Hey Pebs,

Wanted to chime in here. Although I don't post much, I do follow your thread every day.

I too agree with Pep, that WH asking you to change the family out of convenience had EVERYTHING to do with his A. And it is very likely the A was a PA far longer than what you had suspected (A's are generally far worse than we think...)

I do want to bring up what you wrote...

I asked God's forgiveness, even though I'm not sure if I can be forgiven, since I knew what I was doing was wrong before I did it.

I don't beleive God's forgiveness comes with a strings attached like that...I believe you ask, he gives...no questions asked. What gets in our way is for US to forgive OURSELVES. God has already forgiven you, and now he's just waiting for you to forgive yourself...

You are a wonderful person and the past can not be changed. I also agree, it would be good to talk with the counselor about this. There is grief to feel, even though you can try to rationalize it away...

Hi, Gimble.

Hmmm, that just might be fun. It would definitely be something new for me.

Thanks, Gimble. You always have a way of giving me hope.:)

Hi, Cat.

I believe that's true, too. It is hard to understand what the reason is, though. I will talk to someone about this, eventually. I need to get all this other junk straightened out first. Like court tomorrow.

Speaking of WH, he hasn't called or seen the kids since last Wednesday. He is scheduled to pick them up at 6 p.m. tomorrow for an overnight. I know he is completely self-centered right now, but couldn't he spare 5 minutes to call his kids and say hello? Or he could email them.

Thank you for thinking of me, Cat. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi, StillHereMakingIt.

I agree. If it has been going on much longer, I don't know what to think about that. It makes me look back and wonder what, if anything, was actually true about our last year or years together.

Thank you for posting that. It does make me wonder about people who do something they know is wrong and think to themselves, "I can go ahead and do this because I will be forgiven." That is not what I was thinking at the time, but it just makes me wonder.

Thank you for posting. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Pebbles.

Quote:
======================================
It does make me wonder about people who do something they know is wrong and think to themselves, "I can go ahead and do this because I will be forgiven." That is not what I was thinking at the time, but it just makes me wonder.
======================================

Just because someone is forgiven, does NOT mean that there won't be consequences for their actions.

We are all responsible for our actions, even when we are forgiven for them.

That pretty much dumps the "get away with it" vector into the trash :-)

God bless,
Gimble

Hi, Gimble.

As it should be. Gimble, how did you become so wise, anyway?

So, do you still think Bam Bam sounds like a man in the throes of agony?

To recap my situation (to see what my chances are, LOL):
Let's see, I did a decent-to-good Plan A for about 3 months. I have been in Plan B for a little over 1 month. The affair has been going on, if Bam Bam can be believed <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />, about 1-1/2 years, possibly as long as 2+ years in real, human/non-alien time.

I'm wondering if the poor, fried synapses in Bam Bam's brain have truly connected what is going on - me filing for divorce to get financial support and the Plan B letter explaining. I wonder if he just thinks I want it over. Although, I did give him the Plan B letter a week after he was served. Or, maybe he doesn't give a you-know-what.

Also, MOW is still married, with no divorce filed as of last week.

My mom is going to give me a ride to the courthouse, so I don't have to worry about parking. I decided to ask her to watch the kids. I feel like I need to handle this on my own, with my lawyer. I was worried about who Bam Bam might bring, but let him bring whomever he pleases. They may get an earful of his lies. I think I'll get a new dress and make an occasion out of it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

P.S. Aaagh. My sister just called with a date to have our family picture taken. We got my parents a gift certificate to have a family picture taken for Christmas. This will be the first picture without WH. I guess my family got tired of me putting it off.

Yes, get the new dress!

Go in there looking like a million $$$!

Shame about the picture, though.
When DD12 was nine, she caught Scarlet Fever, was off school for a while, and consequently missed being in her class photograph. We still bought the picture, even though she wasn't in it, and put a little round, red sticker in the middle of the group to remind us why she was missing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Perhaps you could do something similar for WH? But with an easi-peel ET sticker? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

*ducks*

Alph.

Hi, Alph.

Good idea! Or maybe a Darth Vader sticker? Oh, oh, Wile E. Coyote? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

It's 9:05 p.m. on the night before court. WH still has not called to talk to the kids (a whole week now).

I went out this afternoon and got a new dress on sale. The salesgirl who approached me asked if I was shopping for a special occasion. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> I came right out and told her, "I'm looking for a taking-my-cheating-husband-to-court-for-child-support dress. Do you have anything like that?" She looked shocked for a moment, then laughed and helped me find something nice. Conservative enough for court, but not even close to being frumpy.

I'm a little nervous (maybe more than a little), even though I know things will probably go my way. You know how on T.V. sometimes the guilty person finds a loophole in a law somewhere and ends up getting away with his/her dastardly deed? That's what I'm afraid of.

If I'm this nervous, I wonder how WH feels. I wonder how he will sleep tonight. I am supposed to meet my lawyer in front of the courthouse. What if we don't recognize each other? What if I meet up with WH, and maybe MOW, on their way through the metal detector? I know, be pleasant, but it still makes me a bit nervous.

One good thing, after tomorrow I won't have to worry about going to court any more, at least for a while - and hopefully child support will be ordered and on its way.

Hi, Pebbles.

I hope that hubby isn't dumb enough to bring John's wife with him. If he does, just ignore her. If it looks like you will end up in the same elevator, then just wait for the next one.

Don't force yourself to face hubby and optional companion just so you can 'be strong'. Save 'strong' for the courtroom.

One of my favorite prayers for myself is very simple, but effective for my responsibility load. Maybe it will help you. "Dear God, please don't let me screw up."

You will do fine.

