pebbles...hope you don't mind if I highjack your post for just a second....I could use some real help...i'm not sure if I should be using plan A or B-I don;t understand them and could use some advice on my situation. There are many peole posting here with great input...I'd appreciate anyone who is willing to take a look at my post and help!

again pebbles i hope you don't mind sharing!

Hi, eav1967.

Of course I don't mind sharing. You might want to check out this link:Plan A and B I took it from MelodyLane's signature line (thanks, MelodyLane). Have you read Surviving an Affair yet? You can order it here or get it from Borders or Barnes and Noble.

I know how horrible and scary all of this is. We will get through it, though. Hang in there, eav1967. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Ashley, I do think a lot of MIL's reaction is stemming from the fact that she cannot accept the truth because it's too painful for her. At the very beginning of all this mess, when I exposed the affair to her and FIL, she tearfully said, "I can't believe I raised two sons who would leave their families." I guess between that time and now, she has rationalized her way around the guilt.

Hi, Cat.

I am looking for a good, recent picture of our family to send with the letter (kicking self for not organizing the photo album and keeping it up to date). Thank you for looking at my letter. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I think it's because the exposure is the most pressing priority right now, although I hope Gimble will fill us in. But, what's done is done - I can't unmail the inlaw letter. I'm going to try to get MOW's parents' letter in the mail early today. They live slightly more nearby than the inlaws, so they just might get their letter first anyway.

Hi, StillHereMakingIt.

Yes, I am having to develop quite a thick skin, LOL.

The logic is very convoluted, isn't it? I agree that it is time to Plan B the inlaws. My other SIL thought affair-partner SIL was looking for someone to take her place as the "whispered-about" one. Or, maybe she wants to make herself feel better by having a family member who has done the same thing she has? Maybe that's why she has become buddies with MOW? It is all very strange.

It would make for a lovely weekend for the lovebirds, wouldn't it?

Hi, Pebbles.

I like the letter with the exception below. Send it.

I didn't want MIL/FIL notified first in order to limit their ability (and hubby) to do damage control.

In the letter, I would ask that the person you talked to in the family call you and let you know that they received the letter. At least you will know that John's wife didn't eat the thing.

God bless,
Gimble

Hi, Gimble.

I am hoping both letters will arrive at their respective destinations at right about the same time. According to the post office worker, each letter should arrive in 1-2 days. Gulp.

I just came back from mailing John's wife's parents' letter (say that 10 times fast, LOL). I added signature confirmation to the postage. Unfortunately, I do not know MOW's mother's first name, so I just had to address it to Mrs. *******. I guess there is nothing to stop MOW from accepting the letter, if she is there when it arrives. I made copies of everything I sent.

I took your advice, Gimble, about adding a request for Mrs. ****** to call me when she receives the packet. Good idea. It also shows that I'm not ashamed of what I am doing, since I am giving them my cell phone number - and my return address on the envelope.

I included a very nice family portrait with MOW's parents' packet. We are all smiling and very close together. It is a very happy-looking picture.

Bracing for fallout in a day or two. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

You are probably right. Did you read the update on my IL snitch??? MIL is furious right now and is almost tearful too. But I think she'll find a way to rationalise in time. I bet she won't want to lose her son!

I don't really want to bother what my MIL will say/ do. As we do not have children, it's easier for me to Plan B her and BIL. I just felt better that I had my say of the story now and it's over and done with. My Mom helped coz I don't really speak the dialect MIL speaks. What happens b/w her and WH is their story. But last nite's development was interesting to say the least.

I guess we'll just both start developing real thick skins! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

~A

Hi, Pebbles.

You did very well.

It's time for a glass of wine and a really sappy chick flick (just don't tell me about it when you are done <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> ). Get the kids some popcorn and a shoot'em up alien movie with a female lead.

Have a good weekend Pebbles. I will keep an eye out for you in case you hit a snag.

God bless,
Gimble

Ashley, I enjoyed your update very much. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> I would love for my mom to have a few minutes alone with my MIL, preferably in a room with no witnesses (evil chuckle).

I hope your MIL continues to support you, but don't be too surprised if she does find a way to rationalize her son's behavior. Blood does seem to be thicker than spaghetti (to borrow Gimble's expression), right or wrong.

Thank you, Gimble. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You are safe from the chick flick review with me. I think I'll watch the alien butt-kicking movie (do aliens have butts?) with a strong female lead myself.

I checked online and found out the P.O. attempted delivery of the inlaw letter this morning. The letter is now at the post office until someone picks it up or the P.O. attempts to redeliver it. Most likely MOW's parents will receive their letter tomorrow, so they just may get their's first after all.

Now I am off to find that movie, or I may finish my murder mystery book (with a tough female detective). The wine is a given. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I hope you have a good weekend, too, Gimble. Thanks for checking on me.

Yeah - I wouldn't be surprised at all!! MIL have a habit of twisting words and over-dramatisation. So I won't know when a 180-turn will take effect. I just wanted a say in the matter and I felt so much better after telling her my side of the story.

I love to read murder-mysteries and thrillers!!

~A

Whoever said it, I like it!

Nice letter by the way! Send it!



Your respect level goes lower??? How is it not at rock bottom yet? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />



Leave it to a second grade teacher for a vocabulary lesson! Now you know why us engineers had such a hard time getting dates in college! Fasinating - Battle field detectives on History Channel. Very cool!

Thread jack ladies! I just spoke with my SIL and BIL for the first time yesterday in about two weeks. They had been on my side. BIL is still in my corner. I left the poor guy alone in the psycho family. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> SIL is somewhat non-confrontational, but she manage to tell me she felt a little used. So we had a chance to talk and clear things up. WW had grossly misled her into what I had actually done. I did confess that I told the pschologist that SIL and WW were best friends and that SIL could verify some of the trauma WW experienced as a young girl. WW told SIL that I had broadcast it to WW's friends. I confirmed that was NOT in the letter to our friends, but only in custody paperwork. I hope SIL's mind is at ease.

I had a point here. When someone is your family, no matter how misguided, you want to think the BEST of them even if they've done the worst. If your esteem is low, you may take the failings of your family member on your shoulders, and therefore, deny the failings ever happened (or justify) in order to protect yourself from pain.

Pebbles, it sounds like you have NO hope with your MIL. FIL is lurking in the background trying to figure out the best way to expend his political capital. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

This is a political fight now. Take the high road and be the beacon. You can win that way. It's hard to take the shine off a diamond! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Sleepless.

I wonder myself. Sometimes I wonder why I even keep trying and hoping at all. I guess if I've come this far and tried this hard (Plans A&B, exposure, court, etc.), I might as well finish it out and see what happens.

Well, you know, one person's fascinating is another person's fun. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Sleepless, I can see your point about people wanting to believe the best about their family members. The low self-esteem angle makes sense, too.

I just checked online and the packet I sent to MOW's parents was delivered this afternoon! The information about who signed for it was not available yet. My hands are shaking. They have had the packet for about 2 hours. Silence so far.

My ILs still have not picked up their packet from the P.O.

Hi, Pebbles.

Time to relax.

Chances are, if they call, it will probably be afternoon tomorrow.

You did good. I pray for a peaceful sleep for you tonight.

Gimble

You saw my WW last letter. At least I'll know I did my best. I played every card. I'm not a quitter. We're doing this for us now, and the kids too. If it does no good, the burden is all on their shoulders! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

They don't deserve us then. And I don't want her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Don't sweat the hand shaking thing. It's part of the adrenalaine from the confrontation. You worry about what they'll "do" to you or think about you. Fugettabout it! Take your phone off the hook, have a glass of wine and a Melatonin, and go to bed. Doing the right thing isn't always easy. But it's right. The MOW parents will be fine and not be indignant. They sound honorable and will be remorseful. They'll probably unload on WH! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

The IL's are about to discover that their son was lying to them. It will take the wind out of their sails so to speak. They can't be mad at YOU about that. And if they are, they're NUTS. So, like I always say, leave the crazy people alone! However, if they have any honor whatsoever, they'll flame on him. "How could you even THINK about not supporting our grandchildren? What kind of son did we raise ?! They might say something different to you, but he's gonna get it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Your Teflon baby! None of what you did affects you. You're just sharing information to bring the rest of the players up to speed.

Hi, Sleepless.

That's how I see it. If, as my MIL says, MOW's parents should judge WH "on his own merits," they should know all the facts he has kept from them - and the outright lies he has told them to their faces (one being he had been divorced for a year!).

If I were MOW's parents, I certainly would not want my daughter to be involved with someone who has done the things described in the letter I sent them. But, she is 47 years old. How much influence do they really have on her? Still...she is 47 years old and living with her parents. I wonder.

I wonder if my inlaws will even bother to go to the P.O. to pick up the packet I sent them. My MIL is probably too upset with me for my 'lack of character' calling MOW's parents. FIL may not even know about her call to me. For all they know, the packet could contain pictures of their grandchildren. We'll see if they pick it up Monday.

Like you said, I am doing this for me and the children. At least I can say I tried. WH hasn't even been willing to try at all.