court:

"I walked out of school to where my beloved and adored car had been parked. In it's place there was just this big smoking heap of scrap metal. I wasn't even sure that it was my beloved and adored car...but I did see a severely charred Aqua colored bird on top of the pile. I pushed the panic button on my key fob....and I heard the faint cry of a "CHIRP, CHIRP, CHIRP"...I knew at once that my beloved 'bird was dead".

Anyway, it kinda makes me chuckle...