Eeew! You don't look that old in your picture!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I think he's sympathy shopping too. But maybe it's more simple than that. He was just on autopilot and wrote it down. We men sometimes do things from habit.

Hi, Grapegirl and Sleepless.

Grapegirl quote:
Sleepless quoteI guess it could have been a reflex - one of those mysterious 'guy things' that we women do not understand? He has been so careful to have everything of importance sent to his secret P.O. Box, though. I usually only receive junk mail for him at the house.

Speaking of reflex, LOL. I noticed on his new checks he put the house address, but the city and ZIP code of his lair. Duh!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Grapegirl quote:Oh, my. If he supersizes his sense of entitlement any more, he may explode. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Alph.

Yes, I am evil incarnate. I had no idea I was omnipotent, too.

LOL, if I am omnipotent, does that make him impotent? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Gimble.

I suppose I have led a sheltered life until now. People and life in general have always been pretty good to me. I wonder what the trigger was to make WH change his basic beliefs and personality so much. I wish I would have realized what was going on so I could have helped prevent it.

I have been through all this without lying, cheating, or losing my integrity so far. What is his excuse?

Hi, Surviving.

Nails and hair done, great! All in the name of education. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Have a great time!!!

We mere humans will never understand the twisted minds of aliens. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> At least you got some nice stuff. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> A belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you! I think next week will be more of a celebration for you, eh? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Sleepless,

Well, at least I'm not as old as some people (ahem, you!). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

>.> <.< *cough* hehe yep..... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Pebbles.

Quote:
=====================================
I have been through all this without lying, cheating, or losing my integrity so far. What is his excuse?
=====================================

His excuse is you. The problem with that, is that the lie he has professed, defended, and basically promulgated to himself, John's wife and others, will eventually be shown to be unsubstantiated. Then he will have to face the facts of what he has done. That won't be a pretty day for him at all. That will be a pot of crow soup the size of Rhode Island.

Here is some tea leaf reading for you.
It probably started with some basic resentment. One day he found himself alone with John's wife. He was attracted to her. He thought she was attracted to him. That is when his justification started. very probably at your expense. "John's wife, my wife doesn't (understand me, make love to me, need me anymore, insert reason here..)." A small lie, maybe with a kernel of truth, but completely inappropriate for the situation. Maybe she shared something with him about herself. There was some intimacy that passed between them. They both probably lied, but both felt better about it because they felt 'it wasn't all their fault'.

Once the first lie is told, it gets easier from there, but the guilt grows right along with the excitement. Before long, Bam Bam is picking fights with you so that he can justify even more time spent with John's wife, and in Bam Bam's mind, it is all your fault. From there, the attraction grows due to the very illicit nature of the contact, the guilt and the secrecy. Contact becomes very sexually charged. Promises based on lies are made, and the affair becomes full blown.

All the while, BOTH illicit partners know in their gut, that what they are doing is a lie and a fantasy. Later on, they may discover that their experience has been predicated on someone else's pain. Conflict avoiders may never admit they were liars or living a fantasy or that they devastated others in the process. They are the ones most likely to marry, and fail again, blaming that failure on the other spouse.

All this is why it is vitally important for your hubby to bottom feed for a while Pebbles. He must get beat up enough to see how he got to where he is, and that it has all been at his own hand, at the expense of yours and your family's pain.

God bless,
Gimble

Hi, Gimble.

This is what happened with WH's brother who ended up marrying his affair partner (not the court-buddy brother, another brother). He and the affair partner are still married (11 years), but it is very rocky - and everyone knows it. I wonder, since the brother did this, if WH is more likely to do it, too. I can see it happening very easily. WH will not want to admit he was wrong and he will want to avoid conflict with his MOW. If she actually divorces, he probably will end up marrying her.

If MOW does not divorce, I think they will probably end up living together, even though WH said that was not an option until both of their divorces were final. Why would he bother to keep this promise, when he's broken every other promise he has made so far? The only promise WH has kept is he has not come back. He has said from the night he left that he would never come back and there is no way he would want to stay married to me. Interesting(?) that this is the one and only promise that has remained true so far.

Well, he's definitely sucking scum and filth off the bottom of the aquarium now. Being as stubborn as he is, who knows how long he will stay down there? Maybe permanently? I'm going to stay out of his way and let him get his fill.

I am taking the kids to the beach for a few days this week for our annual 'family vacation,' returning Wednesday afternoon (need to be home by the 6 p.m. pickup time). I have asked some sympathetic neighbors to keep an eye on the house. I told them about the court order. I can imagine WH hiring a locksmith to let him in the garage or the house (since they are his). Although, that would cost money. More likely, he would find a way to break in. My parents will also be stopping by to feed the dogs and check on the house. The kids said they did not mention to WH that we would be gone, so my precautions are probably not necessary.

I got more mail intended for WH today. I think I will write "no such person at this address" on the envelopes and put them back in the mailbox. One item I received was copies of insurance forms WH was court-ordered to fill out for the children. He put his address on the inside forms (including his icky affair email address), but put the house address as the mailing address. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I think WH is just not thinking (with his brain, anyway). He seems to have lost quite a few IQ points lately. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Edited to add: I got a call today from the auto insurance company that the policy is about to expire. Well, I took care of my auto insurance. WH went to the trouble of using his mailing address and affair email address for the auto insurance, but didn't change the phone number. I told the caller I had no idea what WH's plans were regarding insurance and I would not be able to take a message for him. I did not give his cell number. They can email him at his icky his&her's email address. His irresponsibility is not my responsibility.

Some random thoughts while the kids are entertaining each other this Saturday afternoon:

I am sure this is probably very common in affair situations, but I find it amusing (in a sick kind of way). WH was the one who left and said he wanted nothing more to do with me. Now that I have done some things to get on with my own life, he seems to be upset. He promised to financially support us and let us stay in the house as long as we needed, then withheld support and threatened to make us sell. He doesn't live here, but thinks he should be able to come and go as he pleases. He doesn't want me, but it apparently bothers him if I go away for the weekend. He claims to love his kids, but never calls them and tried to fight paying child support. He wants a divorce, but delays everything, refuses to consult a lawyer, and wants me to explain the details of the court orders to him, instead of getting his own copies.

I graduated from high school 22 years ago. He graduated 24 years ago. I really have no desire to go back to the silly game playing and intrigue of the high school social scene. Apparently, WH misses those days. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Edited to add: Oh, goody. Our daughter's 10th birthday and our 16th wedding anniversary are a little more than two weeks away.

You just keep it up! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I would amend that to say "at any time given the right circumstances."

Hey Pebbles! I just found out yesterday that my WW has proposed a new restraining order against me.... but I'm not sure for what. She also said I was spending money frivolously..... redecorating the house. That was my parents buying DS8 a new bed, dresser and desk, NOT buying OM19 $2000 worth of airplane tickets!

Celebrate 16 years of you being a super wife and mother in a few weeks. WH's brain is still up on the alien ship! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

When you have a chance, do you have any good information on Surviving? She sounded like a wild woman on your trip to SFO! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Sleepless.

Stupid aliens. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> So, what do you think you'll be restrained from this time? She certainly has an active imagination.

I don't know how super I've been, but I'm going to do something that night. I don't know what yet. I may take myself out to dinner, preferably with a friend or two - so I won't be a 'party of one' (not much of a party, just one, LOL). Or maybe a stupid, mind-numbing comedy DVD of some sort, pure escapism, with a lot of candles and a nice bottle of wine...and Chinese food or something else I don't have to cook myself. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> I may even buy myself an anniversary present, now that I have some financial support. I definitely deserve it this year! Hmmm, what to get myself??

I'm not sure what you want to know. It would probably be best go directly to the source. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Well, I could keep it up, but I'll never catch up with you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Sleepless.

Quote:
===============================
! would amend that to say "at any time given the right circumstances."
===============================

Nope. I used to think that. I was wrong.

Gimble

[quote] Quote:
===============================
! would amend that to say "at any time given the right circumstances."
===============================

Nope. I used to think that. I was wrong.[quote]

REALLY??? That's fairly cynical. While I appreciate your critical thought patterns, and I understand that all men (and women) are frought with sin, but I still believe Satan is there to deceive and for those who are aware and attentive, they are not easily deceived. But because we has humans are weak, we are susceptible to deception and therefore any misbehavior.

Ooohh Bad threadjack. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Something you don't cook sounds perfect. Mooshu Pork is one of my favorites. Maybe a bottle of Black Mountain 'Gravel Bar' Chardonnay from Trader Joes! Anniversary gift? A small stero system with CD player for under $200 or a full body massage at a local spa from Sven! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> (DO IT!)



Will the source tell the truth? I'm not sure what I want to know either, but I like her wit/mouth! She sounds like a Chicago girl! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Other than that, I'm still wearing a wedding ring, and won't be interested in any other information until about 6 months to a year after a divorce is final. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />