LovingBoundaries and KaylaAndy, thank you for your input. It is much appreciated.

I have never allowed my children to be disrespectful of their father (and he has never allowed them to be disrespectful of me, even now from what I can tell). I am just so tired of forcing them to do things for and with their father 'for their own good.' At the beginning of the separation I used to facilitate conversations and activities for WH and the kids, even when the kids were resistant, because I thought the kids might regret it later if they didn't have contact with WH.

I can see your point, KaylaAndy, about taking the high road. I don't want the kids to look back on their behavior and regret it. I also don't want them to feel like they are lying, professing love and adoration that they do not feel. WH knows both children would rather be with their friends on Father's Day weekend than with him. Hopefully that will let some of the reality of the kids' feelings sink in WH's thick skull.

I still am not sure quite how I am going to handle Father's Day. I will try to get a feeling from the kids. Maybe they will feel like choosing a card at the store, instead of making one like they usually do. That would involve less of a personal investment.

********

Tomorrow I will find out if WH blew off the divorce paperwork. It doesn't seem like it would be a smart thing to do. He has to work tomorrow, as far as I know, so I don't think he'd have time to take the papers in to my lawyer in person.

No attempts at contact from WH since Thursday morning of last week. Maybe he is enjoying his break from me, maybe a little too much. He has to be wondering about how the house is doing, though. He was right in the middle of a few projects when I began Plan B. Either he is truly disinterested or he is putting up a very convincing front.

Edited to add: I have been so surprised and disappointed that WH has not been calling the kids. Ever since he first left, he has called them once a week, maybe twice on a good week. He knows I don't even answer the phone now when he calls, only the kids do, so why doesn't he call them more often? Are they out of sight, out of mind, like me?

Hi, Pebbles.

Quote:
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I have been so surprised and disappointed that WH has not been calling the kids. Ever since he first left, he has called them once a week, maybe twice a week on a good week. He knows I don't even answer the phone now when he calls, only the kids do, so why doesn't he call them more often? Are they out of sight, out of mind, too, like me?
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This is very common of wayward spouses, Pebbles. Your husbands primary interests right now include hubby, and himself. He is on a self-serve mission of national importance.

He will wake up from his fantasy and realize what he has done to his family, to his children. When he does, he is going to want to 'put it right'. The problem with that is that much damage will have already be done, some of it will likely be permanent in that his relationship with the children will never be the same. That doesn't mean that he will never have a good relationship with them, but it will be different than if he had not abandoned them, even if only partly. I have directly witnessed the long term fallout from such actions.

For now, he has betrayed the children much in the same way as he has betrayed you. He is choosing other times, other places and other people over you and his children. Your children are aware of this, whether or not they can express it or how it hurts them. Before they go to sleep every night, they are aware that "Dad didn't call tonight". The simple truth, is that hubby is not being a very honorable person right now.

His disinterest is not in you or his family. The seeming disinterest is because his focus is on other things, mostly himself.

God bless,
Gimble

Hi, Gimble.

And the hag. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> Well, he needs to get over himself before the kids and I get used to him being gone and move on without him.

Wow, that sounded tough, didn't it? It's almost as if I actually believe it.

If you're going to wrap the dog poop, you need to do it right. Leave it outside his apartment door and light it on fire, knock on the door and run! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I think you're on the right track. I've been telling DS18, I won't tell you what to do, I'll tell you what I think, and you make up your mind. That might even work with the kids.... but you can't tell them exactly what you think! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

So... Any news about the divorce paperwork?

Hi, Sleepless,

Don't tempt me!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Flaming dog poop, the gift that shows how you really feel. A Hallmark moment, for sure.

I'm just trying to let the kids know how much I love them and that I will never leave them. All along I've been trying not to say negative things about WH to the kids, without rationalizing his actions. It's a fine line.

Hi, Cat.

It's 9:30 here. Nothing yet. If he is planning to take the paperwork to my lawyer in person, he would probably do it on his lunch break or take off work a bit early at the end of the day.

I wonder....

Now I'm being such a dork. I'm jumping every time the phone rings. I want to know if he returned his paperwork, but I don't want to know, know what I mean, LOL?

If he doesn't turn in his paperwork, then I can try to tell myself that he doesn't really want a divorce. He does keep delaying everything, but insists he wants a quick, easy divorce to get on with his life. He was the one who told my lawyer that he wanted to avoid going to court, if at all possible.

But if he doesn't turn in the paperwork, then maybe he has some other sinister plan MOW or his enabling buddies have helped him cook up, something that will involve paying less financial support (think Wile E. Coyote and Roadrunner, LOL). Maybe it would be something smarter than the signed letter WH sent my lawyer about not providing financial support, LOL.

I had bad dreams last night about going to court on June 29. I have been on a jury (murder trial), but I have never had so much as a speeding ticket myself and have never had to deal with lawyers or court before. I know I am in the right legally, but I am still afraid of bad surprises in court.

Here I go again, worrying about things I have very little control over. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Or the fax machine on the Mothership is out of order > in a WS's world, this is just as likely a possibility as any you can imagine!

WAT

Hi, WAT.

There must be solar flares today. I hear they interfere with transmissions from the mothership. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Hi Pebbles,

You're right - not filing paperwork can mean a ton of stuff. I'll share a little story here...

My H gave a friend "Drew" over $3,000 for car parts a few years back as Drew was starting his own business and would order these parts cheap for my H. After about six months of harrassing Drew, not getting any money, nor any car parts, H filed in small claims. There were many court dates, most of which Drew did not show up for. Finally they got to see a judge (this is about 1-1/2 years after the original filing), and Drew asked for an extension to seek legal counsel... The nerve!! The judge said that he should have done that two years ago, and set up a payment schedule. Ha!

The moral of the story?? WH will get what he's earned.

Cat

Hi, Cat.

Thank you for sharing that story. I have no doubt that WH will reap what he sows, eventually.

Peb, does he have until 5pm PST to file? Isn't that in 10 minutes?

I am flabbergasted. WH never ceases to amaze me. I called my lawyer right before 5 p.m. and she said WH did not respond to the divorce paperwork. They tried to call him, but he did not answer his cell phone or respond to the message they left him. The lawyer will file default papers tomorrow.

I just can't believe WH would be this...dumb. Or...I forgot to ask the lawyer if by defaulting on the paperwork the divorce will become final more quickly. I didn't think about that until just now. Of course, if it goes through by default, WH would have no say in the terms of the divorce. I would think he'd want a say.

I guess we won't need to go to court on the 29th if the child/spousal support goes into effect by default.

Huh.

Oh, I dozed off while I was pretending to watch the kids play Game Cube. I had a dream that I came home to find the house and garage completely empty, just bare walls. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

MelodyLane, yes, he has until 5 p.m., 5 minutes from now. He'll have to be quick, if he's going to make it, LOL.

Edited to add: Bzzzzzz, time's up!

Well, I can't say I am sad, are you? Now you will get the support you need without a big fight.

Which workout are you doing tonight, my fellow vidiot? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi, MelodyLane.

No, I'm not sad, LOL, but I am...disoriented. It just seems...too easy. Is there some benefit WH will gain by defaulting? A quicker divorce maybe?

I just wonder what in the world WH is thinking. It's almost as if he's had a mental decompensation or something. He was the kind of man who liked to make sure the bills were paid a week early. He would never have forgotten something this important...before.

I wonder what Wile E. Coyote (WH) and his band of fools (MOW and enabling friends) have planned for the poor, unsuspecting Roadrunner (me) now. I'll have to watch out for packages delivered from the ACME company.

I did FIRM Super Sculpting this morning. What do you have planned?

Pebbles ~ my WH didn't respond in the 30 days either. The divorce moved to default, with a default hearing in front of a judge scheduled 30 days later.

I suspect that yours, like mine...doesn't really want the divorce as much as he thought he did...

Mine came to the house the night before our court date and said he'd do whatever it took.

I hope yours does too.

Hi, Pebbles.

Don't forget, he wants to make YOU the heavy in the divorce. "Well, I tried to go slow but she just kept pushing. I guess she just wanted it to be over."

What you do is make sure you are getting the legal support, then you really do drag the divorce out. Your lawyer can help. Just tell her what you want to do.

Have fun!
Gimble

dang, he's good! And absolutely right. You now have alllllllllllll the tiiiiiiiiiime in the world. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Your H will get lonelier and lonelier and the real world will start to intrude on his little fantasy. His little fantasy in his ugly little apartment where he lives all alone with occasional visits frm a faithless, married woman who is about as loyal as an alley cat in heat.

His future: a faithless alley cat in heat...

He will start to notice, at some point, that he left his faithful, loving wife and family for an alley cat who would dump him in heartbeat if the spirit moved her. And he gave it all up for that. Oh dear. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Can she possibly compensate for such a loss? He will begin to ask himself this at some point.

This is the beauty of Plan B. He cannot turn to you anymore to get his needs met so he can avoid the truth: that OW cannot possibly meet his needs. Now he is alone with the OW and.......the truth.

Anyway, this is what I hope is happening. While there are no guarantees, this often happens to the WS in Plan B.

Well, as to my workout, I just finished 45 minutes on my elliptical. I needed to do a heart pounding cardio tonight because I cheated like a ho' at lunch today! I ate a disgusting junk food lunch of chicken fried steak, mashed taters and gravy, fried okra and 2 rolls. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> I NEVER eat junkfood like that and I knew I had to do some major cardio to work off all that excess insulin and glucose. I was practically comatose around 2:00pm. Can't believe I used to eat like that all the time! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />