Pebbles, I hope you still intend on sending her parents the proof so that the liars cannot spin this story around.

Pebbles, I had to chuckle at something your MIL said. She said that it wasn't fair and that MOW's parents should be allowed to "judge WS on his own merits." Shouldn't his "merits" be his character? And by what other "merits" should they judge him, if not by his character? His lying and cheating ways very much reflect his character and they have every right to know this.

Mel got it exactly right!

Pebbles,

Having gone down this road before, I know one thing for sure...if you say WH was NOT close to his parents, for THAT reason alone they are going to choose NOW to start a relationship with each other. Even though this new "bonding" is based on something very wrong, each side will take what they can get since they've never had a real relationship before. They think it's wonderful that they are "close" to each other...YUK!!! You are dealing with a lifetime of baggage here between WH and IL.

Hang in there...and know that a LOT of what you are seeing and hearing from that family is nonsense. It seems to me, IMHO, that you could send MIL a pic of WH messaging another woman's leg, and he'd tell Mommy and Daddy that he was being a "helper" because she had a bad leg cramp. What's even worse??? They'd believe it!!!

I say exposure is great, but I seriously doubt that IL's will ever believe their baby is doing anything wrong at this point. He's actually giving them attention, and vice-versa. The entire family has to make you the bad guy since they can't face what their little precious has done!

You've done a great job, and I salute you. Continued prayer...

Mal

Ashley88, I just got on the board this morning. I am very interested in your inlaw drama. What a coincidence that it started right after mine. Must be a full moon. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Surviving. Dark from the inlaws sounds great. Funny, last night was the first time my MIL has called me in three months or so. I doubt I'll hear from her again soon. If so, that's what caller ID is for. She can leave a message.

I will check my email. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hi, BrambleRose and MelodyLane.

I have already written a draft of a letter to enclose with a copy of the "no support" letter. I will mail it certified mail to MIL and FIL.

I keep remembering different snippets from the conversation with MIL last night. She said, "Isn't he paying all the support he is supposed to pay now?" I said yes, but that it took a court order to get him to pay. She said, "But he's paying now!" She just can't get it through her head. She was upset that I was "spreading lies" to MOW's parents that WH had not been supporting his children.

MelodyLane and faithful follower,

That's what I thought: wouldn't WH's merits be his character? Don't MOW's parents deserve to know the character of their potential future son-in-law? If they are to judge him on his own merits, they should know all the facts.

Another 'funny' thing: When MIL was talking about MOW's 'traditional Japanese values,' the subject of sleeping with a married man came up. MIL asked me, "Now, how do you know they were sleeping together?" <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> I replied, "WH told me they were." She had no reply.

MIL also asked me how I knew WH had lied and told MOW's parents he had been divorced for a year. I replied, "Mrs. ****** told me he said that." Again, no reply. MIL only hears what she wants to hear. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Cat.

My MIL said something similar. Sigh, blood is thicker than spaghetti.

Yes, I am. I think I'll work on sending the proof to MIL/FIL and MOW's parents first. After that, exposure at work.

Hi, malprl.

Yes, it is a lifetime of baggage. Now they have an excuse to bond and a common enemy to fight against: me. It's sick, and they probably won't get it. The last time I spoke to my SIL (the one who was an affair partner with WH's brother and has become buddies with MOW), she said, "I have never seen WH so happy to be with his family. Having her around has made him want to be closer to his parents." By the way, that was the very last time I spoke to her...and it will stay that way.

Exactly. Plus, WH is the one everyone considered to be 'the perfect family man.' They can't believe he'd ever do anything to purposely hurt his family. So, obviously, I must have forced him to do this. As my FIL said, "MOW doesn't seem like someone a man would leave a happy marriage for."

Of course, they all thought we were a happy family until this happened. I did, too.

Thanks, Mal.

MelodyLane, I just saw this statement again. That's what I kept thinking when I was talking to MIL. I should keep all the lies a secret, because hearing the truth might be painful. I should keep the fact that WH is married a secret, that way MOW's parents can judge him "on his own merits." It seemed pretty twisted to me.

Oh, at the end of our conversation, when I was trying to end it, MIL told me again how 'disappointed she was in my character' that I would call MOW's parents. I told her, "I only told the truth. I am sorry if that offends you." She replied, "Well, it does!" I guess that pretty much says it all. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Can you also be sure and tell them how you were forced to go to your mother and borrow $XYZ to retain a lawyer to GET that support. You would be getting nothing if your parents had not given you that $$ to go to court.

Are you planning on sending the OW parent's a letter also?

Pebbles,

I would let your ILs know the truth too. They need to know the truth. I have been in close contact with my ILs since my H started saying he wants out of our M, and they are behind me. While that unfortunately still does not change the situation nor wake H up, at least I can feel my ILs know how much I want H back and how long I have been fighting. And that gives me a bit of comfort.

You have handled it right. I think it was GREAT that you could remain calm, a technique I still need to master <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> On the other hand, your MIL was getting very emotional, so we know who was feeling more vulnerble. Not you!

They want to deny that their son is damaging his family emotionally and financially, but once they learn the hard fact, they cannot make those idiotic comments.

MIL has this bass ackwards!

From a MOM of a FWSon you are doing a fantastic job young lady! I can't even imagine not STANDING WITH my DIL. These IL's of yours are as fogged as I've ever seen, blood or no blood.

My son found out how THIN blood can get! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Pebbles.

Quote:
===============================
Something very weird about MIL's call: Near the end of the conversation she told me that FIL was on the extension, listening, and she used the pronoun "we" in most of her comments. If FIL was on the line, he never made a sound. I even tried to listen for his breathing,
===============================

That's because wayward husband was the one listening, not father in law.

:-)

Gimble

**shiver runs down spine**

Gimble - your post gave me goosebumps.

Cat

MelodyLane, I am planning to send the OW's parents a letter. I think I will include something about how sorry I am that my husband has acted in such a way to bring shame to their family and mine. I will include documents showing the date of separation and the date I filed for divorce, the infamous "no financial support" letter, and pictures of the kids.

MIL's attempted guilt trip about MOW's parents' health got to me for a little while (I didn't let her know it), but I think they should know the truth. If their health is affected, I will feel bad, but I would say it would be more their daughter's and WH's fault than mine.

Hi, milkshake.

I have tried to remind my ILs from time to time of my love for their son. My MIL told me last night, "These things just happen sometimes. You need to let it go and let him be happy. There is no need to be vindictive." I wonder if she would feel that way if FIL cheated on her?

You know, I almost wanted to ask her what she hoped to accomplish by calling me. What was she thinking would happen?

I hope so, but MIL seems pretty deluded. Since I didn't hear from FIL, I don't know if he shares her opinion.

Thank you, Ragamuffin. It is good to hear the viewpoint of a mother of a FWSon.

Hi, Gimble.

Wow! I didn't even think of that possibility. I suppose it could be true, but I would be very surprised. Of course, there has been no limit to the surprises so far.

I would think he would have a very hard time keeping quiet and not 'defending' himself, but who knows. I think MIL may have wanted me to feel there was a united front against me. It is possible she made the call without my FIL's knowledge or approval.

You're right, Cat, that's pretty creepy! Ick. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

Welcome to the club! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> It's not YOUR job to take care of them. Looks like I missed a lot. I had a tummy ache last night so I went to be early. Onward!