GS... i think letting things be for a time can help because what ever will be, will be... and in time, the correct path should become more clear cut... trust yourself... and try to keep your head and heart in check...

i have heard the 'no regrets' type speech a lot... for me, i have some regrets... but i have accepted them for what they are... lessons learned... and i really know i tried my best, and that is what remains important to me...

change??? not mine... hasn't for a long time... i thought the same thing at 9 months sep'ed... that slapping WW with D would be a reality check/wake up call... it wasn't... i think my stbxw actually still cares for me... at least that is what she tells me... and if that is a lie... i don't really think i mind... i will contiune to beleive that i was the best H and partner she will ever have had... i used to want her to regret her decision to leave me, but that was when i wanted her back in my life... i no longer want her as a W, so that feeling is gone...

she recently told me that she can't effectively nurter a relationship (problems in R w/OM) because of her career... and in so many words told me that she gave up our M for her career... not uncommon and that is my reality... i was never more important to her than her job... how very sad for her and the people like her... but it doesn't make them bad people... just people... but i maintain the right to feel sad for those types...

anyway, i say give it time and take breaks when you feel over whelmed... that helped me... and i am very close to being 'legally' single, but i have been single in my mind for a couple of months now and it is not all bad (samm ducks from the 2x4s)... different, but not bad...

deja... you are too funny... i was reading some of slappy's stuff and the opprotunities for zen (or thorzine) there are endless... lol... even his screen name...

'zenning out'... that's a cool term ... i never thought of it that way before... my new term of the week... very cool when you can find a little zen in everything...

deja,and samm
Seems when I am feeling strong and think I have a generally good hold on things something happens and boom I'm back to that low.This happened yesterday,it was such a small thing that it should not have even mattered but all the sudden I am feeling that low,that loneliness and just down all in a matter of seconds.

I thought the rollercoster of dealing with his A was bad,I am beginning to wonder what is worse.This rollercoster ride or that one!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

GS... i don't have any advice for you... but i remeber those days... and every once in awhile... even now... almost 20 months sep'd... something will trigger me into feeling down... but, i have noticed that those times are getting less frquent and shorter in durration...

have patience w/youself... imo, you're doing good and you will be ok... this seems all normal to me...

and the roller coaster... it's a long one w/lots of peaks and valleys... hang on tight...

Thank you samm for the words of support it helps.

H came last night and we talked,I still am not sure which way to go.I asked him what his plan was for the future.I told him that if he could not give me a plan with some kind of time line then I would need to move on as a single person because I could not put my life on hold any longer,that it just is not fair to me.

Yesterday I was off work so I was able to go to church,the message was on marriage.It left me with lots to think about.
The pastor quoted some statisics one being people after a D,and he said that 65% reported that they were more unhappy 2yrs after their D then while in the M.Just makes you think,I know ever situation is different but I am thinking of mine and how will I be 2yrs down the road.I just dont want any regrets if you know what I mean.

Hey GS,

How did your H react to your saying you wanted a timeline?

Re: regrets - we never know, do we? Crystal balls went out with the wizards (back in the middle ages).

When I look at my sitch now, I realize there would have been regrets no matter what. No matter how it turned out. I wonder how I'd have felt if we'd stayed together. Second thoughts? Who knows. But I now know I'm going to be happier alone thatn I ever would have been staying with him.

We just never know how it's going to turn out, or how we'll feel when it's all over and done with.

He reacted the way he always does............with that dumb stupid blank look that makes it seem that he has no idea what is going on(I'm sure you know the look,you've seen it right??)

I guess I am getting real close to the point of no return.It is scary but I also feel it fast aproaching.I do feel more settled than just a few short weeks ago and this is good.I feel that I am in a better place both emotionally and physically.

How are you?? What is happening with your D??

If you would like to talk on a more personal level email me [email]ok........gingerbread1023@yahoo.com[/email]

The "nobody's home" look? Yeah, I've seen it.

My D is nowhere. H decided all of a sudden that it was a big priority and has been hounding me to respond to a document he sent me. It asks for all this detail about my finances, and everything that has happened in 20+ years - and I just don't have time for it right now. So, he calls, and calls, and E-Mails - and says "I just don't know what to think.... I can't get ahold of you..." He assumes I'm not willing to "cooperate" - and then another E-Mail that says, "Did you get the document? Are you working on it? Hello?" and other stuff implying that I have some kind of obligation with respect to what he wants. Do I owe him immediate responses, or an explanation for why I'm not getting to his precious document? Doesn't he consider that I just may have a life, and things on my plate besides him? It's always about him. Always has been.

When I wanted him to get taxes done (back in January) he couldn't respond or get around to it. It cost him lots of $$ because he didn't get taxes done until April 11, and there was no time to make other plans for doing the taxes. When I asked for some of the X-mas ornaments (way back at X-mas time) he couldn't respond or get around to it. Now he wants something, and nags and nags when I don't respond to his demands instantly.

I'm extremely tired again. Barely functioning - drag home from work. No energy left. The last thing I feel like doing is dealing with the stressful act of planning out our D.

Oh boy do I know the "Its all about me" syndrome.That is my H and as a matter of fact we just had this conversation yesterday.

He will tell me he is going to do something but there is no follow thru.I told him how he lives in a bubble that includes noone but himself.He will not step out of his comfort zone for anyone(well he did for OW)anyway.........I asked him if he thought is was easy on me when he kept hounding me to move out,,,,,when I had to get a new job in a new city and start over.I asked him if he ever once thought about what "I" went thru during this time.I guess I just dont understand selfish people even tho I have spent my entire life w/one.

So, where did Samm go? I'm thinking of you and your family tragedy. How are you doing? (I think we threadjacked his zen thread!)

deja, gs... samm went on vaca... wilderness as usual... i was glad to see this thread alive and well... thread-jack all you want... caught up on your sitches... the blank looks, the "all-about-me" mentality, the selfishness... been there, done that... it is very different for me now... i actualy worked with her for a few hours last weekend... twice a year i do some work for the owners of the business she works for... her body language was very different (had not seen her since b4 x-mas) than the last time... she was very bubbly, and charming, and almost flirting with me... sort of like the vibe when we first met... she actualy helped me, which i found strange because she never helped me when we were together... i got the feeling that she missed me and she probably would come back to the R/M if i asked her to... but there are still no actions... still living w/OM,,, same ol' same... so, that is not a path that i would chose to go down at this point... the one rewarding thing, however, was a boost to my pride... i have lost alot of weight and tuned up my look drastically... and all her co-workers, and such, are like, wow, you are hot... and she would say that it doesn't bother her because she never looked at me that way, but i am not so sure...

anyway,,, hope all is well... keep me posted...

Samm,

Congrats on the "new you". How did you do it? Inquiring minds want to know...NEED to know... NEED to do some of the same!

deja... did 55 pounds in 10 weeks... i don't sugest going down the ladder that fast for anyone... but, my brother is a body builder and he taught me how to push my metobolism into over drive by eating... basically, like 6 or 7 times a day, 200 to 300 calories at a time, when and what carbs and how to cycle, how much prot.. worked out six days a week (not much to do back then, but) and alot of it is in your mind, imo (living well and looking good is the BEST revenge)... it occured within the first 10 weeks of separation, and i have kept it off for well over a year... i also bought some better style clothes (took many a fashion suggestion from comments from women, like,,, you should wear this and never that!...lol), cut my hair to a more appropriate length (1/8 inch), bought contact lenses, and shaved off a mustache i had since HS... the outward change helped propogate the inward change, for me... it also helped me gain confidence at a time when i needed it most... now, i always catch women looking my way...

but if you are interested in the specific diet, which has worked to one degree or another for everyone i have turn on to it... just PM me...

oh, and i work on the 5th floor and have not taken the elevator since 9/03... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Yes I am interested - but, PM functions are disabled for this board. OK to E-Mail me at agilityspnl@aol.com

i didn't know the PMs were disabled... i will e-mail you the doc... it's in word, hope that is ok...

Works for me - thanks!

gingersnap... how have you been??? haven't seen you on the boards... maybe you are on vaca... hope all is well...

anyway, i will be D'd by the end of this month... much needed and well deserved closure, for me, to a long drawn out process... feeling stronger everyday and looking forward to the future...

deja... how's it going,,, start that diet yet???

Not yet - this is the week from you-know-where. We have a major project winding up this week, and several work events scheduled to celebrate. Not a good time to start dieting. BUT I have signed up to rejoin the health club, and put on my calendar to go on Thursday (the only night I have free this week).

I did read it over, and it sounds like a variation of most of the low carb diets, with a dose of sensibility added.

been a crazy week here, too... going to the gym has always helped me... the diet is very sensible and going low carb is definily effective,,, takes the body some time to adjust... but it definitly works... good luck.