I did Supersets. I like the depressing love songs set to the Dynamix beat ("Now that you're gone, all that's left is this band of gold..."). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> And I get to use so many of my fitness toys with Supersets!

I really like Cardio Step Mix, too. It's fun. I made a backup copy on a DVD-R, for my own personal use, of course (if the copyright police are listening). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> My favorites depend on my mood. I guess I'd have to say IMAX 2, TLP Core Cardio, Christi Taylor Still Jumpin', and Cathe Powermax ("Wiiild thaaaang..." ).

Absolutely. I've always enjoyed working out, but now it helps keep me sane. It's great to focus on not tripping over my feet (or the dogs or kids) for an hour, instead of thinking about the soap opera that is my life right now. Rock on, my vidiot sister! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

WH finally called right before the kids went to bed tonight, five days since he took the kids Mother's Day shopping Wed. of last week. I told myself I would not call him, that I would wait until he called.

As one of my final Plan A moments, how do you think I did?

I was cheerful and friendly. I thanked him for helping the kids choose a gift for me and told him that I really liked it. He was using his gentle, human voice. I asked him if he wanted to talk to the kids and told him I wanted to talk to him afterwards. Daughter wouldn't talk. As I left the room, I heard Son say, "Yeah, she really liked it."

When I got the phone back, I thanked him for the check for half the mortgage and I asked him about paying his half of the orthodontist bill. He said that was what the savings account money was for (the money that I put in my own account when he withdrew financial support - my half of the tax refund). I told him very calmly that I was saving that money to make sure the kids and I could afford groceries. He said he had no money and couldn't afford to give us any more money to pay the bill. Poor baby, living on 3x my salary. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> And what happened to all the other money that was in the savings account??? (I didn't say that to him).

This confused me: He sent my lawyer that note that he was no longer providing financial support, and told me so himself. Tonight he told me that the check he'd given me was all he could afford to give me this month. Huh? Is he providing financial support or not?? By the way, the check he gave me was about one-third the total of the court-ordered support he'll be paying soon. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

We didn't argue, stayed friendly, although I could tell he wanted me to get mad a few times. I asked him what his plans were for seeing the kids this week. He said he wanted to come over Wed. to fix the shower. I asked him again about seeing the kids. He said, "I thought you wanted to talk about planning it." We agreed that we'd discuss it when he came over to fix the shower. I told him that I was really glad he was going to fix it, because it was driving me bananas and he always seems to have the 'touch' with those kinds of things (which is true, and goes toward his ENs of being appreciated and being the knight in shining armor).

I told him that I didn't think we should discuss visitation in front of the kids. He agreed, but didn't offer to change his plans. The phone battery was dying, so I had to go.

Does this sound like a man who is wanting to have his kids overnight? He was so weird with the custody/visitation agreement...and now this.

I'm almost thinking that MOW has moved in with him (conjecture, no proof) and he has to find a way to deal with the stipulation of 90 days of no contact between her and the kids. He did say that they wouldn't live together until their divorces were final, because she has 'morals' (gag!!). Why else wouldn't he want the kids to go over to his place, after all the fuss he made? My overactive imagination again?

Well, anyway, what do you think? Did I handle this okay?

Hey I'm in monterey you should come visit sometime i'd love to have you guys....lord knows I could use the company pebbles....hey did you come see the great white we had in our aquarium a few months ago?

Hi, Pebbles.

I think that you handled yourself well. Good job!

Quote:
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I'm almost thinking that MOW has moved in with him (conjecture, no proof) and he has to find a way to deal with the stipulation of 90 days of no contact between her and the kids. He did say that they wouldn't live together until their divorces were final, because she has 'morals' (gag!!). Why else wouldn't he want the kids to go over to his place, after all the fuss he made? My overactive imagination again?
=========================

I couldn't guess about her already living at his place, but I bet she has more than a toothbrush there.

No doubt they are spending every available minute together. The kids will definitely throw a kink into the happy nesting plans (retch factor intentional).

I do want to encourage you that if he should break the rules, that you offer no second chances. That means if she is around them before the 90 day waiting period, you get him into legal trouble. It could even mean a protection order against John's wife to stay away from your kids, but that is wishful thinking :-)

I hope that she stays away, and that your hubby has an epiphany regarding his current level of stupidity, 'real soon now'.

Just wait until he has to write the first check, and catch up on his support. I wonder how long John's wife is going to support him? I bet John is not going to be very happy, even if John is a 'lay down'.

Fun times ahead, Pebbles, it is jut a matter of how you choose to perceive it :-)

God bless,
Gimble

I love Monterey! I just took my class to the aquarium there last month. We didn't get to see the great white, but we enjoyed the jellies and the hands-on things very much. Of course, the gift shop was the main attraction. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

It would be great if we could see you sometime. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks, Gimble. I even brought up some of the hard stuff, no conflict avoiding on my part, without allowing myself to get baited into an argument. Progress!

As nauseated as I am about the thought of them having cohabitating toothbrushes and spending every spare minute together, it may be a good thing as far as popping the fantasy bubble. If they're together so often, they're bound to run into some real-life situations and conflicts, especially once WH has to start spending his money on child support. Maybe it would be a good thing if they were living together (did I say that?). That would really make visitation and contacting us difficult.

I have already made it clear to WH that if the children are subjected to MOW, I will be calling my lawyer the very next day. I don't know what the penalty would be, but he would be violating the visitation/custody order - that would have to be bad.

I don't know what is up with John. What kind of man would let his wife behave this way and put up with it? My lawyer couldn't find any record of John or his wife filing for divorce as of last week.

I have to say, I'm almost looking forward to having the divorce papers/summons for financial support served. I just hope part of his nasty surprise for me isn't that he will have me served first (imagination running wild again - stop it, Pebbles). Judging by his actions so far, it seems like he will wait for me to make the move and then react to it with MOW's input and 'wise' advice. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

You know, being served with the paperwork, then being subjected to being with my disapproving family and coworkers at the school functions could put a damper on WH's 'happy new life.' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Do you think he'd be deluded enough to show up with 'her' at the social functions?

Hi, Pebbles.

Quote:
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I don't know what is up with John. What kind of man would let his wife behave this way and put up with it? My lawyer couldn't find any record of John or his wife filing for divorce as of last week.
=============================

That doesn't surprise me that they haven't filed. So, the bet is on which one will get cold feet first. My bet is on John's wife. I figure that she has done this before. It would also explain some of John's behavior. It may be that John doesn't really care about her enough to worry about a fling.

Quote:
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Judging by his actions so far, it seems like he will wait for me to make the move and then react to it with MOW's input and 'wise' advice.
=============================

That would also be PAR for the course.

Quote:
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Do you think he'd be deluded enough to show up with 'her' at the social functions?
=============================

I don't think he will be deluded enough to want to, but I bet she will insist that he include her. After all, she will want to show off her prowess at getting what she wants. I bet she is a real piece of work, Pebbles.

What else do you know about her?

I'm off to bed now; got to get my 5 hours of beauty sleep :-)

God bless,
Gimble

Hi Pebs -

On the upcoming school functions it's too bad you invited him. If you send the Plan B letter in the meanitme, you will appear to him as being contradictory and you would have to keep your distance at the events - not sit with him.

Two possible solutions: first, hold off Plan B until after these functions and any more at which he reasonably expects to join the family. The downside to this is that others attending don't have the power to stare at his as much. Outsiders will not understand your Plan A personna and may think all is better.

Second: proceed with Plan B even if it's before the events. If he shows up and wants to "family" with you, politely ask him if he's ready to meet the conditions of your letter - if not, inform him that you thus cannot interact with him and please honor your requests in the letter. This, by the way, should be your standard interaction with him throughout Plan B. When it occurs - which it will - put on your best Plan A demeanor.

On the subject of the financial support, I see a train wreck coming - and you're watching from a safe distance. Keep doing what you're doing regarding deflecting all financial "violations" to your attorney. Do not budge one inch. Do not compromise.

Same with the visitation with the skankylosaur. Any detected violation and you launch the nuke. Bam Bam has no idea what he's in store for.

You're in a perfect spot, all things considered. Just stick to your rights and impose the legal constraints and turmoil in LaLa Land is practically guaranteed.

Also, I recommend you send a copy of the Plan B letter to his family, with a hand written note expressing your desire to rebuild you family for the benefit of all.

WAT

well lets get to schedulin sometime....I am too much of a home body...i have no life.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> i need to get out....plus I got a futon so if you all need a place to stay you can bunk here hotels here can be so expensive....email me sometime and we can talk about it more Tigeressts@gmail.com

That's really nice of you, Surviving. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Once things settle down a bit, I'll email you. For now, I don't even know which kid will be where when (if that makes sense). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Gimble, I only spoke to John once, for about 10 minutes, but when I told him about his wife's relationship with my husband, he said, "Well, it wouldn't be the first time." He didn't sound like he gave a rat's patootie about what his wife is up to. Of course, I don't know him so I can't be sure what his feelings were/are.

Interestingly, the outgoing message on John's answering maching is: "You have reached the home of John and Skank ****..." Also interesting, WH got very upset with me for calling and 'harrassing' John. I didn't tell him I had called, so John or his wife must have said something.

From various sources, this is what I know: She is 6-7 years older than I am, works in an auto parts store, and has lived at her parents' house, in various apartments in different cities, and with her husband and son off and on for the last few years. She is not divorced, although WH at first told me she had been divorced for a year. Later he said she was in the process of divorcing. She is a friend of mutal friends through WH's work.

My mother-in-law called her the anti-Pebbles, because MOW is apparently my opposite in looks. She told me that MOW is very plain (I'm not gorgeous, but I'm not plain), somewhat heavy ('stocky' was the word she used), and totally opposite of me in coloring (dark hair and eyes, olive skin). My father-in-law, who has been supportive of me, except for this one comment, said, "She definitely doesn't seem like anyone a person would leave a happy marriage for." Gee, thanks FIL. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

My MIL asked her why her son does not live with her. MOW said that once she figures out where she is 'going to land' he might stay with her.

She does sound like a real prize. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> WH seems to think so, anyway.

WAT, unfortunately, according to our custody/visitation plan, I have to keep him informed of school events. I wouldn't want him to find out later and somehow use it against me.

This is most likely the option I'll use. It will work better with the timing of serving the paperwork and it will be less confusing to observers. Besides, it might make the situations more awkward for him - the consequences of his actions.

I will definitely not budge on the financial support and interaction with the skankylosaur (perfect word for her, by the way). One time when he whined to me, "It's not fair that I'm the one who has to give up everything!" I told him, "But look at what you've gained! Isn't it worth it?" If he wants his new life, he's going to have to abide by the legal terms and make the necessary sacrifices.

I'm thinking there may be some amount of turmoil already. He definitely doesn't seem 'happy.' Of course, it's all my fault. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

My enabling in-laws. I wonder what they would think. I have told them that I want to rebuild our marriage, and they say they hope it happens, but then they have dinner with WH and the skankylosaur. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

I can't imagine what is going to happen during his visit to 'fix the shower' tomorrow evening. Should be interesting.

Hey there, Pebs, just popping in for a moment to say hi before I go to bed. We had a meeting with our VP tonight, and as he is a good friend it lasted till really late. I woke up a little while ago as he was getting ready to leave. For I-don't-know-how-long I had been sitting opposite him at our dining room table, fast asleep with my chin propped up in my hand, and a small trail of drool running down my hand. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> I never claimed to be an arbiter of societal couthness, but that was a new low, even for me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Hope everything is going on track for you, and keep smiling. You're doing great! (If you haven't slobbered all over yourself in public you're ahead of me...LOL)

I understand about "informing." By "invite" I meant the normal usage of the word - you requested he join you.

No matter - I think the option you've chosen is the right one.

This will be a good opportunity for you to establish your Plan B interaction ritual. Plan A when you have to interact, but no more. If/when he attempts additional interaction, (calmly) "I prefer not to interact with you as I have already described. (smile)"

WAT

Well, I did miss my mouth while drinking a can of Diet Pepsi at school today, in front of my class. One of my students asked me if I needed a bib. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Sounds like things are going well for you, Notso. I'm happy for you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You're right, WAT. I did ask him to join us. I guess I wasn't thinking ahead.

That's what I'll do. I have a feeling he'll be too uncomfortable to interact with me too much, with all those eyes on him. If he even shows up, he may just sit in the back and try to stay under the radar. Or maybe he'll want to act like nothing has happened and we're a happy family. In other words, I don't have a clue what will happen. At least I'll be ready, either way.

Thanks, WAT.

I'm going to post my (hopefully) final revised Plan B letter later on.

Well, it was another very Plan A, confusing visit. WH came over and fixed the shower and did some work in the yard. He called to tell me he was running late. Since he's left, he occasionally just shows up late. He was always very punctual, before he left us. This is the first time he has called me to let me know he would be late.

