Peb,

You are a stronger person than I am. I've had enough of my WH.

I want out. Plan B seems to be more trouble than it's worth for me.

I think you've been doing great. You're just too hot, that's all. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Hi, Alph.

I know exactly how you feel about wanting to give up and move on. I have felt that way myself from time to time. I see by your thread that you have changed your mind. I have done that a few times, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thank you. I think being too hot just drains all the energy right out of me. It's so hot that when I walk out the front door of my air-conditioned to 85 degrees house, it feels like the breath is being sucked right out of my lungs. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

TJ alert!

I remember, when I was 11, we visited my grandparents who had recently retired to Florida.

I will never forget the experience when I first walked out of the airport to the car park - it was like hitting a wall of hot water. Not something you expect when you've lived your whole life in the damp, cool UK!

Sorry for the TJ. But it was amazing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

{{{{{{{{Pebbles}}}}}}}}}

If you get too hot and need a cheap mini-vacation, come see me. We live a couple miles from a lake, and though we don't have a boat or anything, it's still fun for swimming and picnicking and stuff. You are welcome any time, and I mean that.

Hang in there! You're doing great!

Peb, it's just started raining here - wish we could exchange a little of our weather.

Alph.

Hi Pebs - I'm gonna catch up on you soon. Please direct me to notable stuff that's happened since June 24.

WAT

Pebbles,

I have a few thoughts that came to me while catching up on your thread. Bear with me - there might be a threadjack or two, and some rambling.

First, you mentioned that you wished that you didn't care so deeply. Tell me - would you have married your H if you didn't care so deeply about him? IMVHO, that's what a good M should be based on - caring about each other. If I didn't think I'd feel hurt to the core by a betrayal by my H, I would probably think that I didn't care enough about him. Know what I mean?

As for the heat, I absolutely know how you feel. I would suggest a cool shower and a sleeping pill before bed, and meditation or a relaxation exercise to help you drift off. Sure, it doesn't change how hot it is, but you'll probably sleep better.

I'm not surprised at all about your WH spending less time with the kids. My dad moved 1,000 miles away about six months after my parents separated. He moved that far so that he could live with his OW. I don't remember meeting her. I mean, I remember spending time with her, but I don't remember the first time I actually met her.

Does that tell you anything about how "defining" of a moment it might be for your kids? It's only 12 years later and I have no recollection of the event.

I don't think that you would be normal if you weren't curious about what is going on with your WH and John's wife. It's human nature to be curious. I also have to say that you sound a lot calmer now, though, than you did a few months ago. Plan B has certainly changed you, whether or not you see it.

And I don't think that you're a dork for not being able to type out curse words. I can't either... It's to vulgar to see the letters together on the screen. I admit that sometimes a curse word slips out when talking, but by accident, and I just can't bring myself to typing one.

The big weekend trips that he was hoping to do with the kids - he will probably end up skipping them altogether or asking for an extra day on his visitation. But that could only happen before school starts, right? I hope that your kids aren't looking forward to the trips, or they might be very disappointed.

Cat

Hi, WAT. Good to 'see' you back on the board. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I hope you had a good vacation.

Hmmm, let's see. I guess page 60 (an event that may shed some more light on what is happening - but it's really embarrassing), page 63 (our day in court) and page 65/66 (WH starts to violate court orders and get pushy). My life, the soap opera. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I'm glad you're back, WAT. A lot of us missed you. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Cat.

You're right, I wouldn't have married WH if I didn't care deeply about him. It's hard to turn those feelings off, even after all that has happened. As for him caring about me now, who knows? But...when he first left, I asked him how he would have felt if I had been the one to have an affair. He said, "It would kill me." Hmmm, but I'm supposed to be okay with him doing it and just get over it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for the suggestions about how to handle the heat. I should be used to it by now. I have lived here for over 20 years. It seems the older I get, the more hot the heat feels, LOL.

You were about my son's age when you met your dad's OW. I appreciate you sharing your experiences very much. Maybe it won't be as bad as I think it will be. I can't imagine the kids will be overjoyed to spend time with her, as WH seems to think they will be (at first anyway).

In some ways I do feel stronger and more calm. I have found out I don't need WH - I can take care of myself and the kids just fine without him, if necessary.

Thanks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I think part of it is the teacher thing, too. I am so conditioned to being around kids that I never cuss, even at home. I'm a goody-two-shoes (but with a naughty tendency here and there).<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

I don't know if WH knows he can ask for extra visitation time. He doesn't seem to be too clued in as to what is going on legally. The kids don't know about any of WH's grand plans for his new 'happy little family.' He has never mentioned anything to them, thankfully. The 90-day no contact with MOW stipulation runs out right before school starts for my son (mid-August), so I think WH will need to wait until the next vacation for any big trips.

Hi, 'Neak.

Thank you! You are so kind. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks. I'm hangin'. You've had a lot going on lately, too! Keep that red cloak (or is it a cape?) of power handy. It sounds like you've taken control. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Cloaks and capes are pretty much interchangeable with me. And yee-hah, I am in control. Ffffffpchhhhhhhhhh! (That was my whip cracking. And yes, the whip is red, too.)

Pebbles,

I'm glad that sharing parts of my story has helped you. My dad's OW tried to buy us off, spoiled us rotten. I suspect that John's wife might take the same approach. If your son is bright, which I suspect he is with you as a mother, he'll see right through it. The younger one might have more trouble, though.

Is there an air-conditioned gym nearby? Maybe work off some steam and sit in the A/C for a while...

I do hope that you find some peace.

Cat

Alph, it's a deal! I'll take some rain, gladly! It's supposed to be 107 here today and 108 tomorrow, with unhealthy air quality (what my kids call "thick air"). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> Ahh, the lovely San Joaquin Valley. At least we have lots of fresh fruits and vegetables. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

I am fortunate enough to be just far enough from the SJV to have temperatures a whole 2 degrees on average lower than, say, Sac or Lodi. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> The lake where I am is a misspelled Indian tribe, and I have no idea why they did it that way.

The kids and I just got back from dinner at my parents' house. My mom asked me again, "So, has he come crawling back yet?" Ummm, no, Mom, not even close. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I got a letter from my lawyer today. If I want her to continue to represent me, I have to come up with another retainer ($1,500!), plus several hundred dollars for services already provided. I have to decide whether to pay the retainer within 5 days. The lawyer recommended that I represent myself for the rest of the divorce, to save money. All that is left is the final division of assets and debts.

If I decide to represent myself, I have to file a "change of representation" with the court and have it served by mail to WH. I don't think there is any way my parents or I can come up with that much more money. So, WH will soon know that I no longer have a lawyer. That will give him quite a feeling of power and refuel his sense of entitlement, I think.

It seems like this will never end. His sense of entitlement takes a hit, then something happens to build it back up again. Still, he will have to do all the work on any more divorce proceedings. I think it will make him speed things up if he knows I no longer have a lawyer (he was a bit afraid of her, I think).

WH did say that he thought we could reach an agreement on our own, without lawyers. Of course, he hasn't kept any of his promises so far (except that he wasn't ever coming back). Either he will want us to plan out the division of assets/debts together or he will want to get back at me and go to court, thinking he'll come out ahead. I have no idea.

Can't things just be peaceful for a little while? Just when things start to be less stressful, more doo-doo hits the fan.

What now???

I am worried about the division of assets and debts because WH has run up some serious credit card debt. I'm not sure how much of it he charged before the date of separation. My lawyer said we could request that each party pay for their own debts incurred since the date of separation. Fine with me, I have very few. I would have to get copies of WH's credit card statements, though. I do not have any of those credit cards or account numbers. I am not even sure how many have my name on them.

All debts and assets will be divided 50/50, if I cannot prove they were after the date of separation. Even though I hope it won't, I have a feeling this will probably end up going through to a divorce, so I may be up a creek.

I know, I am freaking out prematurely again. I have no idea how soon WH will file a motion to divide the assets and debts. I have to think about this and know what to do, though.

How much more hell do I need to endure? I guess as long as WH is happy with his unattractive, stocky, married, low-class skankylosaur this is all worthwhile. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Pebbles.

Quote:
=============================
I know, I am freaking out prematurely again.
=============================

A self correcting mechanism is so nice to have <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ask you lawyer if she will finance the retainer for a few months. Ask your parents to help you with some of it.

I suggest you keep her around for a couple more months if you can swing it.

God bless,
Gimble

Hi, Gimble.

I will ask my parents, but they have already loaned me so much money for the lawyer. I would feel safer having the lawyer on my side for the rest of this. Who knows, maybe WH will decide he'd better have a lawyer now, then I'd really be in trouble if we go to court.

This whole thing just gets more and more stupid.

How do you feel being so mean and nasty? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> WW left me a message the other day when DS8 left the phone on after his conversation with mom. He looked sad and said he was worried about saying the wrong thing when the Parenting Evaluator came over. I asked him what mom had said to make him upset...... Apparently DS8 left the phone on and she heard the interchange, or part of it. She sent a voicemail to my cel phone stating that fact and said, "I find it interesting you ask such leading questions of DS8. I didn't tell him to do anything. I hope the evaluation goes well."

Mine may not be wayward with the 19 year old, but just wayward now. It's been suggested now by a few people that she may be bipolar and just need a good medication. Our marriage/family was blissful during the 2nd and 3rd trimester for DS8. I just figured her hormones were in line. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />



I gave DS8 half of a chewable Melatonin tablet last night, and it seemed to work. "I didn't have ANY dreams dad."

He slept like a rock and woke up happily the next day.



That's how I know their heads are still up their butts <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />



Don't wish that young lady. Wish that you can let go of your former husband. The man you married died. Mourn that, not what he is now. Feel deeply for those who love you, and I'm sure they are many. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Gimble, it looks like I'll get to keep the lawyer for a while longer. Phew! My mom came over today and I mentioned the bill from the lawyer. Mom said, "Give that to me. You must have a lawyer." I feel bad because my parents are retired and on a fixed income. Mom said they will take it out of my inheritance. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Thank God for protective parents.

I just wish my parents could use that money for travelling or something fun for themselves, not a stupid, messy divorce for me - a divorce I don't even want. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> At least now I can sit back and wait for WH to make the next move.