No sweetie look at me it's been a year and I'm still married with a divorce pending....it's not done until an arrangement is made and assets are divided...you may have to go to mediation to get it done. I would call to clarify with your lawyer tho if anything else needs to be done...and while she is on the phone you can ask her about his call.

Thanks, Orchid and Surviving. I didn't think the divorce could become final without everything being decided, but I wasn't sure.

Gimble, WH certainly did get stirred up. He gave me a letter today when I picked up the kids. See below, please.

I called my son when I arrived at WH's lair, to tell the kids to meet me at the curb. The kids came out, WH following behind them. He turned around quickly, like he had forgotten something, then went back into the lair to get an envelope. I would have left before he got to the van, but the kids were still arranging their things. He tossed the envelope into the passenger side of the van.

When I got home, I found a letter inside, with check for half of some medical bills.

*******************
This is the letter, dated 08/14 (almost one month after his call to my lawyer):
"Pebbles,

Enclosed is a check for 1/2 *****'s medical bills. Please provide me with a receipt for this and all previous and future payments. I did! He keeps sending the receipts back with the checks! Also, please try to put your anger aside and deal directly with me, instead of using [son] as a go between. We both agreed earlier that this is not a good idea. I don't do that! Also, please stop contacting my friends and family, telling them that I am not paying child and spousal support when we both know that I am. Sure, after being ordered by a judge to pay! This borders on harrassment and makes you look foolish in their eyes as well. I'm sorry for the pain I caused you, but it is time for you to move on.

Bam-Bam
****************************
Actually, it was a copy of a handwritten letter. What do you think he is keeping the original for? His records? A lawyer? To send to my lawyer?

Reading the letter upset me quite a bit, which I'm sure was the intent. I will not respond in any way.

What do you think of this, in relation to all that has happened lately?

The only thing I can think of that WH might consider as using our son as a go-between is that I have son answer the phone when WH calls. He tells son if he is going to be late or if he has to change visitation. WH could leave this information on the answering machine, if he feels son is being used as a go-between. Any other information son relays to WH is son's idea, without input from me. Dorky alien. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

In other words, he is very angry that you made him look foolish and petty in front of his family and the OW's family by sending them his exact words saying he would "no longer be providing any support." He was hoisted on his own petard.

You are causing great conflict in his affair and he is trying to make you stop. If you had truly just made yourself "look foolish" as he says, he wouldn't have to send you a note about it. But he desperately wants you to stop because it is causing him great trouble and embarrassment.

Am glad you know not to respond, I am sure that is what he wants.

That's a ridiculous accusation. I have never seen you do this with your son. He is casting about trying to manufacture greivances in order to make you the bad guy.

MEL
(sorry to butt in on this thread) just sent you an email.

~LT

Gotcha, LT!

Thanks, MelodyLane. I am sure he is hoping for an angry reaction from me, the better to justify his behavior. I thought it was strange that he sent me a photocopy of the letter, instead of the original. What's up with that?

I didn't think about his 'concern' about me looking foolish being a cover for him looking foolish. Hmmm. True, if he thought I made myself look foolish to his family and friends, wouldn't he just roll his eyes and tell them, "See, she's crazy!" He wouldn't need to warn me, would he?

What about the timing? He called my lawyer to complain about me making 'unwanted phone calls' almost one month ago. Why give me a letter now? I haven't even contacted anyone since I mailed the proof a month ago.

Ask him for the receipts back. Let him explain how he returned them to you. He may do it sarcastically but he will still admit it and you will then have it in writing.

As for using your children as go between, refer to him to foward all receipts to your designated 3rd party or your lawyer. He can always mail it 'certified mail'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Pebbles,
Been thinking of you...I also got on AD's last week and I actually figured out how they work! They make you so nauseated that you can't be depressed...you feel TOO sick. Yes, I know the nausea should go away soon, but I've either been asleep or wanting to barf for 4 days now! I see the Dr. again Tuesday, so hopefully he'll help me repair this problem.
Your WH and his family have so much nerve!!!! I'm so proud of the way you've handled it. My WH just e-mailed me last night wanting to "reconcile." (That means let him come home and he'll make no changes whatsoever. The old me would have jumped at the chance, but now I know I don't want to go through this again...so I didn't bite!) HOoray for me!!!!
Hang in there, and let him keep proving that he's doing what he's been forced to do by the court...it's almost too funny!!!!

SAR2

Sorry for the absence Pebbles. I've been recovering from the parenting evaluators findings. Sounds like you stung WH a little bit with the exposure. That's what's supposed to happen. The tone is a little self righteous... kind of how my WW speaks. They try to deflect the truth with righteous indignation. "The alien doth protest too much methinks!" W. Shakespeare. There might be something to that. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Pebbles.

Quote:
=========================
What do you think of this, in relation to all that has happened lately?
=========================

I see that you have already received some good advice from others, so I will limit my response.

So you go about busting up his affair, and you don't expect to get your hair mussed?

You are doing well, but a good fight without at least a little blood is pretty uncommon. Expect him to get angry. Expect him to swing back. He doesn't care that you are a girl, he will swing back. There is no such thing as a fair fight.

You did good with the exposure. Mail your lawyer a copy then forget the letter.

God bless,
Gimble

Orchid, silly man. He hasn't figured out that I am sending him copies of medical bills (I keep the originals), along with copies of the checks I write to pay them (to prove that I paid them). I think I'll let him figure it out on his own, or he can call my lawyer.

Thanks, SAR2. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Sorry you're having such a tough time with the ADs. Maybe your doctor will switch you to a different one? My only problem has been adding the blood pressure medication I was just prescribed. Me, with high blood pressure! I am only (yes, only!) 40 years old, I exercise 5-7 times a week, I am not at all overweight, and I eat very healthfully. Hmmm, perhaps I am a bit stressed? My blood pressure has been high for the last 6-3/4 months (as long as WH has been gone). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

So, your WH wants to 'reconcile.' Good thing you can see through it. Actions, not words!

Sleepless, you have been very busy! I've been reading your thread. I agree with Gimble that your wife's 'giddiness' is concerning. Careful!

I think you may have something with that. Like you said, the tone was pretty self-righteous. How dare I mess up his fantasy with the truth. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Hi, Gimble.

I really am trying to go to bed earlier. I got up to get a glass of water and the computer called to me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />

Actually, I think WH did me a favor by giving me that letter. He put to rest my fears that exposure had no effect, if he is still worried about it almost a month after he complained to my lawyer. I would have been disappointed if WH had no reaction at all. Also, it makes me think that his call to my lawyer didn't do him any good or he would have sent the letter to her, instead of to me. Maybe another 'less than tactically brilliant' move on WH's part?

I wonder if the work exposure will amount to anything. That would be interesting. I wonder if I should follow up with Human Resources, to see if they need further information?

WH neglected to mention that in both of the letters I sent, I did state that since support has been court-ordered, he has been paying (1-1/2 months <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />). Oh, I also mentioned that the judge ordered back child support for the time before we went to court. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> All true - and I don't feel 'foolish' at all for sharing the info.

His next step, to fight back, might be to serve me with papers to divide assets and debts. We shall see.

Thanks, Gimble. I will save a copy for my lawyer. Other than that, I will act as if I never saw it.

Pebbles -- Sorry to hear abt you having high blood pressure! These things really cause alot of stress to people!

I am also beginning to document and keep correspondences with my WH re: $ (or rather LACK OF $$!!!) I was venting abt it on my thread.

I guess you are now beginning to see abit of the fireworks from the exposure you did! I certainty don't think you looked foolish doing the things you did. It's the WS looking at their own reflection from the mirror of your actions and the impact from those actions.


~A

Been thinking about your Alien's request to not put son in the middle. I wonder if he thinks he has found the kink in your armor and has decided to criticize you for it...after all, what ELSE can he criticize you for? Knowing that you call son for pick ups or changes...and the Alien misses an opportunity to talk to you and get his fix...he imagines you are saying all KINDS of things, like, "Would you tell your deadbeat Dad I don't want to see his scroungy face and to let you off at the curb or else I'll just spit in his face?"

And then, he may be thinking the kid's attitude has EVERYTHING to do with what you all are talking about at home...because after all, what has HE done wrong?

But what I think is REALLY happening? Son has confronted Dad, and he thinks you put him up to it...talk with son about how well he's handling this, and if he has been able to resolve anything with this situation (perhaps an opening for son to tell you his current state of affairs...not A)

BTW, send me your email, I've got a website I frequent that can be helpful as a stress releiver...sometimes it's good to angry...

stillheremakingit@yahoo.com

Pebbles, I read this again from your H's note and I think he is angry that you won't talk to him. He is trying to get you to break Plan B. That is what he means by this comment. He is spinning his benign contact about pick up arrangements with DS as "putting DS in the middle," in order to manipulate you into resuming contact.

He is trying to get you to break your silence. I find that interesting. It probably bothers him that you won't be "friends" with him because that makes it seem like he is doing something "wrong."

Hi Peb. Haven't posted to you for a bit. It sounds like your exposure is doing well. Has your MIL always been such a prize? She must be so proud to have raise 2 sons who have no problem cheating on their wives and destroying their families.

My WH is also in complete denial about the effect his actions have had on his kids. It's completely obvious to HIM that I must be poisoning them against him every chance I get. It's all my fault that the kids have any hostility towards their dad. Apparently to him, they have no analytical ability, no intelligence and the inability to form any opinions of their own. Stupid aliens!