You will want to ask her to be sure, and make sure she understands what to expect and how to handle it.

If you don't have calller ID, get it. The kids can see who it is and answer the phone if they want to.

I think it is probably more work than scary. The scary part wears off pretty quickly, then it is a bit of work, and eventually, you really start to enjoy the peace of not directly having to deal with the bullstuff continuously generated by the illicit pair.

Don't stay up all night worrying about it, you will do fine.

Gimble, I'm glad you brought this up. I do need to prepare my mom for what to expect and how to handle being my intermediary. I looked in SAA again last night and couldn't find anything about how to prepare an intermediary. My mom has volunteered for the job, but I don't want her to be at the receiving end of WH's anger and I don't want to add any undue stress to her life. What kinds of things should she be prepared for? And how should I tell her to handle them?

Gimble, and anyone else with Plan B advice, what else should I consider when planning Plan B? I want to be prepared. Thank you!

Your mom has a huge task ahead of her. Most mothers aren't up to it, because they take sides, and deliver non-stop lovebusters to manipulative recipients of Plan B.

I may be in Plan B soon. WW broke up with OM a week ago Monday. Serious depression. Maybe you already read <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

If/when your WH comes back, you might want him to hang out at a neutral site for a couple of weeks while his brain drugs wear off

I'm thinking about you Pebbles. Be safe.

Sorry to hear your Plan A is struggling. My Plan A is about to get ugly. I'm

How is your mom at being very straight and matter of fact? She would have to be capable of putting your wayward husband in his place if his anger leaks out toward her.

"Husband said you were low down and no good. He and other woman burned your plan B letter, and caught his apartment on fire."

You may want to change the subject of your thread to something like "Getting ready for Plan B - need advice"

Interesting. You weren't invited?

Is it paranoia, or does the setup sound suspicious to you too?

The mixed signals regarding the legal and his being a dad, and still being your husband, even if he thinks he doesn't want to be, is pretty normal. The fun part for you, is trying to figure out what part is mixed up, or coached, or bad choices. If you can't figure it out, assume all three :-)

and because he is probably feeling cheesy about getting other woman a present for mothers day.

I like your Plan B letter, but wait and get others comments. Definitely don't deliver it to him until the legal issues are handled.

"Hubby, I hope that you will honor my stipulation that the children are not to be around John's wife."

Time for me to sleep now

I have loved you since the first moment I met you 23 years ago. I still love you now, and will probably always love you. It is so ingrained in me, I doubt that I could quit loving you if I tried. But I cannot live this way any longer.

I apologize to you for my part in creating an environment that helped make your affair with ..... possible. I know I put emphasis on the wrong things. I focused too much on the children, my job, and my own interests. I neglected to take care of you and appreciate you in the way you deserve, and for this I am truly sorry. I am willing to avoid the mistakes I have made in the past and create a new life for both of us that will meet your needs. I have already shown a willingness to change. But I cannot do anything more until you end your relationship with ......

Until then, I will avoid seeing you or talking to you. If you wish to communicate with me about any legal matters, you can call my lawyer. If you need to communicate with me regarding our children, please contact my mother. If there are things you need from the house or garage, please contact my mother to arrange a time to pick them up.

As soon as you are willing to permanently separate from ..... and are willing to protect our relationship from her and all other women, I will be willing to discuss our future together.

We need to build a new lifestyle in which everything we do makes us both happy.

I loved you when I first met you, I loved you when we were married and when our children were born. I loved you through our sadness and our joys, and I continue to love you right up to this day. I just cannot see you or talk to you as long as you are communicating with or seeing ....

Dear Husband,

My thoughts I’ve recently expressed to you to convey my love for you and my hope for our family were genuine. Much has happened recently, but even today I still love you and want a chance to repair our relationship and provide a healthy home for our baby. I have grown tremendously from these experiences and I ask you to look back over this period and see the changes for yourself. No, I’m not perfect, but I believe I have made significant improvements. [Briefly state the most important thing you’ve changed to correct his complaints] Whatever happens to us, these changes are permanent in me and I am a better person because of them and our baby will benefit from them because I will be a better Mother. I feel much better about myself as a person. I am excited about my future as a Mother. I wish for you to be together with us and to be able to see the baby and I together each day.

I know I have other improvements to make - and you can help me. In short, I can and will avoid the mistakes I’ve made in the past. We have an opportunity to create a new life for the three of us that will meet all of our needs. We owe it to ourselves and to our baby to try hard. Choosing not to try may seem to be the easy way out, but it leaves the same problems unsolved and creates more difficult ones.

You may not know what I have endured because of your decision to separate and because of your relationship with [OW]. I fully realize that these things were just symptoms of pre-existing problems. But all of these problems are fixable. I have worked hard by myself on this. I still love you, but now I find that it is just too painful for me to continue by myself. Seeing and talking to you is just a constant reminder of the pain that I feel. It is not healthy for either me or the baby. I just cannot see or talk to you and try to be your friend under these conditions any longer - until you are ready to put this behind us permanently and are willing to try to rebuild our family. Simply put, I am now separating from you in order to protect myself from the stresses and from further pain and to protect my love for you until you are ready to commit to rebuilding our family. I understand that you may have your own pain and that I may be the source of your pain, but these things are fixable if we are willing to try.

In short, please decide on continuing your relationship with OW or having a family with me and the baby. You can’t have both.

Until you decide, please only initiate communication with me that is absolutely necessary and then only via e-mail or voice mail. Do not call me to see how I’m doing or to inquire about the baby. In case of an emergency, contact [provide contact name]. I realize contact to resolve financial issues may be unavoidable from time to time, but I will minimize this and I ask you to do the same.

I ask you to respect my decision to separate from you in this way, but I’d much rather rebuild our relationship. The baby and I are the two people who together can help you become happy for the rest of your life. We are a permanent reality, here for the long haul, and we have a lot of good memories for the foundation of a family. Similarly, you can make the two of us very, very happy. I will support any need you have in a non-judgmental way when or if you decide to recommit to our marriage. You can come to me in safety, knowing I will embrace you. Even if you’re not sure, I will understand and provide empathy.

As soon as you are willing to commit to working to save our marriage, I will be willing to talk about our future, and the future of our family. We can build a new lifestyle in which everything we do makes us both happy. Then, there will never be a need for us to separate again. I have communicated with many other couples who have achieved this and ended up with better relationships than before. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me. And I want you as my best friend.

I love you,