Oh, my!!! The doodie has definitely hit the fan!!

My mother-in-law called me tonight. She was very upset that I had called MOW's parents and exposed the affair. She wanted to ask me "what I hoped to accomplish" by calling them. She said, "You realize they are not in good health!! I am very disappointed in you." She also said that it was none of my business involving them. She asked me exactly what I said to them. She said they were very upset. Later in the conversation, she let it slip that WH was the one who told her I called MOW's parents. Wow, word gets around - I only called them yesterday afternoon!

I told her I was sorry she had been involved in this. I told her that all I did was tell them the truth and that I was trying to save and protect my family. MIL had no idea that WH told them he had been divorced for a year. I wouldn't go into further details about my conversation with MOW's parents.

MIL even said, "WH and MOW are not living together you know! She has traditional Japanese values!" MIL doesn't even think WH and MOW have been "intimate." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I did tell her that WH had told me they had been, and for how long.

MIL then launched into how I was the one who filed for divorce, so I shouldn't care. I should just "let WH prove himself on his own merits to MOW's parents." <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I reminded her why I filed for divorce. She said, "Everyone knows he would never withhold financial support." I reminded her about WH's signed letter to my lawyer and how we had gone without financial support for a couple months. We had been over this before. She refused to believe me.

So, anyway, the conversation ended with MIL basically telling me I am the scum of the earth. I can't believe they really think WH and MOW have not had sex. So, now there are more people who think I am responsible for all the evils of the world.

I was expecting her call to be about what my daughter would like for her birthday, so I was unprepared. I hope I handled it somewhat okay. Probably not.

My hands are still shaking. I guess now I know for sure where I stand with MIL and FIL. MIL also told me that "all WH's brothers know he would always support his children." So, I guess I know how he got his court buddy and all his brother support. I can't see any of the inlaws ever accepting me again. And, it just goes to show their moral values and the spin WH has put on things.

I must say, I was very calm and did not raise my voice at all, even when she was yelling at me. I was polite and calm.

I knew WH wouldn't confront me himself about the exposure, the conflict avoider! He told his mommy!

Oh, one more thing my mother-in-law said (I am venting here, since I controlled myself on the phone).

She said, "How would you feel if someone called your parents and did this to you?" I told her that I am perfectly fine with people telling the truth about me, to whomever they would like to tell.

That really was my only slightly snotty comeback.

I have been reading your thread and I just had to comment at this point:
You have done everything possible to wake up "Sleeping Bam-Bam" and he's not "coming to!" Your MIL and FIL are in total denial about their son's activities, and obviously enable all of their sons to bring second, and maybe even third or fourth wives into their clan. You don't WANT to be a part of that clan. I know that hurts, but you deserve so much more. Honestly, his mother is probably doing what she's been doing his entire life...thus, the situation you are experiencing today. When it comes to divorce, 99% of the time "Blood is thicker than water" OR common sense. Hang in there...you are on the right road, and no matter what you will be able to face your Lord knowing you did everything possible to make your marriage work. Your huz will be hanging his head then, as well. You and your children are in my prayers...
Mal

Hi, Pebbles.

Quote:
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She also said that it was none of my business involving them.
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You had EVERY RIGHT there has ever been to involve them. That action was righteous.

Further more, I am as proud of you as anyone I have ever been proud of for anything. If you were are a guy, I would load you up and take you to the local adulterers hangout where we would proceed to kick some serious adulterer butts - just because we liked it. As tough as you are, I think we could handle about 6 at a time <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Pebbles, you did good. It is probably time not to talk to in-laws for a while. Not forever, but for a while.

God bless,
Gimble

I think you handled yourself very well.

Hi, Malprl.

Thank you for keeping me and my children in your prayers. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

What's so strange is, WH has never been particularly close to his parents, especially his mother. This is totally new. I would never expect him to confide in them. In fact, WH has complained in the past how his parents were never very supportive of him.

It will be interesting to see how all this shakes down. Maybe I should stay away from the windows for a while. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Gimble.

Gosh, your post got me all teary-eyed. Thank you for being proud of me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I do kind of feel like kicking some adulterer butt right now. I don't know if I could help take on six - maybe if they were little, scrawny guys. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Although, I have a pretty good roundhouse kick that lands right about crotch level, LOL.

Gladly!!! Do you really think eventually they'll be civil to me again? It looks pretty doubtful. I don't think I've ever felt so hated by so many (I've never really felt hated, 'til now, except by WH lately).

Thank you, Jaye. It's so hard to know what to do, when caught off guard like that. MIL always calls me about this time each year to ask about celebrating my daughter's birthday. That's what I thought this would be about. Interestingly, she didn't mention my daughter, even once.

She did say, "We have tried to remain friendly with you, for the sake of the children." Ummm, right. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Well, at least I know this exposure had some effect. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Pebbles.

I wasn't planning on letting you have at all six, I wanted one or four for myself :-)

Don't worry about the in-laws, they will apologize to you one day. I think sooner rather than later. Even if they never do, then you will know exactly what you could have had, and didn't need, and thank God for the illumination of the difference.

A lawn chair to have watched those fireworks would have been great.

God bless,
Gimble

Hey Pebbles... you handled the situation with strength. I admire you for that. I read your story with interest coz I can just imagine my MIL doing the same thing to me. In fact, I think she'll be jumping for joy once she knows about WH's new "wife". It's a blessing in disguise that we don't have kids to continue or prolong contact. But the fact is MOW's parents now know and there's some interesting effects to that!

~A

Hi, Gimble.

You're right. If the inlaws never apologize, then I will know that I am better off without the whole clan (as malprl said). I am wondering if I should send MIL and FIL a copy of WH's "no more financial support" letter.

It just makes me sick that people who have seemed to love and care about me for so many years now think I'm scum.

Something very weird about MIL's call: Near the end of the conversation she told me that FIL was on the extension, listening, and she used the pronoun "we" in most of her comments. If FIL was on the line, he never made a sound. I even tried to listen for his breathing, LOL. Usually both of them do get on the phone at the same time when I talk to them, but FIL is always involved in the conversation. WH has always been closer to his father than his mother, and MIL is known as being something of a drama queen. I don't know if any of this is important, but I thought it was interesting.

I would have liked to have seen the fireworks at MOW's parents' house when they had their talk with her. When MIL was accusing me of endangering MOW's parents' health, I felt like saying maybe their daughter should have thought about that before she starting sleeping around with married men.

Thanks, Ashley88. I hope my MOW's parents have a good deal of influence on her. At this point, even if things end up in divorce for WH and me (which it looks like they will), I will know I tried. This may sound petty, but I want to know I caused some trouble in their relationship. The petty side of me wants them to break up, even if WH doesn't end up with me and the children.

Pebbles ... yeah it's a little petty.. but I feel the same way you do!!! It's just something you know you had to do rather than wonder down the road if you shld have done it.

I have a little side IL drama going on as well.. it just happened after I posted in yr thread. I do now know how mine will turn out.

~A

*hugs pebbles* you know i am proud of you girly....just go dark from them....don't call if they want something they should call....I learned that about my own MIL. *sigh* now my FIL and Step MIL are different....they have been supportive of me and my efforts to survive. They have even suggested DS and i move out of state to make ends meat. They are good people....I will be seeing them tommarrow....they are in town and want to spend time with DS and i...I'm not really in the mood for a visit but....I need to do it for my son. Pebs do me a favor...check your email.

Pebbles ~ Personally -

I would send the ILs your H's no-support letter.

In my situation my ILs tried to remain neutral, but really kinda believed my husband's story that his OW was just a friend - NO they never had sex, he was married! ( <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ) and I was a crazy psycho. Whats more, he was a saint for staying with me as long as he had!!!

And then...one beautiful sunny summer day I showed up at his office unexpectedly....and he wasnt at his desk. And gee, there was a whole folder of emails on his computer dedicated to his OW. A couple of clicks....and the ILs got all the juicy sexy emails.

Now, in my case, my ILs were completely outraged with their son and redoubled their efforts to take care of me (as I was VERY pregnant, and had sole care of our 2 other children).

They told their son that they would always love him and would never cast him out of the family....but that the OW had never better darken their doorstep - that they would throw her out if he dared bring her to their home,and that I would ALWAYS be the mother of their grandchildren.

Now, it probably won't be so easy in your situation. But my point is, if they have to believe a story without facts to back it up, its easier for everyone to believe you are a loon.

So provide your MIL with facts. And let her know how much you love her son.

Pebbles, it is not petty to cause trouble in their affair and hope for a breakup, it is your job!

I am so so disapointed in your MIL. All the nice in the world will not compensate for a lack of morals, and yor MIL is amoral. What a shame. In her sick mind, it is bad to say someone lied and cheated, but not bad to do those acts. How warped is that?

I am sorry you had to endure her completely inappropriate tirade, but please know that it reflects badly on HER and not you. Shame, shame, shame on her!

Agree with Rosie! Please get a copy of that letter to them with all the rest of the facts.

Oh Pebbles! I know you must be hurting right now, but you did good! I swear, if my H ever cheats on me, I'm going to print out your entire thread and use it as a guide on how to mess up the A <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

My MiL said that if he ever cheated, she would break his legs for me, but I think that she would probably turn into your MiL and be supportive of her son (her kids can do no wrong).

Are you going to work on exposing at work?

{{{Pebbles}}}