My attempts to fill ENs: He explained what was wrong with the shower and showed me the offending parts. I listened and admired his expertise (genuinely - I am clueless about such things). I asked him for advice on driving times for an out-of-town field trip I'm taking my class on soon.

I could tell he felt left out part of the time. The kids were watching their before-bed T.V. show on what used to be 'our' bed. I got in the middle between them and they both snuggled with me. WH sat on the floor and watched us, joining in the conversation occasionally. The kids and I laughed a lot, with him joining in off and on. It was like he was on the outside, looking in.

After the kids went to bed, we planned when he will start his overnight visitations. He asked me if I thought we should wait until school was out for him to have the kids overnight during the school week. I told him that, of course, it was his right to keep them overnight now, if he wanted, but that I thought it would be best for the kids if we waited. He was very agreeable and cooperative. The whole thing was very friendly. After all the fuss he made before, delaying the agreement and being so weird last week when I asked him to set up a time to plan visitation, I was expecting him to try to argue with me.

He used his human voice the whole visit (not the cold WH voice). At first he wouldn't look me in the eyes, but he did by the end of the evening. We actually had some very nice conversation. Confusing.

He made plans to come back and work on more things this weekend, with more fixing planned in the future (which will, sadly, not happen due to Plan B). I will miss Mr. Fixit! My heart aches just thinking about it.

It seemed like a pretty good Plan A visit, to me. Of course, paranoid me, I'm thinking if he was so nice to me, something bad is bound to happen soon. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Pebbles.

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... I got in the middle between them and they both snuggled with me. WH sat on the floor and watched us, joining in the conversation occasionally. ...
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I like this, especially with him watching. I bet that will stick to him.

As for your being Mrs. Fixit, If you are friends with an understanding family, you could ask the husband over (with the wife) to take care of basic maintenance and repairs. Your hubby will hear about it, even in Plan B. He won't like someone else messing about 'his' stuff. This is good :-) If you are involved in a church or synagogue , you might consider talking to someone in leadership about your plan and the resulting needs. This could be part of your support group.

Have you got all your Plan B support lined up otherwise?

I think you did a great Plan A visit. Don't worry about what wayward husband will do next. You have done a good job with your prep work. If he throws you a curve ball, show him what you've got and knock it out of the park anyway :-)

All the best,
Gimble

Hi, Gimble!

He did seem a bit wistful. A few other times during the visit I noticed him watching while the kids and I were talking, laughing, or hugging. The kids and I have always been very physically demonstrative with each other. WH used to be that way with us, too, not any more.

Oh, I made sure to let him know I needed him to take the kids the evening of my birthday next week - because I have 'plans.' I do have plans with friends. He won't have the kids overnight, by mutual agreement, since it is a school night. I told him that I would cut my evening short to be home to receive the kids (or maybe I should ask my mom to be here to receive them?). I plan on looking really good when he picks the kids up that evening. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I do know quite a few people who will be willing to help me fix things in Plan B. I have several neighbors who have offered to help, I have my mom and dad, and also friends from work and the church associated with the school where I work. I think I will miss Mr. Fixit most because we have always had some of our best conversations while he is fixing something. And I find him very attractive when he is fixing things (I'm blushing).

I think so. I won't have an intermediary, per se. Communication, when necessary, will be through my lawyer and email (I will only respond to emails regarding the children). I have ordered caller ID for the phone so the kids can answer if he calls, if they want to. I'm probably forgetting something.

Thanks, Gimble. I think I've done about as much as I can do with my Plan A. Any more and he might think we can be 'friends,' with him coming over to play family when he feels like it, then returning to MOW. Now we'll see what he's got. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I called my lawyer today. She said she expects the support summons back from court Thursday or Friday, at the latest Monday of next week. Then, WH will be served. Surprise!

I still think it's funny that he has said he is in such a hurry for a divorce...but he is the one delaying everything so far.

Yes, pretty funny - and very typical.

I agree with Gimble regarding seeking Fixit help. But I also suggest you take the opportunity to do it yourself. Even if you need to bail on an individual item and call for reinforcements, you'll likely learn something in the process. For the stuff you accomplish yourself - you'll get a good "accomplishment" jolt. Just stay away from electrical problems...........

WAT