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Pebbs -- what you just described is what I've been thinking the last couple of days too. And yes, it wld take alot ... really alot to take him back.
It's good to be at work and/or interacting with other people though. I'm glad school has started for you.
Sleepless - I will peak into your thread. I'm not totally familiar with yr story.
~A
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Hi, Pebbles.
Quote:
================================
I won't delay the divorce, if and when it starts to move along, but I won't hasten it, either. I have loved my husband with all my heart for a long, long time, but I won't wait forever.
================================
That is a very healthy attitude, and there is no reason why you should wait forever, or even a minute longer than you can stand.
God bless,
Gimble
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect.
-An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
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No, I haven't totally given up on my WH yet, but I think I have finally embraced what Plan B is supposed to be about: focusing on me and the kids and our lives. Orchid: GREAT!!! You have identified the real purpose of plan B. Whether the WS gets it or not. This is a turning point for you, isn't it? From now on you will find your focus has improved. If he decides to extract his head from his nether regions, I'd be willing to listen, but it would take a lot, at this point, for me to let him back in our lives. Orchid: Well when he does extract his head, it will still need t/b cleaned. Lots of work resides with the Xws. If he leaves any of the residue on him (like contact with the OW), it will be exposed big time.....because now we all know what the stench of the A and OW smell like. The BS tolerates less now. LOL!!! L.
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It sounds like you've had an awakening almost. I like(d) being married (okay, I am married, but right now I don't really have a real husband). I miss having someone to come home to and have dinner with at night. I miss talking about what happened at work and talking about the kids and their antics. I miss having a husband to go places with and plan things with. I miss the companionship...a lot. I miss feeling 'safe' because there is someone bigger and stronger around who cares about my and the kids' safety. I miss having someone around who will throw out moldy bread because it creeps me out, and who can change the oil in the car. I miss having a husband to do nice things for, things to make him smile at me. And, yes, I miss having someone to be 'intimate' with (a lot!), or even just hold my hand in church. All good things. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> You should want all of those nice natural, family oriented, loving things. So should we all. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> I think maybe the ADs take down the stress intensity level so you realize these things more quickly. Tempers the Left side of the brain and lets the right side work. I won't delay the divorce, if and when it starts to move along, but I won't hasten it, either. I have loved my husband with all my heart for a long, long time, but I won't wait forever. Keep your eyes open for a miracle. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> But be prepared for whatever else happens.
What doesn't kill us makes us stronger.
Me 41
WS 39
DS 19, DS 9
DDay 2/25/05
Divorcing....
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Just wanted to say hello and that I'm still thinking of you and praying for you. We are in a "trying again" mode now, and so far all is well. However, he is trying to address a MAJOR problem....the alcohol. Then we'll work on "us." I am trying to allow him to address "his problem" and be supportive without making it "my problem" too. So far, so good. I am realistic about things, which is comforting...could be MY AD's.....hehehe. Hang in there...
SAR2
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Hi, guys. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Hmmm, I wish I could change the title of this thread. It sounds so whiny - and I'm not dusty anymore - just really, really busy. I'm just checking in to say hello to all of my MB friends who have been patient and kind enough to follow my saga for 100+ pages. For me, it seems like the heavy, toxic, stinky dark cloud that has been dripping on me and weighing me down for the last year or so has lifted (the year or so includes the time when I felt like WH was having a 'midlife crisis' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />). I found myself humming at the grocery store yesterday and was surprised to realize - I'm actually happy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> A few months ago, I would have sworn I could never be happy again. I could be divorced as soon as November - and I'm okay with that. WH and his skankylosaur can spend the rest of their time together wondering who is cheating on whom. My dysfunctional inlaws can accept even more future affair partners into their home and delude themselves that it's normal and okay. Me, I'll be happy, out in the sunshine and blue skies with the birds chirping, away from all that toxic stink. Now I worry more about my children's happiness and what this is doing to them. I have learned so much from all of this, lessons I'm glad I've learned - not that I can say I'm actually pleased my life didn't turn out the way I expected and hoped, and I wouldn't wish my experience on my worst enemy. I have to say, though, I have no regrets. I can always say that I tried my best. Now, I'm a little older and a little wiser, even if a little worse for wear. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> I remember all the desperate prayers I said, begging God for WH to come home. Another lesson I've learned: Sometimes God answers prayers with a "no," and when he does, he knows what he's doing. God bless. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
Me 40, STBXWH 43
Married 16 years
D-day 01/25/05
Son 14, Daughter 10
Divorce almost final - I hope!
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Pebbles, Good to hear from you and you know hon, I love your attitude. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I know it has been tough but knowing that you are the sane one is a relief, isn't it?!??!? Moving forward is a good thing. Doors of opportunity will continue to open for you. Just learn to close the ones that are not healthy. Very proud of you girl!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> Hugz, L.
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Hi, Pebbles. Quote: ================================== I remember all the desperate prayers I said, begging God for WH to come home. Another lesson I've learned: Sometimes God answers prayers with a "no," and when he does, he knows what he's doing. ================================== And at some point in time, you will find out if it was a "no". If it is, you are a young attractive woman, with some real world relationship experience. There are lots of good guys out there, and with your experience, you and your new beau will definitely beat the odds on a second marriage. If he comes back, he doesn't stand a chance against the new you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> God bless, Gimble
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect.
-An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
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Hey Pebbles.. you seem to be growing stronger and more emotionally stablised...
I am also beginning to hear that "no" answer fr God. I'm doing better now that I'm going head-on into concentrating on this new career. There's so many things to learn and achieve.
I did a little more exposing. I bumped into WH's cousin at my insurance company. Seems like she joined recently too.. so I told her that we are separating and that he is getting it on with an OW working in his company - of which he had used my money to invest in that company. Cousin's mom is really close with MIL. It was quite a surprise that cousin mentioned that her mom didn't know anything abt this.
I wish you more sunshine yr way, Pebbs
~A
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Pebbles- Wondering how you are <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />
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Bumper cars.
Old cigars.
Coal black tar.
Pebbles, where you are?
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect.
-An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
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Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!
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Ice cream
Sweaty sheen
Video dance
Have you gone to France?
-An affair is the embodiment of entitlement, fueled by resentment and lack of respect.
-An infidel will remain unreachable so long as their sense of entitlement exceeds their ability to reason.
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Pebbles,
I found a book you may be interested in. "Sudden Endings: Wife Rejection in Happy Marriages", by Madeline Bennett.
It seems to be describing my situation, I'm about a 1/3 of the way thru it.
I miss your updates, hope to hear from you soon.
Debilou
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Pebbles, Did you go and get yourself a life? Hope all is well with the kids and school, and that you are all happy and healthy. (...well maybe not the skankasuar) C42 <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
aka-confused42
BS-45 me
WH-42
DS-14 & DD-12
together 21 yrs, married 18.5yrs
"I love you but not IN love with you" speech 6/3/04
D-Day 2/25/05; WH moved out 3/15/05 & back too soon 3/22/05...He left again 5/8/06
5/25/06 Plan B.....NC letter 6/18/06
Recovery finally began Jan 2007
We are IN love again!!!Sept 2007
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