Hi, Gimble.

That's the truth! Some people think dogs are not as smart as humans, but who gets to play and sleep all day while the people go to work to make money to buy dog food? Hmmmm?

Hi Pebbles!

I was thinking about how easy it is to assume that he was off on some romantic evening when he says he has plans... Remember the lesson you just learned - don't assume he's being romantic when it's more likely he's watching some barbaric tv.

Cat

PEBS!!!! *pounces pebs* hiya hiya hiya! welp I am back from the chicago/wisconsin area.....and I kinda wish I was still there...*sigh* I feel so discombobulated...by the time i got home I didn't even recognize my own house...it seemed too big.....but my boy smiled when he saw me and I got a big ole MOMMY! and a hug. I gave him his superman cape I got him in six flags in chicago...he was running around with that all night. sooooo cute.....anywho...i won't thread jack here much....I do miss my BF tho....but he called me back pebs of course I was in the car with my parents at the time and my dad was easy dropping -_-. He was relevied I had made it back safely...so maybe he is just a little confused like we talked about. *shrugs*

Hi, Surviving. I'm glad you made it home safely. I'll call you later. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Cat.

I was so wrong! When the kids got home this morning, they told me that WH had taken them to see their grandpa (WH's dad) on Sunday, because his birthday party had been Saturday evening. It seems WH couldn't take the kids because he took MOW with him to his dad's party. I really have been replaced. MOW is included in their family gatherings now, and WH would rather take her than his children. All the brothers and their families were at the party, too, including my nieces, who love me.

My son did say that my MIL told him to say hello to me from her and asked how I was doing.

When WH dropped off the kids this morning, he came to the door and handed me a support check. I was closing the screen door as he handed it to me, but I said "thank you." He didn't try to stop me from closing the door and didn't say anything to me at all. Hopefully, the next support money should come out of his paycheck automatically.

I think one of the reasons he comes to the door when he drops the kids off in the morning is because it is usually so early. Often it is so early that I am not dressed in day clothes or prepared to see anyone. He probably knows that makes me feel vulnerable. Finally figuring that out, I got up early and got dressed and cleaned up before they got here. He can compare the image of me in short shorts and a tiny tank top with his stocky, plain MOW (she wins, apparently).

Now I just feel sick. I really shouldn't be surprised that I have been replaced - that was WH's plan. It really, really hurts, though. I would like to call and wish my FIL a happy birthday, but I am almost afraid to call. My inlaws haven't called me in almost two months.

Pebbles,

I am so sorry this has happened to you. My WH introduced the OW to his parents about three weeks after he left me.

I am still talking to his parents, though. MIL has been very supportive and kind, and only accepts the OW because she doesn't want to lose her son, and he won't visit without the OW.

I think you should call your FIL. You are still the mother of his grandchildren, and will always have that connection, whether you are married to his son or not.

Alph.

Hi, Pebbles.

Quote:
============================
I really have been replaced.
============================

Have you now??

Can you imagine what would be going through your mind at such a party? I doubt that 'acceptance' would be part of it.

Since my mother died, my youngest brother (the half brother), showed up at a christmas party with his new girlfriend. My brother is 39/40, she is somewhere between 62 and 67. I really don't care about the age difference, other than my mother was 67 when she died.

The lady was nice enough, but my brother is using her to meet whatever emotional needs he has, in addition to the financial ones. He has never had a job for over 10 months. My mother used to meet his financial needs as well, with my money - behind my back of course.

I can tell you what I thought about the situation. Add my wife, daughter, son-in-law, and others, and while she may have been treated kindly, acceptance was not embraced. Furthermore, that is the last christmas party that I will attend with my other brother unless it is abundantly clear that my youngest brother will not be there. No drama, but I have no intention of socializing with him until he cleans up his act, and repays some of his debt - at least makes an effort.

His folks may be doing it, but for the most part, they ain't diggin' it. I wouldn't be surprised if his actions weren't causing something of a rift already.

No reason to feel sick, blood is thinker than spaghetti, and about equal in intelligence <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Besides, you can't get entertainment like that in a movie!

Man is he ever going to eat some old crow.

God bless,
Gimble

Hi, Alph.

My WH's parents said they feel this way, too. They feel if they are not 'supportive,' which to them means accepting MOW, they will lose their son. It really hurts when there is a big family gathering and they invite WH and her and I am excluded. Before the Easter gathering, my sister-in-law told me that my MIL wanted to invite MOW because 'she is important to WH.' It doesn't exactly feel 'supportive' of me at all.

