My WS completely disagrees that her special friendships with other men are EA’s. She fails to notice every time she develops these friendships that she wants out of the marriage. I have tried to tell her that any relationship that she keeps secret from me, and that affects our marriage, is an EA. Heck, she confessed to 2 of them and quickly retracted it.

Now she moved in with a guy (#4) when she does not have the kids. She told my DD that they are just good friends. Last night I had a talk with my 14 yr old DD about what my WS is doing. I tried to be as delicate as I could without slamming my WS. I wanted my DD to understand that what WS is doing is not acceptable. She then told me what my WS has been telling her and what a bunch lies! I said to my DD that what WS is telling her is not true and left it at that. My DD started sobbing, and sobbing and saying that her mom would never lie to her. I then dropped it. I told her that Mom and Dad both lover her. I feel so bad today. I did not want to hurt my DD. I told her I loved her again this morning and that I will always take care of her and DS. I then sent her this email.

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Dear DD,

Mom loves you, Dad loves you. Your uncles, aunts, cousins, friends and kitties love you. Maybe I don't agree with Mom's choices and Mom may not agree with me but one thing Mom and Dad both agree on is that we love you kids.

I can't put into words what you and DS mean to me. Everyday I think it would be impossible to love you guys anymore but the next day, I do love you more.

I know I look sad a lot but that will pass. Sadness is an emotion and I have to let the emotion come out. Hiding emotions is very hard on a person. But my sadness has nothing to do with you and DS. You two make me so happy.

So just be yourself. Laugh, have fun, and do the things that you like to do. Talk to Mom when you are down, talk to me when you are down. Talk to your friends.

I love you DD. I loved you the moment you were born.

Love,
Dad

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Everyone,

This episode has now been going on for almost a year. We are getting a divorce and I feel so bad lately. I wish she would come out of the fog. She has herself so convinced we had an awful 19 year marriage. Any words of encouragement today would be appreciated.

Keith

Hi Keith,

I'm so sorry you had to talk with your daughter about this.
That is the hardest part hearing them sobbing and there is nothing that you can do but assure them that it is not their fault.

I think you did the right thing Keith, by not telling her every detail.
When we had Dday #1, I packed my WH's stuff up at night so the kids didn't see, but when Daddy got home from his weekend away, I made him tell them, since he was the one who did this to our family. (edited to add: Daddy ended up not really moving out because the kids were so heart broken that I let him come back.)

I had much guilt because the kids were blaming me for not letting daddy live here anymore!! My son Mom I will never forgive you for not letting daddy come back home! Man, that hurt like hell on top of it all.

On Dday # 2, my WH told the kids himself that daddy had a girlfriend and that daddy's werent supposed to have girlfriends. Of course he also told them that he didn't have the girlfriend anymore and wants mommy to forgive him.
So,it was put back on me again!!

I think my WH did tell the truth for once in his life when he talked to the kids but it is still heartbreaking.

I haven't been keeping up with your thread as much as I used to, as I've had my own saga on my thread I've been posting on. I'll read your posts though Keith, as we are all each others greatest support system.
I know that I would be in the looney bin right now if not for MB and the great support I've received here.
So, you hang in there too, okay?

Suzy,
I don't think I could have made it without MB. They are there 24/7 and many times at work I need to reach out for help. It is strange how just a simple posting of encouragement can make all the difference.

We are all in this together and we take care of each other here. Nobody deserves to be a BS. Just for one hour, I wish my WW could walk in my shoes. But, I can say with pride, that I have been faithful for 19 years and she has never had to worry about me straying.

Hang in there Suzy.

Gosh, I'm sorry. But you know, kids are really smart. They will see what's going on, and you being honest with them (age specific) and open with your feelings will help them feel safe and trusted.

With me, no admissions whatsoever.

Yes, it is so hard on the kids (even though the WW says they will be just fine). I am an adult and so confused by all this so I can only imagine what a 14 year old girl and a 8 year old boy is going through.

cyllanlisa - I did get 2 admissions from 2 of the EA's but it was with overwhelming evidence that I presented to her. Both times she cried on my shoulder and I said I would help her. Both times she quickly recanted her admissions within days and came up with more excuses.

She is now in a PA and I have overwhelming proof again. She does not know that I have this proof so she just denies anything. She has moved out and living her life now. Not much I can do.

I am going to a good IC, have tons of friends for support and am going to start meeting with my minister. I just wish what our WS's truly knew what they put us through.