He doesn't get it. Like a child testing the limits of a new boundary. You should know about that.

This is like when Bill Cosby is Noah talking to God, and he doesn't quite think it's real, and asks, " Am I on Candid Camera? What's going on?"

His Pebbles is not contacting him anymore. Protect your heart and stay strong. It's like fishing. They need to nibble hard and then bite, THEN you set the hook.

Are you into Smores on camping trips? I told DS8, currently hostage in Europe, we would go camping and roast marshmallows this summer and make smores.

Hi, Gimble.

I still haven't sent her copy. I can't narrow down a definite address. I may have her parents' address, but I need to verify it. That would be an interesting conversation between them, if they didn't burn his copy together (and roast marshmallows over the flames, LOL).

Thank goodness for caller ID and cell phones. One snag I foresee is that I didn't fully explain to the kids that I want no contact with WH. They may just hand me the phone. I'll have to be prepared.

That's the way I like them, too. Charcoal on the outside, mushy and molten hot on the inside. Yum!

Hi, Sleepless.

Yes, boundaries, and having them tested, are my life, LOL.

I was surprised he wanted me to call him. I thought he would be relieved that I didn't want to talk to him and would be happy to arrange things through our son. It will be interesting to see what happens next.

Smores are great! Actually, anything with chocolate in it or on it is okay with me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I even had chocolate covered ants once. Not too bad. Chocolate with a crispy crunch. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Speaking of your son, Sleepless, do you have any updates on what is going on with your situation? I am hoping you have good news soon.

Hi Pebbles,

Thanks for the update <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm so happy to hear that you had a great time camping with the kids - camping is such fun (we went camping for the honeymoon!).

Thinking of you!

Cat

Hi, Cat.

Camping sounds like a fun honeymoon, and very romantic.

I appreciate you thinking of me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I just spoke to my mother-in-law and father-in-law on the phone. I called to see how they were doing and to let them know that I filed for divorce only to secure financial support. I was sure WH would have mentioned it to them. It will be two weeks tomorrow since he was served with the D papers and summons for a court date.

My in-laws knew nothing about it. I had to explain it to them, just like I had to be the one to tell them their son left his family and was having an affair. Is it strange that he wouldn't mention being served with divorce papers to his parents? His dad mentioned that they had spoken briefly a few days ago. I was sure he would have told them, if only to make me seem like a vindictive witch. Apparently, he still hasn't said anything negative about me at all to his family.

Three more people mentioned to me today how haggard WH looks lately. One said, "That is not a happy man." Could it mean that he is feeling guilty? But he probably just thinks he feels so bad because of what I am doing to him - because everything is my fault, of course. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I know I should stop wondering what he is up to, Plan B is for me, but I'm new at it. At least I have not contacted him or spoken to him. The kids and I are doing things we want to do, without worrying about what WH thinks or wants. We have a lot of plans for summer vacation. I can't help but wonder what WH is thinking. Still, it is nice being more removed from his chaos.

Edited to change to I have not spoken to him!

Today's Plan B moment: WH tried to call three times this evening in a period of two hours (as per caller ID). I didn't answer the phone. Daughter didn't want to answer the phone. Son is not here (out with a friend). WH did not leave a message. He probably just wanted to talk to the kids, but he knows I usually answer the house phone.

Hi, Pebbles.

So, what are your plans for the weekend?

How about a cook out for the kids, or if it is kids weekend away, work on an all over tan! The neighbors will never forget you. In fact, they will probably hang close to the fence just in case you should need something important such as a glass of water.

If you really want to have fun, start digging up the backyard for a new swimming pool. If you already have one, filling it back in could also be a challenging project.

A really fun project would be to rent a set of torches and turn Hubby's old junker into a planter. Make sure that you plant the tires halfway into the ground, and paint the upper half white, or better yet, pink.

Speaking of pink, I hear that plastic flamingos are in season, and can be purchased from many online pink flamingo outlets. They are easy to plant, grow very slowly and take years to decompose in bright sunlight.

If you just can't decide on a home improvement project for the weekend and you are seriously short on ideas to entertain the kids, consider renting a backhoe. Kids do the darndest things with a backhoe, and they can entertain themselves for hours without thought of food or water, thus freeing mom up for more intellectual pursuits.

Have some fun this weekend, Pebbles!

Gimble

Hi, Gimble.

Great ideas for some fun!

I had heard that about plastic flamingos. They are quite hardy. Plus, Weenster could hunt them for fun.

I am planning to spark up WH's huge gas grill, that I've never touched before. I'll be grilling some kind of mild-flavor fish. Or maybe I'll end up exploding the grill. Now that would be exciting!

I was also thinking of clearing some more space in the garage. There are some nice power tools that might be fun to play with in there. The circular saw would make a great plant stand, painted pink, of course, to match the flamingos. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Now, if I could just get my hands on a backhoe. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

So, Pebbles...what is your plan when WH shows up to do maintenance this weekend?

He's not done tryin to contact you.

Time makes the heart grow fonder.... or at least that's what they say.

BTW, I agree with BR, do you have a plan if the WS shows up this weekend? Remember with plan B you gotta think ahead of the babble.

L.

Not necessarily, it means he is not happy. He may not be close to the guilt stage. He may very well still be in the "denial", "it's all Peb's fault" stage.


I have a good, easy grill recipe for fish I'd be happy to share if you need one.

WAT

Hi, WAT.

Yes, I am making his life miserable. Poor guy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

That would be great, WAT. I know as much about grilling as I do about nuclear physics (not a lot, LOL). If you would either post the recipe here or email it to me, I'd be grateful. My email address is in my bio. Thank you!

BrambleRose and Orchid, there is a distinct possibility WH might show up unannounced this weekend to fix things. That is what he did the last time he couldn't reach me. I read somewhere on the MB board where this sort of situation was discussed, but I can't remember the exact details. Would I say something like, "Hi, WH. So, have you decided to end all contact with John's wife?" Then, if he says no, ask him to please respect my wishes to have no contact with him until he has ended his affair, as stated in my letter?

*****Edited to reword.

Advice on how to handle this situation would be appreciated.

Orchid, I'm hoping absence makes the heart grow fonder, not 'out of sight, out of mind.' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Is there a time that he wowuld normally show up? Maybe you could plan to be out having fun during that time. I'm soaking up your plan B advice. It sounds like you're on the right road. I don't know if you should be talking to him at all yet, it seems kind of soon. My WH left a couple months ago he wanted to come back the next day. He came up with excuses to come home...work on the house etc. He brought the kids back unexpectedly early (like a day early). I was out shopping at the time. Just walking through the mall with no particular purpose. I think he expected to find me home with a pile of tissues. Anyway I caved way too early. It wasn't an "official" plan B, never got to the letter. He was back in contact w/ow soon after he returned. I now wish I had held my ground. We're back to square 1 again. The next time he leaves I will not be swayed but the "right" words and superficial remorse. My H has always been an exceptional man. WH is no exception at all. Stay strong. Come up with a plan.

Hi, Pebbles.

Get all the locks changed on the house.

If he shows up, through the locked door, ask him to leave.

If he pushes or attempts to force his way in, call the police.

Others may offer suggestions of a kinder gentler nature.

All the best,
Gimble

1. you should not talk to him

2. you need to look in to whether or not you can legally change the locks...sometimes this cause legal ramifications towards you...

3. If he comes you leave....period...
do not discuss a thing...

ARK

Thank you, confused, Gimble, and ark, for the advice.

I changed the locks about two weeks after he left. He was not pleased. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> My lawyer said that legally I have sole use of the house until a final division of property is reached. WH cannot legally enter the house, garage, or yard without my permission, even though the house is under both of our names. This has been a sore spot for him. I liked how the lawyer explained it to WH. She said, "You can have a key to where she lives, when you give her a key to where you live." For some reason, he didn't want me to have a key to his place, LOL.

Thinking about what confused said, I don't want to make it too easy for him to get back inside (the house or our lives).

So, it sounds like if he shows up unexpectedly I should not even open the door. The kids and I do have a lot of activites planned for this weekend, so I'm hoping we are not home, if he does come by.

It will be strange for the kids, if WH comes over while we are here and I won't open the door. Do you think I should let them go outside and talk to him, if they want to? Just not let WH in the house?

What are your plan B boundaries? Mine where limited to $$, mail and child visitation. Anything else he had to stand outside t/d. Even in the winter time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.