Warning: I had a few glasses of champagne before I typed this.

Oh, Gimble, I am nervous! I am not really all that strong. I am not really very brave. I am faking it. I am just doing the best I can, thanks to my backup here and my innate stubborness.

If and when he wakes up. I still see flashes now and then of the good that must still be inside him. He was such a good man, before. I re-read the 'recovery' chapters of SAA. They still sound so foreign to me. The WSs used as examples all felt that their BSs had something worthwhile to offer them. I don't feel like my WH sees anything good in me right now. If he does decide to come back, will I just be the consolation prize because it didn't work out with MOW?

Please excuse my insomnia-induced ramblings. I will go to sleep now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Pebbles,
Only a few more hours. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family, & I'll be eagerly checking your thread tonight.

Neak

BULLS$%T! Snap out of it. You're very strong. You could have rolled over and given up a long time ago. No one said this was easy. Is it scary? Sure. That's why you have friends and others to back you up. Now suck it up and get back in there. Round 2!


Reasonable question. No. Have you ever been talking, and then said something that you wish you could take back because as SOON as you said it, you realized you screwed up??? It will probably be like that. Let's look inside WH brain shall we.... like in the Jimmy Neutron cartoons buy less cogent! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

WH: I had a loving wife, beautiful kids, friends, a nice home..... and I gave it up for.... OH MY GOD WHAT DID I DO??!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

This sometimes happens in the college aged students who discover alchohol for the first time and find they've shared a night of passion in the morning with EEeeewww! Do you know what wolf ugly is? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Pebbles.

Quote:
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Oh, Gimble, I am nervous! I am not really all that strong. I am not really very brave. I am faking it. I am just doing the best I can, thanks to my backup here and my innate stubborness.
====================================

Only a fool walks or runs into danger without trepidation. You are not a fool. It is normal to be scared, even for heros.

You are the hero for your family. That is what you have chosen to be.

Strong is embodied in action. You do strong, you don't have to feel strong.

God bless,
Gimble

Thanks, Neak. I appreciate the good thoughts and prayers. I'm not expecting to hear anything from WH for a while. He may even be relieved, at first anyway (maybe indefinitely). We shall see.

Yes, sir, Coach Sleepless! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> You remind me of a ballet teacher I had a long time ago. She had a walking stick she would use to whack us in the behind when we were lazy, LOL.

Good analogy. Thanks!

Is it kind of like 'butt ugly,' only hairier? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Thanks, Gimble. Wise advice, as always. I can do strong, though I may be shaking like a chihuahua inside.

I wonder what will happen. I guess I'll find out soon enough.

Hi Pebbles,

Gimble said:
"You can't fix it for him, but he is going to need your strength, hopefully soon."

Plan B is your time to do everything you need to do for yourself--physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually--so that you are prepared in every way for post-Plan B. My wish for you, Pebbles, is that you do more than just take care of yourself during Plan B. My biggest wish for you is that you enjoy your life during Plan B to the fullest extent that it can be enjoyed, so that you will be rejuvenated and well-equipped for what will be REQUIRED of you post-Plan B.

You will be in my thoughts this evening as you take this next necessary and courageous step.

Take care <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Wolf ugly is how males of the college age indelicately describe the person they wake up with. Used in the sentence, "She was wolf ugly." Translation - She was so ugly I was willing to chew my arm off to get away without waking her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Sorry. I don't make it up, I just report it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

SIS

Pebbles,
I follow your posts and I wish you peace. I think you are being very brave. When its time for my plan B I hope I have the same strength. You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

God Bless!

Pebbles,

Good Luck. Might be with u soon on the Plan B boat.
My guess, your H will NOT be relieved. Might pretend like it, but NOT.




Did we have the same ballet teacher? She also whacked (gently, of course) our "noodle" arms. LOL. An older lithuanian lady - Loved her!

jls

Thank you so much, LovingBoundaries, Sleepless, confused 42, and jlseagull, for your support. I can't tell you how much it means to me to know there are people here who are rooting for me. And Sleepless, the comic relief is much appreciated. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Well, I did it. I handed WH my Plan B letter after we packed the kids and their things into the car when I picked them up at his place. It was in an envelope and probably looked like a greeting card. I asked him to please read it after I left. He is probably either rolling his eyes in derision or laughing his butt off as I type right now.

In other news, LOL: WH really must not want me to see inside his apartment. Today was the first time I've ever been there. I called to tell him I was on my way to pick up the kids. He said he was just about to drive them home. Our agreement states that the receiving parent picks up the kids - that would be me today. Also, he and the kids met me outside his apartment. There must be some really special cr&p inside that place. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Not my worry, now that I'm in Plan B.

Strange stuff: I asked the kids to put their dirty laundry in the hamper when we got home. They told me WH had washed it all. Son told me WH said that he wanted to save me the trouble of doing it. I asked the kids what I should make for dinner. They said WH had already given them dinner, because he didn't want me to have to rush around and make dinner after we got home. How...nice???

Gimble, all the things WH bought for the kids, they brought 'home' with them! Apparently it didn't even occur to them to keep it at WH's place. They both said the visit was 'okay,' but that they didn't do much. Daughter did have a crying spell at bedtime tonight. I didn't want to pump them for information, so I didn't ask too many questions. Son did say he still isn't happy about going over there.

I wonder what will happen next. I'm not going to focus on it too much, though. I have a two-day field trip and end-of-year school stuff to do.

So, what do you think?

Hi, Pebbles.

Quote:
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So, what do you think?
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I think he may have to do the laundry again after reading the Plan B letter.

He was trying hard to show you that he can do the agreement thing by making certain that he didn't leave you inconvenienced when you got the kids back.

I bet he won't do that again.

All in all, outstanding!

I am sorry that the kids are hurt. Just let them know you love them in the most honest way you can.

I almost tipped my chair when I read that they had brought their 'stuff' home <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I am glad the kids are home with you.

Oh, and other woman has probably 'decorated' the apartment. That is probably why he doesn't want you to see inside. When you do get to see inside, just let me know if she likes velvet.

God bless,
Gimble

Leave open the idea that he may somewhere inside he may want to do something nice for you out of GUILT. There is guilt in there from what I hear. Maybe that's why WW is crying all the time. NAaah She's just upset she's not getting her way. Your WH on the other hand could be different. He might be hiding how messy his place is too, so you don't judge him badly.



Ahhh HA! Got one right. It's number one up above. He's doing the nice thing. See how long it lasts.



I think husband is being disolved by guilt from the inside out.... watch for his eyes to melt. I think he's trying to be nice to you without overdoing it and looking like he's being nice to you. That's so Sweet! Keep your guard up, he might want something. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Plan B. Don't focus too much. You're on your own. See if he makes it back from the mother ship.

Did you kill the champagne the other night??

SIS

You know. I'm feeling a little robbed of Plan B since WW got a restraining order. Kind of took the wind out of my sails. But I'm THERE! Wish DS8 was here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> DS18 is coming home next week after finals. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Gimble.

What a guy, trying not to inconvenience me. That's him, all about my happiness. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I also doubt that he'll be so 'considerate' next time.

I thought it was funny (in a sad sort of way) that our daughter ran to me when she saw me and hugged me tightly. She won't hug WH at all. As I expected, he went a bit overboard spoiling them. Daughter was still in her pajamas (at 6 p.m.), and she told me she got to stay up as late as she wanted both nights. Son said he stayed on the computer most of the time he was there. I didn't comment. When we got home, the three of us sat close together on the couch for a long time, just talking.

Thanks. I am too. I missed them.

The kids have told me a little about what the place looks like on the inside. I don't think they know what velvet is, LOL. The kids did say he has fish. One thing I did notice, the area where his apartment is located is not nearly as nice as where our house is. It's not a ghetto, but it's not great. WH has really moved down in the world, in more ways than one.

Hi, Sleepless.

He definitely has a lot of guilt. I think that's why he wants to fix things for me all the time (not any more - Plan B). He told me once that MOW cleans his apartment for him (gag). Isn't she the greatest? She can come clean for me, when he's done with her.

I think, after he is done laughing, my Plan B letter will add to his guilt. It will probably make him angry. He told me before that he was angry with me because he felt guilty. This was after I had been in Plan A for a while and hadn't tried to make him feel guilty. Yeah, it's all my fault he feels guilty. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Not quite all of it, LOL. Fortunately, I have a nifty champagne stopper that keeps the bubbles in after the bottle is opened. WH got it for me years ago, before the mothership abducted him.

You must miss your kids terribly, Sleepless. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. And here I am complaining about mine being gone for two days.

Just another late-night, rambling thought. Giving WH the Plan B letter was difficult, but it is really only the beginning, isn't it?

It is a new beginning. One that notifys the WS you are removing yourself from his drama. It is a direct attack against the A.

Like all healing processes, there may be some set back before you can see progress. You are on the right track. Don't regret your decision to remove the WS from your life. It is your H you want back not this morphed character.

Your plan B will save you further grief. When some does come your way you w/b able to handle it much better. The important thing is NOT to give into the WS manipulative tactics. You may see him try harder. Don't be fooled. Make sure you know your boundaries. Know the difference between staunch vs firm. Be firm. You w/b willing to listen to reason but not babble.

Remember his words and actions must make sense. Anything less is not acceptable. You are not looking for a short term fix. You are looking for a lifelong commitment. The WS can't give you that but your H can.

Pray for a clear mind, calm heart and lots of patience. Not much for you t/d. In fact the hard part is not doing anything.

You maybe tempted to call or check up on him. Don't. When you feel that way, post here or call your immediate support group, hug your children. Remember what you are fighting for.

take care,
L.

Pebbles,

You are doing great. And you sound strong. Just stay away and out of all the chaos and you will feel so much better. I never knew I could feel so good not knowing things. For the first time in my life I would tell people I didn't want to know what he was doing during Plan B. And after a while I didn't care what he was doing. He cared more about what I was doing by the end of Plan B.

Even if you don't R, you will be a stronger and better person in the end. I am pulling for you and praying for you!

HINY