Oh, and if John's wife should happen to be dumb enough to be there, and even worse, be dumb enough to speak to you, simply smile and tell her to "drop dead". You never know, you just might get lucky <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Get some sleep Pebbles, the peaceful kind that comes from having a clean heart and mind.

God bless,
Gimble

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Oh Pebbles, I'm so sorry! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

There is NOTHING that cannot be forgiven by God. Your child is at peace now. He or she is fine. You are the one that's hurt. You are cursed with the same affliction as all of us.....your an imperfect human. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Sorry I missed this for two days.

Ooops. Ignore what I said. StillHereMakingIT said it better <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Gimble.

Thank you for being here. I really needed your encouragement tonight. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

That prayer just about covers it all. I'll start now.

Thank you, and yes, I will. I'll let the lawyer do the talking and just stand there attentively.

I would also like to wish for her eyelashes to be pulled out one by one, very slowly. Even better, I would like for my WH to do the pulling and hand each lash to me, while on his knees! Wow! Where did that come from?

I am going to bed right now, much earlier than usual, praying and hoping God and the law are on my and the children's side - and maybe even knocking a little sense into Bam Bam.

Hi, Sleepless.

You said it just fine. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Thank you.

Good luck for today, Pebbles.

Thinking of you.

Alph.

Forgiveness comes with repentance. (Don't make me cite verse) Forethought of malice assumes the person who committed the act does not truly count on Christ's forgiveness and must first ask for it in his/her heart. There is still evil in the world. You're not it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

And what Gimble said too.

Hi Pebbles,

Good luck in court today!

Cat

Pebbles,

I've been following your story... I hope I don't have to go there.

I just wanted to say that I admire how you are handling this all. I am convinced that you will come out of this a wiser, kinder, deeper person; not one of those bitter FBS/BS.

I am thinking of you today and hoping that the court results are as advantageous as possible for you and your children.

You will be fine in court.

carry on.

Pep

Thank you, Alph, Gimble, losttranslation, and Cat for the good wishes for my court date. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Gimble, I prayed the "don't let me screw it up" prayer. It worked. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

This is really long, but it was a big day for me. Also, some of you who haven't been to court might like to know what to expect.

I don't know where to begin. So much happened - it was like three days rolled into one. I don't think I slept more than five minutes here and there. I finally gave up trying to sleep and got up at around 5:30. I spent some extra time on hair and makeup. I don't think I've had a hair day this good in, well, ever. The take-the-cheater-to-court dress was just right. The first thing my lawyer said when I saw her was, "Wow, you look fantastic!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

We got to the courtroom and discussed my questions and she prepared me for what would happen. WH arrived a few minutes late, with his brother - the one who had offered to help me financially. I hadn't seen WH up close for a while. He looked terrible, much older. He was coughing, too. My lawyer whispered to me, "Is he sick or something? He looks sick." WH and brother sat on the opposite side of the court room, straight across from us. Our eyes met. I smiled and gave a small wave to them. The brother smiled back.

It gets hilarious now. My lawyer and I actually grabbed each other's arms to keep us from laughing out loud. The judge called our names and asked us if we had come to an agreement before court. WH's brother answered for him. The judge was not amused. He ordered WH's brother to sit down and be quiet. WH tried to argue with the judge that it wasn't fair that I had a lawyer, and he needed his brother to advise him. The judge said, "If your brother is not a lawyer, then he's nobody. Tell him to be quiet or tell him to leave!"

The judge printed out the computer program with the support figures and gave each of us one. He asked WH if he agreed to the figures. He did not. The judge sent us out of the courtroom to talk it over. WH tried to bring his brother again. The judge scolded him again. Out in the hallway, WH tried to argue with my lawyer about how everything was so unfair and he couldn't pay the money. I just sat on a bench near my lawyer and looked around.

After a really looooooooooong wait back in the courtroom, we were called up to the scary seats in front of the judge. WH asked the judge if he could bring his brother with him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> The judge scolded him again. WH tried to argue with the judge. I was so embarrassed for him! I just wanted to shout out, "WH, just be quiet! You're making yourself look like an idiot!" He had many different arguments about why he shouldn't have to pay so much support. One of the most brilliant was, "If she had a different job, she'd make more money." The judge said, "But does she have a different job? No? Then pay the support." He also complained that at the end of the month I'd end up with more money than he did. The judge had no sympathy. He even made fun of WH a few times. I was torn between feeling sorry for WH and trying not to laugh.

A final amount was ordered. A little less than I was expecting, but not much less. WH came up with a few deductions the judge allowed. He will have to pay me back child support, too - some of it added on to each support check for the next 10 months. The judge then said to me, "It is up to you if you trust him to write you a check or if you want the support directly withdrawn from his paycheck." I said I'd feel more comfortable with direct withdrawl. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

As we left the scary seats, WH opened the gate for me and guided me through gently with his hand on my back. How gallant. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> In my opinion, WH was very scared and out of his element. His confusion and fear came out sounding like aggression and rudeness. My lawyer thought so, too. She said he didn't sound especially angry. (But I'm sure he's plenty angry now!)

One bad thing, I probably will have to sell the house. During our long wait the lawyer started tallying up the division of assets, even though WH will have to file a motion and serve it on me before that can happen. I would have to pay him way more than I can possibly afford, even with refinancing.

I liked how WH told the judge, "There is no need for lawyers in this. We could have come to an agreement on our own. She is the one who insisted on involving a lawyer." Sure, we could have come to an agreement, as long as I did everything he wanted and agreed to live on whatever money he decided he could spare us that month. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Oh, last thing, I saw in the paperwork WH's response to being served with the divorce papers. The server quoted him as saying, "Oh, good!"

I'm glad this is over - until the next legal maneuver, anyway. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />