He has no lawyer, but wants to speed things up? So when he appears in court without a lawyer that will help speed it up? Or if he gets one quick...any GOOD lawyer would want some time to prepare and get up to date...postpone hearing.He is deep in the alien fog zone!! MOWH (married OW ho)is tightening the lesh...oh look his eyes are popping out <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Gosh you are making this so difficult why not go back to the way things were when he had everything...no he wasn't happy then either.(insert large doses of sarcasm)He should be careful what he wished for!

Thank you, BrambleRose and confused 42. I hope you're right about his motivation behind all of this.

I can't be sure that MOW typed his response, but it sounds like it. I am guessing. It might have been one of his enabling buddies at work. What took him so long, though? He was served on May 13. Why wait until now, more than a month later, to send it to my lawyer? And wouldn't he at least want a lawyer to look over his paperwork before he sent it to my lawyer? He has sent less than legal-looking documents to my lawyer before. He must really trust MOW, if it is her pulling the strings.

Yes, this may be another one of his hurry-up and delay tactics, just like with the custody/visitation order. One good thing, now that WH did not default, I can file continuances and delay the divorce for a looooong time!

Yikes, what if he brings her to court with him? Good thing they don't allow weapons in court (not that I have any weapons, just saying). I'll be nice, sweet, polite, and respectful in court.

I have to admit, I'M AFRAID!! I won't contact WH, though. This won't mess up my Plan B. I will have to face him in court next week. I wonder if there is any way my lawyer could handle it without me? The legal assistant said the lawyer would meet me outside the courthouse. I bet I have to be there.

Aaaaagh, this is not my life! Whose life is this? She can have it back now!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

Edited to add: Confused42, I think you're right about WH still being deep in the alien fog. Will anything shake him out of it? Is he going to be one of those WSs who never come out? Aaaaagh!

Beam him up, Scotty, NOW!!!

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. I think I'm with Rosie on this. OW is pushing and he doesn't want it bad enough to get real legal help. He could be throwing her a bone in his conflict avoidance mode. If he really wanted it, doncha think he would have done this sooner and done it without help?

Then again, it's usually futile to try to figure out somebody with scrambled egg brains.

Suffice to say you should allow your attorney to guide you on the legal aspects. Our part is easy - stay dark.

We're with you Pebs - never feel alone, OK?

WAT

Hi, WAT.

So, maybe some of this is in 'celebration' of the one-month anniversary of me giving him the Plan B letter? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Hmmmm, maybe. Or maybe, in his conflict avoidance mode, he just didn't know what to do and trusts her to handle it. He does keep complaining that he doesn't have enough money for a lawyer (not that I've spoken to him recently). I don't know. Stupid aliens. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Oh, one lovely point in the response diatribe: It said that WH will be "a newly single man with his own lifestyle to support" and that guideline child support "would be an undue burden" on him. Gag, wretch, heave. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

I think I'll see if I can set up an appointment with the lawyer before we go to court, so I can be prepared. I don't know if she is planning to bring that wonderful letter WH wrote about not providing financial support - or if that would make any difference. Judges here seem to be very lenient toward adulterous spouses. I will stay dark. It's much less stressful for me. Let WH and the skankylosaur hag discuss it between themselves in the Adulterous Abode. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Thank you, WAT. All of you have been so supportive and helpful. Please stay with me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

I forgot to ask this question. It's not an easy one to ask.

How smart is Bam Bam?

OK, OK - we sorta already know the answer. On the surface he's an idiot. We know this. But how wise is he? How intelligent is he? Would he pre-affair have the smarts to recognize legal problems?

WAT

WAT, I would say Bam Bam is more street smart than book smart, but not dumb by any means. I always thought (past tense) he had a lot of common sense.

Neither of us has had much past exposure to the workings of the legal system, so I don't think he knows anything about what to expect legally. I think that is why he is relying on under-qualified help.

Yes, on the surface he does appear to be an idiot. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Just wanted to say that I have been following your story from the beginning, and I am rooting for you. Even those of us that generally lurk are hoping your dreams will come true and you will have the H you deserve.
Don't give up yet, you are incredibly strong and principled and there is a lot of war left to fight.

Hear, hear!

Peb, your WH makes me want to grab him by the lapels and give him a darn good shaking!!!

No offense.

Alph.

Thank you, Shelly. That is very kind of you to say. I appreciate your support. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

No offense taken, Alph. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Sometimes I want to grab him by something (perhaps other than his lapels) and shake him too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Want me to give your WH a shake while I'm at it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Actually, I have a large sledgehammer gathering dust in the shed...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

WAT, I was just thinking. Wouldn't a reasonably intelligent and sane man who wanted a divorce think investing in a lawyer would be a good idea? Even if he had to take out a loan or not buy new furniture for his lascivious lair? I don't even want a divorce, but finding a lawyer was the first thing I thought of when I heard WH say the "D" word.

I am not saying WH is not intelligent, just that he is too fogged and confused to be rationally considering the consequences of what he is doing. I have thought all along that he planned his actual leaving quite well (mail diverted, secret bank account, new cell phone, etc.), but he didn't plan anything beyond the leaving itself. I think maybe MOW or someone else told him, "Don't worry, I know what to do. I'll take care of it for you."

Edited to add: I was just thinking about when we bought our house and refinanced our mortgage (twice). WH was very concerned about the details, asked questions, and read all the fine print. On other matters he would sometimes leave the decision to me and not ask many questions. Maybe this is a situation where he is letting his 'new woman' make the decisions and handle things?

Edited again: Come to think of it, MOW may have helped WH plan his leaving, or told him what to do. His cell phone is in her name and I think she found him his apartment. Since she has had affairs before, she may have experience in diverting mail to P.O. Boxes, etc. All those things are not things my WH would have thought of pre-affair. I am fairly certain he consulted with 'someone.'

Hi, Pebbles.

So, you are ready for some tea leaf reading.

Here ya go.

Scenario #1:
Husband is angry over your turning him away to clean the pool, after he had so carefully figured out how to break in and break your Plan B. You thwarted his plan, so in a 'lovebusting' moment, in front of John's wife he says "She just ticks me off. I wonder what it would take to get the divorce moving faster."

John's wife, being the opportunist that she is, runs to the book store and gets the equivalent to "Dummy's Guide To Divorce, The Short Form" and rushes back. Together they peruse it. Johns wife is reading excerpts to him every time she comes across something that she thinks he should be interested in. His entitlement builds, and he decides, prompted by her, to make a few changes, especially since he is being treated so unfairly by the bad wife Pebbles.

The result is a very bad, pseudo legal document that your lawyer has no choice but to consider, and that a judge is very likely to hand back to your hubby to be disposed of.

Scenario #2
Wayward hubby's buddies, in a feat of interoffice legerdemain, download a 'booklet' on divorce that they learned about from a spam they received. Little do they know that the $9.95 they payed for the booklet will allow the spammers and their cohorts to use his credit card in their latest identity theft venture. Meanwhile, the intrepid crew, in a team effort, add in language to the already poorly written document to make it better for your hubby. Secretly, each participant has added language to address his own little pet peeve with the whole divorce process.

The result is a poorly written pseudo legal document that appears to have been written by a schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder.


Your lawyer is there to help you out, Pebbles. Don't sweat this stuff, just deal with it as it comes up. Don't let it scare you to the point that you do something out of character. That is exactly what hubby is hoping for.

God bless,
Gimble

Hi, Gimble.

Always. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm thinking scenario #1 is probably pretty close to what happened. Scenario #2 is funny, too. I can just see the band of fools with their heads together, LOL.

The legal assistant laughed when she told me, "Whoever typed this added a lot of unnecessary words, like they were trying to look smart."

In WH's response, it stated that he wanted child/spousal support 'based on both of our incomes.' Ummm, that's how it's always done, WH. That's where the guideline figures come from - last year's tax return! It also stated that he wanted to 'negotiate to reach a mutually agreed upon amount of support.' My lawyer even told WH, in person, that there is a computer program that figures out the support amount, unless I agree to take less (not likely at this point).

I just keep wondering if he will claim he makes less money or is working fewer hours or something. I don't know if that will work. Must ask the lawyer.

You're right. I hear so many horror stories about situations like this. It's kind of scary. My lawyer seems very savvy, and pretty tough. Going to court is scary, though.

My plan is to keep doing what I'm doing now. Staying dark and out of the way. I'm sure he wants me to come shrieking at him (which has never been my style), then he could justify all of this. Pebbles, the bad, bad, psycho wife!

Oh, Gimble, this time when WH had our daughter overnight by herself (Friday night) he washed her clothes and cooked a nice dinner for her (back to his old ways). She said all she did while she was there was watch T.V.

So, Gimble, any tea leaf readings on what I might expect to happen next? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I think this was even more upsetting today because I was up with my sick daughter all night last night. I think we got about two hours of sleep each. She was extremely cranky today, too, with a high fever. My son stayed in his room most of the day to be away from his sister, only coming out for food and occasional conversation. It was a lovely day.

I feel so mean because I just spoke to my daughter very sternly to stay in her bed tonight and made her cry.

WH called this evening to talk to our son. Son's end of the conversation consisted of, "Uh, huh," "Yeah," "Hmmmm," with a few three- or four-word sentences here and there. I guess WH missed him for Father's Day? WH didn't even ask about our daughter.

Edited to add: I don't know why this made me sad, but it did. This was the first time WH wrote my name on the outside of the envelope the check and work schedule were in. On the envelope and on the work schedule inside, he used my full first name. He never called me by my full first name. The whole time I've known him, he has always called me a shortened version of my first name that no one else calls me. It just seemed so formal and cold. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Pebbles.

Quote:
==============================
Oh, Gimble, this time when WH had our daughter overnight by herself (Friday night) he washed her clothes and cooked a nice dinner for her (back to his old ways). She said all she did while she was there was watch T.V.
==============================

He is back to his old ways only temporarily. His entitlement and bravado shot up with the new legal tool (it's a guy thing). He will return to the harried, hurried, and haggard. It is a moral imperative for the wayward spouse :-)

God bless,
Gimble

Hi, Gimble.

Men and their tools. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> LOL.

Oooh I like that!!

Geez Gimble!! I thought WAT wrote this!! What a sense of humor. I love the sarcasm. I'm tearing up <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

By the way, your right on. My WW didn't want to spend the money on a lawyer at first, and screwed up the paperwork!

Keep in mind that your stress level is high right now. You can funtion at a high productive stress level, but are easily pushed over the edge to cranky. Take time for breaks when this happens. Collect your thoughts etc. Your not mean, just on HIGH ALERT. Now, you're under attack. Focus on your breathing.



Yeah. I know. WW doesn't even ACKNOWLEDGE me any more.

Phone rings. "Hello is Damion there." Not hi Dan. I'm just some non-entity answering the phone. 6 months ago she missed me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />