Hi, Pebbles.

Quote:
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Aaaagh, I'll try harder.
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Don't beat yourself up. You are doing fine. The curiosity is normal. You will survive this, and mostly intact!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

God bless,
Gimble

No one is gonna whop you on the head for being curious. It is natural to wonder what the alien is up to. The living conditions are certainly not matching your H's lifestyle. See he really isn't your H. He's an alien who is waiting for the mothership to beam him up. LOL!!!

Ok Pebbles, time to get you focused and back on track. You got your fix and can see it wasn't that great of a place. Like exposure he no longer has the upper hand with you wondering where he lives and how. You realize his 'dump' is just that, like the A ain't all it's cracked up t/b. In fact, reality has hit his home and now he knows you know he is living in a dive. Some call it home but you both know your home is better.

Let him mull that for a while. Don't fret. You are in a better place. OW can't hold a candle to you no matter how hard she tries. She can spend lots of $$ but she is still an OW with a candle that can't hold a flame. LOL!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Now go hug your kids and be glad you still have your kids, home and sanity.

take care,
L.

Hi, Gimble.

Mostly intact. Sounds like a CSI episode, LOL. I wonder which parts will still be attached.

Hi, Orchid.

I think WH's apartment just may be the mothership!

I wonder, now that I have seen his top-secret lair, if I have somehow violated its sanctity. Maybe it's not such a special, secret love nest now.

Okay, like you said, time to refocus - and go as dark as possible.

Thanks, Orchid. I needed that.

Amen. The kids I definitely have, the home at least until the division of property, and I do still have a good portion of my sanity.

Off to bed now. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Hi Pebbles!

You go girl! I bet that you're right about taking some of the secrecy away from the lair <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Thinking of you!

Cat

OK, I'll be direct here.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

You wrote


Let's take that "it will work" out of your vocabulary. Plan B is NOT about getting or manipulating the WS to make a decision or to get them to act in any way... Plan B is ALL ABOUT YOU!!!! Plan B is about removing yourself from the drama, the chaos, and the HURT!!! To preserve what love you have left.

It is TOO common (I know, I did it) to keep yourself in the situation, strategizing, thinking, pulling strings, etc from afar, but that will sap the love you have left.

Their A will end...and he will regret his decision to leave, someday. Let's hope he is a fast learner, and Plan B MAY speed up the process, but don't count on it...

What Plan B will enable you to do, is to wait and hold out longer for the A to die a NATURAL death. For you to remove yourself ENTIRELY, so he has NO reason to blame you for inevitable unhappiness...

What you have done up till now is not a mistake, but it shows that you are not really behind the Plan B, and you are not vigilantly protecting that love you have.

Sometimes it seems like us BS's are equally addicted to the WS and the chaos...so we have to go to extremes to remove ourselves. Get someone else to pick up the kids. Get someone else to be there for pick up. Ask lawyer to call WH about MAILING the check, and no correspondence through kids... Get an intermediary in place.

Get out of this VERY sick love triangele...let them implode all on their own, so they won't blame you later...

Hi, Cat.

Thank you for your kind thoughts. They are much appreciated. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi, StillHereMakingIt.

I appreciate your directness. I agree that I am addicted to my WH and, in a way, the drama. I have a great fear of being 'out of sight, out of mind.'

According to our legal agreement, I do need to pick up the kids (after their weekend visits. I do not, however, need to go to WH's door. That was all me. From now on, I stay in the car and call my son on his cell phone for him and his sister to come out to meet me. All other visitations WH picks up and drops off, so I will just stay in the house. I will. When I next speak to my lawyer, I will ask her to tell WH to mail checks to me. I am still surprised when he gives me one, since he sent that letter to my lawyer saying he would be providing no financial support.

Good point. I guess doing less on my part, as far as WH is concerned, would actually be doing more to help my Plan B. I have to keep it in my mind that Plan B is about me and the kids. Thank you for reminding me, StillHere. I'll try. It's hard, though.

I know! It feels like giving up...BTDT, I did a horrible Plan B, couldn't keep my nose out of things, did things out of order, exposed after he moved out, etc... It's much easier for me to give advice for people on the other side, than for me to do it myself. I am confident I could do it better if I had to (God I hope not!)

Take care of yourself!! Do those things you couldn't when you were M (except date...) Do things with the kids that would have irked WS... I think rhinestone studding the safety glasses, and building a floral fabric (frilly) headboard is in order...make sure there is LOTS of pink. And time to fill the house with CANDLES since it seems WS has gotten over his aversion to them...

Work on planning your vacation with the kids without him...

Time to live YOUR life!!!

Pebs - good reminders by Still.

Maybe you should change the subject of this thread again to something like, "Pebbels Plan B - va va Boom Boom for Bam Bam!" - or something equally effervescent to remind YOU of what you're doing!

WAT

StillHere and WAT, how's this?

Tomorrow the kids and I are going to Yosemite to see the waterfalls. They are especially full with all the rain we've had this spring. We are planning a trip to the beach for next week. It will be an econo-vacation, but it's actually kind of fun finding the cheapest of everything, LOL.

In a way, this summer vacation reminds me of the summer vacations I had as a kid. I really have absolutely nowhere I need to be until school starts in late August (except for the court date). I don't have to worry about WH's work schedule or what he would like to do. The only times the kids and I have to be home are for WH's scheduled pick up and drop off times for his visitations. We can do whatever we want, as long as it's cheap! I will have fun!!

Maybe I'll even try to find an adult ballet class. I took ballet for almost 13 years as a child and young adult. I even danced for a local dance company for a while. Ballet classes were something I gave up when I got busy with work and family. Hmmm, that might be fun.

Off to change the title of my thread. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> The title may not be effervescent, but it's determined!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Don't worry about the whining. I've heard worse!

It's tough to do it on your own. I had some tiring days myself. Passed on two management promotions because of the time committments.

Your reward will be your children's knowledge that their mom loved them so much to make the sacrifices you're making now. But you still have the teenage years where you embarass them with whatever you do. But don't worry, they'll come around!

Sleepless

Can I be jealous?!!!

Today the kids and I went to visit Yosemite with my parents. The waterfalls were beautiful, the most full and powerful I have ever seen them. It was fun. And I did say I WILL have fun!! The kids had fun, too.

Then the alien called. Daughter was reading a book, I was cleaning up the dinner dishes, son was in the shower. The phone rang and daughter ran to answer it. Apparently, she was expecting a friend to call. She joyfully said hello, then I heard her say, "Oh. I don't want to talk." She then held the phone out to me and said, "It's Dad. I don't want to talk." I asked her to take the phone to her brother. She refused. Without saying anything to WH, I walked across the house to give son the phone. Fortunately, he had just gotten out of the shower. I never spoke to WH.

Later, son said WH had called to remind the kids they would be spending the night with him Wednesday night. Son was very upset and said he didn't want to go. We again had the conversation about how I legally cannot keep him home on his father's visitations; if son doesn't want to go, he has to talk it over with WH.

It came out in our conversation that he (son) mostly ignores WH during their visits and only speaks to WH if WH asks him a question. He said he stays on his computer most of the time "so he can ignore Dad." When I reminded daughter about spending the night, she said, "Whatever. I don't care."

Now daughter will probably have trouble sleeping. She usually does the night before and a few nights after an overnight visitation. Son is pouting and morose.

Nothing like an alien to ruin a perfectly fun day.

Just had to add: My daughter loves to talk on the phone. She told me she spent a lot of time at WH's apartment last weekend calling her friends. After she handed me the phone and said she didn't want to talk to her dad, I asked her to tell him to call back after her brother got out of the shower. She wouldn't even talk to her dad to give him the message.

I hope some of this reality is seeping through the cracks in the cement encasing WH's brain.

It's sinking through Pebbles. He's an idiotic jerk who has screwed up his family's life. I love Yosmemite. John Muir is my 5th cousin! I did some backpacking in Toulome Meadows (Sp?) What a serene and beautiful place. Turn off the cell phone next time.

WW's lawyer told my lawyer she wanted a restraining order against me to keep me from talking to DS18 about what was going. I blew a gasket and sent a scathing literary critique of her behavior to my lawyer. My DS8 this morning asked a lot of adult questions. "Mommy says that your family is saying mean things about her, like your mom and dad." No, grandma and grandpa haven't said anything mean about mommy. "Mommy says if I come back to be with you, she won't see me anymore." Mommy can come see you anytime she wants. "Mommy says if I live here for another year, we'll move back to the U.S. and then I'll have two bedrooms. One at your house and one at hers. Maybe after a few months, mommy could move into our house and we could all me together again." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

That's kind of up to mommy.

I was so $%^#@$%#$ Pissed. I called my lawyer's assistant after I had sent her the E-Mail, and said I wanted to convey my irritation with whole thing. The legal assistant said, "that came through loud and clear" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Glad I could make my point without being offensive! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

You drive that little insect of a WH into the ground, so all he can think about is what he did to his family. I'm in a pissy mood! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Sleepless.

No way!? Very cool. We drive just a little over an hour to get to Yosemite. We usually visit a couple times a year (aaack, the triggers, make them stop!). Such a beautiful place. It is so different now, after all the flooding.

I didn't even take my cell phone. I didn't want to risk getting a call from my lawyer...or anyone else. WH called on the home phone after we got back. He hasn't tried to call on my cell since I gave him the Plan B letter.

No, really??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> I'd say your mood is justified. Your WW is a few cans short of a six-pack, if you know what I mean! Take it easy though, Sleepless, don't give her or her lawyer anything they can turn around and manipulate to use against you.

You want to borrow one of my kickboxing tapes? You'd have a great mental target! I also have a dart board in the garage I've been using a lot lately. How about a virtual dart game? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

We did have fun today, but there were a lot of triggers in Yosemite and on the way there and back. Yes, the obvious solution would be to avoid going places where there will be triggers, but having been together for over 23 years, in the same place, the triggers are everywhere. I'd almost like to move, but I don't want to leave my family or friends. Plus, the custody order states WH and I have to keep the children in this county.

Just a few of the lovely triggers: On the way to Yosemite and back, we passed by MOW and her H's business/home. No one in the car knew but me. In Yosemite, we ate lunch at a place where WH and I ate while we were dating. One of the hikes we took was where we had one of our first kisses. In Yosemite Valley meadow, WH and I took pictures of our son playing with leaves when he was two. We drove by the place where our daughter saw her first snow.

Edited to add: Just as I expected, my daughter is having trouble sleeping. Every night before an overnight visit this happens. Poor baby.

Stupid, stupid, stupid affair!!!

*hugs pebs* heya sweetie....I'm glad you had a good time today....spending time with the kids and just getting out enjoying your summer vacation....*sigh* I rememebr summer vacation...*pout* haven't had one of those in a few years...do you know in my 26 years as a californian.....I have visited yosemite once and that was last summer when WH was away on his "business" trip...the one where there affair went PA....so it's a sad place for me...but i did get to show my son half dome...something I can add to the list of wonderful things *I* did for my son.....I have a growing list of things still left to do...traditions and such....this summer hopefully we will all be dressing up in our japanese traditional garb for the obon festival....yes even my blonde 1/8 japanese son....he is sooo cute in his hakama and haori....it's weird how I am a dark brunette with a blonde son <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />....*hugs pebs* you know any time you need some one to talk to all you have to do is ask....and I have yet to know what your going through having my son away from me with his wacked out father overnight...no way I have let that happen....your babies are much older than mine tho....but I know it's still hard...and if you find yourself getting emotions rising...gimme a call. Till then...be good *I see that mischeviousness from you every once in awhile <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />*