That's what momma's are for! God Bless your momma! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Sleepless.

That would explain a lot. Wouldn't it be great if it were something that "simple" to fix? I (and others) have thought that my WH is suffering from depression of some sort, and was for a while before he left.

That might be worth a try for my daughter (although she won't touch chewables - she will only take 'swallowables').

Yes, I know that's what I need to do, mourn who he was. That is the part that is so hard to let go of. I couldn't care less about John's wife's boyfriend. I don't think I'd give him a second glance if I met him on the street and didn't know who he used to be. And yes, there are people who love me - but not in quite the same way, if you know what I mean. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Later today my parents, sister, the kids and I are having a family portrait taken. I really don't want to do it, but I will. It seems like more proof of the death of my marriage. I am also not looking forward to hanging the portrait on my wall. I guess I have to get used to it, though.

Pebbles, not having an attorney will be far more expensive in the long run than the 1500 right now.

I'll echo Melody, God bless Mom ~ won't it be nice to pay her back instead of digging out of debt because you were saddled with affair debt?

Hi, MelodyLane.

Amen, my vidiot sister!!

Hi, BrambleRose.

My mom said she considers the money spent on the lawyer as an investment in my future, kind of like the money they invested in my college education.

You're right, it could end up being far more expensive not to have a lawyer if I get saddled with a bunch of WH's affair debt. I know that he used those credit cards to furnish his lair - big screen T.V. and all. He is even charging the kids' health insurance premiums on one of the cards, the insurance the court ordered him to pay for. He is probably thinking I'll have to end up paying half of it. Oh, he also told me he had to charge his rent a couple of times. Yeah, I want to pay half for his affair lair. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Who is this guy now? Will he ever let the nice, smart, good H out again?

Pebbles,

I don't know if he will. Unless he chooses to seek out some healing for himself, I think it may be unlikely. But my dear, none of us (except Gimble! *wink*) have a crystal ball, and I don't think even Gimble can guess.

You are doing all of the right things, by taking care of your responsiblities to yourself and to your children. That's all you can do right now.

Don't be an idiot!

YOU would do this for your kids if necessary. I KNOW you would. Allowing your parents to help you is very good of you.

The saying really is:

"If it's not one thing, it's your mother!" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

What a great mother you have to support you!

Susan

Hi, Pep.

I'll try, but I can't promise. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Yes, absolutely, I would do this for my kids, without a second thought. My parents have always done so much for me and my family (including WH - until now). I know my parents would probably be hurt if I refused their help, even if I could afford to. I just don't want them to have any financial hardship because of me.

I was just thinking, my parents have helped my family in many ways over the years, including babysitting and giving occasional financial help. Now that they are retired, my mom insists on cleaning my house once every two weeks (with my blessing <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />). My dad helps me with yard work. They both help my sister, too. WH's parents, on the other hand, have never been very close to WH and his brothers, or our family. They have never offered to help us and are never available to help if we ask. They didn't even help WH pay for his education. Just an entirely different family dynamic, I guess. Maybe a little off topic, but maybe not.

Hi, BrambleRose.

I don't think WH feels that he has anything wrong that needs to be healed, nothing that divorcing me, the cause of all his problems and all the world's evils, won't fix.

Yes, I guess that is all I can do. There is nothing I can do for WH. He sees my efforts to protect the children (custody, support) as vindictive attacks on him. I wonder if he can recall any happy memories of our life together at all (and there were many happy times). I wonder if he remembers any of the changes I made during Plan A or the nice family times that he is missing out on. What a stupid mess this is.

Hi, Susan.

Yes, I agree. I have always hoped that I can be as good a mother to my children as my mother has always been to me.

Pebbles ~ I think your husband is running away not only from you but also, I suspect, knowing the huge value shift that he had to make to get to where he is now, that he is running from his children.

I think his demons are pretty big and nasty. I wish I could tell you something more hopeful. I do think you are handling yourself with grace.

I just realized I haven't worn my wedding ring in almost a week. While the kids and I were at the beach, I took off my ring to apply sunscreen to my daughter's back. I put the ring in a pocket in my beach bag...and just never put it back on. It is still there in the pocket. I don't know if it's a good thing or not. I haven't given up completely and I'm not going to go out and try to pick up men <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />, but if I'm trying to move on with my life on my own, I guess it makes sense not to wear my ring. Maybe not. I don't know.

Another decisive moment brought to you by yours truly. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

BrambleRose, I think you're right that WH is also running from the children. He probably feels guilty and ashamed when he looks at them, too, like he says he does when he looks at me. Knowing who is he hanging around with now (work buddies and MOW), his whole lifestyle and value system is different - and not for the better.

I wish I had been more astute and had seen this coming. I wish I hadn't been such a conflict avoider and had confronted him about what I thought was his midlife crisis. I wish, I wish...doesn't make any difference now, I guess.

Thank you for saying I am handling this with grace. I am trying to behave in a way I can live with, so I won't feel embarrassed in front of my children. I just hope I am doing enough for them.

Edited to add: At least this has been a big learning experience for me. I'll be very careful not to repeat the mistakes I've made, whether I end up with WH or not.

Here I am replying to myself again. My son likes to tease me about talking to myself. I tell him that when I talk to myself I can be fairly sure someone is listening. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

WH is supposed to pick up the kids in the morning because, as he wanted me to be sure to know, he has plans tonight. He neglected to say what time he will be here. Even when he called to cancel having the kids over Wednesday night, he still did not give a time. I would like to go to church in the morning. Am I supposed to just wait around until he decides to pick up the kids? I am not going to call him. I have not had contact with him since the lovely foot in the door incident on July 4th. I don't want to make my son call him, either. WH has not seen or spoken to our daughter since July 6, and has only spoken to our son once (to cancel Wed., and he meant to talk to me). Dork. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Pebbles.

I am very glad that your mom is helping you out. We would certainly do the same for our daughter.

Having the lawyer watching your back right now is very good, and will keep hubby's grabs for power at a minimum. He needs to figure out how to climb out of this pool on his own anyway. Filter maintenance isn't going to help the pool he is in <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

The guy you married is still in there. Be calm, relax, wait it out the best you can. You will decide when you have had enough, when you have had enough.

For my money, I'd bet on your daughter being the largest variable in the "John's wife" relay race. I will let you figure that one out <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

God bless,
Gimble

Hi, Pebbles.

Quote:
====================
Am I supposed to just wait around until he decides to pick up the kids?
====================

I doubt the the agreement covers him coming and going as he pleases at your expense.

Go to church, take the kids. He hasn't told you his plans. Don't let him control.

Gimble

Hi, Gimble.

No filter known to man can handle anything as thick and stinky as what he is swimming in. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

The idiot WS must be holding the guy I married hostage, gagged with duct tape. I can wait it out a while longer. I'll be two months into Plan B on the 22nd.

Oh, I think I can see that coming. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> My daughter has the potential to make life miserable for WH and John's wife. She seems to be going through a perpetual pre-PMS mood phase right now. It will take a lot of buy-offs from WH and John's wife to even moderate her moodiness, LOL, especially since neither John's wife nor WH has experience dealing with preteen girls.

The kids and I got up and got ready for church. Neither child seemed concerned about when WH would be picking them up. Just as we were getting ready to leave, he called and said he was minutes away. Apparently, he thought we would be sitting around waiting for his call. The kids had time to change into play clothes and be out the door when he arrived.

Today is our second 110-degree day in a row. The humidity index says it feels like it is between 115 and 125 degrees. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" /> By late this coming week, we are supposed to cool down to 106! I think I'll stay inside and read today. Even the dogs don't want to go outside. Weenster is lying with just her head up to the eyebrows outside the doggie door, the rest of her inside in the air conditioning. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Pebbles.

Quote:
=============================
Weenster is lying with just her head up to the eyebrows outside the doggie door, the rest of her inside in the air conditioning.
=============================

I think there is a lot to learn from Weenster <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Gimble

Watching the news tonight I was struck with the idea of what WH's special plans were for Saturday night, the plans that prevented him from picking up his children until Sunday morning. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Of course, I do not have proof and I should not even be wondering...but...

Instead of some big romantic evening with MOW, I think he was watching the Taylor vs. Hopkins boxing match on Pay Per View with his work buddies (of course, MOW skulks around that group, too). The PPV fights are almost a sacred tradition with WH's band of fools. He wouldn't have wanted to take the kids with him because, as he said, his work buddies are 'too crude.' Also, if MOW was going to be there, he'd be in violation of the court order if he took the kids.

WH and I watched boxing together when he lived here (but I was not worthy of Pay Per View <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />). He never took me to the PPV get-togethers, either. He said they were 'guys only,' which I believed at the time. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I remember telling the kids that it was good for Dad to spend some time with his friends occasionally. Poor, dumb Pebbles.

I know, some people think boxing is barbaric, but I like to watch muscular, sweaty guys punching each other. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Wow, that sounds like it would be worth giving up an evening with the children he hasn't seen in 10 days, doesn't it? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Priorities, I guess. It makes me chuckle that he wanted to make sure I knew he had "plans." It wouldn't have sounded as mysterious if he'd said it was PPV boxing night.