I called my FIL. My MIL got on the extension to talk to me, too. They said they were very pleased I called. After I told my FIL 'happy birthday,' he started to tell me about the wonderful surprise party Saturday night and how nice it was to have 'all the family' together. He even started to list everyone who was there, stopping before he got to WH and MOW. He also said, "It's too bad you couldn't make it." As if I had been invited. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> My MIL must have noticed how quite I got. She said something about 'difficult situations like this.' I told them that wasn't why I called and changed the subject to ask about their health. At the end of the call, they both mentioned again how pleased they were that I called and that they hoped I'd call again soon.

Aaaagh, heart pain. I miss being part of the family gatherings. I hate being replaced so easily and quickly. I hate all of this. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Gimble.

Thank you for sharing about your family. It gives me a different perspective - other than 'out with the old, in with the new.'

You reminded me of something. My sister-in-law told me that some of the brothers and their wives were at odds with each other over what has happened. She say she and her husband have had many arguments over WH and his behavior. My MIL told me our situation has caused them (her and FIL) a lot of stress and tears. Their 'supportiveness' still makes me think WH feels they have accepted and condoned his new relationship, legitimizing it.

True. I wonder if any of my younger nieces asked, "Where are Aunt Pebbles and my cousins? And who is that woman with you?"

I'll be happy if he just gets rid of the old crow. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Pebs, don't feel bad. I have not seen my IL's since last year when they had lunch with FWH and OW, MIL then told me "if I get a new DIL I will be fine as long as my son is happy". My R with her is strained since. On top of that she got my BIL's brother to put FWH and OW up in their house for the night when they visited. Puke...I am not sure when or if I will go visiting that part of the family again.

Believe me though, Pebs, they are not happy about the sitch.

{{{Pebbles}}

Hi, Faithful Follower.

It sounds like you have 'supportive' inlaws, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I'm sure you're right, they are probably not happy, but it still stinks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Gimble posted:I was thinking about this while I was in line at the grocery store. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> If I were at that party and one of WH's brothers was with a new woman (a married woman!) and was still married to his wife, I would not be thinking complimentary thoughts about him. I would be thinking, "What a jerk!" I would also feel very awkward talking to them. I know several of my inlaws have said that they just don't get what WH sees in her. But, of course, they will end up accepting her, if they stay together. Blood is indeed thicker than spaghetti.

I am thinking of what I should do for our 16th anniversary on the 29th. Chippendale's is in town that night. I've never been to that kind of show. Maybe I'll see if a friend or two wants to see the show with me as sort of an 'unniversary.'<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> I definitely do not want to be home alone that night. I need something with loud music and lots of distraction.

Hi, Pebbles.

Others won't agree, but I think Chippendale's is a great idea for you and friends on your anniversary. You may get to see something bigger than you have seen before, and if not, at least you can have a good time whooping at the guys for a change.

There is no reason whatsoever to treat your anniversary like a funeral, complete with dirge and procession.

Paint the town red (lipstick)! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Gimble

Pebbles, sorry to hear about the family event. This is something I'm getting almost emotionally ready for. Somehow, WH has chosen an OW that his mom would have dearly approved. So I would think after our sep deed is signed, WH might be introducing OW around to his supportive/ enabling family.

Hope you'll plan for some good fun during the 29th!

~A

Pebbles, you are STILL a part of your husband's family.

While you might not be invited to family occaisions, I don't see why you should figureatively creep into a corner and nurse your hurts.

Hold your head high and show his family what kind of classy gal you are. Call your FIL and give him your good wishes.

Just because your H wants you to disappear doesn't mean you should!

(((Pebbles)))
He may bring the skankho some place but she is certainly no replacement. YOU are the mother of his children. In laws may be polite to her but accept her? welcome her? I talked to my youngest BIL yesterday, he lives several hours away, he said since his mother died whenever he thinks of family get togethers he looks forward to seeing me and my kids, even more then his own brother. He said "I don't even recognize him. I feel comfortable talking to you, with him after 5 minutes there is nothing else to say." Younger BIL and his wife have 2 girls and invite my kids to spend 1 week them every summer. He had been very close to WH but sensed a change in him before I did.

I think you should do something fun on your anniversary. The Chippendale's are fun. Its odd how female strippers give off this sleazy, serious "you could have me" vibe and male strippers are hot but its silly and fun. Maybe its the audience they attract. I've giggled as I turned my head to offer a donation (the way they wiggle, somebody could lose an eye!!) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

you know what pebs...call FIL...so what if "Ms. Kwon" was there...you are still the kids mother and they will always see you a titch more important as you are caregiver to there grandkids....and if you "kill them with kindness"....it will make them feel guilty but will also let them know you are not as bad as the stupid alien makes you out to be....my FIL and step MIL love me...and are planning a trip up here and want to see me and my son together. I have made sure to call them so DS can talk to them every holiday and include them in his life...because I am a nice person...and I know they have missed out on so much of there other grandkids lives. It's sad BIL's ex wife lives 2 or 3 hours away from them too with the kids. They really appreciate my efforts for my son. If they are good people they will too.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

wellllll you could come up here and i will take you to go see the male strippers....we have a club that has them...... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Thanks, Gimble, Ashley, BrambleRose, and confused, for trying to cheer me up. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I talked to one of my sisters-in-law tonight, the only one who actually spoke up and said what WH was doing was wrong. I learned some more very disturbing things. Of course, I take any information I receive from WH's family with a grain of salt, but... I actually only called her to invite her to do something with me, as we have been fairly close in the past. She said she was angry with the inlaws, and just started talking...

Anyway, she told me my MIL and FIL have taken MOW under their wing and adore her. MOW fawns over them. MOW and WH have been to visit MIL and FIL many times.

Another SIL (the family gossip, whose husband was WH's court buddy), drank too much at the party and let it slip that WH and MOW have actually been together for 3-4 years. Apparently, WH and his court buddy brother, who were not particularly close in the past, have become bosom buddies and WH tells him 'everything.' WH is again telling everyone that he and MOW are going to get married as soon as their divorces are final. He has told all of them that he has totally moved on and would never consider being with me again.

Interestingly, the gossip also let it slip that MOW does not spend the night at WH's lair, possibly because she lives much of the time with her parents (they would not approve?). I never did expose to MOW's parents. I couldn't find enough information on them. I guess it's too late to expose now? Or is it?

Apparently, WH, who has always been on the quiet side - since childhood, has really come out of his shell and is gregarious and outgoing now with his family. MIL and FIL think it is because he is so happy with MOW (they said this at the party). MIL and FIL always seemed to like me, now this? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I have my doubts about the integrity of the whole inlaw family, now.

If WH has been such a good liar for 3-4 years, I don't know what to think. I thought we were happy during those years. Things were only getting a little strange the last few months before he left (midlife crisis, I thought). I don't know what I feel now.

Edited to add: This doesn't really seem to be 'following the script' anymore.

Edited to add again: Surviving, just saw your posts. Thanks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

If the new information I received is true, I may have reached my point of 'when I have had enough.'

Hi, Pebbles.

My sweet wife came and got me after she read your last two posts.

Here is what I see wrong with all this. The actions and the words or intent don't match. Not at all.

I think they are putting on a show, partly to discourage you, partly to get others to play along with their fantasy.

All is NOT happy at the fantasy pad. Now you are telling me that one of hubby's brothers has become his drinking bud. I bet that is going over well with brother's wife.

I don't see the happiness, and the time frame doesn't jive.

Please don't make decisions based on this last batch of data. Wait.

More later.

Edited to add: Time to expose to John's wife's parents. Big time.

God bless,
Gimble

Thank you, Gimble's wife. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Kind of like Tom Cruise jumping up and down on Oprah's couch and telling everyone, "I love this woman!" about his latest bride? Well, the inlaws sure seem to be falling for it, if it is a show. I'm falling for it, too. It seems real to me.

Actually, the wife has become buddies with MOW. Gimble, you'll love this, this brother and SIL were affair partners and then got married. Perhaps they feel a kinship with WH and MOW?

As always, I will be very interested to read what you have to say. There is really no decision I can make right now, so I'll wait. I do feel a bit of anger creeping in. I haven't had much anger, so far. Maybe it's time.

I'll start trying to get more info on John's wife's parents.

Edited to try to add clarity. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Edited again to add: MOW just turned 47 years old!! She is 7 years older than I am and 5 years older than WH...and she lives with her parents!! Of course, sometimes she stays with her husband and son. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />